Title: Stalkers
Author: rileydylan25
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Facts of Life". "FOL" is Property of Columbia Pictures, NBC, or whoever.
Summary: Jo + Blair + a couple of stalkers = what do you think?
************************************************************************
(It's 2:30 P.M. and Beverly Anne is sitting on the couch knitting. Suddenly Jo and Rick come in, laughing.)
Beverly Anne: Hi, Jo, Rick. Where were you two?
Jo: Oh, at the mall. We were looking for furniture for our new apartment, but we forgot one detail. We don't even have an apartment yet.
Beverly Anne (laughs): Oh, you have a phone message. It's on the table.
(Jo walks over to the table and picks up the small piece of paper with the message on it. She immediately picks up the phone and calls someone. )
Jo: Hi, Dylan? This is Jo Polnieczek. You want Blair Warner and me to do what? Oh, I'm sure we'd love to. Tuesday at 9:30, ok. See you then.
(Jo hangs up the phone.)
Rick: Who was that?
Jo: Oh, there are these two guys, Dylan and David, who are asking Blair and me to tutor some of the junior high kids at the shelter.
(Just then Blair walks in the door.)
Blair: Hello all, I am in a very good mood, so don't waste it. I just went to the Chandelier Spa. I am totally relaxed. Nothing could bring me down.
Jo: Oh, Dylan and David Woods need our help tutoring the junior high kids.
Blair: WHAT?????
Beverly Anne: Something wrong?
Blair: Yes, David Woods is my ex-boyfriend! I can't go help him, he's a psycho!
Jo: What are you talking about?
Blair: I dated him for two months, and then I broke up with him. He started stalking me, finally I called the police and he ended up in jail for two years. I haven't seen him since. But I can't go on Tuesday.
Jo: Blair, you own the shelter, you have to come.
***
(It's Tuesday morning, 8:05. Blair and Jo are getting ready to go to the shelter to meet David and Dylan.)
Blair: I don't want David to get any ideas, so I'm trying not to look too gorgeous, but it's very difficult.
Jo: I'm not going to say a word. Hey, are you ready to go yet?
(Blair nods and follows Jo out of the bedroom. Jo and Blair walk downstairs where Tootie, Natalie and Andy are sitting in the living room. Tootie is sitting on the large chair in the corner reading the newspaper; Andy and Natalie are sitting on the couch playing Rock-Paper-Scissors.)
Jo: We're off.
(Jo and Blair head for the closet to get their coats and purses.)
Natalie: Darn it. I lost again! I'm wasting my time playing a childish game and losing, when I could be doing something important, like, playing a game of cards!
Blair: Natalie, don't you have a college class this morning?
Natalie: Yeah, but not for another two hours. I was bored so here I am playing a hand game on the couch with Andy, and losing.
Tootie: Good luck with David. Beverly Anne told us what you had said. Blair: I can always trust Beverly Anne to spread things around. Well, see you later. Wish me luck!
Natalie: Good luck, bye!
*** (Jo and Blair arrive at the shelter. There's only one little brown car sitting in the parking lot.)
Jo: What a minute. Why would we be tutoring on the morning of a school day?
Blair: David set us up! I knew it!
Jo: Let's just go inside and check it out.
Blair: You go in first, if it's every thing is ok, come out and get me.
(Jo rolls her eyes and walks up to the shelter's doors, thinking whether or not to go in.)
Finally she opens the door and slowly walks inside. Once her eyes have adjusted to the light, she sees two handsome men sitting on the old couch. The first one was a blond with blue eyes and in a dark blue suit with his hair gelled back.)
Jo: (thinking) No wonder Blair used to go out with him!
(The second was a brunette in jeans and a leather jacket with a red shirt underneath. They notice Jo and stand up.)
David: Jo Polniezek? I'm David Woods and this is my brother Dylan Woods. Where's Blair?
Jo: I have a question, how can we tutor kids while they're in school?
Dylan: Oh, we were going to pick up the kids and bring them here at three. We were hoping to get to know each other a little before. By the way, that is a very nice blouse.
(Jo gives Dylan a dirty look.)
