DISCLAIMERS: So, I'm at McDonald's with Joss, grabbing a Big Mac meal, supersized, and he turns to me and says, "I need five bucks to cover your order." I look at him in surprise and say, "You're making me pay for my own food, and on a date too?" Joss shrugs, "I don't have enough to cover it. I'm all strapped from getting FIREFLY up and running." I hand him a fiver and turn away. "Fine. God knows you didn't spend it on that 'raising the Satanic Temple' special effect in the BTVS season finale." He bursts into tears and I have to spend the next half hour comforting him. God, he is SUCH a baby.

THANKS: I'd say thanks to Joss Whedon for creating all that is BTVS, but he has forsaken us all. So instead I will give thanks to all the fanfic writers out there. Thanks! And thanks be to thee who reads me and thine. Or whatever. I don't even know what that means.

SUMMARY: Yeah. So, Warren called up Merexe, a nasty, oozy, four-eyed demon (Heh. Hey, four eyes!) to kill off Buffy and Spike so he could get Buffybot back. Too bad for him that he used someone else's blood and was getting a world of hurt instead. Spike flirted with Warren's mom to make Buffy jealous. Buffy stomped around. Willow and Anya argued some more. Xander thought about naked girls. Spike thought about me. 'Oh, mr. monkeybottoms' he thought, 'How hot you are as you type! I want to do you so badly that-' Oh wait, did I just type that out loud? Huh. Anyways, the gang went into the basement and saw Warren, a portal to the evil hungry babies of Merexe, and, of course, Merexe. Anya was the only one with a lick of sense, suggesting that they get the hell outta Dodge. That's right Anya! You go girl! They really need to listen to her more. Instead, they made a plan and decided to attack. The Bot ran in early, making Buffy annoyed. And so, we continue...

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"God, she is such a show-off." Buffy frowned and clutched her sword tighter, ignoring Spike's grin as they advanced on the demon from behind. "Where does she get off taking the first charge? I mean, look at her outfit! It just screams 'I'm Not a Leader.'"

Spike gave the Bot a once-over, admiring the way her pants hugged her ass as she fought. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

"You wouldn't." Buffy huffed.

The Bot hacked at Merexe, missing him by a mere half-inch, and it stumbled back a bit, almost bumping into the two of them. Spike grabbed him around the throat, squeezing tight. "Jealous Slayer?" He twisted harder and Merexe growled.

"Not likely." Buffy thrust deep just as Merexe wrenched away. "Whoops!"

"Watch it!" Spike jumped back, narrowly missing being the meat on the Slayer's monster skewer. He glowered at her and she gave a small shrug. "Don't damage the coat!"

"Stay alert then, vampire." Buffy said as she kicked hard, sending Merexe to the ground.

Buffybot swung her axe again, the blade coming down hard onto the demon's back and slicing deep into it's flesh. It roared and knocked her away with a massive swing, sending her flying across the basement and into a table, which was smashed into ruins. She laid there for a moment, rebooting.

"Oi, Slayerbot!" Spike glanced at her, concerned, but was sidetracked by the swiftly advancing demon, who now looked really, really mad. "Buffy, watch out."

Merexe raised it's arm and threw it out, shoving Spike against the basement wall hard enough to crack the cement. His other arm smashed Buffy to the ground with one massive blow. She grunted a little as she fell, sword sliding across the room.

Buffybot sat up suddenly, looking at her clothes in dismay.

"My sexy shirt is torn! And you hurt Spike! You'll pay for this !" The Bot shifted, and an odd crunching noise was heard.

"My never-opened Limited Edition Star Wars figures!" Warren cried from under the computer desk where he was currently cowering, fighting Xander's attempts at dragging him out. He looked close to tears as she stood up, crushing what was left of his collection under her boot heels as she ran over to Spike, who sat up groggily.

"What the bloody hell..." He shifted, pulling out a mangled box from under his coat. "A little old to be playing with dolls aren't you?"

"My never-opened Star Trek TNG figures!" Warren moaned, looking ill.

