DISCLAIMERS: I had such a nice evening with Joss tonight. He watched TV for a while, and then read for an hour, occasionally running his hand through his lush mane of fiery red hair. Finally he yawned and went to bed. I was quite comfortable in the bushes, and the big picture window he had installed last week really gave me a great view as I peered through my binoculars. Tomorrow night I'll bring a blanket and we can have a picnic. As long as the attack dogs don't come back. I think they got a little sick on the leftover hamburgers I fed them the other night. It was so sweet of Joss to get me a pet! Well, six.

THANK YOU: Sorry about the long updates, you can all spank me if you like. In fact...the next update will be very long, so I think a spanking is very much in order. ALSO, let's all thank Bub and little bit, my two sassy betas. Spank them too, they like it!

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED? Well, Spike and Buffy had more of the sex. Buffybot brought Willow Taco Bell. Buffybot broke up with Riley. Again. Poor guy. Poor ole melon head. Buffy, Willow and Buffybot talked in the dorm room before class. Buffy was sleepy from getting rocked all night and morning. Mmmm....Spike. Good god that guy is incredible. Willow still has much re-programming to do, since the Bot still thinks Spike is a sex god. Who doesn't, though? Is she wrong? No, my friends. Xander likes wrenches.

*********************

When she thought about her day, Buffy wasn't entirely sure that the Hellmouth was truly located under the library, as Giles had claimed. It had to be under SU. Only great forces of darkness from the very bowels of the earth rising up through the Hellmouth could have pulled off the incredible amount of evil she'd dealt with. Well, the Hellmouth and Spike. Close enough. Between the fallout from the Slayerbot writing one of her tests and dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride that was named Riley Finn these days, Buffy was pretty much worn out.

And then there's the sex. Don't forget the sex. Stupid voice. She was getting more than a little tired of it yammering away at her and sending flashbacks of last night through her mind at the most inopportune moments. Buffy talks to her irate Psyche professor? Cue Flashback Number 14: Spike Naked, Kneeling on Her Bed. And then the stupid voice. It starts whispering about how tingly Spike was when he grabbed her hands and put them over his hardness, sliding their combined palms up and down...her prof wasn't too impressed to find that she'd lost her train of thought in the middle of her explanation for her sudden case of crazy. Hello, academic probation? My name is Buffy Summers. Get used to me, I'm moving in with you.

Well, this is going to stop, Buffy said to herself firmly as she climbed the stairs to her room. It's so very over. No more Naked Spike-capades. I'll just have to tell him to go back to his crypt and not come here ever again and not to take of his shirt in front of me anymore, and that I'm immune to his wily...wiles. I mean, please, he's not that great, he just caught me at a vulnerable moment. I am of stone now, just like Spike's...NO! Bad Buffy!...unmovable in my resolve. There is no us. There will be no more sexy sex-play. He may have succeeded in seducing me once...uh, six times, but that's it. Done.

Buffy opened her bedroom door and froze, taking in the sight. "Holy crap."

Spike smirked at her from the bed. "Home at last, Slayer," he murmured, stretching his arms behind his head, making the sheet around his waist fall even lower than it already was. Really, the only thing holding it in place was his large-

Buffy shook her head, blinking at the sight of a very naked, very aroused Spike laying there like a big, barely-wrapped present. He licked his lips, eyes never leaving hers.

"Into bed now, Buffy," he whispered invitingly, making her mouth go dry. His arm pulled a corner of the sheet away and he patted the bed gently. "I've been waiting for you to come..." He paused suggestively. "...home. All. Day. Long. Had to touch myself, I did. Just thinking about you made me hard."

Buffy kicked the door shut with a bang, making him smile evilly. "What do you think you're doing?" she whispered frantically, trying very hard to not look at the middle of the bed. But it was hard. Very very hard. My god, couldn't she think of another work besides 'hard'? "My Mom could-"

"Mum's gone. Dinner's in the oven. Come to bed."

What was she telling herself before she opened the door to The Wonderful World of Sex? It didn't really matter now. It wasn't important. She'd think about them later.

Spike quickly sat up as she approached, his hands yanking her on the bed, his body on top of hers before she even had time to think. "I've been waiting for you, Slayer," he whispered again.

"Spike..." Buffy closed her eyes in bliss as his hand traveled down her stomach, slipping under her skirt. She was supposed to remember something. Something besides the not-having-sex-with-Spike ridiculousness. What was it? His ticking fingers were making it difficult to concentrate. "We're supposed to go to your crypt. Wait for Willow."

