Author's Note: Part of me can't believe I'm actually continuing this story...but I am! In this chapter we get to know a little more about Irijill and how it got into the situation it's in. We may come into contact with some other actual characters in a few chapters...but I'm not telling yet! You'll just have to read it! (I'm so mean, aren't I?) Oh, and I made up a lot of things about the Taxxon world and the idea that Yeerks have are, ah, antomatically impaired came from The Perspective, a fic which really inspired me a lot in this story. It may be slash, but it's one of the best fics I have ever read so go check it out. 'Kay, aside from the reader responses, I think I've said everything I need to. Enjoy!
Warning: There is a very graphic and violent scene in this chapter. For spoilers' sake, I won't tell what it is, but if I'd gone any farther, this may have been NC-17.
Desperate Freedom Chapter 2
Bonding
We flew the woods at an immense speed, the Yeerk and I. In this form I could hear the sizzling sound of Dracon Beams being fired. The sound was much sharper than it would have been in my Taxxon shape.
The Yeerk had decided to rely on the bird's instincts to get the two of us as far away as possible. Through the mass of vibrant green, we flew. Dodging the red beams that would spell our doom. At some point the Yeerks would have to give up their chase. There is no doubt that the Hork-Bajir are fast and strong creatures, but they could not have outrun a bird of prey flying for its very freedom. A free bird, that is exactly what I was.
TSEEEW! Only mere millimeters from our left wing. We had to fly faster! We had to!
What? I heard the Yeerk's voice in my head. It was teasing me. You don't trust this creature? Don't worry, worm, it knows what it's doing. You trust it to know how to dodge a Dracon? You're insane! I wailed at the Yeerk. That just may be the truth. However, you don't have much of a choice. You're going to have to trust me. I did not respond to that. Part of my mind was screaming "Trust you? How could I ever trust you?"
This Yeerk had been, after all, my tormentor for longer than I cared to remember. Compared to other Yeerks I knew of, mine was not a particularly vicious master. That did not mean by any stretch of the imagination that it was kind to me. The few times that my Yeerk had bothered to acknowledge my existence, it was usually to verbally batter me or replay my worst memory...the day I had given up my freedom for the sake of meat.
Trust this Yeerk? If it had not been for the events of this day, I never would have done it.
The Yeerk, however, had helped me become free of the hunger. For that I owed it everything -- even my trust.
Despite that, it was hard to forget. Unbearably hard to forget. Then, unbidden and unwanted by either one of us came a memory. It had been early on, not longer after I had been infested. Maybe a month or so in human time.
The Yeerk and I had been doing some menial work. Checking the performance of a few Bug Fighters. My mind had been on food -- I hadn't eaten in a few hours -- and the Yeerk was desperately trying to keep itself focused on its duty. How? I had thought. How can it do that? Doesn't it realize that it's been so...so long...so long since we last ate? How does it not feel the hunger? I had been raging to myself, but of course the Yeerk could hear all of my thoughts, and I immediately regretted them. I don't feel it? The Yeerk's voice hissed at me.
You disgusting flubber and meat, of course I feel it! You ignorant worm...you vile insect! Whatever happened to my pride? My brother Yeerks, what they must think...you worthless creature! You spineless coward! Freedom for meat? Helpless in my own mind against the Yeerk's half-mad rambling, I could do nothing but stand aside as it continued. Not long after this incident I began to toughen towards my captor's words, but at the time I still felt their full impact, and worse than that, I accepted it as fact. I was just a stinking, spineless coward of a worm who had sold everything to quiet the roaring in his stomach. Everything for a quest that had been impossible.
My Yeerk couldn't be lying about this one fact. It was more advanced than I was, smarter and more cunning. If it thought so, I had to be the gutless worm it accused me of being. There was no other explanation.
After that the Yeerk had also forced upon my memory of the day that I had scuttled away from The Hive, so desperate I was for it to end. I had come upon a Hork-Bajir at one of the storage stations and begged, begged for him to let the hunger end. Give me to the Yeerks, I pleaded to him. I would have done anything.
