The Masky Horror Picture Show
I'm a big Rocky fan and a bigger Jim Carrey fan so I've combined the two in this spoof.I've taken the liberty of
cutting some of the original Rocky characters out because I could fit them in the plot. Enjoy.
Act1 Not Brad Or Janet.(Thank God)
(The Lips of the Mask appear on the screen and sing to the tune of Science Fiction Double Feature)
Carrey didn't attract when he tried to act
as a phyco cable man
And old Carmon sat there with semen in her hair
with Macgregor doin' all that he can
then Amy Yasbeck got it in the neck
but she should have flush the script down the pan
Those films wasn't funny but they did it for money
and this is the song we all sang
Masky Horror Spoofy Movie
Before Austen gets all groovy
Tina had more sex than Brad or Janet
Just watch Stanely get shot and ham it
you could just throw o o o o
At the green faced stocking wearing spoofy show
(Lips faded to a car interior.Peggy ,ace reporter,is driving.The Mask sits beside her singing to himself.Tina,Masks'
girl, and Charlie,his best friend sit in the back)
Peggy:So much for The Annual Superheros Convention I must say.
Mask:What do ya mean,it was great.
Tina:Great?You got us banned for life.
Mask:It wasn't my fault.All I did was ask Batty where Pussy was.Geez we're all in the same job.I assumed we could
be a bit familiar.
Tina :And while we're on the subject of being over freindly.I feed up with you leering at other women.You was all
over Cat Woman.Can I get you a drink,Pussy,you look great in leather,Pussy,do you like your belly rubbed,Pussy.
Mask:She wanted me you could see it.But I said no that's how much I love you.
Charlie:It was me she could keep her paws off.
Mask:No it wasn't
Charlie Yes it was.
Peggy:SHUT UP.Now I don't have don't have a story for tomorrow .I'm dead.This day couldn't get any worst.
(The car coughs ,splutters and then dies)
Peggy:Yes it could.Damit now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Charlie:It's O.K I saw a castle a little way back we can phone for help from there
Tina:I'm not going there!
Mask in a Dracula voice:Are you afraid of the dark my dear
Tina:NO!But it's pouring I'll get soak
Charlie:Cool!Wet t-shirt.
(He and the Mask make howling noices)
Peggy:Shut it you two.Charlie's right it's our only hope.Let's go.
(they all get out of the car and run for the castle.When they arrive Peggy rings the bell,a few seconds later Riff Raff
open the door)
Mask:Hey,what ya know Quasiemodo got a summer job.
Peggy:Ignore him.Sorry to disturb you but our car broke down and we wonder if we could use your phone
Riff Raff:You're not who the Master was expecting
Peggy:I just explained.Your master won't be expecting us our car......
Charlie gets out his wallet:Let me handle this.Now my good sir(His slips Riff a twenty)You treat yourself to
something nice.Now can we use the phone?
Riff gives Charlie a funny look:You all better come inside
Charlie:See?
(Everyone goes in side)
Peggy:would ya look at this place.It's right out of hammer horror
Tina clings to the Masks arm:I don't like it here, let's leave
Mask:Yeah, this joint's freaking me out.
(they past a painting of a large brested woman.Its eyes seem to follow them.The Mask notices this and walks
backwards to try and catch it out,it still watches him.He jumps up and down it still watches,he trys to stare it out and
it sticks its tongue out.)
Mask:That's it, this place is weird with a capital W.We're leaving.
Peggy:We can't leave.We need their phone.
Mask:Look I don't like it hear and there's no-way, no-how nothing is going to make me stay one second longer
(Magenta and Columbia appear at the top of the stairs.The Masks eyes pop out when he sees them.)
Mask:Except them.
(He zooms over)Hello ladies and what are your pretty little names?
(Magenta ignores him but Columbia giggles stupidly)
Magenta:Ahh we haven't seen visiters for so long.Not since Eddie 'left'
Charlie:O.k I get the picture here (gets his wallet out) twenty for you and twenty for you, now where the phone?
Tina getting nervous:What you mean left ?
Riff :He had to go.
(This is the cue for them to start the Time Warp after which they collapes)
Mask:Play that funky music hunch-boy.Dig that groove!
Peggy slightly worried:O.k and the phone is where?
(At that moment the lift desends and Frank struts out)
Charlie:Good God ,there's anouther one .I'm broke.
Riff:Master ,we have guests but they're not.....
Frank:Say no more,I know but we'll make other arrangments.Good evening and who or might I say what are you?
Peggy:Peggy Brant, Evening Star.Our car broke down and we woundered.....
Frank:The Peggy Braunt.I have the Star delivered just so I can read your column.It's a honour to have such a
talented and beautiful person in my house.
(Peggy giggles ,Charlies put his figures down his throat)
Frank to the Mask(huskily):And you must be the brave Superhero she writes about.I think you're wonderful saving
people with your big strong muscular body.
Mask:Thanks ,I think.
Tina :Tina Carlile, singer
Charlie:And bike
Frank:If your music is as beautiful as you are you must have that voice of a angel
(He kisses her hand)
Tina:See Mask a real gentleman
Mask looks Frank up and down:If he's a gentleman I'm Bill Clinton
CharlieI'm Charlie......
Frank:Whatever.Friends you have come on night that will go down in scientific history.For I, Dr Franknfurter will
tonight bring my beautiful creature to life .
Mask through gritted teeth:Whacko Alert Whacko Alert
Frank:Riff-Raff,Magenta,Columbia.Escort our guests to the lab
(Franks lackies nudge the unwilling group into th lift.)
ActII (Isn't It Amazing What You Find In A Giant Fishtank?)
(Everyone arrives in Franks lab which is full of strange equipment,in particular a large tank.Frank slips a lab coat on
over his underwear while the other Transilvainans busy themselves arround the lab)
Charlie:Look you seem very busy here so we'll just go and leave you to it.
Frank:Oh don't go yet.The fun's just starting.Besides there's a terrible storm.Please stay the night!
(The group huddle together to discuss this offer)
Charlie:I say we run for it
Tina:Why?He's probably just some out of work drag artist who's looking for a audiance
Mask:Oh yeah?How many drag queens do you know with scientific equipment stashed in the back bed room? (He
glances up at Columbia who licks her lips and blows him a kiss.)But then again what harm could it do?
Peggy:He's right.I can smell a story here and I'm not leaving 'til I get to the bottom of it
Mask:So that's agreed then?We stay for the....er.....night
Charlie:Hey what happen to scarpering?
Mask to Frank:O.k we'll stay
Frank:I'm so glad.You're going to like this.(to Riff)Start the sonic tranducer and turn up the reacter power three
more points.
(Machines start buzzing and lights flash.A lightening bolt hits the castle and the creture in the tank climbs out. )
Frank screams in delight:He's alive!
(Magenta and Columbiia rush forward and remove the bandages to reveil Rockys handsome face and body)
Peggy:And he's really cute!
