A Winter Dream
Disclaimer: Nope. No matter how many fics I write on the subject, I still can't claim ownership of the characters. That is the sole right of J.K Rowling, and whomever she chooses to share her rights with (that would be people like Warner Brothers and her publishers).
I also don't own 'December', the song around which this is based. That honour belongs to the band All About Eve.
(P.S. Sorry about the insane disclaimer. I just felt like a change of style!)
Author's note: This is a Blaise POV fic about the Yule Ball in her fifth year at Hogwarts. It is set five years later.
I hate performing this song. It's the last song of the night, which is good in that afterwards I can disappear and not have to stay strong. But I still hate performing it.
Not that it's a bad song. In fact, long before I even took this job, way back when I was still at school, this song was one of my favourites. But things change…things happen.
I still remember the night that changed my view of this song forever. Well, of course I do, or else I probably wouldn't hate the song so much.
It's over. The rest of the guys in the band start packing their instruments. Yes, that's right, band. I work in a tribute band of my all-time favourites, All About Eve. I've been working here almost since I got out of school when I was eighteen…wow, it's been two years already? Another thing that might amaze you – they're Muggles. Not a drop of magic to be found in them anywhere. But it's safer that way. Ever since the war began…
Well, maybe not since it began. While I was still at Hogwarts I was safe enough. And so was he. To start with, anyway. Then came the night that changed things forever…
There's a Victorian tin I keep my memories in I found it up in the atticAfter looking inside, I find the things that I'm hiding…
To be honest, I was surprised he even asked me. Everyone thought he was going to go with Pansy again. Including her, actually. So when he turned around in front of everyone and asked – no, scratch that, he never asked – demanded that I go to the ball with him, I was shocked. Of course, I said yes – well, what choice did I have? 'No' isn't a word he's used to hearing.
So we went to the ball together. He was leaving for home the next day, I was stuck at school for the entire holidays. We had fun – we danced, and abused the Gryffindors and we even kissed. Voldermort decided not to intrude either, which is always a good thing. All in all, it was a perfect night. I should have known it was too good to last.
The leaves saved from a mistletoe kissOnly nostalgia has me feeling like this
Like I miss you
It must be the time of year.
I glance at my calendar – it is five years to the day that this all began. Five years since I have been unable to listen to that song. And yet, I realise that somehow, without me realising it, the song has started playing. Did I play it? Who knows? All I know is that if I could change things, I would. What would I have done? I don't know. Maybe I would have stopped him going home; maybe I would have just said no and made him go with Pansy. Because when he came back after Christmas – everything changed.
I don't know what happened. Rumours spread about him becoming an official Death Eater, rumours which he neither denied nor confirmed. He was the same to most people – Crabbe and Goyle still followed him everywhere, Pansy still clung to him, and he still insulted Potter, Weasley and Granger. Nobody noticed any major changes.
Nobody but me.
Remember DecemberIt's like a winter green beside a diamond stream
Remember December
A fall of snow and the afterglow
It could be taking our breath away
But the years stand in the way
Remember December
How does it make you feel inside?He ignored me completely. Which wouldn't have bothered me if we hadn't had that conversation after the ball.
"Thanks for a wonderful evening Blaise."
"Sure. Um, Draco, can I ask you something?"
"Ask away."
"Why didn't you take Pansy?"
"Why should I have? I took her last year."
(Disappointedly) "Oh. Is that it then?"
"Not the only reason. She's getting unbearable, Blaise. It's like having an extra shadow."
"So…why did you ask me?"
"Apart from you being the most attractive Slytherin? Because I like you
Blaise."
"How do you mean, like?"
"How do you think?"Then he kissed me. We talked about becoming a couple. And he said that when he came back, we would be.
That's when it all went wrong.
Beneath the Valentine I see a locket is shiningI think it must be the wine
Makes me feel it's all real
When nothing seems to rhymeValentines Day was when I knew something was wrong. I got a card and a locket. Inside the card, he wrote a letter, which I've kept even though I already know it word for word.
Dear Blaise,I know I've been ignoring you lately, and I thought you should know why. It's nothing you've done. My father found out I was planning on dating you and threw a fit at me. I never wanted to hurt you, but I have to respect my father's wishes.
Sorry,
Draco
That was the day I started hating Lucius Malfoy. I couldn't hate Draco, even though he was still acting as though I didn't exist. Nor could I hate Pansy, who Lucius clearly thought was a better match. I never acted on or voiced my hate; there was no point. Then sixth year started. The war between dark and light was well underway and a great deal of the Slytherins never showed up that year. To the extent that we were re-sorted, and I was put in Gryffindor. My last two years were hell – other students were polite, but I had lost my friends.
To breath life into the dust of a keepsake
I might as well try to fix a chain on a snowflake
Or a heartache
It must be the time of year.
When I stepped off the train after finally finishing school, I was greeted with the worst news possible – Lucius had killed my parents and taken over our house. My house. I was forced to live in Muggle London, a world that I never understood. Over time, I adapted but I still had a burning desire to hurt Lucius Malfoy.
Remember December
It's like a winter green beside a diamond stream
Remember December
The fall of snow and the afterglow
It could be taking our breath away
But the years stand in the way
Remember December
How does it make you feel inside?
Tonight was a special show. Finally, after so many years of bitter warring, Voldermort had been defeated. Even the Muggles had cause to celebrate, and didn't even seem to notice the people wearing robes.
My ears prick up – I can hear two voices outside.
"Killed you say?"
"Indeed. Some say he killed himself, so as not to go to Azkaban."
"What about the family?"
"His wife's distraught. Even though they fought, I reckon there was something deep holding them together."
"And the boy?"
"He's drawn into himself completely. Shutting everyone out. He worked hard to please his father, you know."
"What about his fiancée?"
"He's called the whole thing off. Says he wants to do what he wants now that his father's gone."
I don't need to hear any more to work out who they're talking about. But what did Draco mean…
Should I feel this alone, should I pick up the phone?
Should I call up and wish you happy Christmas?
I feel so alone, should I pick up the phone
Take my heart in my hands and ask if you
Remember December
It's like a winter green beside a diamond stream
Remember December
The fall of snow and the afterglow
It could be taking our breath away
But the years stand in the way
Remember December
How does it make you feel inside?
As the hated song draws to a close, I realise that I've stopped hating it. In fact, I think I've stopped hating at all. I never was one for the emotion, and the person who forced me to breed it is dead. I have to risk it. Maybe it wasn't what Draco meant, but I have to take the chance.
I take out a parchment and quill and begin to write.
Dear Draco,
I don't know what to put. I sit there for a while, thinking, and then I decide to go with what feels right.
As the owl takes the letter, I cannot help but feel hopeful. That song I loved then hated, I may well love again. I just hope Draco understands what it means.