I did just that, giving up my freedom.
You see? Coward. It's unacceptable, being forced to live in a coward such as you. The Yeerk had said after replaying my darkest memory.
That was also the day it had stopped tormenting me. Instead it refused to talk, though I could still hear its thoughts and it could hear mine. I suspected that my Yeerk was slowly losing its sanity, but I never asked. It didn't matter. Nothing did matter at that time. The Yeerk had confirmed it for me that day. I was a coward, plain and simple.
Then the memory ended and neither one of us said a word. We kept on flying, quietly now. The Hork-Bajir were starting to slow and their aim was getting more erratic -- a sign of their growing exhaustion.
It was a few moments later when I heard it. A small, almost inaudible sorrowed thought coming from my captor. I'm sorry.
It wasn't my intention to hurt you that much, worm. I am sorry for my actions... The Yeerk stopped, as if thinking about what to say next to me. Then there was one loose firing of Dracon and we began to haul tail once again. There was one fault with this winged body. We had no ability to look behind us, and see if the Yeerks were really slowing or not. Would we just fly and fly until we dropped dead from exhaustion? The thought was not a pleasant one. At least, I consoled myself, I would not die feeling the hunger. There was some comfort in that.
Not nearly as much comfort as I felt from the possibility of living without the hunger, however. Speaking from a purely logical perspective, the odds of that were not so great. The Yeerk and I had only one real advantage, and that was flight. Our predator had the advantages of numbers, long-enduring troops, and advanced weaponry.
Funny to think they were using that for only one Taxxon, even a Taxxon carrying the freedom of his people.
You're not just Taxxon. I heard the Yeerk snap at me in irritation. I'm the one in control here.
That was true -- the Yeerk was in control. I was not the one carrying the burden of freedom, it was. The thought was slightly revolting, trusting the future of your species to another, an enemy species at that. Were we insane?
Yes, worm. We no longer hold sanity. The Yeerk commented again, a smug tone in its voice. It was irritating. I had not quite realized exactly how smug my Yeerk was until it actually began talking to me as something almost like an equal. It almost made me wish it would stop talking to me.
An equal? The Yeerk asked me. Its tone was not mocking, more curious than anything else. Taxxon and Yeerk?
The thought was definitely something to ponder. Well, aren't we partners in crime? I asked the Yeerk. It laughed. A very strange thing to hear, since I had never heard my Yeerk express joy in the whole time it had been inside of me. Yes, definitely! Taxxon and Yeerk as equals...well, isn't this unexpected, worm?
I had to agree. It was beyond anything from the most unimaginable ideas my mind had ever developed. A Taxxon/Yeerk partnership. What kind of strange being would think up such a thing as that?
Speaking of thinking...Where are we headed? I asked the Yeerk.
The Yeerk for a moment surrendered all control to the bird before it answered me sheepishly. I really don't know.
Well, wasn't that wonderful? Perhaps we should head to the human establishments. The Yeerk said. It would be unwise for them to send in a horde of Hork-Bajir into a city, no? A hawk, however, would be no problem.
So then we decided to fly to what we could see, with our increased vision, as the possible edge of a city.
I will admit I don't remember all that much about our flight to the city. It had seemed to last forever, though it was probably only an hour in actual human time. Then again, time for Taxxon goes by incredibly fast. Our planet has a very fast orbit around our Mother Nova...our name for what humans call the Sun. Part of that speed also has to do with the facts that Taxxons do not generally live very long. I only vaguely remember my own parents.
My mother was there to feed me past my stage of near-incapacitation. What I remember was the warm that emanated from her in my early life. I remember some of my father, as he played with all of us Grubs. I belonged to a group of seventeen Grubs, only of which a few are alive and most gone to the Yeerks.
I am certain that my father was eaten. I have never, and never want, to ask about my mother. They were both dead long by the time I myself reached full growth. So, as you see, life is not the longest thing to a Taxxon.