Rocky:What happening?I've got a feeling something bad is going happen!
Frank:Don't worry gorgeous.Frankie's here!
Mask to Tina:Now.You don't see THAT in every drag act!
Frank:So,everyone,what do you think?
Peggy:Very nice,VERY nice indeed.This will get me a front page scoop for sure.
Mask:Well I guess he's o.k if go for looks above substances
Frank:Well maybe you could prove me wrong sometime(He looks longingly at the Mask)But for now I think it's best
you and your friends retire I have work to do.Riff-Raff will show you to your rooms
(Riff-Raff ushers everyone out leaving Frank to 'work' on Rocky)
ActIII (Lust, Lies and Headlines)
(The guests are shown to their seperate rooms.The Mask is disapointed he'is not sharing with Tina, but she's glad as
she's still mad at him because of his flirting.After a while Frank creeps in to Tinas' room.It is dark so we only hear
the dialoge.)
Frank imitating the Mask:Tina,it's me,please don't be mad.
Tina:Go away.I don't want to speak to you
Frank:Come on,don't be like that, how about a cuddle.
Tina:Look,I'm VERY tired and VERY cross and if you don't leave I'm going to do something you will regret
Frank:I know you don't mean that,let's have a little kiss
(Tina loses her temper,picks up a book from the bed-side table and throws it in the direction Franks voice is coming
from.It hits him hard on the side of the head)
Frank forgeting to imitate the Mask:Ow! Bugger me!
(Tina turns on the light and screams to see Frank and not the Mask)
Tina:Get out!Get out!How dare come in here and try and seduce me.I'm not that kinda girl.Well not now
anyway.I've got a boyfriend!
Frank rubbing his head:O.k I'm going.I'm in to rough sex but not that rough.
Tina talking to herself more than Frank:Of course you wouldn't know he was MY boyfriend by the way he
acts.Always looking at only women never paying any attention to me,my needs.He wouldn't even try to seduce
me.(Notices the large bump that has developed on Franks head)Oh I'm so sorry I really didn't mean to hurt you
(Tina get out of bed and starts to examine Frank injury)
Tina:It's not as bad as it feels.The swelling should go down in a little while.(blushes)You know your quite sexy,in a
biesexual evil genius kinda way.
(Their eyes met for a second too long)
Tina:Oh to hell with the Mask(Kisses Frank with a passion that even surprise him) If he doesn't love me why should I
stay faithful
(Tina,who is deceptively strong,pick up Frank and throws him on the bed before jumping on top of him)
Tina:Come on Frankie.Stuff the Mask.Stuff Rocky.I'm all yours.
(Just as things are getting interesting the scene moves to Charlies bedroom.Charlie is dozing when the door opens and
Magenta steps in Charlie wakes up and hopes this is not a dream)
Charlie:Oh yes!Forget Cat Woman.This looks much more promising!
Magenta:sshh.Don't make a sound
Charlie:Whatever you say.
Magenta:Keep quiet and listern.I need you
Charlie:I knew it.I knew it.I knew I would get more than a phone call for twenty dollers.
Magenta:You must do something for me but no-one must know.You promise?
Charlie:You ARE a bad girl.What on earth do you want me to do.
(Magenta beckons to the door and Riff-Raff enters)
Charlie:Hey.No threesomes!Unless your little friend in the sequined tux would like to join us
Riff to Magenta:Has he agreed to help us?
Magenta:Yes but I haven't told him all the details
Riff to Charlie:You are our last hope,o.k it's a long shot but that's how disparate we are.You see we are not what
seem
Charlie:What do you meen?
Magenta:We're aliens!
Riff:From the plant Transexual in the galaxy of Transilvainia.You make a left by the Horse Head Nebula and it's the
third planet on your right.You can't miss it.
Charlie:Aliens.Get out of town!
Magenta:It's true (She holds Charlies head to her ample cheast)See?two heart beats
Charlie enjoying this a little to much:Oh yes,defiantly two.
Riff:Enough (he pushes Charlies head away from his sisters' bossom.Charlie bangs his head on the headboard)We
was sent here with Frank as our captain to study your kind.
Magenta:That's why we bought Columbia here.To take her home for experiments
Riff: Yes.But Frank became obsessed with the more,well,physical parts of your species existence
Magenta:We don't have it on our world .It's all done in test tubes you know.
Charlie:Poor you, you don't know what you're missing
Riff:Well, soon all Frank cared about was 'reserching' these acts.
Magenta:He kidnapped your kind and used them until they was too weak and then.....
Riff:He put there body parts toward building his ideal lover.Rocky
Charlie:That's horrible!Kinda kinky.But horrible!
Magenta:He took all our equipment and used it on Rocky too.So we couldn't get home(She starts to sob Riff puts his
arm round her)
Riff:Please you must help us get rid of him.
Charlie:Me?Why me?The Mask's the superhero ,ask him
Magenta:No.It must be you.Your so sexually unactractive Frank won't pay you any attention.You could catch him by
surprise
Charli:Charming, I must say!Just give me one good reason I should help you
Magenta( runs her hand up Charlie leg):I would be so greatful if you did help us
Charlie:That's a good enough reason where do we start
Riff:Come wirh us ,we prepare you for your mission
(They all leave.Scene shiff to Peggy room.She is tossing and turning and finally she get up)
Peggy:That's it .I can't just lay here when there's a red hot story to be had
(She leaves the room and makes her way to Franks lab.It's empty and she starts nosing round the equipment making
notes in her notebook.She sees a cupboard and pulls it open.Rocky tumbles out)
Rocky:Don't tell them I'm here.Please don't tell them.It's took me a hour and a half to get away from that pervert.
Peggy:What in God name are you doing in a cupboard
Rocky:Hiding from Frank
Peggy:Why?
Rocky(Looking embassed);:He's a bad man.He tried to put something where it shouldn't go!
Peggy(making more notes):This is great.Better than I could hope for.Sex,scandel,weird science.Lois Lane can stick
this in her pipe and smoke it.
Rocky:Great?It's was scary!I'm straight.
Peggy:Sorry I didn't mean to seem heartless.It's just that I'm a journalist and your story is frout page material.I can
see the headline not'I Was A Cross-dressing Sciencetists' Gay Sex Slave'
Rocky:I'm not sure.All I want to do is get as far away as from this place as I can
Peggy(thinks for a moment):O.k.we'll make a deal.You give me an interview and I'll help you get away,take you to
Edge City,away from Frank.
Rocky:I don't know,I've never given an interview.I mean what would I say?
Peggy:Don't worry,I'll tell you(she puts her arm round him),well,my,haven't you got a lot of muscles!So, can we talk
somewhere.
Rocky:O.k.In the cupboard.
Peggy:The cupboard?
Rocky: Yes.I feel safe in there,it's nice.