"After." His hand slid up her leg and suddenly stopped. "Slayer," he said, smug. "You're wetter than the sea. I can feel it all the way on your thighs."

His palm rubbed a slow circle on her skin, carefully avoiding her soaked panties, making her arch slowly. "It's been a whole five hours since I last came," Buffy whispered, feeling adventurous and naughty. His hand stilled.

"You left the house eight hours ago," Spike said suddenly, lifting his head from her neck and looking at her suspiciously.

Buffy smiled. "Yes. I know."

Spike sat up, stomach knotted. Was she telling him she'd already been with someone else? Finn? His mouth tightened in anger, thinking of the two of them together. She was his, dammit, and no Army prat was going to have any of her. He'd see to that. He'd rip his-

"You weren't the only one who had to touch," she whispered, sitting up beside him, lips placing warm kisses down his back.

"Buffy." He groaned at the thought of her, flushed and panting on her dorm bed, fingers buried inside, moving in a blur on her sweet spot. "Oh god."

Feeling a sense of victory at his obvious excitement at her words, she continued. "I thought about you, and how incredible you were..." She pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, "...how exciting and passionate..." He laid back, eyes glued to her as she peeled off her top. No bra. "...how hard you got at my slightest touch..." He bucked as she ground into him."...and I couldn't help it, I needed to come, I needed it so...bad..." She ripped off the flimsy cotton standing in the way of what she wanted and slid onto him. "I need it so bad now."

"Buffy," he gasped again, hands like a vice on her hips as she rode him, face hard with lust. "Don't stop."

She tightened her muscles around him and smiled as he arched, eyes squeezed shut, neck clenched in an effort to hold back his own climax. "I won't stop," she purred.

"Faster," he begged, and she complied, grabbing onto his hair for leverage.

"More?" she asked, watching his face as he moaned beneath her.

"Yes, please baby. Oh god, Buffy, do it."

She leaned down to his smooth shoulder and bit fiercely, slamming her clit against him, shaking violently with her orgasm.

Spike followed, overwhelmed by the smell of his blood and the fluttering of Buffy's hot little sheath, pounding upwards as he shuddered beneath her.

"Oh. Wow." Buffy mumbled, breath hot against his neck. "That was....wow."

"Mmm." Spike slid out from under her, positioning her in his arms. "My naughty little Slayer. So hot and rough." He gave her a soft kiss. "So delicious."

She touched his wound gently, tracing the small outline of her teeth. "You didn't mind?"

"Mind?" Spike looked at her, incredulous. "You can't be serious? You can do anything you want to me, baby, and I'd come crawling back for more."

Buffy stared at him, knowing he was telling the truth, and knowing that it went beyond their newfound sexual adventures. "We'd better get going," she said softly, turning to get her clothes. His hand grabbed her upper arm and spun her back to face him. They stared at each other silently, Spike's face open to her, showing what he hadn't said to her. Yet.

Then his mouth was on hers, fierce and claiming, tongues battling. I need you, Spike's kiss said, and Buffy's answered in kind. Both were panting when the kiss finally ended, both unsure.

"I'd better get to the crypt then." Spike stood up, reaching for his pants. "Before the Witch gets there and finds me missing. She might do some mojo to locate me. Probably turn us all into mimes or something."

"Mimes?" Buffy paused, her shirt in her hands, worried for a moment. "Nah."

*************************************************************

"Why do we have to be here?" Anya trudged through the graveyard sulkily. "There's no reason for us to be here. I wanted to watch 'The A Team'!"

Xander squeezed her hand. "I know you did, but I just didn't feel comfortable having Willow come here alone. Buffy said she had something important to do."

"What good could you possibly be, Xander?" Anya asked. "Be sensible. If Spike really wanted to try something his chip would fire, rendering him incapacitated from the electrical shock it administers. Plus, if it didn't, he'd be much too strong for you. No use in all of us getting killed, now is there?"

"Thanks, Anya." Willow frowned at her.

Anya smiled. "See? Willow agrees with me!"

"No I don't!" Willow walked faster, catching up with Buffybot, who was smiling happily and twirling her stake as she strolled along.

"I pity the fool who doesn't agree with me!" Anya yelled after her. Willow sighed.

"This is Spike's house!" Buffybot pointed excitedly. "He has a big bed."

Willow grimaced. "That is so much too much informatio," she mumbled, opening the door and stepping in, eyes down in case that bed was now in plain view. She raised her eyes slowly. "I don't see any be,." she said, trying not to look too disappointed.