Jo: It's called a T-shirt, buddy, and you can't fool me that easy. David, I know you and Blair used to go out. She's outside waiting for me, I'll just tell her we won't be tutoring today.
(Jo starts for the door, but Dylan grabs her arm. Dylan is very tall and very muscular, so he gets a good grip on Jo.)
Jo: Get your paws off of me!
Dylan: Come on, Jo. David's changed since then, we just wanted to have a little fun before three. You know, go out to lunch, then dessert. (Dylan pulls Jo to his chest.)
(Jo kicks him in the shin and runs outside where Blair is waiting by the car. David and Dylan run after Jo.)
Blair: David?
Jo: Get in the car, NOW!
(Blair obeys Jo and gets into the car. David runs up to the car and catches the car door before it shuts all the way.)
David: Blair, you haven't changed a bit.
Blair: Neither have you, you're still tall, ugly, and stupid. Now get away from the car.
(Dylan walks over to where David is standing.)
David: I don't think so.
(Jo starts up the car and starts to speed off, hitting David with the car door. Blair quickly reaches over and shuts the car door. Jo looks in the car mirror and sees that David and Dylan have gotten into their car and are now chasing them.)
Blair: Hang a left at the light.
Jo: What?
Blair: This is how you get to Bloomingdale's. I need to pick up a diamond necklace.
Jo: Blair, I'm not going to stop this car before we get rid of these psychos. I'm going to circle around our neighborhood a few times and then I know a shortcut home.
(Dylan and David chase Jo and Blair for at least an hour.)
Jo: They aren't going to give up, are they?
Blair: What's their problem?
Jo: Let's just go home. If they follow us, I'll tell Rick to beat them up.
(Jo pulls up in their driveway and then Blair and Jo run for the front door. When they get inside they quickly lock the door. Rick walks in from the kitchen.)
Rick: Hey, honey. What are you doing back so early?
(Before Jo could answer, the doorbell rings. Rick runs to the door and opens it. Dylan and David push past Rick.)
Dylan: There you girls are. Let's get down to business.
Rick: What's going on here, who are these guys?
Jo: Get out of our house!
David: We're not leaving until you give us what we want. And you know what that is.
Blair: Look, we broke up a long time ago, it's time for you to move on.
Jo: Yeah, buddy, I'm a happily married women.
Dylan: So what?
Rick: Ok, will someone tell me what's going on here?
Jo: You know we went to go help tutor the junior high kids? Well it turns out these two jerks set us up. They want us to go out with them.
Rick: You mean these guys are hitting on my wife and her best friend?
(Rick punches both of them. Then he opens the door.)
Rick: If you will, please get out of our house before I cause you any more pain.
(David and Dylan get up and head for the door.)
David: We'll be back. Don't think we won't.
(Rick slams the door and turns to the girls.)
Rick: Are you two all right?
Jo: Yeah, I'm glad you were here.
()Rick kisses Jo; the kiss grows more passionate. Blair just stands there waiting for them to finish.()
Blair: Um, I'm all right, thanks for asking.
Jo: Oh, sorry, Blair.
Rick: So, how about I follow you girls for a while, just in case those nutcases come back.
Blair: We can take care of ourselves.
Jo: Aren't we Miss Ungrateful!
Blair: I'm sorry, but for the first time in my life, I want to do this myself. I am a little scared, but I can handle David. I think.
Jo and Rick nod, and then walk up the stairs.
***
(The next day Blair wakes up early. She walks over to Jo's bed and shakes her shoulder a little to try and get her to wake up.)
Jo: What the...? Blair, what are you doing? It's six-thirty!
Blair: I couldn't sleep last night. Will you please get up and keep me company downstairs?
(Jo nods with a yawn and gets up. The two walk downstairs. Blair sits at the table and Jo sits on the couch. They are silent for a minute or two.)
Blair: Jo, are you the least bit nervous about Dylan?
Jo: No, I'm a married woman. I have my husband to protect me. And if Rick doesn't protect me, I'll just beat Dylan up.()
***
(Later that morning, Jo goes up to take a shower, and Blair heads off to Bloomingdale's. Beverly Anne is downstairs, cleaning up after breakfast, Andy and Pippa are off at school, and Tootie and Natalie are watching the store.)