Buffy rolled and jumped up. "Get out of here Warren." She ordered, holding her hand out. Spike stood and threw her sword at her; she caught it effortlessly and spun, sending her blade downwards. A huge gash opened along Merexe's belly and a pungent brown puss leaked out, making everyone gag from the stench.

"My autographed picture of Bill Gates!" Warren held his head in anguish as the thick mucus-like blood splattered across the walls.

Anya bent down, peering at him as he cringed under the desk. She reached out her hand and he kicked at it, making her pull back quickly. "Hit him Xander!" She commanded, immediately tired of trying to grab on to Warren from his hiding spot. She held her shirt over her nose, grimacing at the stench filling the basement.

"I'm trying, believe me!" Xander panted, pulling Warren. He looked at the howling demon in disgust. "And I thought they smelled bad...from the outside!"

"Buffy!"

Buffy turned and groaned. The portal was growing, despite the attempts otherwise from Willow and Giles. Something fluttered near her foot and she looked down just in time to see a copy of 'Popular Science' float up a bit and slide along the floor, disappearing into the black tear. Her eyes met with Willow's scared ones. "Everybody run!"

Warren suddenly jumped out from under the desk, shoving Xander into Anya and knocking the two of them to the floor as he ran. His feet beat a frantic tattoo as he barreled up the steps and disappeared with a slam of the door, locking it behind him.

"He locked the door!" Willow cried, hair whipping about as the portal began to grow stronger, sucking a poster of Carmen Electra off the wall and into the void. She staggered a bit, making her way over to the stairs by the rest of them. "I knew he was a big jerk! I knew it ever since that time he stole my highlighter in senior year. Oh sure, he said he didn't do it, but I knew he did, he was the only one with the motive, all saying how he liked the way it made the important words look even more important..."

"Yes, well, I believe a locked door is the least of our concerns right now." Giles grabbed his crossbow and fired a bolt at Merexe, who was still screaming and writhing from the injury Buffy had given. The suction from the portal was increasing, making more and more items whip around their heads; it sucked the arrow away from it's course and it disappeared into the hole.

"Giles is right." Anya nodded solemnly. "What's really important is that Warren pushed me and I fell on Xander's penis. Now he may be broken."

The gang looked at Xander, who was crouched half-over, face screwed with pain. He held a hand up pleadingly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." His other hand cupped his pants gingerly. "And, so not enjoying the eyes on the frontal area."

Spike stumbled over, annoyed. "I say we kill this thing once and for all and get out of this rat-hole." He took in the bits of furniture that had begun falling into the void. "God, it's even more depressing than Harris' place."

"Is not!" Xander protested.

Buffy nodded to Giles. "Spike's right. Get them out of here any way you can before you're all Demon Kibble. Spike and I will finish this off."

"So will I!" The Buffybot said happily. "I protect the innocent! I'm the Slayer!"

Buffy stood up straight, pushing her hair away from her face. "I'm The Slayer. I was Chosen. Me. You were made by some freaky psycho-geek."

Anya raised her hand. "Um...Willow doesn't like that word. And, according to Willow, we all have to do what she says, even if she didn't close the portal like she was supposed to."

"You couldn't even get a nerd out from under a desk! I believe my job was a little more difficult, thank you." Willow crossed her arms, looking offended.

Anya gasped. "You said nerd! Xander!" She turned to him and pointed at Willow accusingly. "I can't say geek but she can say nerd! That's a double standard, thank you very much, just like when gay people call each other fags and then cry when we do!"

Xander looked around, almost convinced there was a gay man lurking behind a corner, ready to get upset. "Listen An, we'll talk about it later okay?"

"Later later, it's always later!" Anya crossed her arms and pouted. "You're darn tootin' we'll talk about it, as soon as Buffy kills this demon."

Willow crossed her arms as well, echoing Anya's stance. "Yes, and then you can have wild make-up sex." She muttered under her breath, frowning.

