Title: Trivial 41: Fast Cars and Furious Lovers
Author: Kel
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: Lex/Clark
Summary: In Which Lex and Clark Discuss Fast Cars and Beards
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: I have recently become... obsessed, I suppose you could say, with The Fast and The Furious. Thanks to Amy and Hugo who were my car gurus, and to the rest of the bunnies for putting up with my incessant nattering about TF&TF.
"Okay, it's later. I'm supposed to remind you what's wrong with the cars."
"The cars?"
"The Fast and The Furious."
"They're ugly, Clark. You do *not* defile a beautiful racing machine with decals that are that... obnoxious. And the paint colors... Brian obviously had no taste. Lime green and neon orange... I am telling you, Clark. Complete and utter defilement of the car's essence."
"Aaand you're a freak."
"Only over my cars, Clark. And it pains my very soul to see such magnificent pieces of hardware so vilely mistreated."
"I love the cars too, especially the red... Porsche? is it, that Dom drives in the first race."
"No, no, no. That's not a Porsche, Clark. That's a Mazda RX-7."
"I don't know why I thought it was a Porsche."
"Because you're used to people with good taste in their machinery. Not that an RX-7 is a *bad* car, exactly... it's just--not a Porsche. But... all the cars in this movie are Japanese imports, because I believe the article that this movie was based on was about a group that street-raced the superpowered Japanese imports."
"And how many times have you seen this movie?"
"Fifteen."
"Fifteen. Right. Um... how can you sit through it fifteen times? The testosterone is just... blindingly thick. Unbelieaveably thick."
"In other words, all the penis-waving gets to you."
*blushing* "Well... yeah. They're all like... I don't know, dogs or something. Scenting around each other, having pissing contests... all over Dom. Though... I gotta admit... I can kinda see why."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He's... hot."
"Musclebound, thick-necked, no-brains is hot? You do realize that people like that are usually only good for one thing."
"Notice I'm not mentioning his conversational skills, Lex. He's just hot."
"Well, at least you're steady on one thing. We're both bald. Tell me, Clark, should I start bulking up and dropping IQ points?"
"Lex? Huh? No! God! Come on!"
"Well, the way you're going on and on about people sniffing around him--"
"People sniff around you too, Lex." *lick* "But I want *you* just the way you are." *nibbling kisses*
*placated growl* "I have to admit, Dom *is* probably the only thing in the entire movie that Brian has any taste in."
*pause* "Dom... and Brian?"
"You mean you never caught that?"
"Um... no. No, I didn't. I mean... Letty and Mia?"
"They are simply there to keep the MPAA off the movie studio's back, and are probably doing it themselves. The level of betrayal in that movie alone guarantees it. Not only that, but... look at the way Dominic looks at Brian. Hell, Clark, even Brian's boss saw it. After the raid on Tranh's place, the boss goes out to Brian and says that it's not about Mia, or Hector, or Johnny Tranh. It's about Dom, and it's always been about Dom. Then... there's the fact that, for example, Brian throws away *everything* to help Dom chase down the two Tranh bikers who shot Jesse--that's love, Clark. The fact that Bri gave Dom his car keys and let him go--more love. Because he knows he's just thrown away his career and everything else for Dominic. Not to mention, he *gave* his *car* to Dom. That's a big sacrifice, Clark. Trust me."
"Wow."
"You... get thrown by the beards, don't you Clark?"
"Beards?"
"Yes, beards. Fake female love interests thrown in the middle of an obviously gay couple in the effort to prove they're actually *not* gay."
"So... Letty and Mia weren't really... oh. Right."
"You're so pretty when you're confused, Clark."
"Is that why you always make it a point to confuse me?"
"Of course."
"You're evil, Lex. Evil, evil, evil."
"Not yet, but I'm working on it."
"So... Brian and Dom? Wonder..."
"Oh Christ. I have created a monster."
"What?"
"Go, Clark. Go write." *heaving a huge sigh* "One of these days, I'm going to learn to keep my mouth shut."
