A/N: I took so long to update this because 1)school and 2)Writer's Block. This chapter is basically just the thoughts of an angsty Diwwalt. I understand that Diwwalt is an original character and that a lot of you probably don't want to hear too much about him, so I tried to include something other than Diwwalt angst in this chapter. But I couldn't think up of anything, so I just left it. So basically, I finished writing this bit four days ago, and spent the next four days trying to write something else to include in the chapter, and finally decided to give up on that.
Diwwalt uses some human terms in this thoughts… just pretend I've got the Andalite equivalent there.
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Diwwalt ran into the meadow. A rational part of him told him that he'd just made a fool of himself. Perhaps he should turn around, go back, and make an excuse about his behaviour? He ignored that rational part of him and ran on, not caring about what the others thought of him. It's not as if he needed them, anyway. It's not as if what he was depended on what they thought.
Your decision is a mistake, son. It's the biggest mistake you'll ever make. Going into the military means signing your own death certificate… his parents had told him.
He was the eldest of four children, and the only male one. From a young age he'd wanted to be in the military. He absorbed the information published by the media and found himself all the trivial details of the military system.
It didn't matter that his family was below middle-class. It didn't matter that his father was unemployed, not because he was incompetent, but because he didn't want to work, or that the only thing unique about his mother was the fact that she spent her spare time making decorations that didn't really do any good. He wanted to fight alongside Andalite warriors. He wanted to represent the good that Andalites believed in, that Andalites were. He knew perfectly well that being a warrior isn't all glorious, but he wanted to be. To truly serve his people, not as a regular good tax-paying citizen, but as a warrior. To stand tall on a battlefield and be recognised an Andalite. To stand by what was good and defend what was evil, and to be recognised for doing so. There need not be his name on any medals or honor rolls. There was no higher praise than the contentment of the knowledge that he did so.
One day, after reading between the lines of yet another political speech on the Net, young Diwwalt had run to his parents in distress. He had screamed the atrocity about the disgraced Prince Alloran the speech, when combined and examined with other information, seemed to imply. For a short while his trust in his people had shattered, and he stood paralysed and suspended, confused about where he belonged.
His parents did not believe the government could conceal something so big. And although they never had much respect for the military, they believed that it was nothing evil. They weren't like the Yeerks, after all. Nevertheless, they took advantage of this occasion to discourage Diwwalt from the military. Warriors are the first step to Allorans, they said. The government didn't care about the civilians, the war with the Yeerks was purely political. Seerow was just a sentimental fool, but Alloran, Alloran was different. Seerow was stupid – he didn't know what he was doing. Alloran, on the other hand, did. He knew perfectly well what he was doing but did it anyway. And why? Because the military is where nice normal living people go to turn into twisted, cold, bitter things that do nothing but complain about their bad experiences, and look down on those who have suffered less. It was really no better than the Yeerks at all.
They loved him as he was, did he understand? He's looking to just kill himself, didn't he understand? He'd be a fool if he chose that path, why didn't he get it son?
But by then he'd accepted the information. By then he had discarded Alloran as a loser. In any society, losers existed, he knew that. And who could blame the government for hiding it? The government wasn't narrow-minded and selfish at all, like his mother said. The government's officers had gone against what each of them believed in – the truth – to protect the people. Young Diwwalt had admired them this moment more than ever.
He went to a regular academy, and there was no chance to be in the military unless he attended military academy. He tried to convince his parents time and time again to transfer him. They flatly refused, and for months the home atmosphere just got more and more tense.
So he ran away. The boy who loved his parents and sisters, completed his household chores and got relatively good grades at academy ran away. His parents probably never found out his motives, although they suspected that he ran away to get closer to the military one way or another. The police gave him up for an ungrateful rebel youth who didn't appreciate the wise parental authority and the comforts of the Andalite scoop in search for adventure and mischief.
The neighbours were shocked and disgusted. They never expected this from the usually obedient little boy who hardly ever questioned his parents' orders. The little boy who was mature for his age, tolerant and adorable. Who knew these specimen resided in their neighbourhood?
He was so stupid, Diwwalt thought now as he ran on blindly. His parents were right about the military. They didn't know much about the military, and they were able to make correct judgments. He went into so much trouble to get to where he was now, and what was the point? He'd been deluding himself for most of his life. He was blind and his life was a lie.
Military academy hadn't been easy. Fellow students disrespected him for his difference and lack of knowledge in some areas. He could not explain who his parents were and were mistaken for being embarrassed of them. He spent most of his after-school hours alone trying to catch up and when he wasn't alone he was being picked on. The only person who stood out during those dreariest days was aristh Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. Elfangor was different from the others, but not different like Diwwalt was. Elfangor was everything Diwwalt wasn't and wanted to be, and the only similarity was their exam marks.
And up till his grand first mission, aristh Elfangor never knew what he represented for aristh Diwwalt. Elfangor was not seen for many years, but his example as a student remained in Diwwalt's mind for all of his school years.
And look what he'd done. Just look at it. Whatever he did during his 'disastrous years', as Elfangor had called it, he had eventually turned to five random human children and given them the morphing technology. Elfangor had said they wouldn't believe what had happened during those 'disastrous years'. Diwwalt doubted it. Why wouldn't he believe, eh? Did Elfangor really think giving up the proud Andalite technological symbol was a regular everyday occurrence? He'd believe it, oh yes. In fact, he was so interested in what went on in those years that he'd give up his fucking phoney job, and listen, and maybe laugh at him before he killed himself. Why not?