The Hork-Bajir chased us we reached the end of the forest, the Yeerk and I. Some of the Hork-Bajir had quite before that, too exhausted to go on. I had no doubt they would be as good as dead.
We need to find a place to land, worm. The Yeerk informed me. What was it asking me for? How would I know a good place to land, it wasn't as if I knew much about humans.
The Yeerk seemed irritated. I should have known. It seemed to saying this to itself more than me.
Well, where would there likely be few humans? It asked. Confused still as to why my Yeerk was asking for my assistance, I intelligently informed it I had no idea. The Yeerk decided to stop probing me for answers and continued to fly around in search of a secluded spot. What form should we choose next? The Yeerk asked me.
Was it trying to strike up a conversation with me? Now I'd seen everything.
What's wrong with talking, worm? Besides, if it weren't for my arrogance, maybe I could have avoided this whole mess. Despite my pride, I'm not beyond talking to you. The Yeerk told me as it still scouted out a place to demorph.
Funny how things change. Not long ago, My Yeerk would have refused to acknowledge my existence. Now it was trying to sincerely befriend me. It was in control in my body, it would be foolish of me not to try and return this slight compassion, and to be honest, I didn't want to not return it. Yet, I was confused. What did the Yeerk mean by "avoiding this whole mess"?
I was talking about becoming a Taxxon-Controller. I was doing well in the hierarchy, but...did you know I was a Sub-Visser once? It was just that, I couldn't bring myself to... The Yeerk paused to recollect its thoughts before continuing, though I also suspected the Yeerk didn't want to remember. Yeerks have no gender, so to speak. When we procreate in our regular form, we will die. It's a simple fact of life. The Yeerk laughed in my head -- bitterly and remorsefully. I didn't want to die. It told me.
At the time, I was Sub-Visser Thirty-Three. It was during our infestation of the Nahara when I received the notice that I was to procreate in a few of our weeks. To this day, I'm not certain why...maybe I peeved some Visser.
The Yeerk took a deep sigh and searched its memories as it continued its story. This is nothing I would ever publicly admit to, but I panicked. And worm, if you so much as hint to any living thing of that, I will find a way to slice you into many, many pieces. The Yeerk assured me. I laughed a bit at that, but a nervous sort of laugh.
As I was saying, I panicked. I thought to myself...perhaps I'd take on the form of a Nahara, something, anything! So I stole myself a Bug Fighter and tried heading for the nearest planet I could find. Personally, I'll admit I've always been something of a prodigy with Fighters, so I thought if anyone could pull off this crazy plan, it would be me. No such luck, since I had been stupid enough to steal a new model of Fighter being designed solely for use against the Andalite fleet. My brother Yeerks caught up with me soon enough, as you can imagine.
Aha! The Yeerk cried out in triumph. It's a waste disposal area! Humans hate these kinds of places.
The Yeerk cruised down onto the filth-covered cement and checked for anyone in sight. There was no one.
As for the rest of your story? I pestered my Yeerk. It made a rude sound to me. Oh shut up, worm.
No, I would not shut up. After all, it had been the Yeerk who had opened up to me, hadn't it? The Yeerk grumbled.
Well, I had been caught. Instead of sentencing me to death for my treason, the Council decided that I should be severely punished for my recklessness instead. They decided to make me into a Taxxon-Controller...after all, if I escaped like that, it wouldn't matter. I'd be in a useless Taxxon body! And they had a fresh Taxxon begging to be infested.
Me, I thought with a sinking feeling deep inside of my heart. So, the Yeerk had been condemned to being inside of my body for wanting to live...
Don't blame yourself, after all, I was the one to run off with a new fighter. The Yeerk said to try and cheer me up. Speaking of which, we're going to demorph now. The Yeerk told me. Then right in broad daylight, in the middle of an empty alleyway, a hawk began to sprout out spindling legs and long claw-like arms. Of course, we mustn't forget the large red eyes and the rest of my disgusting Taxxon body. It took close to two minutes for the changes to finish, and I nearly cried within my head. The hunger was back.
