Disclaimer: I don't own the TP characters, Survivor, Oprah, Dr. Phil, or
much else for that matter. Seriously, I have about 12 dollars, which my mom
still owes me. Oh, and to correct a previous mistake I made while sugar-
high, my friend lent me Bob, I don't own him, I just borrowed him.
A/N: I'm back! I LOVE REVIEWS! Can ya tell? I'd like to thank all my loyal reviewers right now:
Rosefyre: It will be taken into consideration. He does suck, though.
Gliniel: It's always good to have the giraffes on your side. I was also happy that the reviewers agreed with my choice to get rid of Jon. He was really getting on my nerves, and I've been kinda mad at him since WWRLAM.
Lady Knight: Hello again! I'm working on that one. Sorry, this is only SOTL, no Immortals or POTS.
Caprice: Thank you! Although most of my reviewers disagree with you, I needed a bad guy thrown in there.
Silva Sun: I'm sorry it took so long but my teachers are mean! They seem nice, but that's just what they want you to think . Sorry, thanks for the review!
Queen of Chickens: Thank you, and I wish you a lot of luck with that. Have you considered seeing the featured therapist? Speaking of which.
Episode 5: Dr. Phil and Oprah!
Host: Hey! I'm back!
Alanna: Gods help us.
Host: My therapist says I've made enough progress that I can come back to being host.
Therapist: Under my supervision.
Host: And let me introduce my therapist, Dr. Phil!
Roger: Really! You're like my idol! Can I have your autograph?
Alanna: *cough* Loser *cough*
Roger: Um, I mean, that's nice.
Host: He'll be watching me for this episode.
Oprah: If your staying, than so am I. This is cutting into my appointment and I pay you a LOT of money.
Host: On with the show.
$*At Camp*$
Roger: I must get Dr. Phil's autograph. And Oprah's.
Josaine: Um, Mr. Host man lady sir?
Host: Yeah?
Josaine: I need to leave for my uncle's funeral.
Host: I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?
Josaine: *getting teary-eyed* Well, it's a long story that involves a cat, and a toaster oven.
Host: Okay, but you can't leave the island.
Josaine: ****
Alanna: Why! Why me! Wait! I have an idea!
George: You said that last time. What is it?
Alanna: Watch. (Walks over to Roger) Hello Roger.
Roger: Oh gods, what do you want?
Alanna: Nothing. I can't kill you while your still on the show.
Roger: Oh. So, what do you want?
Alanna: I'm hurt! *Pretends to cry* Why should I want something?
Roger: I'm sorry.
Alanna: Good. *Stabs his right calf* See ya later!
Roger: Owie!
Host: Alanna! Your not allowed to kill him!
Alanna: I didn't! I just hurt him a little.
Writer: ****! That's not against the rules. But you can't do it again!
Alanna: Whatever you say.
(Roger is magically healed)
Dr. Phil: You're gonna hafta stay offa that leg though.
Roger: Thank you, Dr. Phil. Could I maybe have your autograph?
Dr. Phil: Well, sure. Always great to meet a fan!
Roger: Wow, thanks! And, Miss Oprah?
Oprah: Yes?
Roger: Can I have your autograph too?
Oprah: Oh, I'm flattered. Of course! Here you go. *Gives him her autograph*
Roger: Oh my gods! I love you both!
Alanna: *cough* Suck up *cough*
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
**Meanwhile**
Thayet: Well, you see Dr. Phil, I feel taken advantage of.
Dr. Phil: Yes, and who takes advantage of you?
Thayet: Well, Jon, for one. He's supposed to love me! I know he never really got over Alanna, but.
**Other Side of Camp**
Oprah: So, anyway, I was all like, no way, and he was like, yes way.
George: Gods women! Do you have any idea how boring you are? How do people stand listening to you every single day!?
**Also.**
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
**Thayet's Therapy**
Dr. Phil: You have to go up to him and say, 'Either you show me some respect, or I'm leaving'
Thayet: That's a wonderful idea! Thank you so much Dr. Phil!
Dr. Phil: Your welcome. Oprah! It's time for your appointment!
Oprah: Coming!
George: Thank the gods! Oh, hello Thayet.
Thayet: Hi George! Where's Alanna?
George: I believe she's over there. (points to where Alanna and Roger are arguing)
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Josaine: (Runs by screaming) The British are coming! The British are coming!
Alanna: Who the hell are the British?
Roger: How should I know? Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Josaine: (Runs by again screaming) The Chickens are coming! The Chickens are coming!
Alanna: Now what is she on about?
Roger: Once again; how the hell should I know? Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too times infinity!
Roger: Damn you!
Alanna: *Sticks tongue out at Roger*
George: Alanna, dear, remember your blood pressure.
Alanna: Screw the doctor, I'm completely healthy, and I would be stress free if it wasn't for this *******!