Buffybot frowned, concerned. "Willow, I hate to see my best friend upset. You need a hug." She stepped forward, sending Willow half-way up the steps.

"No no, no need to hug." She held her hands out defensively. "Just stay there with the other Slayer...I mean, Buffy! Stand beside Buffy!" She sent Buffy and apologetic look at the faux-pas.

Spike sighed, impatient. They needed to get on with the killing, and maybe a spot of maiming too. Maiming always relaxed him. "Fine." He pointed at Buffy. "You're the Slayer. And as we have this lovely chat your demon friend is thinking about how hungry the kiddies are." He slid his game face on and smiled evilly. "Let's kill them all."

"Nice. Is that all you think about?" Buffy walked towards Merexe, who was glaring at them, still clutching it's side. Spike shrugged.

"That's not all I think about." He licked his lips at her, his pointy teeth gleaming whitely, looking for all the world like the Big Bad Wolf. Buffy made a face.

"Eww Spike! Gross much?"

Spike followed her, his coat flapping around his legs madly. "What?" He yelled over the ever-increasing noise, ducking as a keyboard zipped by his head and into the void. There was the faint sound of battering as Xander and Giles struggled with the basement door.

"I said-oh, forget it." She snapped and spun her sword menacingly, facing off with Merexe, Buffybot and Spike flanking her on either side.

"Hi!" The Bot waved and pointed to the axe still buried in it's back. "I need that back."

Merexe looked at the three before it and laughed. Grabbing the Bot he picked her up over his head.

"Hey! Put me down you horrid thing!"

Buffy pulled her sword back, ready to cut it's hairy arm off. As she swung backwards it was sucked out of her grasp and she spun around in surprise, watching it disappear into the portal. "Well. That's just great. That was my favorite sword too."

Merexe kicked, knocking Buffy into the metal pillar. He laughed again, heaving Buffybot and she landed on Spike, sending them sliding.

"You shed the blood of a Merexe. You will pay for that, human." Merexe spat, bending down and dragging a still-groggy Buffy up. "You will pay with your life."

"Don't think so." Buffy spun, her foot twisting around his legs, and sent him down. He landed on his back, pushing the axe in even deeper, and screamed loudly. As he rolled over Buffy jumped on him, hands on the handle. She tugged fruitlessly, wrenching hard. The handle broke, making her fall backwards, the head still embedded in his skin.

"Stupid axe." She muttered, watching as Merexe got back up and fixed all four baleful eyes on her. He jumped, arms held wide and she bent down, thrusting up with all her strength, sending the splintered ends of the handle deep into one of it's eyes. Merexe fell like a ton of bricks, dead before it hit the floor.

The portal shut with a snap, furniture falling everywhere with a clatter as the suction disappeared. All was silent.

Spike jumped up and ran over, seeing the motionless body on top of Buffy, who could barely be seen under the huge bulk.

"Little help?" Buffy's muffled voice came from under the beast. She waved a free hand blindly and felt another take it in a strong clasp. She was pulled out, coming face to face with a concerned Spike.

"Thought you were a goner for a second there Slayer." He said. She scoffed at him.

"You wish." Buffy brushed at the smelly brown pus on her clothes, not pleased with the stench coming off her body. "God I hate it when they bleed on me."

The Bot came over and glared at the corpse. "Your Mother was a hamster and your Father smelt like elderberries!" She cried, hands on her hips. "Hmmph."

"What the? What is she saying? More Minty Python stuff?"

Spike almost died at the mistake. "Monty. It's Monty Python. Seriously Slayer, I don't know what-"

"Relax, I was kidding." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Spike likes it when I used my tongue." The Bot said, making Buffy immediately pull hers back in. "He is the best lover ever!" She hugged him around the waist, ignoring how he squirmed to escape.

Buffy's eyes narrowed into tiny slits. "She is going to be so very re-programmed." She said to Spike. "You and I are going to have a little talk about this."

Buffybot's hand began traveling south and Spike grabbed at it. "I can't help it if she likes my bits and pieces." He said. Buffy snorted and he gave a little smirk. "You seemed to enjoy them."