Fight it! I heard the Yeerk cry out, though to itself, or me I never knew. The Yeerk scanned my brain for the list of morphs we had acquired. Snake, fly, roach, hawk, falcon, and human. In another moment, the Yeerk looked at one of my claws as it began to grow pink, rosy human flesh.
I don't want to do this. I moaned to the Yeerk. Any morph but the human, any but the girl I -- we -- had eaten.
Neither do I, The Yeerk whispered to me. But humans are the most common creatures here, and we have more of a chance of surviving if we can blend in. If I had been in my own body, and if it were possible, I would have vomited. However I had no control over my own body and in this case, I didn't want that control.
The remains of my clawed hand melted away into one of flesh covered only by thick protein. My head changed shape from one of a gaping, teeth-filled hole, to a more attractive one topped with shoulder-length black hair.
All of a sudden, it seemed very cold in this alleyway. I covered my bare human chest with bare arms in an attempt to gain some warmth. Clothes. My Yeerk said. I forgot about clothes! We're going to need to make do.
I hoped we could "make do" soon. It was not the most comfortable feeling, being so vulnerable in this weak body. It was also very cold to me, as the Yeerk had without knowing it, landed us in a damp alleyway. I shivered to the bone. Besides, wasn't it a dangerous predicament for a human to be in the nude?
Probably. My Yeerk commented. At least we're alone here, no one should spot us for a while.
The Yeerk led my human-morphed body towards one of the foul smelling bins inside of the alleyway and with the human hands, grasped the lid and threw it open. Without a moment's doubt, my Yeerk dived into the bin of trash and began to hunt around. Worm, a request? The Yeerk asked. What it did want, I had to wonder.
You can see out these eyes as well as me, so keep watch, would you? The Yeerk requested of me.
You're giving me control? I asked, incredulous. Oh, no. The Yeerk laughed. I'm just asking for you to be alert. I need your body to search. I felt a wave of rage overtake me. How dare the Yeerk say something like that? How could it say something like that? Sneaky, backstabbing, grub!
Backstabbing? If it weren't for me, where do you think you would be, you starving worm? The Yeerk shot back.
Dead, of course. Or back home, where I should have stayed! I yelled in my mind to the Yeerk. The rational part of my mind reminded me, told me, that there was no use in arguing to my Yeerk like this. I had stopped listening to that rational side, though, fighting and venting all of my anger at the Yeerk. Anger at myself, still, for the decisions I had made and where they had landed me. Anger at being a voluntary prisoner in my own mind, a prisoner to a cruel stranger. All of this, some the Yeerk's fault, and some my own, I fired at it.
I wish you had died. Then perhaps the Council would have killed me. The Yeerk commented with bitterness.
Feeling empty, I had nothing to say. I had struck a nerve somewhere inside of my Yeerk. It closed all of its thoughts to me. Sinking into a familiar feeling of defeat, I decided to follow the Yeerk's advice and be a lookout.
After all, without any control of my body, what other purpose did I serve? Then in despair I wondered what purpose would I ever serve? Then I just blocked out my own thoughts and despair, watching around as much as possible, which wasn't much considering the Yeerk's digging through the trash had me looking at bags of garbage.
Then I felt something that made my blood run cold. Rough and dirty hands on my breasts.
Human! I screamed. The Yeerk seemed to snap back to attention, whirling the human body around to look at our attacker. An old man dressed in overalls and a plaid shirt that had without a doubt seen better days.
"We-eel." The old man whistled, and both the Yeerk and I flared up in outraged anger. "Looky what we got here."
The hick stepped towards us, and on instinct, the Yeerk moved the human body back closer to the garbage pails.
Then the old man ran up to us with a speed I never would have guessed at, seized the Yeerk and I by the shoulders and slammed us hard against the metal tin. I felt a sharp pain and the uncomfortable sensation of something dripping down my back. The Yeerk did nothing...maybe it was in shock from what happened?
