Title: Trivial 33: The Masks We Wear
Author: Kel
Rating: Heavy R-ishness
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex Prepare For A Masquerade
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: For Amy. Neko!Lex rules.
"God, thank you. Doing this is going to be embarassing enough without some light in the loafers sales guy talking about my cheekbones and my ass."
"Oh, how far you've come, my little Tinkerbell. From a sheltered Kansas farmboy to a fairy who calls another guy light in the loafers. I'm so proud."
"Hey! You trying to tell me that guy's *not* light in the loafers? I may be a fairy, Lex, but I don't float. And I don't walk like there's a corncob up my ass."
"As fairies go, you're quite the macho one. Now, can we please get down to the reason why we're here?"
"Semi-public blowjobs?"
"No. Costumes."
"Costumes?"
"Costumes. And please, no parrotting. I'm all out of crackers."
"Jerk. I don't parrot."
"You repeat everything I say. And yes, costumes. See this large book here? We're going to look through it and decide what we're going to the masquerade as."
"Oooh, okay. I can do this. This'll be fun. Here, sit in my lap. We can share the book."
"Clark. Do I really look like I was born yesterday?"
*innocent whistling*
"I'm not going to sit in your lap until we get home. Cope."
"You're mean, Lex. Really, really mean."
"Deal with it. Take the book over to that couch; there's enough room to sit side by side. And if you don't stop whining, naked TV watching is off."
"But I *like* watching TV naked with you."
"Then stop whining and start looking."
"Lex, what are you doing with your hand?"
"Getting it in position to brace the book in your lap."
"In my--oh!! Uh... yeah. Okay." *drops book in lap* "Okay. Um... first costume is... no. You're not dressing up as Warrior Angel. I refuse to let you."
"That's fine, because I wasn't going to anyway. Flip to the back, for couples."
*gulp* "We're a.... couple?"
*gentle squeeze* "Yes, Clark. We are. Just because nobody else knows yet doesn't make us any less of one."
"Oh. Wow. I... I love you, Lex." *kiss*
"I love you too, Clark." *squeeze* "Let's look."
"Hey! What about this one! Pirate and maiden!!"
"That whole bodice ripping idea really got to you, didn't it, Clark?"
"Well... um... yeah. I liked it."
"Okay. We'll mark it and keep looking."
"Okay."
"Oh, Clark, that would be excellent for you. Especially with your complexion and hair. There, the Native American one. And I know a place we can get body paint and I have books at home with tribal markings in them."
"No way! That... that... *thing* has my ass hanging out to the wind and it just barely covers what you got your hand on!"
"That 'thing' is called a loincloth, Clark. And don't you think I'd make a great cowboy? Leather chaps... spurs... rawhide..."
"...Leather chaps?"
"Mmm-hmm. But since you're not interest--"
"Wait, okay! Just wait. I--I'm really starting to like this idea."
"I thought you might. All right, there's two marked down. Oh, Clark. Look at that Viking helmet."
"I'll wear that only if I get to keep you on the end of the chain all night, because in *that* skimpy little thing, people are going to be after your ass."
"They're already after me, Clark, and I'm perfectly capable of telling them no. You just like the idea of having me in chains."
"You bring out my inner kink monster. Yes, I like the idea of having you in chains and my collar."
*squeeze* "Yes, you do. I can feel that. We'll put this one at the top of the stack."
"Yeah, that'd be great."
"Keep looking, Clark. Don't let your mind wander."
"Maybe I could get my brain out of my pants if you moved your hand."
"Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing to think of, but back to the book."
"The book is not helping."
"The book, Clark, is our friend. The book hides when I do this."
"Lex!!"
"Lower your voice, Clark. You don't want to have the whole store back here, only to find me molesting you in public, do you? Book."
"Um... right... Christ. Book. Um... this... this one. Cop and... right there... hooker?"
"With this reaction? It'll go to the top of the list. Keep looking."
"Lex... you're... uh... purring?"
"Comes with the territory of groping my significant other in public." *nibble* "How about... the last one there? The neko one?"
"N-neko? What's... neko?"
"Neko is Japanese for cat. Look at the picture, Clark. See the little ears, the long furry tail, the hot... wet... tongue?"
*squeak*
"Goes great with the little puppy dog, sitting right beside it, head in the kitty's lap..."
*another squeak*
"I think we have a winner. And I think it's only fitting you get the puppy, Clark. You've got the eyes down pat."
"Um... yeah."
"All right. I'll go and get the costumes."
"Lex. You are a tease. You're not--"
"Yes, I am. I have five sets of costumes to buy. You're going to carry them out."
*blink* "Five?"
"Yes, five. Come on. You'll see."
"F-five!! Lex!!"
"Just figured it out, did you, Clark?"
"Um... do we really have to go to the party?"
"Yes, Clark, we really have to go to the party. But I promise, we won't stay long, and then we can come home and try on the other things."
"Um... Lex... you *do* realize that whichever set we wear, people are going to *know* that we're a couple, right?"
"That's the general idea, Clark."
"Um. Wow. Okay. This is scary. Cool, yeah, but scary. Does this mean we can actually start doing normal stuff?"
"Clark, do we ever do normal things?"
"Well, no, but... normal couple stuff?"
"Yes. Normal couple stuff." *grin* "Starting with buying costumes for the costume party."
"Seriously, Lex? I love you."
"And I love you, Clark." *deep tongue-kissing*
"Oh, Mr. Luthor, how's your... oh! Oh, my!!"
"Christophe. Your timing is... a little off today. Get out. We'll be out in a minute."
"Of course, Mr. Luthor, sir! Christophe will not breathe a word of this!"