Peggy:If that's what you want
(They go in the cupboard and shut the door.Giggling sounds make it obvious their not just talking.Scene shiffs to the
corridor outside the bedrooms.Frank crawls out of Tina's room,make-up a mess and stockings ripped)
Frank:That's it.I'm sticking with men.They're less aggressive lovers
(Frank creeps into the Masks bedroom.Like Tinas it is very dark and we can only hear the dialoge.The Mask is asleep
and,obviously dreaming as he is muttering to himself)
Mask(dreaming):Stop it girls.I can only cope with five of you at a time!
Frank imitating Columbia:Excuse me,Mr Mask but can come in
Mask (Waking up):What?
Frank:I said can I come in.I felt a bit lonely and needed some-one to talk to
Mask(to himself):The old green charm,gets them every time.(to 'Columbia')Why don't you come and sit here,on the
bed,my dear. It's much better for.......talking
Frank:Thankyou you're so kind
(Frank moves closer and snuggle up to the Mask on the bed taking his hand)
Mask:Isn't that better now?My,My dear,haven't you got big hands.Now,what is it you're worrying that pretty little
head of yours about?
Frank:It's silly really.It's just when Frank brought Rocky to life tonight it scared me a little.And now he's got Rocky
and Riff's got Magenta it made me feel so lonely.All I really want is some strong arms arround me.I don't surpose
that some-one as hansome as you could.....
Mask:Of coarse,my dear.I'm a superhero.It's my job to make people safe and happy
Frank:Oh Brad,sorry, Mask!
Mask:Oh Columbia!
(They begin to kiss and 'pet' each other)
Mask:Oh Columbia!What a sexy body you have!Such shapely hips,such firm thighs and what a big, long........hang
on......wait a second.......women don't........aaaaaaaggggghhh!!!!!!!
(The Mask snaps on the light to see,to his horror,Frank reclining against the pillows)
Frank:Why stop there,big boy,we were just starting to have fun.
Mask:Oh my God!What have I......I nearly.......But the voice.......It was......Oh my God!
Frank:Oh don't make such a fuss.You would have never known the difference if you hadn't have found...
Mask:aaaarrrgh!Don't say it.I know!Oh God,why couldn't I tell?I mean, I've watched 'The Crying Game' six
times.Ya think I could know the differance.
Frank(Running a hand slowly down the Mask chest and under the sheet):So what?Come on Mr Superhero, how
about showing me what you ment by substance being more important that looks.
Mask(Snatching Franks hand away from his family jewels and pulling the sheet around him):NO!Certainly not!Look
man,I don't know what you heard about me but it ain't true!O.k I'm a pretty snappy dresser and I have been known
to cut a rug and,yes,I've even toyed with the idea of buying a Village People album.But I am in no way attracted to
fellas!
(The Mask backs away off the bed with the sheet rapped arround him.Frank follows and pins him up aginst the wall
and seductivly blows in his ear.)
Frank:Don't be like that,lover boy.I thought the Mask didn't have any inhibitions.
Mask:Look.I'm not homophobic. If you want I could introduce to a friend of mine in Gotham City .He's a
Superhero, great body, and he's gay. You two could, I don't know, have a meal, catch a flick. But you must accept, I
am not going to make love to you
Frank:O.k(He pretends to back away and then suddenly plunges his hand down the front of the Masks boxer
shorts)I'll make love to you!
(The Mask makes a bolt for the door.There is a ripping sound and Frank is left just holding the boxer shorts.He is
stunned for a second and then gives chase.Scene shiffs,Tina awakes.Finding her fantastic new lover gone she decides
to go and look for him.She steps into the corridor just in time to witness the Mask dash past in nothing but a sheet
hotly persued by Frank.She rugby tackles Frank to the ground)
Frank:Not you again?
Tina:Come on,Banana Boy how about a action replay?
Frank:Oh piss off!Can't you see I'm busy?
Tina:I can't.You set me on fire,Frankie,I need you.Your the best lover I've ever had.
Frank:Oh,will you just get off.I'm not interesting any more.
(Frank scrambles out of Tina imbrace and continues to persue the Mask.)
Tina:Come back, Frank,come back.All I ask is to be your sex slave.
(Tina begins to chase the two men.Scene changes.The Mask bursts into Franks lab in a attempt to find somewhere to
hide.He trys to bar the door but is too late.Frank rushes in pushing the Mask on to the operating table and pinning
him down.Tina close behnd him jumps on his back and trys to drag him off.)
Mask:Somebody stop him!!
Frank:Come on tall, green and gorgeous.You know you want it.
Tina:Leave him Frank,he doesn't want you.Let me be your lover.
Frank:I've told once.LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
(Frank throws Tina of his back.She stumbles backwards and crashes into the cupboard.The door is flung open and
Peggy and Rocky fall out looking hot ans bothered.Frank falls off Mask in shock.The Mask stand up quickly.)
Frank (choked with emotion):Oh Rocky,how could you betry me like this?
Peggy(Adjusting her clothing):Ah, Dr Furter,I know what you're thinking,and you'd be wrong.You see,I'm a
reporter,as you know,and I was in the cupboard interviewing Rocky.That's all!
Mask:Interviewing his brains out,by the looks of it !
Frank:Silence!This game has gone on too long!
(He reaches for a switch on one of the machine and the room is flooding in light)
Peggy:What's happen ?I can't move my legs
Tina:We're stuck to the floor!
Mask:You really should change your french polisher .
Frank:Ha-ha now you're mine to do with what I will!
Act IIII (There's Never A Disabled German Ex-Science Teacher FBI Agent Arround When You Need One)
(Casrle exterior.Lts Kellaway and Doyel of the Edge City police force stand on the door step ringing the bell)
Doyel:I don't like it round here Lieutenant ,it gives me the willies!!Remind why we're here?
Kellaway (rolling his eyes):We are here,Doyel,to investigate the great number of young men and women who have
disappeared arround these parts.We've got to check all the house holds arround here to see if anyone heard or seen
anything unusual and check they have security measures.Not this is the last house so shall we?
Doyel:And then can we go back to the hotel and get room service?
Kellaway:Yes Doyel.
(Kellaway rings the bell again and Riff-Raff answers the door)
Kellaway:Mitch Kellaway FBI.We looking into a series of kipnappings in the area.Have you heard or seen anything
that my help us?
Riff:Er......I don't think so.
Kellaway:Then may we check your house to make sure it's secure.It's for your own safety.
Riff:If you must.
(Riff unwillingly lets the police officers insde.Scene shiffs to the lab.The Mask Tina and Peggy still all paralised have
now been dressed in barques, stockings and suspenders.Frank is preparing surgical equipment on a trolley on the
other side of the room)
Mask:Nice very nice.What a way to go.Cut up for spare parts for a self assembly body-builder by Danny LeRue evil
twin .Thankyou Tina .Thankyou so much!
Tina:Me?What have I done?
