C:/WINDOWS/THE/Documented Mental Retardation.txt

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C:/WINDOWS/My Documents/ROOBOO.

C:/ROOBOO/FanFics/HP

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C:/ROOBOO/Disclaimer: All Characters, Trademarks, etc. related to and/or of The Harry Potter Novels are strictly copy write J. K. Rowling. Any fictitious characters not of H.P. Novel descent are copy write Roo & Boo. No reproductions/use/theft of printed Roo Boo materials is permitted without express consent of above stated authors.  Though why you'd want to steal our crap is beyond us.

C:/ROOBOO/Authors_Note: This lengthy Harry Potter 'fan fic' was written for our express amusement, through many sessions at four in the morning, in 'role play' format.  Sometimes incoherent, most of the time rambling, it pokes fun at the character dynamics of the H.P. characters, while integrating them and some of our own original C's into a developing plot line. It's rather… long. We'll be posting this fic in chapters. Mind you, most of t his is suppose to be funny… not serious. So no hate mail, please. Enjoy.

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Roo: ::Two massive oaken doors swung open to reveal the most splendid sight of the Great Hall. The gargantuan stone chamber was lit with nearly a thousand candles, which each floated over the four rows of unoccupied tables and accompanying benches. The tall, neatly kept stone walls proudly bore the banners and names of the four residential houses of Hogwarts: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and of course, the fabled Slytherin; the house reputed for turning out the most dark wizards in the entire continental Europe for the past three centuries. Each ornately woven banner had hung upon the stone walls in exactly the same place, for countless generations of young wizards that passed through the school – first to seventh year.

            Each of the four long white tables was adorned with a wide array of glistening golden goblets, bowls, and other dishes…yet no food was in sight. For the moment. Seated at each table, were the older students, 3rd years and up, who were privileged enough to watch the sorting of the new first years; a tradition kept each year by staff and students alike. They were dressed in the finest formal robes, pale faced and composed, as they watched the line of shivering, nearly whimpering first years creep into the hall, and up the center isle towards the main table. All of the students were quite perplexed…gazing about themselves, to take in their new surrounds. Some of them stared, awe-struck, at the shimmering dark ceiling…which, if one ever listened to Hermione, was told to have been enchanted to reflect the sky outside, in Hogwarts, A History.

            At the head table, the house masters, and the teaching staff were all neatly sitting in their dress robes, smiling warmly, or like Snape, trying to form something that remotely resembled a smile. The new students were surprised once more when they were all confronted with the sight of a worn, musty, ragged semblance of a hat, perched upon a stool. What irked, miffed, and downright scared them…was when it twitched…and shifted…on it's own…and then began to sing:

Oh you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts sorting hat,

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry,

Set Gryffindor apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

If you're a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind.

Or perhaps in Slytherin,

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a thinking Cap!

As the hat settled back down upon the rickety looking stool, the tall, nearly ancient man behind it raised his hands up slowly and gestured the first of many a trembling new recruit forwards. One after another, they all stepped up in turn..

"Hufflepuff!" The hat roared..

"Slytherin!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Ravenclaw!"

And on went the list. Each house table cheered appropriately, and warmly welcomed another to it's ranks, as each bewildered, confused new member was directed to where they were suppose to sit. The teachers watched and nodded when a student joined their own houses. Dumbledore watched quietly…smiling all the while behind his long silvery beard, nodding sagely each time the hat shouted it's decisions.

            Up at the head table, there was something slightly amiss. A student was seated just to the right of Professor Snape, head of the Potions department. The boy looked no older than a 4th year…but by the badge glistening upon the breast of his green and silver Slytherin robes, he was a 7th year, and head boy of his own house, at that. He was softly speaking aside to Snape…an odd little smile playing across his lips as he watched the sorting…nodding each time a triumphantly grinning student walked towards the Slytherin table. Why was this one 7th year sitting at the staff's table…and not at his own house's table? Odd indeed. Other things were amiss at the staff table… the oh so beloved Mr. Filch, and his snooping little cat, Mrs. Norris, were missing…and in their place, the worn, ragged, yet overly friendly Lupin sat, slumped back in the chair; watching the sorting with mild curiosity. There were other new teachers – of course, a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…some odd woman…and another one…teaching some…weird Magic around the world class. All in all…it would be quite the interesting year at Hogwarts.::