Roger: Hey! I heard that!
Dr. Phil: Now, let's not over react. Let's talk out our problems.
Alanna: Get away from me you freak!
**Meanwhile**
Thayet: Well, what really works for me is just adding a little bit of baby lotion. It really softens your skin, and gives you that extra glow.
Oprah: Girl, you're comin' to my next slumber party!
Alanna: Thayet!
Thayet: What's wrong Alanna? (Runs over to her)
Alanna: This idiot is harassing me! Isn't that illegal?
Thayet: Probably. Hey, Dr. Phil!
Dr. Phil: Yes?
Alanna: Leave me alone, you *******!
$*Immunity Challenge*$
Host: Hello, everyone, it's a beautiful day isn't it?
George: Says who?
Alanna: This day sucks!
Host: Okay, to win the immunity challenge, all you have to do is-
Josaine: Blue Giraffe!
Host: Blue Giraffe? What the-
Dr. Phil: Now, now, lets not get violent.
Host: Right. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.
Alanna: *cough* Dork *cough*
Host: Hey! I heard that! Okay, you just have to win a game of poker, Aces wild.
Roger: Can we cheat? (Receives glares from other survivors) Not that I would.
Host: NO! So, let's get started.
**2 hours later**
Host: And the winner is.everyone? There's a five-way tie!
George: How can there be a tie? It's poker!
Host: Okay, nobody has immunity; let's go to Tribal Council.
$*Tribal Council*$
Host: Okay, It's time to vote.
Josaine: Blue Giraffe! Um, I mean Alanna. It's first in alphabetical order. (A/N: Remember Sean, from the first Survivor? Yeah)
Alanna: (muttering) Stupid, idiot- oh, uh, Josaine, I don't know?
George: Thayet.
Thayet: Please don't tell Alanna, she'll kill me, but I have to vote for George.
Roger: Alanna. Of course I'm voting for her, I can't stand her.
Host: .And the next person voted off the Island is.Alanna!
Alanna: WHAT! $%^$&$%&^#^&^$%&#$&@$%^$%&^&#$%$^$^@$^! @%%^$%^$@^^%$^&$#&^^*%&$#^$%^%^&#$%^&#^&!
Host: Thank you, Alanna, for those final words. Please tune in next time for Survivor: Tortall Edition!
A/N: I think you can all realize how hard it was for me to write out this chapter. Alanna is totally the best TP character! And I so did not want to vote her off, but I had to. That's why it took so long and let me apologize once again. TTFN.
A/N: I'm back! I LOVE REVIEWS! Can ya tell? I'd like to thank all my loyal reviewers right now:
Rosefyre: It will be taken into consideration. He does suck, though.
Gliniel: It's always good to have the giraffes on your side. I was also happy that the reviewers agreed with my choice to get rid of Jon. He was really getting on my nerves, and I've been kinda mad at him since WWRLAM.
Lady Knight: Hello again! I'm working on that one. Sorry, this is only SOTL, no Immortals or POTS.
Caprice: Thank you! Although most of my reviewers disagree with you, I needed a bad guy thrown in there.
Silva Sun: I'm sorry it took so long but my teachers are mean! They seem nice, but that's just what they want you to think . Sorry, thanks for the review!
Queen of Chickens: Thank you, and I wish you a lot of luck with that. Have you considered seeing the featured therapist? Speaking of which.
Episode 5: Dr. Phil and Oprah!
Host: Hey! I'm back!
Alanna: Gods help us.
Host: My therapist says I've made enough progress that I can come back to being host.
Therapist: Under my supervision.
Host: And let me introduce my therapist, Dr. Phil!
Roger: Really! You're like my idol! Can I have your autograph?
Alanna: *cough* Loser *cough*
Roger: Um, I mean, that's nice.
Host: He'll be watching me for this episode.
Oprah: If your staying, than so am I. This is cutting into my appointment and I pay you a LOT of money.
Host: On with the show.
$*At Camp*$
Roger: I must get Dr. Phil's autograph. And Oprah's.
Josaine: Um, Mr. Host man lady sir?
Host: Yeah?
Josaine: I need to leave for my uncle's funeral.
Host: I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?
Josaine: *getting teary-eyed* Well, it's a long story that involves a cat, and a toaster oven.
Host: Okay, but you can't leave the island.
Josaine: ****
Alanna: Why! Why me! Wait! I have an idea!
George: You said that last time. What is it?
Alanna: Watch. (Walks over to Roger) Hello Roger.
Roger: Oh gods, what do you want?
Alanna: Nothing. I can't kill you while your still on the show.
Roger: Oh. So, what do you want?
Alanna: I'm hurt! *Pretends to cry* Why should I want something?
Roger: I'm sorry.