Buffy's mouth opened. "Shut-"

"Well, it seems Warren has fled." Giles said wearily from the middle of the stairs, interrupting Buffy's venting. He rubbed his shoulder, sighing. "I do believe the boy had no less than a dozen locks on that door."

Buffy gave Spike a final glare and he raised his eyebrows at her in mock offence. She came up to Giles, taking in the weary look on his face and the fact that the rest of the gang was no where to be seen.

"Are you okay?" Buffy ran upstairs and stopped, taking in the group huddled miserably on the living room sofa, eating peanut butter marshmallow squares, a cup of Kool-Aid in each of their hands.

"We're fine, but that woman is a menace." Giles whispered in her ear, motioning towards the plate brimming with sticky snacks. "I only escaped by insisting I went down to get the three of you. I despise peanut butter."

Anya smiled, eating happily. "Oh, Buffy, have you ever had these? Someone shrunk marshmallows into a tiny size, and then Warren's mom made the peanut butter form a protective layer around them for easy consumption!"

"Marshmallow square, dear?"

Buffy looked at the plate thrust into her face, then up into the smiling eyes of Warren's mom in horror.

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Bed. My very best friend right now, Buffy thought as she pulled on her tank top and shorts, pleased to be out of her wet, icky clothes. When she found Warren there was going to be one mega-large payback. That outfit was really cool. On the plus side, everyone was home safely, she was showered and clean, and her bed was looking mighty inviting right about now.

The sheets were soft and cool to her touch as she slid in with a groan, wincing a bit at the soreness in her back. Dumb demon, all with the wrestling throw-downs, making her achy and cranky. And frustrated, the little voice in her head whispered slyly. Don't forget frustrated.

Shut up! She rolled over huffily, pulling the covers across her shoulders, ignoring the slight throbbing she'd had since The Bathroom.

The sight of Spike kneeling between her thighs seemed to be burned in her head; it was there when she closed her eyes like a damn IMAX, all in Technicolor goodness. No! Not goodness! Badness! Spike=bad.

Her legs slid together beneath the sheets and she rolled again, sighing. Her hand slipped down her belly and under her tight shorts, down to her...

"Slayer."

Buffy sat up with a little yelp, holding the covers against her chest protectively. "Spike! What the hell are you doing?"

Spike jumped off the sill, shrugging. "You said you wanted to talk. So here I am."

"I didn't say I wanted to talk in the middle of the night in my bedroom!" Buffy noticed him looking at her clutching the sheet up to her chin and dropped it, feeling ridiculous. A thought suddenly dawned on her. "Where's the robot? You're not planning some kinky sex thing are you?"

"Slayerbot is with Willow, just like you said she had to be." The bed creaked slightly as Spike sat on a corner and shook his head at her reprovingly. "I'm sure the little brainiac is busily reprogramming her right now. Tsk Slayer, what a dirty little mind you have. Not everything is about sex with you, you know."

She gave him a look and he laughed. "Who am I kidding? It's all I can think about." He leaned into her and she backed up quickly, falling onto the floor with a thump.

Spike's head popped over the side of the bed and she stared at him as she laid there. "I fell off the bed." She said stupidly. He quirked an eyebrow.

"We can do it there if you like." He purred, making her scramble up quickly.

"Look, this isn't going to happen." She paced the room, a finger in the air, pointing as she made each point. "I'm the Slayer! You're a vampire!"

Spike rolled onto his side, watching her. "That never stopped you with Angel."

Buffy paused. "So not going there. You can't compare the two of you, you're completely not the same! What Angel and I had...it was different. It's a totally different-"

"I thought we weren't going there." Spike stood up.

"We aren't." Buffy blinked as Spike took off his coat, tossing it onto her dresser. He kicked off his boots and they hit the wall with a thump. "What are you doing?" She asked, watching as he started unbuttoning his shirt. "Is that a new top?" Spike didn't answer, just smiled a bit and pulled it open, letting her see his smooth, sleek chest.