Mask:He's just a out of work drag queen,you said.Well,news flash,you harmless drag queen is a sex mad psychopath!And
what the hell did you mean by 'let me be your lover'.
Tina:We had sex,o.k?Is that what you want to hear?We Had Sex.Fantastic, orgasm- filled, kinky sex
Mask:Well, that's just dandy ain't it?What was it ?Revenge?I flirt with a couple of chicks and you leap into bed with a
tranvestite!If you're going to cheat on me, have the nerve to do it with a real man!
Tina:He was more of a man that you was in bed.And anyway if any on is to blame for this mess it's Peggy.He probably would
have let us go if she hadn't been at it with his creature
Peggy:For the six-billionth time,I was interviewing him
Mask:Is that what it's call?And what was that bulge in his underpant?Your notebook I suppose!
(They all shout at once.Frank wheels the trolley over and claps his hands for attention)
Frank:Now,now,now,no fighting.You're all going to be a lot closer after this.
Tina:What do you mean?
Frank:Well,after our litttle,ahem.experiment ealier this evening I found out that with your brain and your boyfriends body I
could build a lover even better that Rocky.So, that's what I'm going to do.(He laugh)
Peggy :O.k.that would mean you wouldn't need me.So if you would be kind enough to let me go I just leave.
Frank:Oh no.I couldn't possible let that happen.I mean,it would be so inconvenient for me if you ran back to your newpaper
and wrote about all the little secrets Rocky been telling
(Frank throws Rocky a icy look,)
Rocky:But I....
Frank(to Rocky):Go to my room and wait for me there.You are very luck.If you wasn't so gorgeous I would distroy you.
(Rocky slinks off and Frank returns to 'work')
Frank to Peggy:Besides.I could aways do with the spare parts.(Frank picks up a scalpel from the trolley)And now let the
operation commence
(Suddenly the door is flung open and Columbia bursts in.She fling herself againt Franks leg)
Columbia:Stop Frank.I can't let you do this
(Scene shiffs.Downstairs Kellaway and Doyel,left alone by Riff who has returned to breif Charlie,have finished checking the
ground floor and make their way up stairs.Kellaway hears the screaming coming from the lab and he and Doyol,suppecting
some sort of introder listern at the door.Scene shiffs back inside the lab.)
Culombia(still attached to Franks leg):It must stop Frank.You can't carry on like this
Mask:Now she turn up! Where was she when I needed her in my bedroom(Tina give him a shock look)To help me fight off
Frank.
Frank:Columbia.Will you kindly pull yourself together
Columbia:NO I WON'T!This has gone on too long.First ya seduce me,then ya dump me.Then,when I fall for Eddie you kill
him and stick his brain in Rocky.Can't you see I LOVE YOU!
Peggy:Geez sister.Have you ever been on Springer?He's would love you!
Mask:How come stocking dude over there get all the babes?What's he got I haven't?
Tina:Charm,wit,sex-appeal,a decent voice....
Mask:You wasn't ment to answer that.
Columbia:And now your going to use these poor people like you used me and Eddie.Well I won't let you!
(Frank picks up a stun gun and shoots Columbia,she flys accross the room and lands dazed againt the far wall.Hearing the
noise Kellaway and Doyel bursts in)
Kellaway(Drawing his gun):Mitch Kellaway, FBI.You are under arrest.
Mask:Kellaway.For once I'm glad to see you.Everyone we're saved!
(Frank quickly pulls a lever and a trap door opens under the two police men which they drop though)
Mask:Almosted!
Frank:Now they have had to down out we can continue with the main event(He approaches Tina with the scalpel)
Mask:Wair!Look man.It's me you've got the hots for not her.Let Tina and Peg go.I'll stay and you can do what you like to
me.
Tina:Oh Mask.That so brave of you, you do love me after all !And to think what I did to you!If I wasn't frozen to the spot I
would kiss you.
Mask:Well,you're my girl and Peggy's my buddy.I could let him have you two
Frank:Very brave but I'm afraid I can't take the risk of letting anyone leave so(He raises the scalpel)
Mask:This is it goodbye you guys
Tina:I love you Mask
Peggy:At least they'll have my articles to remeber me by!
Riff:Hold it right there Franknfurter.One more move and you're sauage meat
(Frank spins round to see Riff-Raff,Magenta and Charlie standing in the doorway.Charlie is wearing just the famous
Transivanian gold underpant.All three have lasers trained on Frank)
Frank:Riff-Raff,you can't do this to me.I'm your master.
Riff:Not anymore.For the good of this planet and our own I am taking charge.
Mask:Can some-one tell what's going on and why is Charlie wearing gold lycra swimming trunks?
Magenta:No time now.Charlie,press that blue button on the control panel it will free your friends
(Charlie presses the button and everyone unfreezes)
Frank:Fools you can't distory me.I am Franknfurter, I am invincible I am.....
(The Mask notice Frank is standing on the trap door and pulls the lever.With a scream he disappears from sight)
Mask:I'll say this for him.He could always make a great exit.
Riff:Now you all better leave and take Columbia and Rocky with you.For my sister and I are about to transport the whole
house back to Transivania.Goodbye friends and my the force be with you!
Mask:That's all we need,anough cross-over
Peggy:Come on let's leave before Luke Skywalker turns up!
(Mask, Tina, Peggy Charlie along with Columbia and Rocky all leave the house just in time to see it disappear onto the sky)
Act IIIII (All's Well That's Rear Ends Well)
(The group return to the car.Having Eddies,A mechanic,brain,Rocky is able to fix the car and they are soon on their way.Tina
sits on the Masks lap kissing him like her life depended on it.Columbia sits between them and Charlie.Peggy drives with Rocky
in seat beside her)
Tina to Mask:My brave (kiss) brave (kiss) hero(kiss).I can't believe (kiss) you would let your body (kiss) be used (kiss )by that
horrible pervert (kiss)just to save us.Can you (kiss)even forgive me(kiss)for cheating on you?(kiss)
Mask:Well Iguess I could.Just tell me one thing.
Tina:Anything darling.
Mask:Well,was Frank,you know,better than?
(TIna whisper something in his ear and he laugh)
Mask:You mean all that talk and he couldn't?Well looks like you was safe after all Rocky
Rocky:I'm just glad to be out of there!
Peggy:And thanks to Frank my story.
Columbia(to Charlie):I think you was very brave(she flutters her eye lashes)
Charlie:It was nothing really .Hey I wounder what happen to Frank and Kellaway
(Scene shiffs to the large crater left by the castle.Frank crawls out burnt and coughing only to find Kellaway who snaps a pair
of handcuffs on him)
Kellaway:O.k doctor. First we are going to take a trip to the station to charge you and then there are some nice people at the
Pentagon who would like to chat with you.
Frank:Oh great!
