The Angels Flight
By: Calypso
Believing that Jarod is gone forever, Miss. Parker thinks that her own freedom is lost to her. Will she fall deeper into the abyss? Or will love give her wings to fly free? Sequel to 'If I let you Fly'
AN: Well, I liked If I Let You Fly as it was, so I decided to write a little companion piece for those who wanted a happy ending instead of changing that one. However, if I don't hear that people *want* the ending to it, this sad little piece stays as it is. In case you can't tell by reading this, Ms. Parker is in her home sitting in front of her fire.
Is love always this impossible?
Always this painful?
How can I love that which I am meant to hate?
How do I trust a man that should be an Enemy?
You think these questions are tough?
You ought to try living my life for a few days.
If nothing else, I swear you'll be ready to kill someone.
Bitch, Ice Queen, Angel; The flames leap as I think each word
Each word that they whisper w at my back.
My father and his damned center.
The Trimutive, Lyle, even Angelo gives me that look sometimes.
That look of utter disdain.
They think I can't feel,
Think I don't care.
How wrong they are.
Yet what can I do but stand taller each time?
Pretend as if I don't notice,
As if I'm not crumbling inside.
As if I didn't die a little each time.
Vodka burns, funny how I need it so often now. Need it just so I can feel.
It used to be easier,
It used to be that however bad things got, I always knew I'd hear his voice again.
Yet never again will I hear his voice, never will I see his face, never will I catch a glimpse of his shadow.
It was my choice.
I chose to let him fly free
I chose to let the world do its worst.
I thought that they couldn't break me.
That I would stand tall and stand alone.
I thought I'd always stood alone.
Sydney understands me better, I think he sees more clearly than anyone why I hurt so badly.
I can't turn back from here.
I choose my own cage and locked it with my own hand.
Yet I can't go forward either.
I haven't mother's strength,
I haven't Jarods ability to pretend,
I haven't Sydney's hope.
The only thing I have is a bleak future stretching beyond my sight,
A pain digging itself further into my heart.
Deeper into my mind.
I can't go on like this,
I can't keep dying inside.
I can't cry anymore than I can laugh.
And perhaps worst of all, I can't forget.
I love him.
And so I choose to let him live free.
I choose to give him the freedom that only one of us could have.
If I stay, I will always know that he's out there,
That I can't be near him because he didn't come back.
He'd be a fool to come back for me now.
Days, weeks, I think even Lyle is beginning to understand.
I think they realize now that Jarod is gone forever.
That this time he chose not to turn back.
Poor Sydney.
He would be my only regret,
He's lost so much, Jacob, Jarod, and now me.
He doesn't show it, doesn't say it.
But I know that he thinks of me as one of his children, in fact, that thought has kept me going more times than I can count.
When father wouldn't love me,
Wouldn't lend me the strength I needed.
I knew that he would.
I have no where to go, no where and no one to run too.
But that's not true.
I can't run physically, but a little Vodka… and perhaps some Aspirin…
Then I could run.
I could run into mother's arms at last,
Into the darkness and peace that I can't have now.
So I think will go.
I think… that I will leave all of this behind.
And I've only one regret after all.
I love him,
And I never did tell him.
Jarod….
"I love you."