Note: Got the last chapter's title wrong. Now I've changed it. :) Thanks for your reviews you two! *s*

Perhaps a Rethink is in Order

Before she departed she cracked the door open an inch and a half and peered out. She managed to hold utterly still as a Green-shawled Sister swept by, seemingly so consumed by her own worries that she would not have noticed if a Trolloc leapt out of Rayel's room, let alone Rayel herself. The presence of a Green Sister in these quarters might have surprised Rayel once, but no longer.

As the Green passed, Rayel's heart rate gradually returned to normal, and she inhaled softly. Then she turned around again, so that she was facing her dresser. There was one more task she must complete before leaving this room for good, and the key in the next few moments was to strike a perfect balance between haste and care. Rayel had to believe she was up to the task; if she did not she would dissolve into a gibbering mess here and now.

Knowing she could not let that happen, she licked her lips and prepared to embrace saidar. Once she had done so she would have to work very quickly, for every other channeller in the vicinity would detect her activities instantly.

The way back will come but once…

The thought caught her off guard, particularly as she had no idea where it had come from. Was that not what one heard during one's Accepted test? Rayel was certain she was not so crazed that she was imagining all of this – she was not in actuality taking her test for the ring at this moment. But then, she had been unaware of the reality during that test, had she not? She still clearly recalled the events that had transpired in the ter'angreal arches all those years ago; recalled what she had believed was happening at the time, and the way she had emerged from each Arch to a full realisation of reality. Perhaps she was actually in her Arches now? Perhaps all of what had happened in the past decades was imagined?

What will it matter, then, if I die here? What will it matter if I do not return? I will never know, will I? I will never know if I have failed. I will only know if I achieve success.

And yet she could not leave it at that, making it seem so simple. Even if she was imagining all of this, she was still being tested. Whatever her reality was, she did not want to let herself fail whatever test she was undergoing. It was a test either way, after all: in this reality or in some other existance she did not currently remember. Either way, she would do her best to pass.

 "Light," she muttered as she realised she had just wasted precious seconds contemplating matters that did not bear thinking about. She had no time to sit and think. Woman, get moving, she reprimanded herself.

This enhanced sense of urgency would do her no favours while she attempted to create a weave of great complexity with saidar. She must calm herself down before attempting the task she had set herself. She went to work soothing her nerves, trying to forget the warning that had echoed in her mind about the way back coming only once, focusing her thoughts on two things: one, keeping an ear out for what went on in the corridor – she had kept the door open an inch or so for a reason – and two, embracing saidar.

When the warmth of saidar flooded through her she was instantly infused with a deep knowledge of all the world's beauty. As usual she strove to keep control of her wits while under the Power's sweet influence. She began by making a simple weave she had learned what felt like aeons ago while still an Accepted. She draped the weave over her dresser, and then moved on to part two of the weave: the embellishment.

Even though she was risking her life in engaging in this time-consuming operation now, she would not have it any other way: some things must be protected at all costs, and Rayel had never been one to scrimp on things that really mattered. She might be fleeing the Tower, but she did not want to leave it entirely to its own fate. She would do what she could, as long as she wasn't directly endangering herself.

The weave she began to create, a variation of the base weave, was incredibly intricate, and a novice or Accepted might assume that Rayel wove it with ease. In fact it was quite the opposite. Rayel had to concentrate with every ounce of her being, to such an extent that a thin film of sweat soon appeared on her brow – something that had not happened to her in decades.

Nor did things run entirely smoothly. At one point she was gripped by the certainty that all was lost as the threads of her near-finished weave trembled, apparently on the verge of unravelling completely. If this weave takes on a life of it's own… She left the thought unfinished, as it was too unpleasant to dwell on. She was playing with fire here, even if the Element of Fire was not directly involved, and she had to stay on her toes.

She sighed heavily as she completed the now comleted weave. Thank the Light, she muttered inwardly, watching as the weave sank into the dresser, warding it against prying eyes and fingers. And weaves, for that matter. Whoever tried to discover what lay within that dresser, if anyone bothered, would have the time of his or her life fighting off her ward.

Rayel was about to head for the door again when she had second thoughts. Studying the warded dresser she suddenly doubted that a single precaution was enough. She began to sift through her memory banks, frantically trying to find another weave with which she could back up the first one. The problem was that she would risk set off her own weave by trying to rest another one on top of it. Finally she decided she had done all she could. She ignored the wave of despair that washed through her as she reached the door and peered out into the hall again. It was deserted.

She whispered a quick goodbye to the room that had been hers for so many years, and then slipped out into the hall. There. She had done it. There would be no turning back now.

*                *                *

With every step she glanced this way and that, acutely aware that she had alerted the entire Tower to her presence. She could still hope that she would be missed, since during the past few days there had been rarely a moment when there hadn't been anyone else channelling in the Tower's vicinity. Although she had avoided channelling completely since shutting herself away in her room, she had always known she couldn't stay away from saidar forever. Because she had never intended on staying in that room longer than a few days, she had known she would have to channel eventually.

Now she had made her presence known, and if they felt like investigating the cause of the disturbance she had made, they would do so. She just had to hope they would give her enough time to slip out of the Tower. Otherwise she would have to avoid detection for as long as she could, achieve what she could, before being destroyed.

She had turned left after exiting her room and now continued along the hallway, keeping close to the wall and hesitating each time she approached the next doorway. She could recite the names of each woman and man who had inhabited these rooms as easily as she could recite the numbers from one to twenty, and she did just that in her mind, mourning times that were now long gone, longing for the days of ease when she had been able to take certain things for granted. In those days her foundations had remained solid and dependable. But those days were gone, and she now knew a different reality, one far more disturbing than anything she had imagined back then.

Finally she exited the Ajah quarters and headed straight for the nearest staircase, one hidden deeply in shadow. Why is it so deserted? she wondered guardedly. There were people running up and down the hall the entire day. Why then are the halls suddenly so void of life?

Something wasn't right, and Rayel was walking blind. At least she knew she could not stay in one spot. If she had to choose between that and staying on the move, she would choose the latter.

So she padded down the staircase on quiet feet, her flimsy silken slippers failing to ward against the cold of the marble beneath her feet. Goosebumps rippled over her skin, appearing here as they faded there, and vice versa, constantly moving. She shivered uncontrollably despite the confined and somewhat stuffy space in which she moved. She felt as if she had never concentrated as intently as she was now. Her head hurt, particularly when she contemplated the likelihood that, in fact, her ordeal was only just beginning.

The way back will come but once…

The thought came again, gripping her with such tenacity that she had to stop in her tracks.

Be steadfast. "Be steadfast," she mouthed into the darkness, wishing she could embrace the Source and light her way, but knowing that would amount to another kind of suicide. She would be steadfast without help from saidar. She would deal with matters as they stood now, rather than standing around wishing for better days or more options. She would keep walking, making her steady way towards one of the Tower's many exits.

I will not lose control, she thought as she started moving again, hoping suddenly that the Three Oaths also prevented Aes Sedai from lying to themselves.