Title: Trivial 31: The Way To A Kent Heart...
Author: Kel
Rating: Um... R-ish
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex see Jonathan
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: For Everyone who asked for a repeat appearance of BMBB. For Rogue, who had me dying with her filks when BMBB made his first appearance.
"Hell-o? Clark? You around? Guy at the door said--oh. There you are. Son. Lex."
"Hey, Dad."
"Mr. Kent."
"Clark, your mother wanted me to stop by the castle and ask you and--hey! Is that a Billy Bass up there, Lex?"
"Um... yes, sir, it is."
"Good for you, son! I have one of these myself, hanging up in the workshed."
"Mom won't let him bring it in the house."
"Ah. I, yes. I understand that."
"Women and their houses."
"Mom said it was either her or the fish. So Dad hung Billy out in the workshed."
"I'll get it in the house past her one of these days, son. Just you wait. When I get that real bass mounted, I'll get Billy in there too."
"Lex. Tell Dad about Lionel meeting Billy!!"
*snorting laughter* "Lionel Luthor met Billy Bass?"
"Um, yes, Mr. Kent. He did. When he came to the office a few days ago, he breezed in to harass me. He... got a taste of Billy firsthand."
*more snorts* "Bet he just loved that."
"Lionel was yelling Lex's full name by the time he left."
*guffaws* "Oh, I wish I coulda been here for that."
"It was great, Dad. Lionel stormed out of here so flustered... you how his hair gets all wavy when he's ticked? Well... it looked like he'd just stuck his wet finger in a light socket. It was sticking out all over the place."
"You're all right, Lex. You're really all right. *Anybody* who can take down Lionel Luthor with a singing bass is ace in my book."
"Well... um... I don't know what to say, Mr. Kent. I'm... touched."
"Dad? Reason you came?"
"Oh, right son, right. Your mother wanted me to come up here and tell you to bring Lex home for dinner tomorrow night; she's cooking up a storm. And you, son, we need *you* home to get started on your chores."
"Right. I'll be home as soon as I finish my homework, okay?"
"Just don't wait too long, son. You don't have all night to do those chores, you know."
"I know, Dad. But homework comes first. Lex helps me, remember?"
"I know, Clark. Lex... damn good job."
*long, long silence.*
"Clark... did your father just... congradulate me?"
"Yep, he did."
"Over... a singing plastic fish."
"Yep."
"Is your *entire* family closet freaks, or do I just bring it out in you guys?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your father congratulated me over making my father lose his cool over a singing plastic fish. Your mother sent your father to have you bring me home for dinner like an errant puppy. And you! You bought the fish, you nicknamed me Ripley, you have a fascination for naked vampires and you think popcorn is a food group! Not to mention the fact that you're an alien from another planet adopted and raised by Kansas farmers. And you have a secret Muppet fetish. And the last straw? You have a DISTURBING attraction to Satan, who looks more than a LITTLE like my father!"
"Um, Lex? Two words, all right? Bodice. Ripping. Two more. Weasley Twins. $6-a-phallicly-shaped-blue-bottle Imported Water. Warrior Angel, Biker Mice, Pinky and the Brain, Star Trek and Star Wars? He who lives in a glass mansion..."
"I know, I know, should not throw stones at the superpowered alien. You used that line already, Clark. At least be original in your freakishness!"
"Original? He who quotes Bloodhound Gang and Machiavelli and Sun Tzu is telling *me* to be original?"
"And the fact that you grouped THOSE three together is frightening in the extreme."
"Lex? Bite my ass."
"And we're back to your anal fixation again. Clark... we really do need to get you some new material."
"That's not what you said last night. Last night you didn't have a problem with my anal fixation. Especially when it was yours I was fixated on."
"You've got a point. Well... bend over and drop 'em. We'll see who is more fun to be... fixated on. You or me."
"Leeex!! I'm more fun."
"That's true, you do make all these fascinating little noises when I slide my tongue right... here..."
