DISCLAIMERS: `Dear Joss, Hi. How are you? I am fine. I'm still waiting for the royalty checks re: the Buffy stories I wrote about the characters you created. Where are they? Maybe you lost my address. Enclosed is an 8 by 10 glossy of me in my sassy underpants, and the above-mentioned underpants. Thanks! Sincerely, mr. monkeybottms.'

THANKS: To all the people who read this, thank you! It is so nice to have your story enjoyed. *smacks you on the ass* And you have a nice little caboose there too! Of course, many thanks to bubonicplague, who always makes me feel better when I am convinced I have just written a chapter of crap.

SUMMARY: Ok. Let's see. Buffybot loves Spike, not Warren. I love Spike, not Warren. Buffybot played strip poker. I played strip poker! Buffybot got thrown through a wall. I got thrown through a wall. Ouch. Ok, maybe most of that last bit was untrue, but I did wash a wall yesterday! Whooo. Buffy tried to kiss Willow. I kissed my Spike poster. Buffybot heard a horrible noise and interrupted the real Buffy and Riley having sex. Monkeybottoms smashes head through her monitor to stop the pain of having to write that scene! Pray. For. monkeybottoms.

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Buffy trotted down the stairs, taking in the mess that the frat house was in. Papers were strewn everywhere. Lamps were broken, furniture overthrown. No one was in sight. "Nice." She muttered. "They trashed the place and took off before the clean up." She paused, looking towards the door. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea_

"Buffy." Riley appeared by her side, staring at the disaster. "Wow. They really threw a party." He rightened a chair, sighing. "Well, the two of us will have it straightened in no time."

"Yeah. Great." Buffy said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Picking up an ice bucket, she made a face. "I think someone used this as a bathroom." She held it out to him. He backed up.

"I'll go see how the kitchen looks." He said, beating a hasty retreat. "You can start in here. Garbage bags are in the broom closet under the stairs."

"Goody." Buffy muttered, watching him scamper off. "I'll get right on that." She opened the door to the closet.

"Buffy!"

Buffy turned in relief at the sound of Willow's voice, quickly putting the liquid-filled container in the corner, far, far away from her and slamming the door shut.

"Willow! Xander! Anya!" Buffy said, waving them closer. "Great to see you. Anything you need? Maybe something I should kill?" This was one time she wouldn't turn her nose up at an apocalypse.

"You did it Buffy! You stopped the spirits!" Willow hugged her tightly, stepping away quickly before she could start petting her again.

"Huh?" Buffy said.

Xander smacked her on the back. "Way to go, you number one Slayer you."

Buffy blushed, thinking they were teasing her about her hour-long sex-capade with Riley. "Oh, uhhh..."

Anya smiled at her. "You don't have to be shy about it. We all know what you did. It was amazing!"

Buffy's face turned an amazing shade of purple. Leave it to Anya to be pleased with this. "Um. Yeah, ok, thanks there, Anya."

Xander rubbed his back, grimacing. " Oh man, I hurt myself. I can't keep up like you, Buffy. Must be great to have those slayer powers. Keeps you from getting hurt." He smiled at Anya a little, pleased when she smiled back.

"Riiight." Buffy said slowly. Maybe cleaning that bucket of pee wasn't so bad after all...

"Oh look, the little Scooby gang is having a meeting."

Buffy groaned and turned to see Spike coming over, duster in hand. "Get lost Spike."

Spike cocked his head. "Well well, the Slayer sings the old song again, does she?" He shrugged into his coat and yanked it shut. "I liked the other one better." Turning, he started for the door.

"Huh?" Buffy said, again

Spike gave the group the finger, slamming the door behind him.

"He is such an incredible pain in the ass." Buffy said.

*************************************

"I need to find Spike." Buffybot walked down the street. She saw a man coming towards her. "Hello! Do you know where Spike is?" The man paused.

"Spike?" He looked at her suspiciously.

"Yes. I love him!" Buffybot smiled. "He has blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes. I want him to make love to me, but he's gone. Where did Spike go? I need to find him. I also need to protect the innocent."

The man backed up a step. "Um, I don't know where he went, but I'm going to go now." He took another step back. "Good luck, you'll need it!" He took off, crossing the street to his car, and squealing away loudly.

"What a nice man!" Buffybot continued on her way. A few minutes later she suddenly stopped walking. "Hey! I know this."

Joyce looked up in surprise when the door opened. "Buffy! What are you doing here?"

Buffybot rolled her eyes. "I live here." She looked at the lady, programming kicking in.

Program files : Joyce Summers

-Mom: birth-present

-cooks

-cleans

-pays bills

-washes laundry

-loves Buffy

Buffybot smiled. "You're my Mom!" She hugged Joyce, a little too tight, making Joyce grunt.

"Ooof! Buffy, I'm glad to see you too." She stepped back, stroking Buffybot's cheek. "You look different. Did you change your hair?"

"My shirt is torn." She showed the hole in her top, making Joyce sigh.

"Another one? Oh well, put it in the mending basket with the rest. One day I'll get around to sewing up all the rips and tears."

"You wash and clean."

Joyce laughed. "Yes I do." She sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside her. Buffybot didn't move. "Come, let's talk for a bit. I never see you anymore now that you've gone off to school."

Buffybot sat down beside her, smiling widely. "I go to Sunnydale University!"

"How is school going?"

Buffybot paused for a moment. "The school is not going anywhere, but I need to go find Spike."

"Oh, you're not staying?" Joyce asked, a little disappointed. "Oh well, the duties of a Slayer I suppose."

"Yes, I am a Slayer."

"Would you like something to eat before you go?" Joyce asked, getting up and going into the kitchen. Buffybot followed her.

"No thank you. I don't eat. I drink beer!"

Joyce looked at her daughter in surprise, then suddenly laughed. "Oh Buffy, you are such a teaser." She laughed. Buffybot watched her, and then laughed too.

"Ha ha ha ha!" She stopped abruptly. "I can't find Spike."

"Maybe he's in the graveyard." Joyce answered absently, peering into the fridge. "Isn't that where most vampires hang out?"

Buffybot thought for a moment. "Yes. Yes they do. I will look for Spike at the graveyards."

Joyce buttered some bread for the sandwich she was making. "What did he do now?" She asked, laying some tomatoes and cheese on it. "Are you going to stake him? His chip didn't malfunction did it? I'd hate to see Spike get...well, whatever you call it when you kill him."

"Dusting. We call it dusting, and I usually say something funny when I do it, like: 'Now your name is Dusty McDustpile!' or, 'Dusta La Vista, baby!'" She sighed. "But I would never dust Spike!"

Joyce put some pickle in the sandwich. "I'm glad to hear that. I know I'm not supposed to, but I actually like Spike."

Buffybot beamed. "I like him too!" She looked at the plastic-wrapped sandwich Joyce held up to her. "I don't eat plastic sandwiches. It would ruin my hard drive."

Joyce gave her a smile, trying to act like she thought Buffy's joke was funny. "Hmmm, yes. Good joke sweetie. I just thought you might like one for the road."

Buffybot smiled. "Okay."

Ten minutes later, she was changed into a nice, non-ripped outfit and on her way to search each and every graveyard until she found her beloved. "Oh! I almost forgot." She looked at the pavement. "Here you go! I don't understand my Mom's order though!"

She walked away, the sandwich on the ground.