(Suddenly the doorbell rings. Beverly Anne goes to answer it.)
Beverly Anne: Hi, can I help you?
(Dylan is standing at the door in a plumber's suit. He is carrying a toolbox.)
Dylan: Hello, is Jo Polnieczek here?
Beverly Anne: Yes, but she's in the shower. Who are you?
Dylan: I'm the plumber. Jo asked me to come and look at the sinks in both of the bathrooms. May I go and look at them?
Beverly Anne: Um, ok. The first door on your right is the bathroom Jo's showering in. Just go to the one at the end of the hall.
(Dylan nods with a smirk on his face and then runs upstairs. Beverly Anne leaves the room and goes into the kitchen.)
Jo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!
(Beverly Anne runs upstairs and sees Dylan being kicked out of the wrong bathroom.)
Beverly Anne: What were you doing?
Dylan: I thought you said the other bathroom was being used. Sorry.
(Suddenly Jo come running out in a towel, soaking wet.)
Jo: What the hell is he doing here?
Beverly Anne: Him? Well, who is he? Isn't he the plumber?
Jo: NO!!! That's Dylan Woods! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!
(Beverly Anne quickly pushes Dylan downstairs.)
***
(Meanwhile at Bloomingdale's:)
(Blair is shopping around in the shoe section. She keeps looking over her shoulder; she knows she's being watched. She walks to one of the window displays that is holding several bottles of perfume. She picks up a bottle and starts to examine it, when she notices something outside.)
(David is walking up to the door of Bloomingdale's. Blair quickly puts the bottle of perfume down and starts jogging toward the back of the store. She's hoping that there is a back door. She looks over her shoulder; David has seen her and is now chasing after her. Blair has to think of something, and fast.)
(She looks at her watch. It's ten thirty, a busy time for the store, so there are a lot of women there. Blair gets an idea.)
Blair (yelling): That man pinched me on the butt!
(Blair looks back over her shoulder. A couple of women hit him with their purse, but that doesn't slow David down.)
(Blair gets to the back of the store, where she sees a back door. She darts for it. When she gets outside, she groans.)
(A metal fence surrounds the backlot; she's trapped.)
(A moment later, David comes flying through the door. He looks around, and, seeing no one, scratches his head and goes back inside. )
(After he's gone, the rotting lid of a single filthy decrepit dumpster slowly opens. Out crawls filthy Blair.)
Blair (squeaking in disgust): I can't believe I just did that!
***
(Later that day, at the house, Jo and Tootie are sitting on the couch. Jo is reading a book, and Tootie is annoying Jo.)
Tootie: I think you should call the police. I mean, a psycho stalker is harassing you!
Jo: Tootie, I can handle it. If it gets way out of hand, I'll let the boys in blue know, ok?
(Tootie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. Suddenly Blair comes into the room, with garbage all over her and smelling like rotten fish. Jo starts giggling uncontrollably.)
Tootie: Blair, what happened?
Blair: I was at Bloomingdale's, where I saw David. He started chasing me; I ran out the back of the store and found myself trapped by a metal fence. The only thing I could do was hide in the old dumpster out in the back. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. I still can't believe I did that!
Jo: You wouldn't believe what happened to me, either.
Blair (before going upstairs): What happened?
Jo: Dylan snuck into the bathroom while I was taking a shower. Thank God that all the little orange ducks were in the right places on the shower curtain!
(Blair sort of laughs and then goes upstairs.)
***
(Later that night, everyone is gathered in the living room to talk about the stalking thing. Rick and Jo are sitting on the floor, his arm is around her. Tootie, Natalie, Blair, and Pippa are sitting on the couch, Andy is on the arm of the couch, and Beverly Anne is perched on the chair.)
Rick: I really think you should call the police.
Beverly Anne: Yes, this is already out of hand.
Jo: Soon they'll forget about us, and this will all be over.
Blair: Jo, be serious. Even I'm going to call the police about David; I can't take him anymore.