(screen fade,the lips reapear and sing Science Fiction Double Feature like the begining)
The End
I'm a big Rocky fan and a bigger Jim Carrey fan so I've combined the two in this spoof.I've taken the liberty of
cutting some of the original Rocky characters out because I could fit them in the plot. Enjoy.
Act1 Not Brad Or Janet.(Thank God)
(The Lips of the Mask appear on the screen and sing to the tune of Science Fiction Double Feature)
Carrey didn't attract when he tried to act
as a phyco cable man
And old Carmon sat there with semen in her hair
with Macgregor doin' all that he can
then Amy Yasbeck got it in the neck
but she should have flush the script down the pan
Those films wasn't funny but they did it for money
and this is the song we all sang
Masky Horror Spoofy Movie
Before Austen gets all groovy
Tina had more sex than Brad or Janet
Just watch Stanely get shot and ham it
you could just throw o o o o
At the green faced stocking wearing spoofy show
(Lips faded to a car interior.Peggy ,ace reporter,is driving.The Mask sits beside her singing to himself.Tina,Masks'
girl, and Charlie,his best friend sit in the back)
Peggy:So much for The Annual Superheros Convention I must say.
Mask:What do ya mean,it was great.
Tina:Great?You got us banned for life.
Mask:It wasn't my fault.All I did was ask Batty where Pussy was.Geez we're all in the same job.I assumed we could
be a bit familiar.
Tina :And while we're on the subject of being over freindly.I feed up with you leering at other women.You was all
over Cat Woman.Can I get you a drink,Pussy,you look great in leather,Pussy,do you like your belly rubbed,Pussy.
Mask:She wanted me you could see it.But I said no that's how much I love you.
Charlie:It was me she could keep her paws off.
Mask:No it wasn't
Charlie Yes it was.
Peggy:SHUT UP.Now I don't have don't have a story for tomorrow .I'm dead.This day couldn't get any worst.
(The car coughs ,splutters and then dies)
Peggy:Yes it could.Damit now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Charlie:It's O.K I saw a castle a little way back we can phone for help from there
Tina:I'm not going there!
Mask in a Dracula voice:Are you afraid of the dark my dear
Tina:NO!But it's pouring I'll get soak
Charlie:Cool!Wet t-shirt.
(He and the Mask make howling noices)
Peggy:Shut it you two.Charlie's right it's our only hope.Let's go.
(they all get out of the car and run for the castle.When they arrive Peggy rings the bell,a few seconds later Riff Raff
open the door)
Mask:Hey,what ya know Quasiemodo got a summer job.
Peggy:Ignore him.Sorry to disturb you but our car broke down and we wonder if we could use your phone
Riff Raff:You're not who the Master was expecting
Peggy:I just explained.Your master won't be expecting us our car......
Charlie gets out his wallet:Let me handle this.Now my good sir(His slips Riff a twenty)You treat yourself to
something nice.Now can we use the phone?
Riff gives Charlie a funny look:You all better come inside
Charlie:See?
(Everyone goes in side)
Peggy:would ya look at this place.It's right out of hammer horror
Tina clings to the Masks arm:I don't like it here, let's leave
Mask:Yeah, this joint's freaking me out.
(they past a painting of a large brested woman.Its eyes seem to follow them.The Mask notices this and walks
backwards to try and catch it out,it still watches him.He jumps up and down it still watches,he trys to stare it out and
it sticks its tongue out.)
Mask:That's it, this place is weird with a capital W.We're leaving.
Peggy:We can't leave.We need their phone.
Mask:Look I don't like it hear and there's no-way, no-how nothing is going to make me stay one second longer
(Magenta and Columbia appear at the top of the stairs.The Masks eyes pop out when he sees them.)
Mask:Except them.
(He zooms over)Hello ladies and what are your pretty little names?
(Magenta ignores him but Columbia giggles stupidly)
Magenta:Ahh we haven't seen visiters for so long.Not since Eddie 'left'
Charlie:O.k I get the picture here (gets his wallet out) twenty for you and twenty for you, now where the phone?
Tina getting nervous:What you mean left ?
Riff :He had to go.
(This is the cue for them to start the Time Warp after which they collapes)
Mask:Play that funky music hunch-boy.Dig that groove!
Peggy slightly worried:O.k and the phone is where?
(At that moment the lift desends and Frank struts out)
Charlie:Good God ,there's anouther one .I'm broke.
Riff:Master ,we have guests but they're not.....
Frank:Say no more,I know but we'll make other arrangments.Good evening and who or might I say what are you?
Peggy:Peggy Brant, Evening Star.Our car broke down and we woundered.....
Frank:The Peggy Braunt.I have the Star delivered just so I can read your column.It's a honour to have such a
talented and beautiful person in my house.
(Peggy giggles ,Charlies put his figures down his throat)
Frank to the Mask(huskily):And you must be the brave Superhero she writes about.I think you're wonderful saving
people with your big strong muscular body.
Mask:Thanks ,I think.
Tina :Tina Carlile, singer
Charlie:And bike
Frank:If your music is as beautiful as you are you must have that voice of a angel
(He kisses her hand)
Tina:See Mask a real gentleman
Mask looks Frank up and down:If he's a gentleman I'm Bill Clinton
CharlieI'm Charlie......
Frank:Whatever.Friends you have come on night that will go down in scientific history.For I, Dr Franknfurter will
tonight bring my beautiful creature to life .
Mask through gritted teeth:Whacko Alert Whacko Alert
Frank:Riff-Raff,Magenta,Columbia.Escort our guests to the lab
(Franks lackies nudge the unwilling group into th lift.)
ActII (Isn't It Amazing What You Find In A Giant Fishtank?)
(Everyone arrives in Franks lab which is full of strange equipment,in particular a large tank.Frank slips a lab coat on
over his underwear while the other Transilvainans busy themselves arround the lab)
Charlie:Look you seem very busy here so we'll just go and leave you to it.
Frank:Oh don't go yet.The fun's just starting.Besides there's a terrible storm.Please stay the night!
(The group huddle together to discuss this offer)
Charlie:I say we run for it
Tina:Why?He's probably just some out of work drag artist who's looking for a audiance
Mask:Oh yeah?How many drag queens do you know with scientific equipment stashed in the back bed room? (He
glances up at Columbia who licks her lips and blows him a kiss.)But then again what harm could it do?
Peggy:He's right.I can smell a story here and I'm not leaving 'til I get to the bottom of it
Mask:So that's agreed then?We stay for the....er.....night
Charlie:Hey what happen to scarpering?
Mask to Frank:O.k we'll stay
Frank:I'm so glad.You're going to like this.(to Riff)Start the sonic tranducer and turn up the reacter power three
more points.
(Machines start buzzing and lights flash.A lightening bolt hits the castle and the creture in the tank climbs out. )
Frank screams in delight:He's alive!
(Magenta and Columbiia rush forward and remove the bandages to reveil Rockys handsome face and body)
Peggy:And he's really cute!