Regardless, I was in control of my own body now and I needed to save myself. I now had a true focus for my anger and without a moment's abandon, I wrenched the old perverse hick off of me. Then with a dangerous glint in his eyes the old man drew out a knife -- a human weapon designed to cut the victim. He pinned me down again, this time against the rough cement with the knife to my neck. He licked his lips. "I like 'em feisty." He sneered.
Unable to do anything else, I bit down hard and long on the man's hand. He yelped out in pain and the knife clattered onto the cement next to me. I tried to reach for it, but the man stepped down on my wrist. I screamed in pain and kicked the man straight in the jaw, but not hard enough to stop him from knocking me with the flat of the knife. I felt my hold on consciousness fading in and out as the man lowered down, sitting on me.
Worm? Worm! I heard the Yeerk cry out as it came back into consciousness...about time.
I felt myself lose my control over my body. I was still close to passing out, however, and it looked like the old hick was going to have his way with my Yeerk and I. To my surprise, I felt boiling anger from the Yeerk. It was angry for my sake? Wrenching one arm free, the Yeerk slammed a human fist against the old man's face, knocking him to the ground off of us. Not forgetting what we needed to do, the Yeerk then pulled the man off of the ground by his shirt collar and slammed him hard on the edge of one of the garbage pails. He crumpled to the ground. Whether he was dead or merely unconscious I didn't know, nor did I really care. With a shocking steel mind, the Yeerk barely fought its disgust as it undid the buttons on the man's plaid shirt, forcibly wrenching it off of him. With a shudder of disgust coming from both of us, the Yeerk put on the shirt, which was large enough to cover our new human form. Then we ran like mice from that damned alleyway.
It was about a block later that we passed out in front of a brick house.
~~~~~~~~~~~
We awoke in a green room. Well, the walls were a medium kind of green. The Yeerk sat up, looking down at the sheets, which were covered in roses. Very nice by human standards, I'm sure, but strange to my Taxxon mind.
No longer were we wearing the grime-covered plaid shirt, to both the Yeerk's relief and mine. Instead we had been put into a pink fleece overshirt. Thank Mother Nova.
It was a few minutes later when the Yeerk spoke to me. Worm, are you all right? It asked.
Yes, I thought, I was just fine. Don't think that again. It said with a stern tone. Think what?
That you don't have any use. We're partners now, remember? The Yeerk's voice was wavering. We need to rely on each other, worm. As much as I'm responsible for our escape, so are you, so don't ever think that again.
My Yeerk began to cry. It was a human thing to shed tears, and something my Yeerk didn't seem to quite have control over. At first the sobs didn't quite escape, leaving as choking noises until the Yeerk began to sob and cry, shaking and gasping for breath as the tears fell from our eyes. As painful a process and it sounds, I think we both felt relieved. A strange thing it is, the way humans cleanse themselves of old emotion.
Why are you crying? I asked my Yeerk, feeling close to tears myself.
I've never had someone to trust. My Yeerk told me. I've never had a friend.
Friend. Yes, I thought with a rush of warmth spreading through me, Irijill-Nine-Two-Six was my friend.
Reader Response Time! (this is where you're supposed to clap and cheer, people!)
Aqua Illusion - See? I wrote more! So no more haunting me with the evil puppy dog eyes! It must be me, but I don't think I paid much attention to the swearing your story...then again, I watch Kevin Smith movies, so there you go.
The Sulking Quetzel - Whoa, thanks for the compliments. I hope this was a decent second chapter.
Myst - Yes, see, more chapters! **blink** What phrase are you talking about in your Stupid review, because I'm kind of lost. I'm not totally sure yet if Arbron is going to show up in the flesh, but I know he'll at least be mentioned. Yes, Esplin can be exceedingly stupid. Just you wait. Ack! Politics are scary, even fictional politics! And angst is fun, too!