"Are you trying to seduce me? Cause, sorry, it's so...not...uh...working..." The top slowly slid down the length of his lean arms to land in a pool under his feet. "Spike, this is ridiculous..." She swallowed heavily as his hands went to his belt buckle. "Not interested. Move along now."

She watched as he undid his top button on his jeans. Oh god, he's wearing button-flies. Pop. Another one opened, revealing more of that hard belly.

Pop.

"Look, give it up, alright?"

Pop.

"It's not going to work, so go home."

Pop.

She could see the shadow of his hair now, a promise peeking out from the little that was still covering him. "Oh god."

She kissed him.

He grabbed her as she came at him, hand twisted in the mass of her hair, and kissed her back, hard. Half-carrying, half-dragging her to the bed, he still kissed her, barely breaking apart to let her breathe, barely noticing when they felt to the mattress. He kissed her, groaning as he tore at the clothing, gasping as she pulled at his jeans.

It was as if he couldn't bear for his lips to leave her skin, his lips traveling from her mouth to her face, sweetly kissing her flushed cheeks, hotly kissing her neck. She tasted like the ocean and he licked at her, hungry for more, mouth traveling down now to her shoulders, tongue dancing over her collarbone and down further. Little nibbling kisses at her chest, making her whimper at the sensation. Long, slow licks at her nipples, rolling the tight little pebbles like candy between his cool lips, strong, sucking kisses between her breasts, leaving slight bruises as he went. He swirled his tongue in the navel, making her giggle at the tickling and smiled against her warm skin, sliding ever further until at last he reached what he'd dreamt of, what he'd fantasized about, what he'd craved for so long.

He dove in. There was no more teasing, no games, just his mouth moving hungrily on her like a man starved, a man dying of thirst. She arched wildly, hands now twisted in his hair as he'd done earlier and he move his tongue even faster, harder, deeper into her. She was drenched, and he was drenched, and it was better than anything he had even dared to imagine. Nothing has ever been so good, he thought.

She pulled hard and he was forced to come back up or have his hair torn out. Her legs were splayed out wantonly and her little hand was on his cock.

"I want to taste you." She whispered, eyes glittering in the semi-darkness, the moon shining over her sweet body like silver sunshine. He buried his head in her shoulder at the words, his body shivering.

"I can't." He moaned. "I'll come, and I want to be in you the first time it happens."

Buffy's tongue came out, licking at her lips as she looked at him, contemplating. He pulled his head back, meeting her eyes.

"Alright then." She guided him to her, the heat searing. "But next time I get to drink you. Promise me."

Spike's breath caught at her words and he thrust sharply. "God, anything you want. Anything." He plunged into again, deeper, eyes locked with hers. "Buffy. Anything."

They moved together, eyes never leaving each other's, breath coming harder and harder as they went. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging tightly as he rode her, legs twined around his, sheets tangled crazily under their bodies.

"Spike." Her eyes started to slide shut as her orgasm approached and he kissed her wildly.

"No." He said, pulling his mouth away. "Look at me. I want to see you."

She opened her eyes again, staring into his. They were such a dark blue with his passion that they seemed almost black, and they held her prisoner, anchored her to him. She shuddered.

"That's it Buffy. Come for me." Spike whispered, making her quake. "Yeah baby, come on now."

She shrieked, back bending like a bow. His mouth was on hers again, licking and sucking as he came with her, his body vibrating from his climax, muscled clenched as he froze deep within her.

The kissed were soft and sweet now, gently raining on her like petals drifting. They moved down her closed eyes to her temples, almost reverent with worship, to her mouth for a final touch, a feather-light sweep across her swollen lips.

Spike slid over to lay next to her, his head nestled lazily in the comforting valley of her chest, a hand resting on her inner thigh possessively. Her own hand came over, stroking his hair away from his face, soothing and rhythmical, making his eyes slide shut, just one thought circling his mind as he drifted off.

I'm her slave now.