"*Now.*"
"Yes sir!" *scurry*
*blushing hotly*
"Now, Clark... where were we?"
end
Author: Kel
Rating: Heavy R-ishness
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex Prepare For A Masquerade
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: For Amy. Neko!Lex rules.
"God, thank you. Doing this is going to be embarassing enough without some light in the loafers sales guy talking about my cheekbones and my ass."
"Oh, how far you've come, my little Tinkerbell. From a sheltered Kansas farmboy to a fairy who calls another guy light in the loafers. I'm so proud."
"Hey! You trying to tell me that guy's *not* light in the loafers? I may be a fairy, Lex, but I don't float. And I don't walk like there's a corncob up my ass."
"As fairies go, you're quite the macho one. Now, can we please get down to the reason why we're here?"
"Semi-public blowjobs?"
"No. Costumes."
"Costumes?"
"Costumes. And please, no parrotting. I'm all out of crackers."
"Jerk. I don't parrot."
"You repeat everything I say. And yes, costumes. See this large book here? We're going to look through it and decide what we're going to the masquerade as."
"Oooh, okay. I can do this. This'll be fun. Here, sit in my lap. We can share the book."
"Clark. Do I really look like I was born yesterday?"
*innocent whistling*
"I'm not going to sit in your lap until we get home. Cope."
"You're mean, Lex. Really, really mean."
"Deal with it. Take the book over to that couch; there's enough room to sit side by side. And if you don't stop whining, naked TV watching is off."
"But I *like* watching TV naked with you."
"Then stop whining and start looking."
"Lex, what are you doing with your hand?"
"Getting it in position to brace the book in your lap."
"In my--oh!! Uh... yeah. Okay." *drops book in lap* "Okay. Um... first costume is... no. You're not dressing up as Warrior Angel. I refuse to let you."
"That's fine, because I wasn't going to anyway. Flip to the back, for couples."
*gulp* "We're a.... couple?"
*gentle squeeze* "Yes, Clark. We are. Just because nobody else knows yet doesn't make us any less of one."
"Oh. Wow. I... I love you, Lex." *kiss*
"I love you too, Clark." *squeeze* "Let's look."
"Hey! What about this one! Pirate and maiden!!"
"That whole bodice ripping idea really got to you, didn't it, Clark?"
"Well... um... yeah. I liked it."
"Okay. We'll mark it and keep looking."
"Okay."
"Oh, Clark, that would be excellent for you. Especially with your complexion and hair. There, the Native American one. And I know a place we can get body paint and I have books at home with tribal markings in them."
"No way! That... that... *thing* has my ass hanging out to the wind and it just barely covers what you got your hand on!"
"That 'thing' is called a loincloth, Clark. And don't you think I'd make a great cowboy? Leather chaps... spurs... rawhide..."
"...Leather chaps?"
"Mmm-hmm. But since you're not interest--"
"Wait, okay! Just wait. I--I'm really starting to like this idea."
"I thought you might. All right, there's two marked down. Oh, Clark. Look at that Viking helmet."
"I'll wear that only if I get to keep you on the end of the chain all night, because in *that* skimpy little thing, people are going to be after your ass."
"They're already after me, Clark, and I'm perfectly capable of telling them no. You just like the idea of having me in chains."
"You bring out my inner kink monster. Yes, I like the idea of having you in chains and my collar."
*squeeze* "Yes, you do. I can feel that. We'll put this one at the top of the stack."
"Yeah, that'd be great."
"Keep looking, Clark. Don't let your mind wander."
"Maybe I could get my brain out of my pants if you moved your hand."
"Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing to think of, but back to the book."
"The book is not helping."
"The book, Clark, is our friend. The book hides when I do this."
"Lex!!"
"Lower your voice, Clark. You don't want to have the whole store back here, only to find me molesting you in public, do you? Book."
"Um... right... Christ. Book. Um... this... this one. Cop and... right there... hooker?"
"With this reaction? It'll go to the top of the list. Keep looking."
"Lex... you're... uh... purring?"
"Comes with the territory of groping my significant other in public." *nibble* "How about... the last one there? The neko one?"
"N-neko? What's... neko?"
"Neko is Japanese for cat. Look at the picture, Clark. See the little ears, the long furry tail, the hot... wet... tongue?"
*squeak*
"Goes great with the little puppy dog, sitting right beside it, head in the kitty's lap..."
*another squeak*
"I think we have a winner. And I think it's only fitting you get the puppy, Clark. You've got the eyes down pat."
"Um... yeah."
"All right. I'll go and get the costumes."
"Lex. You are a tease. You're not--"
"Yes, I am. I have five sets of costumes to buy. You're going to carry them out."
*blink* "Five?"
"Yes, five. Come on. You'll see."
"F-five!! Lex!!"
"Just figured it out, did you, Clark?"
"Um... do we really have to go to the party?"
"Yes, Clark, we really have to go to the party. But I promise, we won't stay long, and then we can come home and try on the other things."
"Um... Lex... you *do* realize that whichever set we wear, people are going to *know* that we're a couple, right?"
"That's the general idea, Clark."
"Um. Wow. Okay. This is scary. Cool, yeah, but scary. Does this mean we can actually start doing normal stuff?"
"Clark, do we ever do normal things?"
"Well, no, but... normal couple stuff?"
"Yes. Normal couple stuff." *grin* "Starting with buying costumes for the costume party."
"Seriously, Lex? I love you."
"And I love you, Clark." *deep tongue-kissing*
"Oh, Mr. Luthor, how's your... oh! Oh, my!!"
"Christophe. Your timing is... a little off today. Get out. We'll be out in a minute."
"Of course, Mr. Luthor, sir! Christophe will not breathe a word of this!"
"*Now.*"
"Yes sir!" *scurry*
*blushing hotly*
"Now, Clark... where were we?"
end