Title: Trivial 55: Potions and Pavlov
Author: Kel
Rating: R-ish
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex watch the Harry Potter DVD
Notes: They're back, after a longer-than-intended Sabbatical! Sorry about the extended delay, but when Reality Bites... you listen. And it bit hard. :( But, without further ado....
"Clark... I've been watching you lately."
"Yes, Lex, I know you have been. You always watch me."
"You haven't been writing lately. Is something wrong?"
"Nah, just not in the mood, you know? If I tried to write right now, I'd probably kill off Warrior Angel."
"You can't. He's unkillable."
"Yeah, well... I'll find a way."
"Don't let your father or mine get you down."
"It's not just them, Lex. It's everybody. I mean, everybody is suddenly looking at me like I've grown a second head. Whitney and Lana are about the only two who don't care. Chloe's always asking me what we did last night, my dad's barely talking to me, my mom is barely talking to my dad, Pete's going out of his way to avoid me, and it's just... making me crazy. I don't even want to think about what your dad is doing."
"My Dad is doing his usual thing of making my life miserable. Sending Dominic at all hours over every little discrepancy, dragging me to and from Metropolis--or trying to anyway. I've finally refused to make another trip, and Dominic's no longer welcome in the house." *pause* "You need a distraction, Clark."
"Dis...traction?"
"Yes, distraction. So you're not thinking about anything. And, I got the perfect solution."
"You do?"
"Yes. Three little letters."
"S-E-X?"
"D-V-D. And you have a one track mind."
"You weren't complaining last night. Or this morning. Or just a few hours ago."
"Focus on the DVDs, Clark. Watch. Enjoy."
"What are we watching? Who's in it? Where's the coke? Can I have some popcorn?"
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. A bunch of English actors and Alan Rickman. In the refrigerator with the rest of the drinks. If you pop it yourself. And if you ask 'Are we there yet?' I will have to hurt you."
"Ooh, Alan Rickman. I like Alan Rickman."
"Surprisingly enough, young grasshopper, you show your first bit of class. Everybody loves Alan Rickman."
"He plays Snape, doesn't he?"
"Of course. Who else would he be playing?"
"Okay. That settles it then. I'm definitely a Snape fan now."
"You hated him throughout four books for being mean to Harry, and now, now that you find out that Alan Rickman is playing him, you suddenly decide that you *like* him? I take back what I said about you, grasshopper."
"Just because *you* were rooting for Slytherin from the beginning--"
"Don't be such a sourpuss, Clark. Gryffindors are good, Slytherins are better. I would make a wonderful Slytherin."
"Yeah, I'd love to see you smack that smug little Malfoy bastard."
"I thought you *liked* Draco Malfoy."
"I do. But he's still a smug little bastard."
"And I'm just the man to take him down?"
"Something like that. You know... just from the books and stuff... your dad and Lucius Malfoy--"
"You noticed that too? Well, yes. I'd had the same thought."
"Yeah. Lucius is a dickhead, just like your Dad."
*snorting laughter* "Let's get back to Snape before I actually tell you what I think of my father."
"Hey, I'm easy. I'm all for getting back to Snape."
"Are you changing your thoughts on Harry/Snape now?"
"... kind of? But only if Harry's like... seventeen or something. Cause it's just... ick."
"But you're liking the idea of Severus as a sexual character?"
"Only if he looks like Alan Rickman."
"Let me guess... another fetish you haven't told me about?"
"I thought it was a sign of my good taste?"
"Which I immediately took back."
"Meaning you think I don't have good taste?"
"I think you taste delicious." *nibble lick lick nibble*
"Heeeey! Leeeeeeeeeex!! You were the one who told me I couldn't think about sex!"
"Mmmhmmm." *nibble, lick* "Never said I couldn't." *grumble* "Fucking Pavlovian reactions..."
The End
Author: Kel
Rating: R-ish
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Archive: Knock Yourself Out
Summary: In Which Clark And Lex watch the Harry Potter DVD
Notes: They're back, after a longer-than-intended Sabbatical! Sorry about the extended delay, but when Reality Bites... you listen. And it bit hard. :( But, without further ado....
"Clark... I've been watching you lately."
"Yes, Lex, I know you have been. You always watch me."
"You haven't been writing lately. Is something wrong?"
"Nah, just not in the mood, you know? If I tried to write right now, I'd probably kill off Warrior Angel."
"You can't. He's unkillable."
"Yeah, well... I'll find a way."
"Don't let your father or mine get you down."
"It's not just them, Lex. It's everybody. I mean, everybody is suddenly looking at me like I've grown a second head. Whitney and Lana are about the only two who don't care. Chloe's always asking me what we did last night, my dad's barely talking to me, my mom is barely talking to my dad, Pete's going out of his way to avoid me, and it's just... making me crazy. I don't even want to think about what your dad is doing."
"My Dad is doing his usual thing of making my life miserable. Sending Dominic at all hours over every little discrepancy, dragging me to and from Metropolis--or trying to anyway. I've finally refused to make another trip, and Dominic's no longer welcome in the house." *pause* "You need a distraction, Clark."
"Dis...traction?"
"Yes, distraction. So you're not thinking about anything. And, I got the perfect solution."
"You do?"
"Yes. Three little letters."
"S-E-X?"
"D-V-D. And you have a one track mind."
"You weren't complaining last night. Or this morning. Or just a few hours ago."
"Focus on the DVDs, Clark. Watch. Enjoy."
"What are we watching? Who's in it? Where's the coke? Can I have some popcorn?"
"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. A bunch of English actors and Alan Rickman. In the refrigerator with the rest of the drinks. If you pop it yourself. And if you ask 'Are we there yet?' I will have to hurt you."
"Ooh, Alan Rickman. I like Alan Rickman."
"Surprisingly enough, young grasshopper, you show your first bit of class. Everybody loves Alan Rickman."
"He plays Snape, doesn't he?"
"Of course. Who else would he be playing?"
"Okay. That settles it then. I'm definitely a Snape fan now."
"You hated him throughout four books for being mean to Harry, and now, now that you find out that Alan Rickman is playing him, you suddenly decide that you *like* him? I take back what I said about you, grasshopper."
"Just because *you* were rooting for Slytherin from the beginning--"
"Don't be such a sourpuss, Clark. Gryffindors are good, Slytherins are better. I would make a wonderful Slytherin."
"Yeah, I'd love to see you smack that smug little Malfoy bastard."
"I thought you *liked* Draco Malfoy."
"I do. But he's still a smug little bastard."
"And I'm just the man to take him down?"
"Something like that. You know... just from the books and stuff... your dad and Lucius Malfoy--"
"You noticed that too? Well, yes. I'd had the same thought."
"Yeah. Lucius is a dickhead, just like your Dad."
*snorting laughter* "Let's get back to Snape before I actually tell you what I think of my father."
"Hey, I'm easy. I'm all for getting back to Snape."
"Are you changing your thoughts on Harry/Snape now?"
"... kind of? But only if Harry's like... seventeen or something. Cause it's just... ick."
"But you're liking the idea of Severus as a sexual character?"
"Only if he looks like Alan Rickman."
"Let me guess... another fetish you haven't told me about?"
"I thought it was a sign of my good taste?"
"Which I immediately took back."
"Meaning you think I don't have good taste?"
"I think you taste delicious." *nibble lick lick nibble*
"Heeeey! Leeeeeeeeeex!! You were the one who told me I couldn't think about sex!"
"Mmmhmmm." *nibble, lick* "Never said I couldn't." *grumble* "Fucking Pavlovian reactions..."
The End