Jo: You go ahead and call New York's finest, I'm going to stick it out. Just don't say anything about Dylan.
(Blair gives Jo a worried look and then walks to the phone.)
***
(The clock reads twelve-thirty at night; everyone is asleep.)
(The doorbell rings, interrupting the eerie silence. It rings once or twice before anyone hears it.)
(Beverly Anne slowly walks downstairs. She opens the door - and screams.)
***
(Natalie walks into the kitchen at seven o'clock on a sunny Thursday morning.)
Natalie: Beverly Anne? Are you down here? This is weird; she's all ways up and at'em at seven.
(Natalie starts searching the house, but doesn't find Beverly Anne anywhere.)
(Finally, Natalie runs into Jo's and Blair's room. Jo and Blair are still in their respective beds, but they're aroused by Natalie running in.)
Natalie: Beverly Anne's gone!
Blair (yawns): What do you mean?
Natalie: She's not in her room, she's not downstairs and she's not upstairs.
(Blair, Jo, and Natalie walk downstairs. The girls start exploring the living room, trying to find a note or something.)
(Then Jo finds a note posted to the wall.)
(It reads, "Jo: If you ever want to see Beverly Anne again, meet me in the back of the hardware store at ten o'clock tonight: closing time. Come alone. By the way, be sure to thank your little friend about arresting my brother last night!")
(Jo runs over to Natalie and Blair and shows them the note.)
Blair: Great, Dylan kidnapped Beverly Anne! And I'm probably next!
Jo: I have to go.
Natalie: What? Are you crazy? You can't go there, and certainly not alone!
Jo: I've dealt with these kinds of people before; trust me, I can handle it. Of course, one of the times I handled it myself, I got shot.
Blair (shocked): You got shot? When?
Jo: When I was twelve, a friend and I played hooky. We decided to explore. We had been walking around a corner, when a gang of guys started talking to us. They had been expelled from school because they'd been using dope, the dopes. I was the one who told on them. So they started to shoot at us. We started running, but they got me in the shoulder, barely.
Natalie: Why didn't you tell us this before?
Jo: Guess I forgot. But anyway, I'm going.
Blair: Jo, I'm at least going to call the police, just in case you need back up.
(Jo nods and leaves the room.)
***
(Jo walks to the back of the store in the darkness. When she gets there, she doesn't see anyone. She stands there, waiting.)
Dylan: Are you alone?
(Jo spins around and sees Dylan in the usual - his leather jacket and tight jeans.)
Jo: Yeah, where's Beverly Anne?
Dylan: She's in my car.
Jo: So, what do I have to do?
Dylan: I think you know. Dump the loser and come with me.
Jo: For one thing, Rick is not a loser, you are. Another thing, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't even consider dating a freak like you. Most girls don't go for the stalking type if you hadn't noticed.
Dylan: If you don't, I might as well kill her. Make up your mind.
(Jo pauses for a second, then charges Dylan, who is looking rather surprised, and starts kissing him passionately. Behind his head, Jo raises her hand in the air and motions toward the side of the building for Blair.)
(Suddenly the police, Blair, Rick, Tootie, Natalie, Andy, Pippa, and Beverly Anne, recently rescued from Dylan's car, run towards the two.)
(Dylan doesn't even notice the police until Jo pulls back.)
Policeman: You are under arrest for stalking these young women. You have the right to remain silent. If you choose to give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...
(The police take Dylan away.)
Jo: And don't expect me to visit you in jail!
(Jo runs up to the rest of the gang. Jo hugs Beverly Anne, and then kisses Rick.)
***
Later that night, when everyone is home...
Tootie: I'm hoping that's the last time that will happen. I'm glad I'm already engaged to Jeff.
Pippa: Yeah, and I'm lucky, too. This joey's too fresh for some Yank to start putting the celery on me.
(Beverly Anne looks confused, but lets it go.)
Andy (waggling his eyebrows suggestively): Well, you never know...
(They all laugh.)
THE END
Glossary:
JOEY: young person
FRESH: young (youthful)
YANK: American male
PUTTING THE CELERY ON: stalk
Author: rileydylan25
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Facts of Life". "FOL" is Property of Columbia Pictures, NBC, or whoever.