Rocky:What happening?I've got a feeling something bad is going happen!
Frank:Don't worry gorgeous.Frankie's here!
Mask to Tina:Now.You don't see THAT in every drag act!
Frank:So,everyone,what do you think?
Peggy:Very nice,VERY nice indeed.This will get me a front page scoop for sure.
Mask:Well I guess he's o.k if go for looks above substances
Frank:Well maybe you could prove me wrong sometime(He looks longingly at the Mask)But for now I think it's best
you and your friends retire I have work to do.Riff-Raff will show you to your rooms
(Riff-Raff ushers everyone out leaving Frank to 'work' on Rocky)
ActIII (Lust, Lies and Headlines)
(The guests are shown to their seperate rooms.The Mask is disapointed he'is not sharing with Tina, but she's glad as
she's still mad at him because of his flirting.After a while Frank creeps in to Tinas' room.It is dark so we only hear
the dialoge.)
Frank imitating the Mask:Tina,it's me,please don't be mad.
Tina:Go away.I don't want to speak to you
Frank:Come on,don't be like that, how about a cuddle.
Tina:Look,I'm VERY tired and VERY cross and if you don't leave I'm going to do something you will regret
Frank:I know you don't mean that,let's have a little kiss
(Tina loses her temper,picks up a book from the bed-side table and throws it in the direction Franks voice is coming
from.It hits him hard on the side of the head)
Frank forgeting to imitate the Mask:Ow! Bugger me!
(Tina turns on the light and screams to see Frank and not the Mask)
Tina:Get out!Get out!How dare come in here and try and seduce me.I'm not that kinda girl.Well not now
anyway.I've got a boyfriend!
Frank rubbing his head:O.k I'm going.I'm in to rough sex but not that rough.
Tina talking to herself more than Frank:Of course you wouldn't know he was MY boyfriend by the way he
acts.Always looking at only women never paying any attention to me,my needs.He wouldn't even try to seduce
me.(Notices the large bump that has developed on Franks head)Oh I'm so sorry I really didn't mean to hurt you
(Tina get out of bed and starts to examine Frank injury)
Tina:It's not as bad as it feels.The swelling should go down in a little while.(blushes)You know your quite sexy,in a
biesexual evil genius kinda way.
(Their eyes met for a second too long)
Tina:Oh to hell with the Mask(Kisses Frank with a passion that even surprise him) If he doesn't love me why should I
stay faithful
(Tina,who is deceptively strong,pick up Frank and throws him on the bed before jumping on top of him)
Tina:Come on Frankie.Stuff the Mask.Stuff Rocky.I'm all yours.
(Just as things are getting interesting the scene moves to Charlies bedroom.Charlie is dozing when the door opens and
Magenta steps in Charlie wakes up and hopes this is not a dream)
Charlie:Oh yes!Forget Cat Woman.This looks much more promising!
Magenta:sshh.Don't make a sound
Charlie:Whatever you say.
Magenta:Keep quiet and listern.I need you
Charlie:I knew it.I knew it.I knew I would get more than a phone call for twenty dollers.
Magenta:You must do something for me but no-one must know.You promise?
Charlie:You ARE a bad girl.What on earth do you want me to do.
(Magenta beckons to the door and Riff-Raff enters)
Charlie:Hey.No threesomes!Unless your little friend in the sequined tux would like to join us
Riff to Magenta:Has he agreed to help us?
Magenta:Yes but I haven't told him all the details
Riff to Charlie:You are our last hope,o.k it's a long shot but that's how disparate we are.You see we are not what
seem
Charlie:What do you meen?
Magenta:We're aliens!
Riff:From the plant Transexual in the galaxy of Transilvainia.You make a left by the Horse Head Nebula and it's the
third planet on your right.You can't miss it.
Charlie:Aliens.Get out of town!
Magenta:It's true (She holds Charlies head to her ample cheast)See?two heart beats
Charlie enjoying this a little to much:Oh yes,defiantly two.
Riff:Enough (he pushes Charlies head away from his sisters' bossom.Charlie bangs his head on the headboard)We
was sent here with Frank as our captain to study your kind.
Magenta:That's why we bought Columbia here.To take her home for experiments
Riff: Yes.But Frank became obsessed with the more,well,physical parts of your species existence
Magenta:We don't have it on our world .It's all done in test tubes you know.
Charlie:Poor you, you don't know what you're missing
Riff:Well, soon all Frank cared about was 'reserching' these acts.
Magenta:He kidnapped your kind and used them until they was too weak and then.....
Riff:He put there body parts toward building his ideal lover.Rocky
Charlie:That's horrible!Kinda kinky.But horrible!
Magenta:He took all our equipment and used it on Rocky too.So we couldn't get home(She starts to sob Riff puts his
arm round her)
Riff:Please you must help us get rid of him.
Charlie:Me?Why me?The Mask's the superhero ,ask him
Magenta:No.It must be you.Your so sexually unactractive Frank won't pay you any attention.You could catch him by
surprise
Charli:Charming, I must say!Just give me one good reason I should help you
Magenta( runs her hand up Charlie leg):I would be so greatful if you did help us
Charlie:That's a good enough reason where do we start
Riff:Come wirh us ,we prepare you for your mission
(They all leave.Scene shiff to Peggy room.She is tossing and turning and finally she get up)
Peggy:That's it .I can't just lay here when there's a red hot story to be had
(She leaves the room and makes her way to Franks lab.It's empty and she starts nosing round the equipment making
notes in her notebook.She sees a cupboard and pulls it open.Rocky tumbles out)
Rocky:Don't tell them I'm here.Please don't tell them.It's took me a hour and a half to get away from that pervert.
Peggy:What in God name are you doing in a cupboard
Rocky:Hiding from Frank
Peggy:Why?
Rocky(Looking embassed);:He's a bad man.He tried to put something where it shouldn't go!
Peggy(making more notes):This is great.Better than I could hope for.Sex,scandel,weird science.Lois Lane can stick
this in her pipe and smoke it.
Rocky:Great?It's was scary!I'm straight.
Peggy:Sorry I didn't mean to seem heartless.It's just that I'm a journalist and your story is frout page material.I can
see the headline not'I Was A Cross-dressing Sciencetists' Gay Sex Slave'
Rocky:I'm not sure.All I want to do is get as far away as from this place as I can
Peggy(thinks for a moment):O.k.we'll make a deal.You give me an interview and I'll help you get away,take you to
Edge City,away from Frank.
Rocky:I don't know,I've never given an interview.I mean what would I say?
Peggy:Don't worry,I'll tell you(she puts her arm round him),well,my,haven't you got a lot of muscles!So, can we talk
somewhere.
Rocky:O.k.In the cupboard.
Peggy:The cupboard?
Rocky: Yes.I feel safe in there,it's nice.
