Title: Trivial 45: Hands On
Author: Kel
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark Catches Lex In A Hands-On Situation
Archive: knock yourself out
Notes: This one's all for Amy. Thanks to Amy and Rogue for help in compiling the metaphors.
*quiet grunting coming from the shower*
"Lex?"
*no answer*
"Lex!" *opens stall*
"Clark!" *fist pounding against wall* "What... are you... oh, God... doing... here?"
"I wanted to surprise you."
"You...yeah...did." *grunt* "Fuck... Christ! Clark!" *orgasm* "Hand me... the towel please?"
"You... you... you're...you..."
"Masturbating, Clark. Roughing up the suspect? Choking the chicken? Palming the Pope? Jerkin' the gherkin?"
"Yeah!! Isn't that... against the rules when you're going out with someone?"
*blink* "What are you talking about?"
"You don't masturbate when you're in a relationship with someone!!"
"Says who? Miss Manners?"
"But... you just *don't!*"
"Clark... come here. Sit down on the bed. I know you're a little too old to have this talk, but I think we need to. Masturbation is perfectly normal."
"Oh, hell no. You're sounding like my father and just... not images I want, okay?"
"The point here, Clark, is that yes, it is okay to jack off when you're in a relationship."
"But... doesn't that mean that... you don't want to have sex with your partner?"
"What the hell have they been teaching you in Sex Ed?"
"They... um... haven't. Dad wouldn't... cause he was afraid. That I was different. And people would notice. So... I didn't."
"Remind me to bitchslap your father." *sigh* "Listen, Clark. Me having one off the wrist in the shower in there... that just means I woke up hard because I dreamed about you and wanted to get off. And it feels good to do it in the shower. Then... you showing up was just a bonus." *pause* "You haven't been, have you?"
*head shake*
"No wonder you're always so quick on the trigger. Clark... it's okay. I do it all the time."
"I did too, until we got together."
"Well... start again. It's *not* a bad thing, Clark. There were times--like on the phone--I just assumed you were."
"That was different. That was to get you off, too. So it was kind of like sex."
*kiss* "Clark... the next time you get hard thinking about me, I want you to jerk off, all right? I promise, you'll see. It's not bad at all."
*blush* "Um... okay. I'll... do it."
"No, Clark. Pick a metaphor and stick with it."
"Metaphor?"
"Yeah. Just to prove that you can."
"Like?"
"Shaking hands with the bishop. Whipping your skippy. Spanking the monkey. Having a date with Rosie Palm."
"LEX!!!!!!" *bright blush*
"I'm not done. The 5-knuckle shuffle. Stroke the stallion. Hit the ham. Flog your log.
Have one off the wrist. Putting yourself in a time out. My personal favorite is having one off the wrist, but you pick what feels right for you. I'm also fond of wanking and tossing off, but that's my English Boarding School background talking."
"I um... I kinda like... whipping your skippy."
*smothered snort* "All right then. You whip your skippy, I'll have one off the wrist, and we'll both be happier for it, I think. Masturbation is a healthy part of any relationship, Clark. Never be ashamed of it. And it's something we can do together."
"To--together? I--yeah. I think I'd like that. Like watching you."
*long kiss* "Tell you what, Clark. You come over tonight, I'll have one off for you, you can whip your skippy for me, and then we'll see how good it feels."
"Tonight? But.. you just... can't I whip my skippy *now*?"
"Say it without the whining and it'll be sexy."
The End
Author: Kel
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: In Which Clark Catches Lex In A Hands-On Situation
Archive: knock yourself out
Notes: This one's all for Amy. Thanks to Amy and Rogue for help in compiling the metaphors.
*quiet grunting coming from the shower*
"Lex?"
*no answer*
"Lex!" *opens stall*
"Clark!" *fist pounding against wall* "What... are you... oh, God... doing... here?"
"I wanted to surprise you."
"You...yeah...did." *grunt* "Fuck... Christ! Clark!" *orgasm* "Hand me... the towel please?"
"You... you... you're...you..."
"Masturbating, Clark. Roughing up the suspect? Choking the chicken? Palming the Pope? Jerkin' the gherkin?"
"Yeah!! Isn't that... against the rules when you're going out with someone?"
*blink* "What are you talking about?"
"You don't masturbate when you're in a relationship with someone!!"
"Says who? Miss Manners?"
"But... you just *don't!*"
"Clark... come here. Sit down on the bed. I know you're a little too old to have this talk, but I think we need to. Masturbation is perfectly normal."
"Oh, hell no. You're sounding like my father and just... not images I want, okay?"
"The point here, Clark, is that yes, it is okay to jack off when you're in a relationship."
"But... doesn't that mean that... you don't want to have sex with your partner?"
"What the hell have they been teaching you in Sex Ed?"
"They... um... haven't. Dad wouldn't... cause he was afraid. That I was different. And people would notice. So... I didn't."
"Remind me to bitchslap your father." *sigh* "Listen, Clark. Me having one off the wrist in the shower in there... that just means I woke up hard because I dreamed about you and wanted to get off. And it feels good to do it in the shower. Then... you showing up was just a bonus." *pause* "You haven't been, have you?"
*head shake*
"No wonder you're always so quick on the trigger. Clark... it's okay. I do it all the time."
"I did too, until we got together."
"Well... start again. It's *not* a bad thing, Clark. There were times--like on the phone--I just assumed you were."
"That was different. That was to get you off, too. So it was kind of like sex."
*kiss* "Clark... the next time you get hard thinking about me, I want you to jerk off, all right? I promise, you'll see. It's not bad at all."
*blush* "Um... okay. I'll... do it."
"No, Clark. Pick a metaphor and stick with it."
"Metaphor?"
"Yeah. Just to prove that you can."
"Like?"
"Shaking hands with the bishop. Whipping your skippy. Spanking the monkey. Having a date with Rosie Palm."
"LEX!!!!!!" *bright blush*
"I'm not done. The 5-knuckle shuffle. Stroke the stallion. Hit the ham. Flog your log.
Have one off the wrist. Putting yourself in a time out. My personal favorite is having one off the wrist, but you pick what feels right for you. I'm also fond of wanking and tossing off, but that's my English Boarding School background talking."
"I um... I kinda like... whipping your skippy."
*smothered snort* "All right then. You whip your skippy, I'll have one off the wrist, and we'll both be happier for it, I think. Masturbation is a healthy part of any relationship, Clark. Never be ashamed of it. And it's something we can do together."
"To--together? I--yeah. I think I'd like that. Like watching you."
*long kiss* "Tell you what, Clark. You come over tonight, I'll have one off for you, you can whip your skippy for me, and then we'll see how good it feels."
"Tonight? But.. you just... can't I whip my skippy *now*?"
"Say it without the whining and it'll be sexy."
The End