Summary: Jo + Blair + a couple of stalkers = what do you think?
************************************************************************
(It's 2:30 P.M. and Beverly Anne is sitting on the couch knitting. Suddenly Jo and Rick come in, laughing.)
Beverly Anne: Hi, Jo, Rick. Where were you two?
Jo: Oh, at the mall. We were looking for furniture for our new apartment, but we forgot one detail. We don't even have an apartment yet.
Beverly Anne (laughs): Oh, you have a phone message. It's on the table.
(Jo walks over to the table and picks up the small piece of paper with the message on it. She immediately picks up the phone and calls someone. )
Jo: Hi, Dylan? This is Jo Polnieczek. You want Blair Warner and me to do what? Oh, I'm sure we'd love to. Tuesday at 9:30, ok. See you then.
(Jo hangs up the phone.)
Rick: Who was that?
Jo: Oh, there are these two guys, Dylan and David, who are asking Blair and me to tutor some of the junior high kids at the shelter.
(Just then Blair walks in the door.)
Blair: Hello all, I am in a very good mood, so don't waste it. I just went to the Chandelier Spa. I am totally relaxed. Nothing could bring me down.
Jo: Oh, Dylan and David Woods need our help tutoring the junior high kids.
Blair: WHAT?????
Beverly Anne: Something wrong?
Blair: Yes, David Woods is my ex-boyfriend! I can't go help him, he's a psycho!
Jo: What are you talking about?
Blair: I dated him for two months, and then I broke up with him. He started stalking me, finally I called the police and he ended up in jail for two years. I haven't seen him since. But I can't go on Tuesday.
Jo: Blair, you own the shelter, you have to come.
***
(It's Tuesday morning, 8:05. Blair and Jo are getting ready to go to the shelter to meet David and Dylan.)
Blair: I don't want David to get any ideas, so I'm trying not to look too gorgeous, but it's very difficult.
Jo: I'm not going to say a word. Hey, are you ready to go yet?
(Blair nods and follows Jo out of the bedroom. Jo and Blair walk downstairs where Tootie, Natalie and Andy are sitting in the living room. Tootie is sitting on the large chair in the corner reading the newspaper; Andy and Natalie are sitting on the couch playing Rock-Paper-Scissors.)
Jo: We're off.
(Jo and Blair head for the closet to get their coats and purses.)
Natalie: Darn it. I lost again! I'm wasting my time playing a childish game and losing, when I could be doing something important, like, playing a game of cards!
Blair: Natalie, don't you have a college class this morning?
Natalie: Yeah, but not for another two hours. I was bored so here I am playing a hand game on the couch with Andy, and losing.
Tootie: Good luck with David. Beverly Anne told us what you had said. Blair: I can always trust Beverly Anne to spread things around. Well, see you later. Wish me luck!
Natalie: Good luck, bye!
*** (Jo and Blair arrive at the shelter. There's only one little brown car sitting in the parking lot.)
Jo: What a minute. Why would we be tutoring on the morning of a school day?
Blair: David set us up! I knew it!
Jo: Let's just go inside and check it out.
Blair: You go in first, if it's every thing is ok, come out and get me.
(Jo rolls her eyes and walks up to the shelter's doors, thinking whether or not to go in.)
Finally she opens the door and slowly walks inside. Once her eyes have adjusted to the light, she sees two handsome men sitting on the old couch. The first one was a blond with blue eyes and in a dark blue suit with his hair gelled back.)
Jo: (thinking) No wonder Blair used to go out with him!
(The second was a brunette in jeans and a leather jacket with a red shirt underneath. They notice Jo and stand up.)
David: Jo Polniezek? I'm David Woods and this is my brother Dylan Woods. Where's Blair?
Jo: I have a question, how can we tutor kids while they're in school?
Dylan: Oh, we were going to pick up the kids and bring them here at three. We were hoping to get to know each other a little before. By the way, that is a very nice blouse.
(Jo gives Dylan a dirty look.)
