A/N: I said I'd do it, didn't I?
I could see the stars.
They were painstakingly beautiful, causing the dull ache in my hands throb bitterly to the damned chanting in my veins.
Each single star glittered and sparkled, as if mocking me with their beauty about that night.
The sky was clear then, too.
We were chanting and dancing. All of us, even Ralph and his followers. We lit a fire, hunted littuns, all without thinking. And I led them. I led them all into it like sheep to the slaughter, prying them from the protective embrace of society. And Ralph.
I only did it because Ralph took what I wanted. And he didn't even have to fight for it. He was handed control and leadership on a whim, and in my envy I stole it from him, damming us all.
Simon often collapsed in the choir. He was a frail boy. I used to have to watch out for him, because of his weakness. He told me once, when I helped him up after a spill, that I was like his older brother. I growled and stalked off, but as I stormed away, I remember feeling warm and protective. He needed me.
He needed me to help him from getting hurt. To protect him from himself. It felt like being someone's bodyguard, or a knight. I felt... alive.
When we came to the island, I had to place my hold on Simon aside. I had to prove that the tribe would be my one concern.
The first night we were there, the first night on that drenched land, Simon came to see me. At school, either I would check on him, or he would come to me, so I could fuss over him if needed.
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was scared; I saw death in those eyes. Death like I've never seen-
And I ignored it. I roughly told him to fall in line with the other boys in the choir. They didn't know how attached to Simon I was; how maternal. I couldn't have them thinking I preferred Simon. I had to lead them all. So he pulled away, and when we met the others, he turned to Ralph. They became friends, and my younger brother, who I was so proud of, was no longer mine. I almost cried. I should've. It would have opened my eyes.
But I had a tribe to lead. So when Ralph, when his grip faltered, I snatched leadership. And I ruled with absolute power. It was exhilarating, it was such a rush.
And then it happened.
Simon, he ran into the circle- I had no idea, no control...! There was nothing-but I...I killed him. I killed my younger brother, the boy I was supposed to protect forever. With my hands, I commanded his death. I twisted even Ralph's will, and I killed him. It was my fault. It is my fault.
But I couldn't mourn, and I couldn't admit. None of us ever spoke of it. Never. But… it gave my power credibility, and for the longest time, that was all I saw. The power, the madness.
Just thinking about it, I become intoxicated by its haunting beauty. And I desire it. With all my body, as my veins hum for it, I shun the thought and close my eyes. That power is not for me.
That power is not precious to me.
It's okay now, Simon. You can stop hiding. It's only me. It's only Jack.
____
A/N: The reason why Jack is so attatched to Simon: I know he prolly wasn't attatched at all, but even if you care a tiny bit, after some dies like that, your memory isn't quite yours anymore.