"It's downstairs." Buffybot skipped inside and went to the opening in the floor. "See? That's where Spike and I made lo-"

"Spike!" Willow yelled, watching Buffybot nervously, not wanting to hear anything else about sex in the basement of a crypt. "Anyone here?"

Buffybot nodded, pleased. "Yes! It was with Spike. You're clever, and a witch. I also suspect you may be bisexual."

Xander and Anya came inside just in time to hear that last remark. "What's with all the gay references Will?" Xander asked, a grin on his face. "Is there a lucky lady in your life, and if so, can I be the lucky gent to watch?"

"New topic, Xander." Anya looked at her nails.

"Right." Xander shoved his hands in his pockets. "Looks like no one's home."

Anya roamed around, investigating the dim room, nose wrinkled. "He doesn't have very much furniture. Not very sociable of him. I mean, where am I supposed to sit?" She glared at Xander, not impressed with the decor.

"He has a chair," Xander pointed out. "And a TV. It's pathetic, just like him."

Anya perked up. "Yay! Maybe he gets 'The A Team'!" she said excitedly, turning it on and flipping quickly. The sounds of gunfire filled the room.

"I love it when a plan comes together." Xander grinned, coming up beside Anya. She shooed him away impatiently.

"Quiet! I want to hear what kind of vengeance The A Team is going to do tonight."

Willow and Xander looked at each other. "Vengeance?" Xander asked carefully. "Hon, they're soldiers of fortune, not demons."

"No, no." Anya looked up from the screen, eyes shining. "See," she took a deep breath and recited, "In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire : The A-Team."

"If you can find them? They drove the most inconspicuous van in all of L.A., even for the eighties. A ten year old could have found them," Xander pointed out.

"Every week someone comes to them, needing their wrongs to be righted. And every week Hannibal puts on his fighting gloves and they beat up the wrongdoers. Usually by throwing them into empty cardboard boxes and then exploding something." Anya smiled angelically. "That's vengeance."

"No An, that's eighties TV."

Anya shrugged and turned back to the TV.

Xander looked around suddenly. "Where's the Slayerbot?"

"Here I am!" Buffybot popped her head out from the floor like a happy-jack-in-the-box, making Xander jump back into Willow in surprise.

"Whoa! Spike has a secret room." He moved closer, trying to peer past the Bot's head to see.

"The Slayerbot told me Spike had a big bed," Willow whispered, still pretending like she wasn't curious to see Spike's bedroom.

Xander made a face. "That's scary on so many levels."

"What's going on?" Anya wandered over, the A Team on a commercial break. "Oh! You found Spike's secret lair. How clever."

"Not all that secret." Willow pointed out. "I mean, the hole's right there."

The Bot reached up through the opening and gave Willow's foot a pat. "You're very smart!"

"Let's go down! C'mon Xander." Anya pushed her way past Willow and onto the ladder.

"Hey!" Willow said, looking disgruntled for a whole two seconds, and then following her. "We really shouldn't be doing this."

Anya scoffed, climbing past the Bot, who still hung there, grinning happily. "Don't be ridiculous. It would be inhospitable for Spike-if he was actually here, that is-to not offer us a tour of his home. Whoa!" She ran over to the side of the room. "Spike's got a big bed!"

"And oooh! Looky the pretty candles," Willow said enviously. "We aren't allowed anything too big at the dorm, for fire safety reasons." She stroked them lovingly, face dreamy.

"Bloody hell! What are you lot doing in my bedroom?" Spike demanded, startling Willow so much that she dropped the large, intricate candleholders she'd been admiring with a loud clatter. "My candles!"

"Sorry." Willow quickly bent down and picked up the pieces up, shamed at being caught snooping.

"Where did you come from?" Xander demanded.

Spike raised an eyebrow at him. "Pardon me, but I do have other entryways to my place. Ones that you will never know about. Ones that are private. Like this room. So I'd advise you all to get the hell-"

The Bot suddenly squealed, making Spike wince. "Spike!" She launched herself from the ladder and into his arms, barreling the two of them to the floor in a jangle of limbs. "I've missed you terribly!"

Spike pushed her back a bit, avoiding her eager kisses. "Easy there."

"Oh my god, this is the most disgusting sight I've ever." Xander scowled.

"Well then, you've never looked in a mirror, have you Harris?" Spike twisted, managing to escape the Bot's loving caresses and stood up, brushing his duster off carefully.

"Look who's talking, Mr. No Reflec-" Xander suddenly paused, squinting at Spike carefully.