Peggy:If that's what you want
(They go in the cupboard and shut the door.Giggling sounds make it obvious their not just talking.Scene shiffs to the
corridor outside the bedrooms.Frank crawls out of Tina's room,make-up a mess and stockings ripped)
Frank:That's it.I'm sticking with men.They're less aggressive lovers
(Frank creeps into the Masks bedroom.Like Tinas it is very dark and we can only hear the dialoge.The Mask is asleep
and,obviously dreaming as he is muttering to himself)
Mask(dreaming):Stop it girls.I can only cope with five of you at a time!
Frank imitating Columbia:Excuse me,Mr Mask but can come in
Mask (Waking up):What?
Frank:I said can I come in.I felt a bit lonely and needed some-one to talk to
Mask(to himself):The old green charm,gets them every time.(to 'Columbia')Why don't you come and sit here,on the
bed,my dear. It's much better for.......talking
Frank:Thankyou you're so kind
(Frank moves closer and snuggle up to the Mask on the bed taking his hand)
Mask:Isn't that better now?My,My dear,haven't you got big hands.Now,what is it you're worrying that pretty little
head of yours about?
Frank:It's silly really.It's just when Frank brought Rocky to life tonight it scared me a little.And now he's got Rocky
and Riff's got Magenta it made me feel so lonely.All I really want is some strong arms arround me.I don't surpose
that some-one as hansome as you could.....
Mask:Of coarse,my dear.I'm a superhero.It's my job to make people safe and happy
Frank:Oh Brad,sorry, Mask!
Mask:Oh Columbia!
(They begin to kiss and 'pet' each other)
Mask:Oh Columbia!What a sexy body you have!Such shapely hips,such firm thighs and what a big, long........hang
on......wait a second.......women don't........aaaaaaaggggghhh!!!!!!!
(The Mask snaps on the light to see,to his horror,Frank reclining against the pillows)
Frank:Why stop there,big boy,we were just starting to have fun.
Mask:Oh my God!What have I......I nearly.......But the voice.......It was......Oh my God!
Frank:Oh don't make such a fuss.You would have never known the difference if you hadn't have found...
Mask:aaaarrrgh!Don't say it.I know!Oh God,why couldn't I tell?I mean, I've watched 'The Crying Game' six
times.Ya think I could know the differance.
Frank(Running a hand slowly down the Mask chest and under the sheet):So what?Come on Mr Superhero, how
about showing me what you ment by substance being more important that looks.
Mask(Snatching Franks hand away from his family jewels and pulling the sheet around him):NO!Certainly not!Look
man,I don't know what you heard about me but it ain't true!O.k I'm a pretty snappy dresser and I have been known
to cut a rug and,yes,I've even toyed with the idea of buying a Village People album.But I am in no way attracted to
fellas!
(The Mask backs away off the bed with the sheet rapped arround him.Frank follows and pins him up aginst the wall
and seductivly blows in his ear.)
Frank:Don't be like that,lover boy.I thought the Mask didn't have any inhibitions.
Mask:Look.I'm not homophobic. If you want I could introduce to a friend of mine in Gotham City .He's a
Superhero, great body, and he's gay. You two could, I don't know, have a meal, catch a flick. But you must accept, I
am not going to make love to you
Frank:O.k(He pretends to back away and then suddenly plunges his hand down the front of the Masks boxer
shorts)I'll make love to you!
(The Mask makes a bolt for the door.There is a ripping sound and Frank is left just holding the boxer shorts.He is
stunned for a second and then gives chase.Scene shiffs,Tina awakes.Finding her fantastic new lover gone she decides
to go and look for him.She steps into the corridor just in time to witness the Mask dash past in nothing but a sheet
hotly persued by Frank.She rugby tackles Frank to the ground)
Frank:Not you again?
Tina:Come on,Banana Boy how about a action replay?
Frank:Oh piss off!Can't you see I'm busy?
Tina:I can't.You set me on fire,Frankie,I need you.Your the best lover I've ever had.
Frank:Oh,will you just get off.I'm not interesting any more.
(Frank scrambles out of Tina imbrace and continues to persue the Mask.)
Tina:Come back, Frank,come back.All I ask is to be your sex slave.
(Tina begins to chase the two men.Scene changes.The Mask bursts into Franks lab in a attempt to find somewhere to
hide.He trys to bar the door but is too late.Frank rushes in pushing the Mask on to the operating table and pinning
him down.Tina close behnd him jumps on his back and trys to drag him off.)
Mask:Somebody stop him!!
Frank:Come on tall, green and gorgeous.You know you want it.
Tina:Leave him Frank,he doesn't want you.Let me be your lover.
Frank:I've told once.LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
(Frank throws Tina of his back.She stumbles backwards and crashes into the cupboard.The door is flung open and
Peggy and Rocky fall out looking hot ans bothered.Frank falls off Mask in shock.The Mask stand up quickly.)
Frank (choked with emotion):Oh Rocky,how could you betry me like this?
Peggy(Adjusting her clothing):Ah, Dr Furter,I know what you're thinking,and you'd be wrong.You see,I'm a
reporter,as you know,and I was in the cupboard interviewing Rocky.That's all!
Mask:Interviewing his brains out,by the looks of it !
Frank:Silence!This game has gone on too long!
(He reaches for a switch on one of the machine and the room is flooding in light)
Peggy:What's happen ?I can't move my legs
Tina:We're stuck to the floor!
Mask:You really should change your french polisher .
Frank:Ha-ha now you're mine to do with what I will!
Act IIII (There's Never A Disabled German Ex-Science Teacher FBI Agent Arround When You Need One)
(Casrle exterior.Lts Kellaway and Doyel of the Edge City police force stand on the door step ringing the bell)
Doyel:I don't like it round here Lieutenant ,it gives me the willies!!Remind why we're here?
Kellaway (rolling his eyes):We are here,Doyel,to investigate the great number of young men and women who have
disappeared arround these parts.We've got to check all the house holds arround here to see if anyone heard or seen
anything unusual and check they have security measures.Not this is the last house so shall we?
Doyel:And then can we go back to the hotel and get room service?
Kellaway:Yes Doyel.
(Kellaway rings the bell again and Riff-Raff answers the door)
Kellaway:Mitch Kellaway FBI.We looking into a series of kipnappings in the area.Have you heard or seen anything
that my help us?
Riff:Er......I don't think so.
Kellaway:Then may we check your house to make sure it's secure.It's for your own safety.
Riff:If you must.
(Riff unwillingly lets the police officers insde.Scene shiffs to the lab.The Mask Tina and Peggy still all paralised have
now been dressed in barques, stockings and suspenders.Frank is preparing surgical equipment on a trolley on the
other side of the room)
Mask:Nice very nice.What a way to go.Cut up for spare parts for a self assembly body-builder by Danny LeRue evil
twin .Thankyou Tina .Thankyou so much!
Tina:Me?What have I done?