Jo: It's called a T-shirt, buddy, and you can't fool me that easy. David, I know you and Blair used to go out. She's outside waiting for me, I'll just tell her we won't be tutoring today.
(Jo starts for the door, but Dylan grabs her arm. Dylan is very tall and very muscular, so he gets a good grip on Jo.)
Jo: Get your paws off of me!
Dylan: Come on, Jo. David's changed since then, we just wanted to have a little fun before three. You know, go out to lunch, then dessert. (Dylan pulls Jo to his chest.)
(Jo kicks him in the shin and runs outside where Blair is waiting by the car. David and Dylan run after Jo.)
Blair: David?
Jo: Get in the car, NOW!
(Blair obeys Jo and gets into the car. David runs up to the car and catches the car door before it shuts all the way.)
David: Blair, you haven't changed a bit.
Blair: Neither have you, you're still tall, ugly, and stupid. Now get away from the car.
(Dylan walks over to where David is standing.)
David: I don't think so.
(Jo starts up the car and starts to speed off, hitting David with the car door. Blair quickly reaches over and shuts the car door. Jo looks in the car mirror and sees that David and Dylan have gotten into their car and are now chasing them.)
Blair: Hang a left at the light.
Jo: What?
Blair: This is how you get to Bloomingdale's. I need to pick up a diamond necklace.
Jo: Blair, I'm not going to stop this car before we get rid of these psychos. I'm going to circle around our neighborhood a few times and then I know a shortcut home.
(Dylan and David chase Jo and Blair for at least an hour.)
Jo: They aren't going to give up, are they?
Blair: What's their problem?
Jo: Let's just go home. If they follow us, I'll tell Rick to beat them up.
(Jo pulls up in their driveway and then Blair and Jo run for the front door. When they get inside they quickly lock the door. Rick walks in from the kitchen.)
Rick: Hey, honey. What are you doing back so early?
(Before Jo could answer, the doorbell rings. Rick runs to the door and opens it. Dylan and David push past Rick.)
Dylan: There you girls are. Let's get down to business.
Rick: What's going on here, who are these guys?
Jo: Get out of our house!
David: We're not leaving until you give us what we want. And you know what that is.
Blair: Look, we broke up a long time ago, it's time for you to move on.
Jo: Yeah, buddy, I'm a happily married women.
Dylan: So what?
Rick: Ok, will someone tell me what's going on here?
Jo: You know we went to go help tutor the junior high kids? Well it turns out these two jerks set us up. They want us to go out with them.
Rick: You mean these guys are hitting on my wife and her best friend?
(Rick punches both of them. Then he opens the door.)
Rick: If you will, please get out of our house before I cause you any more pain.
(David and Dylan get up and head for the door.)
David: We'll be back. Don't think we won't.
(Rick slams the door and turns to the girls.)
Rick: Are you two all right?
Jo: Yeah, I'm glad you were here.
()Rick kisses Jo; the kiss grows more passionate. Blair just stands there waiting for them to finish.()
Blair: Um, I'm all right, thanks for asking.
Jo: Oh, sorry, Blair.
Rick: So, how about I follow you girls for a while, just in case those nutcases come back.
Blair: We can take care of ourselves.
Jo: Aren't we Miss Ungrateful!
Blair: I'm sorry, but for the first time in my life, I want to do this myself. I am a little scared, but I can handle David. I think.
Jo and Rick nod, and then walk up the stairs.
***
(The next day Blair wakes up early. She walks over to Jo's bed and shakes her shoulder a little to try and get her to wake up.)
Jo: What the...? Blair, what are you doing? It's six-thirty!
Blair: I couldn't sleep last night. Will you please get up and keep me company downstairs?
(Jo nods with a yawn and gets up. The two walk downstairs. Blair sits at the table and Jo sits on the couch. They are silent for a minute or two.)
Blair: Jo, are you the least bit nervous about Dylan?
Jo: No, I'm a married woman. I have my husband to protect me. And if Rick doesn't protect me, I'll just beat Dylan up.()
***
(Later that morning, Jo goes up to take a shower, and Blair heads off to Bloomingdale's. Beverly Anne is downstairs, cleaning up after breakfast, Andy and Pippa are off at school, and Tootie and Natalie are watching the store.)
