Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own characters! Of which there are none. The rest are parodies of characters from ... Take a wild guess. Also, all fanfics mentioned other than this one are entirely made up merely for the purposes of being mentioned by this fanfic.
There are many amazing phenomena in this universe. You may have seen some of them. Perhaps you've seen the Enterprise battling a Star Destroyer. Perhaps you've seen the University of Middle Earth. Perhaps you've even seen Bass and Roll making out.
But nothing can prepare you for the awesome grandeur of ...
Prologue
As soon as the IM began, they began tracking it.
"Hello?"
"I'm inside. Anything to report?"
"Let's see. Target is from a Mega Man fanfic ... likes ice cream -- probably Bob and George -- but he's closer to X than main series ..."
They narrowed down that the domain of the E-mail address ended in ".com"
"All right, you're relieved. Use the usual exit."
"Do you know when we're going to make contact? I'm getting bored."
"Soon."
They had the domain; now all they needed was the main address.
"Just between you and me ... You don't believe it, do you? You don't believe this guy are the One?"
"I think Nebulus believes he is."
"I know. But what about you?"
"I think Nebulus knows things that I don't."
"You're being evasive. It troubles me that you'd think so ill of me, your friend, who hast been by thy side --"
They had it. Now all they needed was a location. Easy enough ...
"'Hast' is second person plural."
"D'OH!"
"Are you sure this address is clean?"
"Yeah, of course I'm sure."
And there she was.
"I better go."
"Yeah. Right. Whatever."
The transmission ended.
The police cars had the Chase Hotel surrounded. The Chase Hotel had been abandoned after a fire had licked its way across the polyester carpeting, destroying several rooms as it spooled soot across the walls and ceiling, leaving patterns of permanent shadow and also scaring a small cat who had been in residence at the time.
Four armed police officers came up to Room 303. The biggest one kicked in the door, and they all jumped in. "POLICE! FREEZE!"
The woman in black leather sat at the computer, her hands still on the keyboard.
"Get your hands behind your head!"
She slowly stood up.
"Hands behind your head! Now! Do it!"
Outside the hotel, a black sedan with tinted windows glided through the police crousers. Agent Elrond and Agent Shinra got out of the car. They were an odd sight; they wore dark suits and Ray-Bans, even at night. They each had small Secret Service earphones in one ear, its cord coiling back into their shirt collars.
"Lieutenant?" said Agent Elrond.
The lieutenant's response was a burst of colorful language.
"You were given specific orders," said Elrond. "Not free reign."
"I'm just doing my job," said the officer. "You gimme that jurisdiction and you can cram it up your ass."
"The orders were for your protection," said Elrond pointedly.
"I think we can handle one little girl," said the officer in a bored tone. "I sent two units. They're bringing her down now."
"No, Lieutenant," said Agent Elrond. "Your men are already dead. She's no little girl -- she's twenty-seven."
Precisely fifteen seconds earlier, the officer in room 303 flicked out his handcuffs, the other cops holding a bead. They'd done this a hundred times, they knew they had her, until the officer reached with the cuff, and Trilogy moved.
Her hand moved faster than the cops could think. The chair, at its high velocity, sent the officer sprawling, dead before he hit the ground. Another one started to fire, but she nailed him with a direct hit from a Romulan disruptor and he hit a third.
Trilogy leapt up, felt time slow down, felt the strange sense of rotation every time they used BULLET TIME. The officer fired, and she watched the bullet slowly travel beneath her, leaving a trail of compressed air behind. She reversed into a roundhouse kick, then nailed the officer with a "YUR FIC SUX U LUZ0R!" and several comments about his sexual orientation.
She looked around. In three more seconds, Agent Elrond would inform the lieutenant that the officers were dead.
"Shit," said Trilogy. She quickly activated her palmtop computer. "Nebulus!" she typed, "The link was traced! I don't know how!"
"I know," said the words on the screen. "Stay calm."
"Yeah right," she muttered, and typed, "Are there any agents?"
"Yes. I read ahead."
"Goddammit!" she typed, not knowing precisely why.
"You have to focus. You should be mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the moment. There is a phone. Wells and Laxe. You can make it."
She took a deep breath, centering herself. "All right..." she muttered.
The screen went blank except for one word. "Go."
She dropped it and ran. She was in the hall just as Agent Shinra entered, and went to the opposite end, exiting through a broken window onto the fire excape. She looked around; empty air on either side, a brick wall ahead, and Agent Elrond staring at her below. Only one way to go. Up.
Agent Shinra rose over the parapet on the roof, leading the cops in pursuit. Trilogy bounced across the gaps between the roofs, now as if she were on a pogo stick, now flying like Wonder Woman. Agent Elrond ignored the gaps completely and walked over empty air as if it was solid ground. The police had to actually jump.
Trilogy ran towards the back of the building and arrived at the edge. Next roof: forty feet away. No fire escape. Five stories up.
The cops slowed down, realizing they were about to see something ugly as Trilogy raced towards the edge and jumped into the air.
"To infinity," she muttered, thrusting her fists out like Superman, "and beyond!" She flew across to the other building and landed.
Agent Shinra jumped in the air and also made it across, rocketing forward in a ball of fire.
The police stared, slack-jawed.
Trilogy hurried down the fire escape, jumped through a window, and ran towards her one hope of escape: a phone booth. No one could have matched her speed ... except for the garbage truck that suddenly made a U-turn and made a beeline for her.
Trilogy grabbed the suddenly ringing phone -- the truck changed course and headed for the phone booth -- answered it -- the truck's headlights looming forward as though they were taking aim -- From the phone booth there appeared a thought cloud saying "@#$%!" and then it was smashed to bits.
Agent Elrond got out of the truck and inspected the wreckage. There was no body; he grimaced in frustration as Agent Shinra came up behind him. "Did you get anything from the room?" he asked.
"Her computer, but she had deleted everything from the Favorite Authors menu," said Agent Shinra. "We only got the name of their next target. Neo Morpheus."
Agent Elrond turned. "We'll need a search running."
Agent Shinra nodded. "The search haz jusd begunn."