Title: Trivial 29: By Any Other Name
Author: Kel
Rating: R for innuendo
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Lex and Clark nickname each other
Archive: Knock yourself out
Notes: To *my* Ghini, because this is oh so damned close to what we went through before settling on *your* nick. :) To Amy for the title, and to Rogue, who started with Baldilocks Rosiebum and the nickname craze simply grew from there.
"Lexypoo?"
"*What* did you just call me?"
"Lexypoo."
"No, you didn't. I know you didn't call me that, because I also know you value your life."
"You know how you feel about Padawan? I feel that to the nth degree about Lexypoo. In fact, you speak that name again, and I will be forced to rip your tongue out and have it for dinner."
"Oooookay. No more Lexypoo."
"Clark--"
"All right! How about... Lexiness?"
"Lexiness? As in... His Royal Lexiness?"
"Yeah. Or as in Lexiness personified. You know, like sexiness."
"While I like the royal connotations, I would shoot on sight the first person that called me Lexiness."
"Well, how about Sexy Lexy?"
"Absolutely not, Clark."
"Come on, it rhymes! And it's perfect for you! Because you're... well... you're basically this sexy as hell walking phallic symbol what with the smooth head and the leather and stuff, and... come on. It just *fits!*"
"You're calling me a walking dick?"
"I didn't say *that!*"
"You called me a walking phallic symbol."
"Well... you are. Cause when you walk, you sort of... swagger. Confidently!! And you um... you just... kinda make me think about sex."
"Clark, a stiff breeze makes you think about sex."
"Totally *not* true, Lex. Just you."
"All right. Say I believe that. You're still not calling me Sexy Lexy."
"So... no Lexypoo, no Lexiness, and no Sexy Lexy. Lexikins?"
"Clark, please. Stop while you're ahead."
"But--"
"Clarkbar."
"Clarkbar?"
"Clarkbar."
"I kinda like that."
"You would."
"Ooh! I know! I got one! Sigourney!"
*blink* "Sigourney?"
"Okay, how about Ripley?" *grins like a big dork*
"Ripley? You're going to explain this odd reference, right?"
"What, come on! Alien!"
"Alien?"
"The movie, dork, not me. Sigourney Weaver was Ripley!"
"Right, this much I know."
"Okay then!"
"Still not tracking with you, Clark."
"Look, okay. Ripley was the one in the movie that all the aliens were drooling over and trying to get into."
"So you're naming me after an Alien sex object?"
*pointed glare*
*huge, deep sigh* "All right. I get the point. But I swear to you, Clark... If you *ever* call me Ripley anywhere *other* than the confines of this house, I will have to create ways to hurt you."
"YES!!!!"
"Sit your ass back down, Clarkbar. I'm still deciding yours."
"I thought it was Clarkbar?"
"I'm deciding, Clark. I'm down to Clarkbar, Lamborghini, and TyNant."
"Clarkbar I get, why Lamborghini and TyNant?"
"Lamborghini because you're sleek, smooth, fast, and so much fun to ride in."
*blush*
"TyNant... because you taste oh so good, you're an import, and I love to suck you dry."
*more blushing*
"So you see, Clark... I have options."
*nervous cough* "So?"
"Be quiet and let me think."
*twiddle twiddle scuffle*
"All right, Clark. I've decided."
"Yeah? What?"
"You get them both. Lamborghini TyNant." *leer*
"You can't decide so you're naming me after both?"
"Well... the deciding factor was the fact that I love your stick, like a Lamborghini, but your curves are so much fun to fondle, jus like a TyNant bottle."
"Ripley and Ghini, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G."
"And out comes the five-year-old."
"Bite me, Ripley."
"Kiss my ass, Ghini."
End
Author: Kel
Rating: R for innuendo
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Lex and Clark nickname each other
Archive: Knock yourself out
Notes: To *my* Ghini, because this is oh so damned close to what we went through before settling on *your* nick. :) To Amy for the title, and to Rogue, who started with Baldilocks Rosiebum and the nickname craze simply grew from there.
"Lexypoo?"
"*What* did you just call me?"
"Lexypoo."
"No, you didn't. I know you didn't call me that, because I also know you value your life."
"You know how you feel about Padawan? I feel that to the nth degree about Lexypoo. In fact, you speak that name again, and I will be forced to rip your tongue out and have it for dinner."
"Oooookay. No more Lexypoo."
"Clark--"
"All right! How about... Lexiness?"
"Lexiness? As in... His Royal Lexiness?"
"Yeah. Or as in Lexiness personified. You know, like sexiness."
"While I like the royal connotations, I would shoot on sight the first person that called me Lexiness."
"Well, how about Sexy Lexy?"
"Absolutely not, Clark."
"Come on, it rhymes! And it's perfect for you! Because you're... well... you're basically this sexy as hell walking phallic symbol what with the smooth head and the leather and stuff, and... come on. It just *fits!*"
"You're calling me a walking dick?"
"I didn't say *that!*"
"You called me a walking phallic symbol."
"Well... you are. Cause when you walk, you sort of... swagger. Confidently!! And you um... you just... kinda make me think about sex."
"Clark, a stiff breeze makes you think about sex."
"Totally *not* true, Lex. Just you."
"All right. Say I believe that. You're still not calling me Sexy Lexy."
"So... no Lexypoo, no Lexiness, and no Sexy Lexy. Lexikins?"
"Clark, please. Stop while you're ahead."
"But--"
"Clarkbar."
"Clarkbar?"
"Clarkbar."
"I kinda like that."
"You would."
"Ooh! I know! I got one! Sigourney!"
*blink* "Sigourney?"
"Okay, how about Ripley?" *grins like a big dork*
"Ripley? You're going to explain this odd reference, right?"
"What, come on! Alien!"
"Alien?"
"The movie, dork, not me. Sigourney Weaver was Ripley!"
"Right, this much I know."
"Okay then!"
"Still not tracking with you, Clark."
"Look, okay. Ripley was the one in the movie that all the aliens were drooling over and trying to get into."
"So you're naming me after an Alien sex object?"
*pointed glare*
*huge, deep sigh* "All right. I get the point. But I swear to you, Clark... If you *ever* call me Ripley anywhere *other* than the confines of this house, I will have to create ways to hurt you."
"YES!!!!"
"Sit your ass back down, Clarkbar. I'm still deciding yours."
"I thought it was Clarkbar?"
"I'm deciding, Clark. I'm down to Clarkbar, Lamborghini, and TyNant."
"Clarkbar I get, why Lamborghini and TyNant?"
"Lamborghini because you're sleek, smooth, fast, and so much fun to ride in."
*blush*
"TyNant... because you taste oh so good, you're an import, and I love to suck you dry."
*more blushing*
"So you see, Clark... I have options."
*nervous cough* "So?"
"Be quiet and let me think."
*twiddle twiddle scuffle*
"All right, Clark. I've decided."
"Yeah? What?"
"You get them both. Lamborghini TyNant." *leer*
"You can't decide so you're naming me after both?"
"Well... the deciding factor was the fact that I love your stick, like a Lamborghini, but your curves are so much fun to fondle, jus like a TyNant bottle."
"Ripley and Ghini, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G."
"And out comes the five-year-old."
"Bite me, Ripley."
"Kiss my ass, Ghini."
End