In fact, he could run back right now and demand Elfangor to explain it. Who knows, maybe he was a Yeerk at heart and turned Alloran in to the Yeerks! God, his thoughts were amusing. He never knew he was that imaginative…
Did dirt run in genes? That little Aximili had called the human Jake… Wouldn't it be funny though, if brown soil or grey dust were to run in the blue Andalite blood? It might even be mistaken for the Yeerk pool liquid.
And why bother with the Cleansing Ritual? It was all a lie anyway. He didn't mind amusing himself.
That little brat was even gay. Not that he was homophobic, but that little brother of his was gay. Now, he didn't have a problem with those who happened to prefer the same sex, but Aximili… it was wrong. It was disgusting, twisted, perverted, wrong. That little weak piece of dirt… What right did he have to be gay when Diwwalt had been locked up as prisoners for four months with one other male until the Andalite Fleet had come to rescue them?
What was wrong with him, anyway? Diwwalt had clearly ordered the little aristh to response to the Dome Ship's signals regardless of circumstances, and he hadn't. Instead, he'd stuttered incoherent syllables that took extra resources to track. Didn't he know how to follow orders? Maybe being the brother of Prince Elfangor didn't require the need to follow orders.
And maybe just being related to that Elfangor explained everything. His parents weren't completely right: Seerow can be repeated. Heck, Seerow and Alloran can even be combined. He had given five humans the morphing technology, knowing perfectly well that humans were a Class Five species. This was out of kindness and pity as well, wasn't it? And he knew Seerow's mistake, but decided to ignore it.
And that Jake. God, was everything wrong with these people? Jake raved on about war and subtle strategies as if he knew something about it, as if text books teaching you the theory of atoms really damn prepared you to decode the BioFilter. As if learning about the probability of picking out a ball of a certain colour out of a sack of differently coloured balls really fucking helped you predict what the Blade Ship's main dracon beams are going to do the next nanosecond.
And that Cassie! She had looked nervously from Elfangor to Jake to Diwwalt the whole time. What, exactly, was her problem? Did she honestly pass Yeerk security glancing fearfully at the human controllers? What strategy did she have – to fidget?
Rachel didn't like him, that was fine. But Diwwalt would really like to sit her down and tell her that swearing and glaring at Yeerks aren't going to miraculously make them self destruct. Naive human.
Marco and Tobias had spent the whole time looking at each other and muttering under their breaths. Incompetence. Tobias had also glanced at Elfangor a number of times, probably wasn't used to seeing aliens.
But why does Diwwalt even bother to think about them, anyway! He wasn't that old, he could still change his future. People always said he had an artistic talent… Why bother with these… these… them? He wasn't reliant on them. He had no business with them. If they knew what he thought of them they wouldn't want him anymore, and he doesn't want them. It's for everyone's best interests if he just left.
He couldn't possibly go back, his parents would probably say We told you. He didn't even know where they were anyway. He didn't even know if they were alive. He couldn't go back to his neighbours – they wouldn't accept him.
Oh this is just great. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to turn to.
Whatever he decides to do, it would have to come later, after this mission. No matter how he felt, he is with them for this mission, and he'll do it well. It was an obligation. He wasn't a man who sinks to becoming unprofessional in his job because of personal reasons. He would do whole-heartedly whatever he had to do for this last mission, and put every bit of dedication into it.
And only after that is he going to allow himself to think about where to go for his future. So he composed himself just as Elfangor… Prince Elfangor approached him from behind, somehow escaping the view of Diwwalt's stalk eyes.
He jumped. Prince Elfangor!
Diwwalt. Everyone's concerned about where you went. You better go back to the Ship now.
I apologise for my earlier behaviour! I was just… overwhelmed. My common sense just left me and –
Don't worry about it, Elfangor smiled and Diwwalt just felt sad.
Come to the Ship and we'll tell you what we've come up with so far.
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A/N: I've lost the excitement for this fic… if you want the fic to continue, please say so in the review or email me.
Now to my faithful reviewers…
JG - *glare* Bribery=Bad. Of course being bribed to review is too awful a thing to even think of! =P
Phoenix_sol - *eyes glaze over* My very own crrrrowwwd… The Andalites could put two and two together because I assumed the Andalites had some basic knowledge about humans. I dunno… guess I assumed they were faster learners than our Ax. Also, it's obvious that humans usually wear clothes, otherwise their "parts" are exposed, unlike Andalites… Is this chappie enough Diwwalt for you? What 'A' word? *dying of curiosity* Oh and I wouldn't mind your review being longer than my chapter at all, I wouldn't mind at all. *rolls up sleeves* C'mon man, yer wanna start? Let's see yer try to beat my length, eh? Yer ain't beat'n no one 'till I see yer, miss!
Angel of Music – Aww, my writing is in character! ;) Glad you like! I don't know if I can have another Elayura appearance, she's all the way on the Andalite Homeworld, after all.
Jinako-chan – About Diwwalt being homophobic – I hope this chapter made it clearer for you. I think he's not strictly homophobic, maybe just a teeny bit uncomfortable with it. If I continue with this fic, you'll have the answers to your curiosity about Elfangor finding out about Tobias's life. Arrgh the frustration when reviews semi-guess what's coming next and I can't just spoilt it in an email reply! j/k
Nova Mist – About Tobias' leaving being strange…Tobias left because he didn't know what to say. He could tell that Elfangor was expecting a wonderful recount of his childhood. The request about Elfangor seeing Loren from a distance… you're soo close to what I had in mind!