yeDISCLAIMER: It's a fine line between love and hate. I walk it every day. *pets her Joss doll lovingly* Just when I think I'm going to give Joss up, he sends me the nicest love letter. *reads* 'Dear mr. monkeybottoms, I swear to fucking Christ, if you don't stop with the constant stalking I WILL have you shot by my bodyguards. Consider this fair warning. Signed, Joss W.' Isn't that sweet? I mean, did you read between the lines? He swears, and he will. Those are wedding vows! God I love that sexy love muffin of hottyness!
THANKS Y'ALL: For reading this, I give you all big-o hugs-o.
THE PREVIOUSLIES: Spike had a plan. An evil plan. A plan of evil. The gang found a riot. Buffy broke the fire hydrant. The Bot kicked Buffy's ass all over the place. Spike watched and smirked. Giles saved Buffy and the Bot ran off. Anya and Willow hissed and spat like furious kitties and tore each others tops while wrestling in the water. Xander got excited. Giles said, 'Oh my lord', or something like that. Buffy saw Spike in the bushes and accused him of being responsible for the riot. Spike kissed Buffy. All soft like. Aww! Buffy got mad and took off, after teasing Spike about Riley. Spike came up with another use for the Bot. What is it? Well, tune in now to find out, sucker! I pity the fool who doesn't read chapter 9!
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Riley almost didn't notice the couple as he walked by, too busy thinking and brooding, head down as he went. He would have walked right by them if the small moan hadn't drifted over to him, the feminine voice carried over by the summer breeze. He glanced over, seeing the small arms wrapped around the man's back, clutching and grabbing at the leather coat as they kissed. Necked really. It was shameful the way those two were going at it, and in the middle of campus too. Granted, it was late at night, but didn't people have morals anymore? The couple shifted as he came closer, faces exposed, and Riley froze, watching the blonde man practically shove his tongue down the throat of the girl he loved. The girl who'd dumped him so abruptly just a few hours ago in the coffee shop. His stomach clenched as Buffy sighed and whispered the man's name, not noticing as the man slid his eyes slyly over to him, watching his reaction.
"Buffy-" He choked, unable to say anything else. Buffy stopped kissing the guy and turned to him, eyes wide.
"Riley." She said, frowning. "What do you want? I'm busy. Kissing Spike. He's got a long leather coat you know." She stroked Spike's arm and he grinned at Riley, giving him a little wink.
Riley swallowed hard, determined to stay calm and rational. His military training slipped in, making his face expressionless. "Buffy." He nodded coolly. "Just on my way to the dorm."
"Oh well, don't let us keep you then mate."
Riley watched Spike as his hand slid up Buffy's waist to casually cup at her breast, fingers pinching her nipple gently. Buffy didn't seem one bit embarrassed by the fondling, instead of pushing him away like Riley hoped she leaned against him, sighing deeply.
"Oh Spike!" She breathed, and Riley felt his heart twist.
"Alright. Goodbye then. I hope you and..." He paused, giving Spike the once-over, eyes narrowing when Spike blew him a little kiss. "Spike here have a happy life together." He turned to leave.
And looked directly into the furious, and mortified eyes of Buffy.
"Oh shit." Spike said.
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Buffy thought she may die from the eight million different emotions running through her as she watched Spike mack with her Evil Twin. Of course, there was the customary disgust that always came with seeing Spike, followed by the outrage that he was trying to screw things up with Riley and her. The distress at seeing how hurt Riley was came next, with guilt sweeping in at the idea that it was her fault Riley was upset. Fury was the next emotion, fury that Spike was kissing her, kissing and-oh god-grabbing her! Damn pervert! And, way down, deep, deep down in the not-to-be-acknowledged file, was the tiny twinge of jealousy at seeing Spike's lips on another girl. It sat really far down, and was squashed ruthlessly when it tried to wiggle it's way to the surface.
Spike looked up to smile mockingly at Riley, and their eyes met. Spike's widened.
"You." Buffy snapped, pointing at Spike, who immediately let go of the breast he was clutching. "You are so dusted!" She grabbed at her stake and Spike held his hands out in submission.