(Suddenly the doorbell rings. Beverly Anne goes to answer it.)
Beverly Anne: Hi, can I help you?
(Dylan is standing at the door in a plumber's suit. He is carrying a toolbox.)
Dylan: Hello, is Jo Polnieczek here?
Beverly Anne: Yes, but she's in the shower. Who are you?
Dylan: I'm the plumber. Jo asked me to come and look at the sinks in both of the bathrooms. May I go and look at them?
Beverly Anne: Um, ok. The first door on your right is the bathroom Jo's showering in. Just go to the one at the end of the hall.
(Dylan nods with a smirk on his face and then runs upstairs. Beverly Anne leaves the room and goes into the kitchen.)
Jo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!
(Beverly Anne runs upstairs and sees Dylan being kicked out of the wrong bathroom.)
Beverly Anne: What were you doing?
Dylan: I thought you said the other bathroom was being used. Sorry.
(Suddenly Jo come running out in a towel, soaking wet.)
Jo: What the hell is he doing here?
Beverly Anne: Him? Well, who is he? Isn't he the plumber?
Jo: NO!!! That's Dylan Woods! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!
(Beverly Anne quickly pushes Dylan downstairs.)
***
(Meanwhile at Bloomingdale's:)
(Blair is shopping around in the shoe section. She keeps looking over her shoulder; she knows she's being watched. She walks to one of the window displays that is holding several bottles of perfume. She picks up a bottle and starts to examine it, when she notices something outside.)
(David is walking up to the door of Bloomingdale's. Blair quickly puts the bottle of perfume down and starts jogging toward the back of the store. She's hoping that there is a back door. She looks over her shoulder; David has seen her and is now chasing after her. Blair has to think of something, and fast.)
(She looks at her watch. It's ten thirty, a busy time for the store, so there are a lot of women there. Blair gets an idea.)
Blair (yelling): That man pinched me on the butt!
(Blair looks back over her shoulder. A couple of women hit him with their purse, but that doesn't slow David down.)
(Blair gets to the back of the store, where she sees a back door. She darts for it. When she gets outside, she groans.)
(A metal fence surrounds the backlot; she's trapped.)
(A moment later, David comes flying through the door. He looks around, and, seeing no one, scratches his head and goes back inside. )
(After he's gone, the rotting lid of a single filthy decrepit dumpster slowly opens. Out crawls filthy Blair.)
Blair (squeaking in disgust): I can't believe I just did that!
***
(Later that day, at the house, Jo and Tootie are sitting on the couch. Jo is reading a book, and Tootie is annoying Jo.)
Tootie: I think you should call the police. I mean, a psycho stalker is harassing you!
Jo: Tootie, I can handle it. If it gets way out of hand, I'll let the boys in blue know, ok?
(Tootie rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. Suddenly Blair comes into the room, with garbage all over her and smelling like rotten fish. Jo starts giggling uncontrollably.)
Tootie: Blair, what happened?
Blair: I was at Bloomingdale's, where I saw David. He started chasing me; I ran out the back of the store and found myself trapped by a metal fence. The only thing I could do was hide in the old dumpster out in the back. I'm going upstairs to take a shower. I still can't believe I did that!
Jo: You wouldn't believe what happened to me, either.
Blair (before going upstairs): What happened?
Jo: Dylan snuck into the bathroom while I was taking a shower. Thank God that all the little orange ducks were in the right places on the shower curtain!
(Blair sort of laughs and then goes upstairs.)
***
(Later that night, everyone is gathered in the living room to talk about the stalking thing. Rick and Jo are sitting on the floor, his arm is around her. Tootie, Natalie, Blair, and Pippa are sitting on the couch, Andy is on the arm of the couch, and Beverly Anne is perched on the chair.)
Rick: I really think you should call the police.
Beverly Anne: Yes, this is already out of hand.
Jo: Soon they'll forget about us, and this will all be over.
Blair: Jo, be serious. Even I'm going to call the police about David; I can't take him anymore.