Boo:  ::The "Odd woman" was dressed differently  from all of the other Professors. A sky blue cloak that concealed every part of her, save for hands and face. Her visage was pale and shining, with silver and blue glitter over her eyelids. A set of azure orbs peered out and smiled at every new Ravenclaw.  Her lips were soft and full with a caring smile as she sat next to both Snape and Lupin. A few times she would make a comment to the new Groundskeeper and the two of them would smile. This woman was none other than Professor Citine, head of Ravenclaw house and the teacher for the mandatory class of "Magic to Majyik: and every kind in-between". She is a young woman, no older then 35 and for some reason whenever one of the Weasley boys looked up at her, their ears turned red. Sitting in front of the table on the floor before her was a small onyx feline, yet this was no ordinary cat, it was an Angeline… a feline with angelic wings. They work the same as an owl, yet they tend to keep your feet warmer at night.::

Roo: ::Professor Snape pointed out amongst the crowd, more towards the Gryffindor table, muttering below his breath to the young man beside him.:: Look carefully Sorren…do you see them? Watch out for those three very carefully. Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and the rather infamous Harry Potter. They are a nuisance to this school…and notorious for causing trouble. I want you to keep a close eye on them, Sorren, and deduct as many points from Gryffindor as physically possible.

::The lad looked up, his grey eyes intently studying his House Master for a moment, before he bobbed his head, and a shrug rippled across his shoulders. The boy smiled playfully for a moment, and then looked back at the sorting hat, which was still making it's way from student to student…the faint shouting of "Slytherin!"… "Ravenclaw!"… "Gryffindor!"

were drowned out by the soft conversations between the teachers. Sorren Ceridwen, 7th year, and Head boy of Slytherin…slouched back, and watched, in complete boredom.::

Boo: :: Then suddenly out of no where, the Angeline, Aneglus hopped up onto the table right in front of Sorren! And it began to sniff at his pockets and neck, mewing - the cat can actually fit into your hand (they're  tiny little things). It started to purr as it rubbed it's head against his neck and chest::  puuuurrrrrrrrrrrr …

Roo: ::Sorren sits up slightly, another grin dancing across his pale, handsome face. He raised a hand forwards to softly stroke the length of the tiny cat's spine. He chuckled as it began to purr…and then looked down slowly into the depths of his cloak beneath the table. He looked up…a faint blush gracing his cheeks as he began to squirm in his chair…:: UM…aaaahhhhhh…Miss? Can you take your cat…thing? ::He continued to squirm awkwardly… peering below the table again, only to look up biting his lower lip.::

Boo: ::She blinks and turns her head an her eyes widen:: Oh dear… Aneglus! ::The little cat looks up at the woman and starts to swish it's tail happily.:: She seems to sense another animal, Sir. ::She stands and walks over to the boy with graceful poise:: Aneglus… come hither. ::She beckons and the cat flutters it's little wings and flies into her hand happily:: I am sorry.. Sorren is it?

Roo: ::The boy looked up slowly…and nodded. His light gray eyes studied the woman for a moment, their intense gaze never wavering. He was obviously Irish. He had long dark hair which was swept back at the nape of his neck into a ponytail that fell just past his shoulders. You couldn't quite tell if he was tall or not, as he was sitting…but his upper-body was lean and almost lanky looking, yet surprisingly well muscled for his age. His skin was pale, and free of all blemishes that were typical for young adults of his age. His was rather fluid and graceful in his motions, and had the uncanny ability to even make a shrug look graceful. He nodded..:: Yes…Yes… I am Sorren Ceridwen…a transfer Student from Walstraum's Wizarding Academy in Ireland. I'm quite sorry…but…I've never had the pleasure of being introduced to you…Miss…? ::He tilted his head slightly to the side, unsure of her name. He glanced down, then upwards once more quickly…tugging down the bottom of his shirt.::

Boo: ::She smiles gratefully:: Professor. Professor Citine. ::She reaches out a free hand, her hands lithe and graceful; smooth with long delicate fingers and shapely nails, a deep near metallic black-blue. Her azure eyes sparkled brightly as her fluid voice continued:: Head of Ravenclaw house… ::she smirked as her voice filled the mans head:: ~ And sworn enemy to Servus Snape ~

Roo: ::Sorren glanced sideways across the table:: ~ Then I guess we're both new here… Welcome to Hogwarts, Professor Citine. I look forwards to your upcoming class.~ ::He smiled brightly and peered at her from around the other side of Snape…who was absently still watching the sorting.::

Boo: ::She grins:: Nice to know someone wants to be in my class besides Miss Granger. Well, SNAPE… may your house have good luck on the quidditch field this year… They will need it. After all, Gryffindor hasn't had such a grand paring since Sirius and James.

Roo: ::Snape looked over at Citine.:: Miss Citine…I'll not have you bad-mouthing my team. After all, you've just made friends with our star seeker for this year. Slytherin's heading towards the championships for sure. ::There was a slight hint of pride in Snape's usually nasty voice.::

::Sorren sank down lower into his chair, a full blush blooming across his face; and pulled a complete Ron…even his ears turned red. He swallowed slightly, and unbuttoned the collar of his dress shirt.:: Yes… I am the Seeker this year…::He said in an almost meek voice.::

Boo: ::A smile curls across her lips:: Well, at least you have ONE good player now… Unlike that spoiled chit Malfoy.