"Now Slayer..." He stopped abruptly as she threw the stake at his heart, ducking out of the way. "Now now. There's no need to get testy. Just a little bit of fun is all."
"Fun?" Buffy snapped. "Fun?! I'll fun you alright..."
Spike cocked an eyebrow. "You promise?"
"Shut up Spike, just...shut. Up." She glared at him, trying to decide the most painful way to kill his smirking ass, followed by a round of major kicking of the skanky Buffy's ass.
Riley stepped forward, forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Buffy..." Both Buffy and Buffybot looked at him and he blinked. "Why are there two of you?"
"I'm Buffy!" The Bot smiled at him, "And I don't like you! I like Spike. He's better in bed than you, and his cock-"
"Pet, " Spike interrupted nervously, "Let's not do this now, hmmm?"
Buffy's mouth dropped open. "Oh my god. You're using her to break us up? What kind of lame villain are you?"
"Spike's the baddest villain there is! You can't get badder than Spike, or sexier. " Buffybot trilled happily. "He's William the Bloody! He's the Scourge of Europe too. He painted a tapestry of death and terror all across the world and.."
Buffy put a hand to the throbbing vein in her head and sighed. "Shut up you idiot. I swear, she makes Harmony look like a rocket scientist. Did you tell her all that?" "
Spike looked around. "Uh..."
The Bot shut her mouth and smiled at Buffy.
Buffy went to Riley. "Riley, I'm Buffy. That...that's some sort of anti-Slayer." She took his hand in hers and looked at him, worried. "You can tell the difference, right?"
Riley looked nervous. "Buffy, you both look exactly the same." He peered at the both of them, Buffy clutching his hand tightly, and the Bot, grinning silently, and shook his head. "I'm sorry."
"Hell, I bet he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference even if she climbed into bed with him. Would you Riley?" Spike asked. Buffy looked stricken, and Spike smiled. "Hell, your friends couldn't tell, so why should lover boy be able to?"
Buffy felt the words fall on her like a ton of bricks. Riley was supposed to know her best, and yet he'd had no idea it wasn't her. He still couldn't tell them apart even while looking at the two of them together. What did that say about their relationship? Did no one truly know her? She glanced at Spike and his smile faded at the look on her face.
"Buffy-"
She turned away from him, wiping at her cheeks quickly and he suddenly felt the fun go out of the game. There was an uncomfortable silence. The Bot smiled widely.
"Maybe we should talk..." Riley said finally, uncertain. He put his arm on Buffy's shoulder and she nodded, still looking down. "Should I kill Spike for you?" He asked soothingly.
"Just bloody try it." Spike said menacingly.
"Oh, and who's gonna stop me, your Twin Slayer?" Riley asked, turning to pick up the stake Buffy had thrown. It was kicked out of his hand before he'd even straightened, followed by a punch in the belly. Riley staggered, retaliating with an uppercut of his own. He looked up and gasped. "Oh god! Buffy, I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was you-"
"I'm right here." Buffy stood to the side, arms crossed. She pointed to the Bot. "That's not me. God, we aren't even wearing the same outfit!" Her face twisted again and she took off, ignoring Riley as he called after her.
"Buffy, wait..." Riley sighed, watching her go, her shoulders slumped.
"You shouldn't hit Spike!" Buffybot said, looking scandalized. "I had to smack you!"
Riley turned to Spike, furious, but was immediately blocked by the Bot. Spike smirked and shrugged as Riley glared at him.
"What can I say mate? She's my protector. Kinda evens things out for us, wouldn't you say?"
The Bot beamed at Spike and he stroked her long hair, eyes never leaving Riley's. They stood like that until, finally, Riley turned and stormed off into his dorm, slamming the door behind him hard enough to break the frame. Buffybot gasped.
"Destruction of personal property!" She looked at Spike who was gazing off in the direction Buffy had gone. "He's evil!" She snuggled up against his body, petting his side slowly. "Shall we go back to your crypt and have sex now?"