"What?" Spike asked, still holding the Bot at arm's length. "What's with the stupid-" He paused. "Stupider face?"

Xander pointed an accusing finger in Spike's direction. "What's that on your neck?"

Anya looked up from the bed. "It's a hickey Xander. Looks like Spike's getting some. No doubt because of this incredible bed." She stroked the down coverlet lovingly. "Can we get a four poster bed too?"

"Not now, An-"

Anya perked up. "You could bind my wrists to the headboard with silky scarves!" She held her arms out in example, smiling widely. Xander watched her for a moment, thoughtful, his earlier train of thought forgotten.

"Oh...would you all kindly get lost?" Spike turned away from the sight, still trying to keep the Bot at bay. "Slayerbot, why don't you go and stand nicely, hmm?" The Bot nodded obediently, moving away to stand at attention near the ladder.

"I like the ladder!" she said, giving him an ultra-bright smile.

"Oooh! Look, Spike's got those magazines with glossy pictures of naked women!" Anya held a stack of Playboy's up in triumph, making Spike groan. "And look! The middle folds out." She shook the magazine in question, making a pleased noise when the pages flipped open to reveal Miss February in all her glory. "Ta da!"

Willow stared. "Wow, she has pretty breasts."

"You really ARE bi. I knew it." Anya smiled smugly, making Willow flush beet red. "I bet you'd even have a threesome with me and Xander."

The three in question looked at each other in contemplation for a moment.

"Nahhh." they all said at once, turning away, with I can't believe I even considered it expressions. Except for Xander, whose expression went back to the contemplating.

"You three are the stupidest people I've ever had the misfortune of knowing." Spike rubbed his head in frustration. "Why are you here?"

Willow put on her best Willow Rosenberg, Private Investigator face and stepped forward. "We were going to go over everything you knew about the Slayerbot, remember, Spike? If that is your real name."

Spike stared at her as if she'd grown a third eye. "Of course that's not my real name, and you bloody well know it." Willow's face fell, making him sigh. "Fine, fine, I'll tell you everything I know, but I warn you, it isn't a lot-"

"Where is everyone?" Buffy's head appeared at the hole in the ceiling. "Hey! You have a secret room!"

"Buffy! What are you doing here?" Xander frowned as she climbed down past the grinning Buffybot, taking in her disheveled clothing and flushed face. "You seem a little...uh..."

"You look like you just had sex." Anya piped up, still beside the giant bed making Buffy turn towards her.

"I like sex," Buffybot said loudly. "Sex with-"

"Spike! Why do you have such a big bed?" Buffy breathed, walking over to the bed in question and running an admiring hand over it. "It's just so...big."

Spike smirked. "Thank you, luv."

"Are you sure you don't have a fever or something Buffy, you seem a little flushed and..."

"I mean, it's massive!" Buffy cut Xander off, eyes wide as she sat down and gave an experimental bounce. "Oooh!"

Spike sauntered over, one hand tucked in his belt. "Well pet, I need the room. To manoeuver," he said meaningfully. The two stared at each other hotly.

"Uh...Buffy? Are you sure you're ok?" Willow came closer and stood next to her, trying not to look too closely at Miss February, who smiled widely from the still-open pages on the bed.

"Hmmm?" Buffy suddenly snapped back to attention. "Oh! Yeah right. I'm just fine."

Anya nodded at Buffy. "Spike's bed is very sexy, isn't it? Just like Mr T!"

"What?" Buffy blinked, confused. "You think Mr. T's sexy?"

Anya nodded happily. "He sure is."

"Okay." Buffy shrugged, and looked down. "Hey...why are there nudie pictures here? Gross!"

Willow jumped, afraid of being caught looking. "I wasn't staring."

"This one looks like you." Anya shoved Miss April in Buffy's face for her approval, making her gasp as she saw the obvious similarities and the creases in the page.

"I think that's enough with the magazines for today." Spike grabbed the pile up and tossed them in a corner, much to Willow's disappointment. "Let's get on with the interrogation, shall we? Then you lot can get the hell out of my crypt." He paused. "And I buy those only for the interesting and informative articles."

"Fine." Willow crossed her arms, face stern. "What do you know about the Slayerbot?"

Spike groaned. "Is that all you've got? I told you, she was-"

"Did you get that big hickey while having sex on this big bed?" Anya asked, interrupting rudely. "I'm sorry, but I've just noticed you have another one on the other side of your neck."

