This is the revised version. I didn't like the first one very much so here. Same plot, changed the words a bit. So… enjoy!
~*~
I still dream about it, nearly every night. Almost eight years have passed, and my mistake haunts me. It shall probably haunt me until I die. If there is nothing else to occupy my time, I day dream about what ifs. It hurts with the searing pain of a thousand knives stabbing me. I can't stop replaying the stupidest thing I'd ever done. I was young, if that's any excuse. It was just after fifth year…
The party was fun, to say the least. It was Lavender's birthday. She was having roller skating a party, even though Padma thought they were juvenile. All of the Gryffindors from our year were there, as well as people from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and a few kids from Ginny's year. She was there.
Everyone skated at first. Even Ron, who didn't know how to. Harry and I taught him. We had cake and Lavender opened her presents. Nearly every male present gave Lav money or a gift certificate. They're guys, what else do they give? And then, they were distracted by flashing colors and guns. Surprise of all surprises, they discovered the arcade.
Time passed, with only the girls skating. Soon, it was time for a couple skate. A few girls were lucky enough to manage to snag a guy as he lost his last pence, but I wasn't one of them. Ron was skating with Ginny's friend, Sara, and Harry was still playing.
Ginny wasn't skating either. She stood, watching Harry play Silent Scope 2, looking crushed and hopeful at the same time. I caught Lav's eye, and together we approached Harry. We begged him; pleaded with him to skate with her in the next couple skate.
I didn't even know if he was listening to us. All of his attention was focused on the game. He died, checks his pockets for one last coin. He didn't have one, but I did. I said I'd give it to him, if he promised to at least skate with Ginny, although I told him to ask her out. He agreed.
The first song ended. I leaned against the barrier blocking the hardwood skating surface from the rest of the carpeted floor, not expecting to have a partner for this one either, when Ron rushed up to me. He begged me to skate with him, because that Sara girl was going to stalk him. Or so he says. I make sure Harry asks Ginny before I agree.
I remember not liking the song that started up. I had little use for most modern music, especially the pop that came from America.
Your love is like a
river
Peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret
That I could never keep
When I look into your eyes
I know that it's true
God must of spent a little more time on you
That's all I remember of the song. I'm not much of an *NSYNC fan. Ron and I talked as we skated, and I began to like him. The song's over far too fast, but before the last note dies, I am Ron's girlfriend. Before the last not dies, Ginny is Harry's girlfriend.
Months later, I realized it. I was – am - in love with Harry. I had fallen for my best friend, despite the fact that we are both in relationships. I said nothing. I continued to date Ron. I kept my pain a secret.
Today, my last ray of hope died. Harry and Ginny had a girl, Lily Lindsay Potter. Lindsay was James's middle name. Harry and Ginny will be together forever now. Harry told me once that it's awful growing up without a dad. He said that even if the mother was alive, he'd never leave his child.
Harry and I can never be. I will never be Mrs. Potter. I will never have a little green eyed baby, with messy, black hair. I will never worry that m husband is not going to come through the front door one evening because some disgruntled Death Eater surprised him.
I sealed my own fate. I sold my soul for a pence. I'll never get it back. Harry has it now, and he doesn't even know it, so how can he give it back to me?
I understand what the Dementor's Kiss is like now. I understand what it's like to go mad. I understand what it's like to envy the dead.
I rarely envy people. If there is something I want, I go after it.
If you're reading this, I don't envy the dead anymore. I have joined them. Don't bother trying to stop me. I've already done it. It's too late.
Hermione Granger
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, but the plot is. Since it happened to me, minus the suicide… based on my own life, this story is.