Alanna: Good. *Stabs his right calf* See ya later!
Roger: Owie!
Host: Alanna! Your not allowed to kill him!
Alanna: I didn't! I just hurt him a little.
Writer: ****! That's not against the rules. But you can't do it again!
Alanna: Whatever you say.
(Roger is magically healed)
Dr. Phil: You're gonna hafta stay offa that leg though.
Roger: Thank you, Dr. Phil. Could I maybe have your autograph?
Dr. Phil: Well, sure. Always great to meet a fan!
Roger: Wow, thanks! And, Miss Oprah?
Oprah: Yes?
Roger: Can I have your autograph too?
Oprah: Oh, I'm flattered. Of course! Here you go. *Gives him her autograph*
Roger: Oh my gods! I love you both!
Alanna: *cough* Suck up *cough*
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
**Meanwhile**
Thayet: Well, you see Dr. Phil, I feel taken advantage of.
Dr. Phil: Yes, and who takes advantage of you?
Thayet: Well, Jon, for one. He's supposed to love me! I know he never really got over Alanna, but.
**Other Side of Camp**
Oprah: So, anyway, I was all like, no way, and he was like, yes way.
George: Gods women! Do you have any idea how boring you are? How do people stand listening to you every single day!?
**Also.**
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
**Thayet's Therapy**
Dr. Phil: You have to go up to him and say, 'Either you show me some respect, or I'm leaving'
Thayet: That's a wonderful idea! Thank you so much Dr. Phil!
Dr. Phil: Your welcome. Oprah! It's time for your appointment!
Oprah: Coming!
George: Thank the gods! Oh, hello Thayet.
Thayet: Hi George! Where's Alanna?
George: I believe she's over there. (points to where Alanna and Roger are arguing)
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Josaine: (Runs by screaming) The British are coming! The British are coming!
Alanna: Who the hell are the British?
Roger: How should I know? Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Josaine: (Runs by again screaming) The Chickens are coming! The Chickens are coming!
Alanna: Now what is she on about?
Roger: Once again; how the hell should I know? Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too!
Roger: Am not!
Alanna: Are too times infinity!
Roger: Damn you!
Alanna: *Sticks tongue out at Roger*
George: Alanna, dear, remember your blood pressure.
Alanna: Screw the doctor, I'm completely healthy, and I would be stress free if it wasn't for this *******!
Roger: Hey! I heard that!
Dr. Phil: Now, let's not over react. Let's talk out our problems.
Alanna: Get away from me you freak!
**Meanwhile**
Thayet: Well, what really works for me is just adding a little bit of baby lotion. It really softens your skin, and gives you that extra glow.
Oprah: Girl, you're comin' to my next slumber party!
Alanna: Thayet!
Thayet: What's wrong Alanna? (Runs over to her)
Alanna: This idiot is harassing me! Isn't that illegal?
Thayet: Probably. Hey, Dr. Phil!
Dr. Phil: Yes?
Alanna: Leave me alone, you *******!
$*Immunity Challenge*$
Host: Hello, everyone, it's a beautiful day isn't it?
George: Says who?
Alanna: This day sucks!
Host: Okay, to win the immunity challenge, all you have to do is-
Josaine: Blue Giraffe!
Host: Blue Giraffe? What the-
Dr. Phil: Now, now, lets not get violent.
Host: Right. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.
Alanna: *cough* Dork *cough*
Host: Hey! I heard that! Okay, you just have to win a game of poker, Aces wild.
Roger: Can we cheat? (Receives glares from other survivors) Not that I would.
Host: NO! So, let's get started.
**2 hours later**
Host: And the winner is.everyone? There's a five-way tie!
George: How can there be a tie? It's poker!
Host: Okay, nobody has immunity; let's go to Tribal Council.
$*Tribal Council*$
Host: Okay, It's time to vote.
Josaine: Blue Giraffe! Um, I mean Alanna. It's first in alphabetical order. (A/N: Remember Sean, from the first Survivor? Yeah)
Alanna: (muttering) Stupid, idiot- oh, uh, Josaine, I don't know?
George: Thayet.
Thayet: Please don't tell Alanna, she'll kill me, but I have to vote for George.
Roger: Alanna. Of course I'm voting for her, I can't stand her.
Host: .And the next person voted off the Island is.Alanna!
Alanna: WHAT! $%^$&$%&^#^&^$%&#$&@$%^$%&^&#$%$^$^@$^! @%%^$%^$@^^%$^&$#&^^*%&$#^$%^%^&#$%^&#^&!
Host: Thank you, Alanna, for those final words. Please tune in next time for Survivor: Tortall Edition!
A/N: I think you can all realize how hard it was for me to write out this chapter. Alanna is totally the best TP character! And I so did not want to vote her off, but I had to. That's why it took so long and let me apologize once again. TTFN.