Roo: ::Snape's entire face twisted into a scowl…the usual look:: Now Citine… I'll not have that from you. Ten points from Ravenclaw! And not another word on my star student, Draco.

Boo: ::The woman rolled her eyes and smirked:: Star Student? Only because you are prejudice, and hate all Gryffindors thanks to JAMES! AND - YOU CAN'T TAKE POINTS FROM ME - I'M-NOT-A-STUDENT.

Roo: I hold seniority over you, Miss Citine! I AM HEAD OF THE POTIONS DEPARTMENT! FIFTY POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW! AND NOT ANOTHER WORD!! ::Snape snarls, slamming a fist upon the table top. Oddly enough, none of the students, or teachers for the matter, have noticed the squabble at the end of the staff table.::

::Sorren, however.. has sunken lower… into his chair (if that was possible)::

Boo: ::Citine's eyes flash black, and her cloak is flung back to revile that she is NOT dressed (gasp!) as the other professors are (phew!). Her robes are not the conservative garb traditionally worn by the teaching staff, but an ankle length flowing black dress… Her slender middle is reviled by a snuggly fitted black velvet bodice. A high sky-blue low-cut collar rises a good two inches behind her neck. Her long wrist-length blue sleeve's are sheer.:: Another. Word.

Roo: ::Snape's upper lip curled in disgust..:: What do you expect, Miss Citine, that your students will pay attention to you for once in your short teaching career, if you dress in such a manner? Last I recalled, shirts, slacks, and robes were the strict dress code in this esteemed school.

Boo: ::She smiles coolly:: What can I say - 'tis family tradition to brake the rules… and UNLIKE you Snape, my students shall pay attention because they want to, not out of mortal fear. After all I'M not the one they envisioned in a dress and red handbag. ::She smiles:: I also shall NOT have a short teaching career… I actually have the job I wanted.

Roo: As for the length of your career, Miss Citine… ::He narrowed his eyes darkly:: I was not speaking of the one you will have at Hogwarts. I was pointing out that you are young, and inexperienced…and this is most likely only your second or third year teaching. ::He drew himself upwards in his chair, straightening his robes on his shoulders:: I am an esteemed teacher. I have taught Potions in this same school for years now, and am a proud graduate myself, and head of the Slytherin house. Whether my students fear me or not is none of mine, or your concerns. As long as they learn the required materials.

::A soft squeak was heard from Sorren's end of the table.::

Boo: All of your students you say? So that means ALL of your 6th years no matter what house should know everything a 6th year would need to know? EVERYTHING… right off the top of their head?

Roo: Each and every CAPEABLE student should know the required materials at all times, and have them on the tip of their tongues upon my beckon call! If any student does not know enough to pass their finals, it is not my fault. ::He smiles coolly..::

Boo: So any student who can pass your final should know everything, correct?

Roo: Correct.

Boo: Well what of Mr. Longbottem? He has passed every year for the past 5 years… yet I hear you say he knows nothing… He knows the final because of the books... He fails the practical because of YOU.

Roo: Mr. Longbottem can study and pass any test as long as he is willing to get it threw his thick head. Not to mention that if he does not pass the tests, he will receive more howlers from his grand mother then he can count.

R/B: ::At this time over at the Gryffindor table Harry Potter looks up at the teachers, for there was a strange ping in his head to tell him to do so.:: Looks like Snape is working his usual Slytherin Charm.

Roo: ::Ron glances sideways at Harry, then lifted his gaze to the head table.:: Snape's such a ladies man, isn't he..? ::His voice held the driest note of sarcasm possible for one of the Weasley boys. His gaze flickered to the woman who Snape was bickering with…and Ron turned red from his toes to his ears.:: It's her! That…lady! She teaches here!?

Roo: ::From the far right side of Ron, actually picking her face out from between the pages of yet another revised addition of "Hogwarts, A History, Part III" to actually see what was going on around herself…Hermione looked at the woman, then Ron:: Ron! She's a teacher! You can't fawn over a Professor like that!

Roo: ::Ron turns to direct a rather nasty glare at her:: Excuse me!? What's that I hear? Lockhart is having a book signing today on the quidditch field? Quick! Run Hermione! He might actually remember you!