Spike clapped a hand over the offending mark, face panicked. "It's not a hickey."

"Yes it is. It's clearly a hickey." Anya stepped forward, ready to pry his hand away. Spike back pedaled quickly, bumping into Buffy.

"Who's Spike having sex with?" Xander laughed, finding the whole thing ludicrous. "Dru's not around, and the only other vamp with bad enough taste in men is Harmony..."

"Harmony?" Buffy crossed her arms, jealous. "That bimbo? Please."

"Buffy..." Spike said, but Buffy turned away in a huff. "No, no, c'mon now pet, I'd never..." He rubbed her shoulders, making little soothing noises.

The gang stared. "Uh...Buffy?" Willow said, shocked. "What're you doing?"

Buffy froze, suddenly realizing that all this touchy-touchy with Spike was less than stealthy. They'd find out about the two of them sooner than later with this kind of behavior. She'd better take care of this, slayer-style.

Whirling around, she clocked Spike in the nose, sending him to the ground. "You're disgusting!" she declared for emphasis, arms on her hips.

"Oh, well, that's more like it." Anya slid over to the pile of Playboys, tucking one into her back pocket for fun and games time later on tonight.

Spike jumped back up, coat swirling. "That's right, Slayer," he whispered invitingly. "Hit me again. You know I like it."

Buffy swung, her right hook snapping his head back sharply. "Don't you ever touch me!" she said loudly, sneaking a glance at her friends. Spike turned to look at her and she leaned in close, pretending like she was grappling with him. "I'm so sorry!" she hissed, tossing him to the ground.

"More, Slayer." Spike laughed evilly, rolling back over.

"Evil villain!" she declared, giving him a small grin before she turned away. He grabbed her foot as she went past him and she fell with a squeal. "Spike! I'm going to kick your ass so hard..."

He wiped at his nose, smiling at the blood on his hand. "And that's why I love you so much." He stilled, suddenly hearing what he'd just said. "I mean...uh, hate. I hate you. With a seething passion."

"You love Buffy?" Anya asked curiously.

"What!" Willow gaped.

"Did you just say...oh god, tell me I didn't hear that." Xander held his stomach, face green.

Buffy's eyes were huge. "What...did...you...say?" she whispered slowly, climbing to her feet.

Spike laid there, still sprawled out before her. This was the last way he'd wanted this to play out. "Nothing."

"He said he loved you, and then he tried to cover it up-rather poorly I might add-by saying he hated you. It's all quite clear," Anya said, making Xander choke. "Did you get that hickey from Buffy?" She turned to Buffy, who was still staring at Spike. "Is that why he loves you? Because you're good in bed? I bet it's those Slayer muscles. When I was a demon I could squeeze a man's genitalia like an over-ripe-"

"Eww!" Willow took a step away, disgusted.

"No! No no no, that is NOT what just happened." Xander held his hand out and gave Anya a forced smile. "You're confused."

Anya shook her head. "No, I'm not. I bet they want us to leave now, so they can have more sex. When Xander told me he loved me, we had sex all night long. And the bed's right here, and it's so big and sexy..."

"Anya...please, I'm going to be have sex-mares..." Xander begged.

"...only, Buffy didn't say I love you back, so maybe they want to talk it through. I can help, you know," Anya smiled. "I'm very good at relationships now, since I met Xander."

Spike sat up cautiously, eyes wary. "Buffy..."

"I have to go." Buffy ran for the ladder.

"Buffy! Wait." Spike called, scrambling up. She ignored him, climbing up and out, boots making little thumping noises as she raced out of the crypt. "Dammit," he swore, head back in defeat.

"The other Buffy ran away," Buffybot said, looking confused. "When I tell Spike I love him, he doesn't ru-"

"Maybe we should all leave." Willow interrupted warily, looking at Spike's tense face. She came over to the Bot and smiled. "C'mon, you can go patrolling with us."

"Yes! I can patrol!" She suddenly grew serious again. "Evil must die."

Anya sat down on the bed. "Yes, you go patrol, I want to stay and see what happens next." She yelped as Xander yanked her off. "Hey! What are you doing? Xander, I want to stay."

Xander gave Spike a meaningful glare as they went by. "There's no way Buffy's in love with another vampire. And, as much as I like seeing Spike in pain, it's too vomit-worthy for me to hang out and watch the love-sick vampire show." He pulled a protesting Anya over to the ladder, a firm hand on her rump as she climbed up, pushing every time she paused

"But...Xander..." Her voice trailed away, leaving Spike standing there, alone.