Mask:He's just a out of work drag queen,you said.Well,news flash,you harmless drag queen is a sex mad psychopath!And
what the hell did you mean by 'let me be your lover'.
Tina:We had sex,o.k?Is that what you want to hear?We Had Sex.Fantastic, orgasm- filled, kinky sex
Mask:Well, that's just dandy ain't it?What was it ?Revenge?I flirt with a couple of chicks and you leap into bed with a
tranvestite!If you're going to cheat on me, have the nerve to do it with a real man!
Tina:He was more of a man that you was in bed.And anyway if any on is to blame for this mess it's Peggy.He probably would
have let us go if she hadn't been at it with his creature
Peggy:For the six-billionth time,I was interviewing him
Mask:Is that what it's call?And what was that bulge in his underpant?Your notebook I suppose!
(They all shout at once.Frank wheels the trolley over and claps his hands for attention)
Frank:Now,now,now,no fighting.You're all going to be a lot closer after this.
Tina:What do you mean?
Frank:Well,after our litttle,ahem.experiment ealier this evening I found out that with your brain and your boyfriends body I
could build a lover even better that Rocky.So, that's what I'm going to do.(He laugh)
Peggy :O.k.that would mean you wouldn't need me.So if you would be kind enough to let me go I just leave.
Frank:Oh no.I couldn't possible let that happen.I mean,it would be so inconvenient for me if you ran back to your newpaper
and wrote about all the little secrets Rocky been telling
(Frank throws Rocky a icy look,)
Rocky:But I....
Frank(to Rocky):Go to my room and wait for me there.You are very luck.If you wasn't so gorgeous I would distroy you.
(Rocky slinks off and Frank returns to 'work')
Frank to Peggy:Besides.I could aways do with the spare parts.(Frank picks up a scalpel from the trolley)And now let the
operation commence
(Suddenly the door is flung open and Columbia bursts in.She fling herself againt Franks leg)
Columbia:Stop Frank.I can't let you do this
(Scene shiffs.Downstairs Kellaway and Doyel,left alone by Riff who has returned to breif Charlie,have finished checking the
ground floor and make their way up stairs.Kellaway hears the screaming coming from the lab and he and Doyol,suppecting
some sort of introder listern at the door.Scene shiffs back inside the lab.)
Culombia(still attached to Franks leg):It must stop Frank.You can't carry on like this
Mask:Now she turn up! Where was she when I needed her in my bedroom(Tina give him a shock look)To help me fight off
Frank.
Frank:Columbia.Will you kindly pull yourself together
Columbia:NO I WON'T!This has gone on too long.First ya seduce me,then ya dump me.Then,when I fall for Eddie you kill
him and stick his brain in Rocky.Can't you see I LOVE YOU!
Peggy:Geez sister.Have you ever been on Springer?He's would love you!
Mask:How come stocking dude over there get all the babes?What's he got I haven't?
Tina:Charm,wit,sex-appeal,a decent voice....
Mask:You wasn't ment to answer that.
Columbia:And now your going to use these poor people like you used me and Eddie.Well I won't let you!
(Frank picks up a stun gun and shoots Columbia,she flys accross the room and lands dazed againt the far wall.Hearing the
noise Kellaway and Doyel bursts in)
Kellaway(Drawing his gun):Mitch Kellaway, FBI.You are under arrest.
Mask:Kellaway.For once I'm glad to see you.Everyone we're saved!
(Frank quickly pulls a lever and a trap door opens under the two police men which they drop though)
Mask:Almosted!
Frank:Now they have had to down out we can continue with the main event(He approaches Tina with the scalpel)
Mask:Wair!Look man.It's me you've got the hots for not her.Let Tina and Peg go.I'll stay and you can do what you like to
me.
Tina:Oh Mask.That so brave of you, you do love me after all !And to think what I did to you!If I wasn't frozen to the spot I
would kiss you.
Mask:Well,you're my girl and Peggy's my buddy.I could let him have you two
Frank:Very brave but I'm afraid I can't take the risk of letting anyone leave so(He raises the scalpel)
Mask:This is it goodbye you guys
Tina:I love you Mask
Peggy:At least they'll have my articles to remeber me by!
Riff:Hold it right there Franknfurter.One more move and you're sauage meat
(Frank spins round to see Riff-Raff,Magenta and Charlie standing in the doorway.Charlie is wearing just the famous
Transivanian gold underpant.All three have lasers trained on Frank)
Frank:Riff-Raff,you can't do this to me.I'm your master.
Riff:Not anymore.For the good of this planet and our own I am taking charge.
Mask:Can some-one tell what's going on and why is Charlie wearing gold lycra swimming trunks?
Magenta:No time now.Charlie,press that blue button on the control panel it will free your friends
(Charlie presses the button and everyone unfreezes)
Frank:Fools you can't distory me.I am Franknfurter, I am invincible I am.....
(The Mask notice Frank is standing on the trap door and pulls the lever.With a scream he disappears from sight)
Mask:I'll say this for him.He could always make a great exit.
Riff:Now you all better leave and take Columbia and Rocky with you.For my sister and I are about to transport the whole
house back to Transivania.Goodbye friends and my the force be with you!
Mask:That's all we need,anough cross-over
Peggy:Come on let's leave before Luke Skywalker turns up!
(Mask, Tina, Peggy Charlie along with Columbia and Rocky all leave the house just in time to see it disappear onto the sky)
Act IIIII (All's Well That's Rear Ends Well)
(The group return to the car.Having Eddies,A mechanic,brain,Rocky is able to fix the car and they are soon on their way.Tina
sits on the Masks lap kissing him like her life depended on it.Columbia sits between them and Charlie.Peggy drives with Rocky
in seat beside her)
Tina to Mask:My brave (kiss) brave (kiss) hero(kiss).I can't believe (kiss) you would let your body (kiss) be used (kiss )by that
horrible pervert (kiss)just to save us.Can you (kiss)even forgive me(kiss)for cheating on you?(kiss)
Mask:Well Iguess I could.Just tell me one thing.
Tina:Anything darling.
Mask:Well,was Frank,you know,better than?
(TIna whisper something in his ear and he laugh)
Mask:You mean all that talk and he couldn't?Well looks like you was safe after all Rocky
Rocky:I'm just glad to be out of there!
Peggy:And thanks to Frank my story.
Columbia(to Charlie):I think you was very brave(she flutters her eye lashes)
Charlie:It was nothing really .Hey I wounder what happen to Frank and Kellaway
(Scene shiffs to the large crater left by the castle.Frank crawls out burnt and coughing only to find Kellaway who snaps a pair
of handcuffs on him)
Kellaway:O.k doctor. First we are going to take a trip to the station to charge you and then there are some nice people at the
Pentagon who would like to chat with you.
Frank:Oh great!
(screen fade,the lips reapear and sing Science Fiction Double Feature like the begining)
The End