Jo: You go ahead and call New York's finest, I'm going to stick it out. Just don't say anything about Dylan.
(Blair gives Jo a worried look and then walks to the phone.)
***
(The clock reads twelve-thirty at night; everyone is asleep.)
(The doorbell rings, interrupting the eerie silence. It rings once or twice before anyone hears it.)
(Beverly Anne slowly walks downstairs. She opens the door - and screams.)
***
(Natalie walks into the kitchen at seven o'clock on a sunny Thursday morning.)
Natalie: Beverly Anne? Are you down here? This is weird; she's all ways up and at'em at seven.
(Natalie starts searching the house, but doesn't find Beverly Anne anywhere.)
(Finally, Natalie runs into Jo's and Blair's room. Jo and Blair are still in their respective beds, but they're aroused by Natalie running in.)
Natalie: Beverly Anne's gone!
Blair (yawns): What do you mean?
Natalie: She's not in her room, she's not downstairs and she's not upstairs.
(Blair, Jo, and Natalie walk downstairs. The girls start exploring the living room, trying to find a note or something.)
(Then Jo finds a note posted to the wall.)
(It reads, "Jo: If you ever want to see Beverly Anne again, meet me in the back of the hardware store at ten o'clock tonight: closing time. Come alone. By the way, be sure to thank your little friend about arresting my brother last night!")
(Jo runs over to Natalie and Blair and shows them the note.)
Blair: Great, Dylan kidnapped Beverly Anne! And I'm probably next!
Jo: I have to go.
Natalie: What? Are you crazy? You can't go there, and certainly not alone!
Jo: I've dealt with these kinds of people before; trust me, I can handle it. Of course, one of the times I handled it myself, I got shot.
Blair (shocked): You got shot? When?
Jo: When I was twelve, a friend and I played hooky. We decided to explore. We had been walking around a corner, when a gang of guys started talking to us. They had been expelled from school because they'd been using dope, the dopes. I was the one who told on them. So they started to shoot at us. We started running, but they got me in the shoulder, barely.
Natalie: Why didn't you tell us this before?
Jo: Guess I forgot. But anyway, I'm going.
Blair: Jo, I'm at least going to call the police, just in case you need back up.
(Jo nods and leaves the room.)
***
(Jo walks to the back of the store in the darkness. When she gets there, she doesn't see anyone. She stands there, waiting.)
Dylan: Are you alone?
(Jo spins around and sees Dylan in the usual - his leather jacket and tight jeans.)
Jo: Yeah, where's Beverly Anne?
Dylan: She's in my car.
Jo: So, what do I have to do?
Dylan: I think you know. Dump the loser and come with me.
Jo: For one thing, Rick is not a loser, you are. Another thing, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't even consider dating a freak like you. Most girls don't go for the stalking type if you hadn't noticed.
Dylan: If you don't, I might as well kill her. Make up your mind.
(Jo pauses for a second, then charges Dylan, who is looking rather surprised, and starts kissing him passionately. Behind his head, Jo raises her hand in the air and motions toward the side of the building for Blair.)
(Suddenly the police, Blair, Rick, Tootie, Natalie, Andy, Pippa, and Beverly Anne, recently rescued from Dylan's car, run towards the two.)
(Dylan doesn't even notice the police until Jo pulls back.)
Policeman: You are under arrest for stalking these young women. You have the right to remain silent. If you choose to give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law...
(The police take Dylan away.)
Jo: And don't expect me to visit you in jail!
(Jo runs up to the rest of the gang. Jo hugs Beverly Anne, and then kisses Rick.)
***
Later that night, when everyone is home...
Tootie: I'm hoping that's the last time that will happen. I'm glad I'm already engaged to Jeff.
Pippa: Yeah, and I'm lucky, too. This joey's too fresh for some Yank to start putting the celery on me.
(Beverly Anne looks confused, but lets it go.)
Andy (waggling his eyebrows suggestively): Well, you never know...
(They all laugh.)
THE END
Glossary:
JOEY: young person
FRESH: young (youthful)
YANK: American male
PUTTING THE CELERY ON: stalk