Author's note: Hullo! It's me again... A few more chapters and this SHOULD be over. My muse has been bugging to turn this into a cross between "Harry Potter" and "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" but alas, my logical mind didn't seem to make it so. Maybe I'll try it another time. Meanwhile, enjoy the insanity in this story, and drop me a note to let me know what you think (AKA PLEASE REVIEW thank you ) p.s. I think it is entirely possible to live off of the energy created by the happiness of many reviews
***
"So why again, are you giving me this potion sir?" Hermione asked incredulously, as Professor Snape had just thrust a bottle of polyjuice potion that was Las Vegas neon light orange into her hand.
Second block double Potions had just ended, and the next class to come in would be the fifth year Mary Sues.
Snape had thought the Slytherin/Gryffindor classes were bad.
"If I have to teach those insufferably cheery, abhorrently perfect excuses for human girls for much longer, I will test the new batch of suicide potion I made on them. Either that or use it on myself. Use the polyjuice potion well- or it will be 200 points for Gryffindor."
"But sir, isn't using that potion illegal?"
"Mary Sues should be illegal. I know that you, Potter and Weasley were attempting to come up with a plan to destroy the Mary Sues. Perhaps this way, you can actually do something without taking half of the school with you."
"So you think I should use that Polyjuice potion to turn myself into Mary Sue number 23, go into their common room, and make them angry?" Hermione was extremely confused.
"Yes. It has been proven that if a Mary Sue gets too agitated, they will spontaneously combust. One damn near caught my robe on fire yesterday, after I informed her of her grade in my class."
Hermione frowned. "Couldn't this get dangerous?"
"Extremely."
"I don't know sir, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Does Professor Dumbledore know about this?"
"Of course he does. Now leave. And 20 points from Gryffindor for questioning my authority." Snape all but shoved Hermione out of his classroom, and slammed the door behind him.
"Sir.... SIR? Ugh!" Hermione turned around to see Harry and Ron giving her the strangest looks.
"What did Snape want?" Harry asked.
Hermione sighed. "You will never believe what just happened..."
**
It took quiet a bit of convincing, but eventually the trio came to the conclusion that what Snape had suggested was actually the right thing to do.
For the sake of the school, and everyone's sanity.
Ron however, still seemed to have some misgivings.
"Are you sure it isn't poison?" He held up the offensively orange bottle of potion.
It did seem rather.... Bright.
In fact, it seemed to be in natural defiance of everything that had ever been orange.
In short, it was almost painful to look at.
Not to mention the fact that it gave off quite an offensive odor.
`Maybe' Hermione thought, `That's just what essence of Mary Sue does to things.'
She gave an involuntary shiver at the thought of everyone and everything inside of Hogwarts turning flaming orange and developing a distinctive stink.
Hermione decided that she would not let things get to that point, and took the glowing bottle of potion from Ron, who yelled a quick `hey!' before crossing his arms defensively in front of him.
"NO Ron, Snape would not poison me- don't give me that look, he wouldn't. " She sighed, and turned to Harry. "Right. Now my main concern is that they'll notice that there's two Mary Sue number 23s."
Harry simply raised an eyebrow. "You mean you can tell them apart?"
"Never mind! I'm just going to go take this-"
"As long as you're sure it's not cat haioooof!" Hermione elbowed Ron harder than necessary in the stomach, while Harry was slightly red from the effort he was making not to laugh.
"Will the both of you stop that? Really.... Now I'll need to make some adjustments to my robes- make the chest a bit bigger and the rest a bit smaller... Oh! I'll need some of those ridiculous platforms. Maybe I'll `borrow' some from Lavender. Make up, I'll need makeup... AND I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" Hermione turned on her heal, and huffed up the stairs to the girls' dorms.
"Did I ever mention how glad I was that I'm not a girl?" Ron said to Harry.
Harry simply grinned and nodded in agreement.
**
About half an hour later, the most beautiful blonde bombshell in existence came down the stairs of the girl's dormitories, and into the Gryffindor common room.
"Daaaaaaaaamn. How could I have missed a girl like that on our house?" Lee commented excitedly to the small group consisting of Fred, George, Harry, and Ron that he was playing a game of exploding snap with.
"Don't worry, it's just Hermione." Harry said without even looking up.
Hermione/Mary Sue 23 came over to the group, stumbling a few times before reaching her destination.
"Hullo Hermione. My, how you've changed lately." George grinned.
Ron glared at his brother. "Don't be a prat George."
Hermione gave a little `humph' and rolled her eyes- a gesture which simply screamed `HELLO. MY NAME IS HERMIONE GRANGER, AND I AM A FIFTH YEAR GRYFFINDOR.'
"Uh, do you think we have any time to work on your infiltration skills? I mean, you need to be a convincing Mary Sue here..." Harry was genuinely concerned.