"If you did, I couldn't do this."
The End
Author: Kel
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: Lex/Clark
Summary: In Which Lex and Clark Discuss Fast Cars and Beards
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Notes: I have recently become... obsessed, I suppose you could say, with The Fast and The Furious. Thanks to Amy and Hugo who were my car gurus, and to the rest of the bunnies for putting up with my incessant nattering about TF&TF.
"Okay, it's later. I'm supposed to remind you what's wrong with the cars."
"The cars?"
"The Fast and The Furious."
"They're ugly, Clark. You do *not* defile a beautiful racing machine with decals that are that... obnoxious. And the paint colors... Brian obviously had no taste. Lime green and neon orange... I am telling you, Clark. Complete and utter defilement of the car's essence."
"Aaand you're a freak."
"Only over my cars, Clark. And it pains my very soul to see such magnificent pieces of hardware so vilely mistreated."
"I love the cars too, especially the red... Porsche? is it, that Dom drives in the first race."
"No, no, no. That's not a Porsche, Clark. That's a Mazda RX-7."
"I don't know why I thought it was a Porsche."
"Because you're used to people with good taste in their machinery. Not that an RX-7 is a *bad* car, exactly... it's just--not a Porsche. But... all the cars in this movie are Japanese imports, because I believe the article that this movie was based on was about a group that street-raced the superpowered Japanese imports."
"And how many times have you seen this movie?"
"Fifteen."
"Fifteen. Right. Um... how can you sit through it fifteen times? The testosterone is just... blindingly thick. Unbelieaveably thick."
"In other words, all the penis-waving gets to you."
*blushing* "Well... yeah. They're all like... I don't know, dogs or something. Scenting around each other, having pissing contests... all over Dom. Though... I gotta admit... I can kinda see why."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He's... hot."
"Musclebound, thick-necked, no-brains is hot? You do realize that people like that are usually only good for one thing."
"Notice I'm not mentioning his conversational skills, Lex. He's just hot."
"Well, at least you're steady on one thing. We're both bald. Tell me, Clark, should I start bulking up and dropping IQ points?"
"Lex? Huh? No! God! Come on!"
"Well, the way you're going on and on about people sniffing around him--"
"People sniff around you too, Lex." *lick* "But I want *you* just the way you are." *nibbling kisses*
*placated growl* "I have to admit, Dom *is* probably the only thing in the entire movie that Brian has any taste in."
*pause* "Dom... and Brian?"
"You mean you never caught that?"
"Um... no. No, I didn't. I mean... Letty and Mia?"
"They are simply there to keep the MPAA off the movie studio's back, and are probably doing it themselves. The level of betrayal in that movie alone guarantees it. Not only that, but... look at the way Dominic looks at Brian. Hell, Clark, even Brian's boss saw it. After the raid on Tranh's place, the boss goes out to Brian and says that it's not about Mia, or Hector, or Johnny Tranh. It's about Dom, and it's always been about Dom. Then... there's the fact that, for example, Brian throws away *everything* to help Dom chase down the two Tranh bikers who shot Jesse--that's love, Clark. The fact that Bri gave Dom his car keys and let him go--more love. Because he knows he's just thrown away his career and everything else for Dominic. Not to mention, he *gave* his *car* to Dom. That's a big sacrifice, Clark. Trust me."
"Wow."
"You... get thrown by the beards, don't you Clark?"
"Beards?"
"Yes, beards. Fake female love interests thrown in the middle of an obviously gay couple in the effort to prove they're actually *not* gay."
"So... Letty and Mia weren't really... oh. Right."
"You're so pretty when you're confused, Clark."
"Is that why you always make it a point to confuse me?"
"Of course."
"You're evil, Lex. Evil, evil, evil."
"Not yet, but I'm working on it."
"So... Brian and Dom? Wonder..."
"Oh Christ. I have created a monster."
"What?"
"Go, Clark. Go write." *heaving a huge sigh* "One of these days, I'm going to learn to keep my mouth shut."
"If you did, I couldn't do this."
The End