End
Author: Kel
Rating: Um... R-ish
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex see Jonathan
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: For Everyone who asked for a repeat appearance of BMBB. For Rogue, who had me dying with her filks when BMBB made his first appearance.
"Hell-o? Clark? You around? Guy at the door said--oh. There you are. Son. Lex."
"Hey, Dad."
"Mr. Kent."
"Clark, your mother wanted me to stop by the castle and ask you and--hey! Is that a Billy Bass up there, Lex?"
"Um... yes, sir, it is."
"Good for you, son! I have one of these myself, hanging up in the workshed."
"Mom won't let him bring it in the house."
"Ah. I, yes. I understand that."
"Women and their houses."
"Mom said it was either her or the fish. So Dad hung Billy out in the workshed."
"I'll get it in the house past her one of these days, son. Just you wait. When I get that real bass mounted, I'll get Billy in there too."
"Lex. Tell Dad about Lionel meeting Billy!!"
*snorting laughter* "Lionel Luthor met Billy Bass?"
"Um, yes, Mr. Kent. He did. When he came to the office a few days ago, he breezed in to harass me. He... got a taste of Billy firsthand."
*more snorts* "Bet he just loved that."
"Lionel was yelling Lex's full name by the time he left."
*guffaws* "Oh, I wish I coulda been here for that."
"It was great, Dad. Lionel stormed out of here so flustered... you how his hair gets all wavy when he's ticked? Well... it looked like he'd just stuck his wet finger in a light socket. It was sticking out all over the place."
"You're all right, Lex. You're really all right. *Anybody* who can take down Lionel Luthor with a singing bass is ace in my book."
"Well... um... I don't know what to say, Mr. Kent. I'm... touched."
"Dad? Reason you came?"
"Oh, right son, right. Your mother wanted me to come up here and tell you to bring Lex home for dinner tomorrow night; she's cooking up a storm. And you, son, we need *you* home to get started on your chores."
"Right. I'll be home as soon as I finish my homework, okay?"
"Just don't wait too long, son. You don't have all night to do those chores, you know."
"I know, Dad. But homework comes first. Lex helps me, remember?"
"I know, Clark. Lex... damn good job."
*long, long silence.*
"Clark... did your father just... congradulate me?"
"Yep, he did."
"Over... a singing plastic fish."
"Yep."
"Is your *entire* family closet freaks, or do I just bring it out in you guys?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your father congratulated me over making my father lose his cool over a singing plastic fish. Your mother sent your father to have you bring me home for dinner like an errant puppy. And you! You bought the fish, you nicknamed me Ripley, you have a fascination for naked vampires and you think popcorn is a food group! Not to mention the fact that you're an alien from another planet adopted and raised by Kansas farmers. And you have a secret Muppet fetish. And the last straw? You have a DISTURBING attraction to Satan, who looks more than a LITTLE like my father!"
"Um, Lex? Two words, all right? Bodice. Ripping. Two more. Weasley Twins. $6-a-phallicly-shaped-blue-bottle Imported Water. Warrior Angel, Biker Mice, Pinky and the Brain, Star Trek and Star Wars? He who lives in a glass mansion..."
"I know, I know, should not throw stones at the superpowered alien. You used that line already, Clark. At least be original in your freakishness!"
"Original? He who quotes Bloodhound Gang and Machiavelli and Sun Tzu is telling *me* to be original?"
"And the fact that you grouped THOSE three together is frightening in the extreme."
"Lex? Bite my ass."
"And we're back to your anal fixation again. Clark... we really do need to get you some new material."
"That's not what you said last night. Last night you didn't have a problem with my anal fixation. Especially when it was yours I was fixated on."
"You've got a point. Well... bend over and drop 'em. We'll see who is more fun to be... fixated on. You or me."
"Leeex!! I'm more fun."
"That's true, you do make all these fascinating little noises when I slide my tongue right... here..."
End