Before anyone could reply, a third year came running through the portrait hole, with an evil gin on his face. "Have any of you seen Draco Malfoy? He's turned the most hideous shade of orange, and he STINKS!"
It appeared, that Hermione would have to infiltrate NOW.
***
"So why again, are you giving me this potion sir?" Hermione asked incredulously, as Professor Snape had just thrust a bottle of polyjuice potion that was Las Vegas neon light orange into her hand.
Second block double Potions had just ended, and the next class to come in would be the fifth year Mary Sues.
Snape had thought the Slytherin/Gryffindor classes were bad.
"If I have to teach those insufferably cheery, abhorrently perfect excuses for human girls for much longer, I will test the new batch of suicide potion I made on them. Either that or use it on myself. Use the polyjuice potion well- or it will be 200 points for Gryffindor."
"But sir, isn't using that potion illegal?"
"Mary Sues should be illegal. I know that you, Potter and Weasley were attempting to come up with a plan to destroy the Mary Sues. Perhaps this way, you can actually do something without taking half of the school with you."
"So you think I should use that Polyjuice potion to turn myself into Mary Sue number 23, go into their common room, and make them angry?" Hermione was extremely confused.
"Yes. It has been proven that if a Mary Sue gets too agitated, they will spontaneously combust. One damn near caught my robe on fire yesterday, after I informed her of her grade in my class."
Hermione frowned. "Couldn't this get dangerous?"
"Extremely."
"I don't know sir, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Does Professor Dumbledore know about this?"
"Of course he does. Now leave. And 20 points from Gryffindor for questioning my authority." Snape all but shoved Hermione out of his classroom, and slammed the door behind him.
"Sir.... SIR? Ugh!" Hermione turned around to see Harry and Ron giving her the strangest looks.
"What did Snape want?" Harry asked.
Hermione sighed. "You will never believe what just happened..."
**
It took quiet a bit of convincing, but eventually the trio came to the conclusion that what Snape had suggested was actually the right thing to do.
For the sake of the school, and everyone's sanity.
Ron however, still seemed to have some misgivings.
"Are you sure it isn't poison?" He held up the offensively orange bottle of potion.
It did seem rather.... Bright.
In fact, it seemed to be in natural defiance of everything that had ever been orange.
In short, it was almost painful to look at.
Not to mention the fact that it gave off quite an offensive odor.
`Maybe' Hermione thought, `That's just what essence of Mary Sue does to things.'
She gave an involuntary shiver at the thought of everyone and everything inside of Hogwarts turning flaming orange and developing a distinctive stink.
Hermione decided that she would not let things get to that point, and took the glowing bottle of potion from Ron, who yelled a quick `hey!' before crossing his arms defensively in front of him.
"NO Ron, Snape would not poison me- don't give me that look, he wouldn't. " She sighed, and turned to Harry. "Right. Now my main concern is that they'll notice that there's two Mary Sue number 23s."
Harry simply raised an eyebrow. "You mean you can tell them apart?"
"Never mind! I'm just going to go take this-"
"As long as you're sure it's not cat haioooof!" Hermione elbowed Ron harder than necessary in the stomach, while Harry was slightly red from the effort he was making not to laugh.
"Will the both of you stop that? Really.... Now I'll need to make some adjustments to my robes- make the chest a bit bigger and the rest a bit smaller... Oh! I'll need some of those ridiculous platforms. Maybe I'll `borrow' some from Lavender. Make up, I'll need makeup... AND I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" Hermione turned on her heal, and huffed up the stairs to the girls' dorms.
"Did I ever mention how glad I was that I'm not a girl?" Ron said to Harry.
Harry simply grinned and nodded in agreement.
**
About half an hour later, the most beautiful blonde bombshell in existence came down the stairs of the girl's dormitories, and into the Gryffindor common room.
"Daaaaaaaaamn. How could I have missed a girl like that on our house?" Lee commented excitedly to the small group consisting of Fred, George, Harry, and Ron that he was playing a game of exploding snap with.
"Don't worry, it's just Hermione." Harry said without even looking up.
Hermione/Mary Sue 23 came over to the group, stumbling a few times before reaching her destination.
"Hullo Hermione. My, how you've changed lately." George grinned.
Ron glared at his brother. "Don't be a prat George."
Hermione gave a little `humph' and rolled her eyes- a gesture which simply screamed `HELLO. MY NAME IS HERMIONE GRANGER, AND I AM A FIFTH YEAR GRYFFINDOR.'
"Uh, do you think we have any time to work on your infiltration skills? I mean, you need to be a convincing Mary Sue here..." Harry was genuinely concerned.
Before anyone could reply, a third year came running through the portrait hole, with an evil gin on his face. "Have any of you seen Draco Malfoy? He's turned the most hideous shade of orange, and he STINKS!"
It appeared, that Hermione would have to infiltrate NOW.