Boo: ::Harry nearly spits out his pumpkin juice:: Nice one… game-set-mach. Ron Weasley.  ::He smirks and then looks back up at Citine who is now SCREAMING:::

Boo: THIS IS ALL BECAUSE YOU HATED JAMES AND SIRIUS! HAD YOU NOT HATED HIM YOU WOULDN'T BE HOLDING THIS AGINST ME! YOU GREAT BIGGOT WHO RULES BY TYRRANNY, I WOULD PERSONALLY DANCE JUST AS MUCH ON YORU MEMORY'S GRAVE AS I DID ON GILDROY'S!

Roo: ::Harry grins:: I can't wait for her class!

Roo: ::Dumbledore stood once more at the front of the staff table, now facing the four tables of sitting students, old and new alike. He raised his hands into the air, a bright smile upon his lips, and in his eyes:: I welcome you all to Hogwarts! I have only a few words to close the sorting ceremony, as I do each year! Gargle, Spork, Zoich, Narf! ::with one sweeping gesture of his hand, all of the grand golden goblets and plates, and white tables, were heaped with a feasts worth of food:: Let the meal begin! ::He turned and ambled back to his seat as all the students began to feast ravenously upon the food. He glanced at Citine and Snape…:: Now you two…please keep your lovers' spats to the offices. ::He winked playfully:: Citine, don't kill him. He's a good potions master. Ask Lupin about it sometime. ::Dumbledore headed down to sit and chat with McGonagal.::

::Snape glared venomously at Citine…:: Miss Potter…I'd ask you kindly NOT to mention James or Sirius again. They once pulled a stunt that almost got me killed. You were only a first year. Keep your nose out of my business. ::With that, Snape rose and left the great hall…stalking out past his own house table. Draco rose and followed after – and Draco was soon followed by Crabbe and Goyle. And so the chain of minions continued.::

Roo: ::After Snape had left, Citine noticed Sorren…he was wrestling about in his chair…as a small furry creature was attempting to climb out the neck of his shirt. A small squeal…a playfully grow, and then a yelp of pain from Sorren, as, whatever it was, nipped his fingers and continued to wriggle out of his shirt.:: Get back here you little devil! ::But it was to late…a small red fuzz ball of a fox pup jumped, and landed neatly on the table top, looking quite pleased with itself. It sat down, licked a paw, and chirped happily.::

Boo: Good riddance to bad rubbish ::She smiles softly as she moves over a seat to sit down next to the young Slytherin::  Awww… he is so adorable Sorren! ::She smiles as she uses a gentle finger to brush to Fox pups head. The little cub chirping happily as it playfully swats at her hand::  What is his name?

Roo: ::The fox pup tumbled over onto it's back, tail wagging frantically as it pawed at her hand. Sorren, now looking more like the young man that he was…and not squirming due to the fact that there was a small furry animal wriggling inside of his clothes…flashed a friendly grin:: His name's Tam Lin…sort of an Irish legend…but I just call him Tam.

Boo: Aaaaah the Celtic folk god of mischievousness… pranked even the Gods.. A reputation a young pair of twins would like to have. ::She smiles happily, as the young angeline has morphed into the same size as the fox pup and the two are now sharing a bit of meat.:: That is Angelus… short for Angeluis Ramulous Romanovive Black… Don't' ask.

Roo: ::Down at the other end of the hall…three pair of snooping eyes were watching.:: I wonder who that boy is..? ::Ron remarked irritably. Obviously not liking the fact that some common student, a Slytherin at that, was sitting at the teacher's table, and talking to…the most gorgeous woman he's ever laid eyes on.::

Boo: ::Hermione rolled her eyes, glancing downwards at her book, before she shut it with a snap.:: Ron. She's a teacher. And he's a new transfer student…didn't you know?

Roo: Of course I didn't…I'm not all knowing, like the all so perfect show-off Ms. Granger. ::Ron spat back at her bitterly.::

Boo: ::Hermione stood up, book under arm:: How DARE you Ron Weasley! You-!!

::She is cut off by none other then Harry himself:: will you two just shut up and kiss already!? BLOODY HELL the tension is killing us. ::Neville is sniggering behind his cup as are the other Gryffindors::

Roo: ::Hermione's lips worked soundlessly…obviously too furious to compose her thoughts into words.:: Oh! HARY POTTER! RON WEASLEY!!! How dare you! ::She turned and stormed out of the Great Hall, having not had a single bite to eat.::

::Ron glanced at Harry with a rueful grin:: Game. Set. Match. Harry and Ron two. Hermione, zip. ::He high-fives Harry:: I bet 'cha we can scare her off more than ten times this year.

Boo: I bet you because she's a prefect were not gonna get away with anything if we don't include her… but we won't include her because she will rat  us out anyway! ::he sighed::

::Meanwhile back at the teachers table Citine stands:: if you shall excuse me… I really must get Going… I have much to do before my class tomorrow morning. I thank you all for welcoming me into your staff and friendships. ::She bows respectively and then walks out, down the main line of traffic::