"Hmmm....?" Spike murmured absently. "Oh, sure, you go on, I'll meet up with you later."
"Yes Spike." The Bot took his face in her hands, planting a deep kiss on his lips. He pulled away, looking uncomfortable. "Hurry back, I'll be naked!"
"Will do." Spike answered automatically, obviously thinking of something else. He nodded as she stopped and waved right before she disappeared around a building, then immediately took off in the direction Buffy had gone.
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She wasn't pouting. Buffy sat on a gravestone, and sucked her lower lip in. No, this wasn't pouting and feeling sorry for oneself because ones friends and boyfriend didn't know the difference between her and someone who just happened to look and sound just like her. This was...contemplating. Yes, thinking about life...and...and, all it's little twists. And turns. And...oh, who was she kidding. Her lip came back out with a huff. Stupid Riley, not being able to tell the difference. The others could be forgive-barely, seeing as how she'd never gotten naked with any of them but Riley? The guy who was supposed to love her more than life itself. You'd think he'd know her immediately.
Buffy sighed. "What do you want?"
Spike slid out from behind the tree, wearing his best nonchalant face, arms behind his back. "What? Can't a person take a stroll? I do live in the graveyard you know."
"Yes, but not this one." Buffy pushed a strand of hair from her face and turned to look at him. "Is that...are those flowers?" She asked incredulously.
"What? Oh, these." Spike pulled out the bouquet of half-wilted carnations, the ribbon, In Deepest Sympathy, trailing on the grass. "Um, just thought...er..you might..." His feet shuffled.
Buffy sat there, watching him. "You...you aren't..." She trailed off, not sure how to put it. "Those aren't for me are they?" She blurted, not sure if she should laugh or cry at the thought of Spike being...not-Spike.
The flowers were flung into a nearby bush. "Whatever Slayer. As if I'd ever give you flowers." He looked at her, and something flickered across his face, so quickly it was gone before Buffy was even sure she'd seen it.
"I'm going home." Buffy hopped off the tombstone, trying not to look at the flowers. As if she cared! "Tomorrow I'm coming to your crypt, and you're going to give me answers."
"I'll give you anything you want." It was said with the proper amount of innuendo and was awarded with the customary rolling of the eyes. Both parties felt a bit better.
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"Die! Die, you undead blood sucker!"
The vampire paused for a split second, just enough for Buffybot to get the stake up from her belt and plunged into it's heart. It dusted quickly.
Buffybot brushed off her shoulders, pleased. Another vampire gone meant one less evil demon for her to kill and more time to pleasure Spike. She tucked the stake away again and continued onto the crypt, humming a jaunty tune as she went, scanning the dark for more potential wickedness.
"Finally."
The Bot stopped and smiled. "Well hi there! If you were a vampire I'd have staked you by now. Since you're not, I won't."
"Yeah, good." Warren looked around nervously. He'd finally gotten his robot alone. "Come on, we have to hurry."
"Hurry? You're right, we can't keep Spike waiting." Buffybot asked, blinking.
Warren shook his head, eyes wide in the dim light. "No Buffy, I mean we have to get back to the basement, where you belong."
"I belong with Spike." Buffybot took a step back, evading the hand that reached out for her. It was empty in the basement. How would she protect the innocent in the basement? There weren't any horrible beings for her to kill, and no Spike for her to give sexual bliss to. She didn't want to go back there.
"Come on!" Warren grabbed for her again, impatient now. He'd been tracking her for ages now, finally finding her alone, and he wanted to get her back. All that work, and he still hadn't gotten any. It was driving him crazy. He snatched at the front of her filmy top and the delicate material tore, exposing skin, and lots of it. His eyes widened.
Buffybot seize the front of his shirt and he panted in anticipation, leaning in to kiss her. All at once he was being lifted up, arms and legs flailing helplessly. "No one but Spike is allowed to touch me like that!" Buffybot declared, scandalized. "And I don't want to go back to the basement!" She heaved, and he was flying through the air, landing heavily in the grass with a thud, the wind knocked out of him.
"So there!" She said.