I don't own Slayers, or any anime/manga things I mention in the future.
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"One million gold pieces!" said Lina, "Ok, how about a half million!"
"That's highway robbery!" said Prince Phil, "I don't even pay my body guards that much!"
"Well, I'm not your average body guard." Then the sorceress paused for a moment. "Since you are a good friend…five hundred thousand!"
The large man let out a thunder of a laugh, "OHOHOHOH!! Look, I wasn't born yesterday, Lina Inverse! I didn't maintain my stature as heir apparent for this long because of my looks. It takes brains to rule a country as well as fight for peace, love, and justice! OHOHOHOHOHOH!"
'Looks?' Lina said mentally. "Heh, heh! You can't blame a girl for trying!" She said out loud. 'Hmm, where have I heard that laugh before?'
"Why won't we start with one thousand gold pieces?"
"Ten thousand!"
"Two thousand!"
"Eight thousand!"
"Three thousand!
"Seven thousand!"
"Five!"
"Six!
"Sold!" said the happy prince, "You want to shake on that, to make it a deal?"
"Yup!" The red head and the prince shook hands.
"Wow, Lina, you sure drive a hard bargain!"
The large hairy man then saw the group of women come at him.
"There he is! Oh Prince Phil, I love you!" said one of the women waving her undies at him.
"Hey, your highness," screamed Lina, "this way!"
Both Gourry and the prince quickly followed the redhead into a room and immediately shut the door.
"I think we lost them, for now!" proclaimed the swordsman.
"So, Prince Phil," asked the sorceress, "why were those women after you?"
"I am a Prince, you know!" said the large hairy man proudly. Then, he smiled with that twinkling teeth thing that cliché heroes do all the time.
"Err, right!" Then the sorceress had a mental image of a cliché prince and that image suddenly crumbled before her. 'I still can't believe that this overgrown dwarf is really a prince. Life can be so unfair sometimes.'
"So, there's a prince convention going on in this town, right?" said Gourry. Lately, the swordsman was particularly and peculiarly perceptive. Lina noticed it, too!
"Yeah, that's right? So, what is this 'prince convention'?"
"Well, every year, princes from many countries come together to this town. We discuss princely matters. For example, ideas on how to run a kingdom, military techniques, tax policies, or damsel saving strategies. It's also a good way to build public relations with other countries." The tall ogre of a man looks out the window to see a crowd of screaming women. He sighs. "Since most of the princes who come here are single, many women also flock here with hopes of snagging one."
"Really?" the red head said with a hopeful expression in her face.
"Grrr, LINA!!!" said a jealous Gourry.
"Hey, can't blame a girl for trying!!!"
"By the way, where is my little Amelia?"
"Umm, Amelia…well you see…err…Amelia…" said a panicked Lina. 'How can I tell Phil that his little girl has run off with a monster, yet alone Zellas's general/priest.'
Then Gourry immediately jumps in. "Well, your highness, Amelia is with Xellos, probably in a roo-mmrph…" The sorceress grabs hold of the swordsman and shoves something in his mouth. Luckily, each of the rooms comes with a complementary bowl of fruit.
"Oh, Gourry, you look hungry, eat this banana!" Lina has her guardian (who has a bunch of bananas—peel and all—in his mouth) in a headlock. 'That jellyfish brain, out of all the times he has to remember something important, he does so now!'
"What," said the prince who looks a bit concerned, "she's with Xellos?"
"Well, you see, she's with Xellos because…because she is trying to convert him to the side of justice. Yeah, to the side of justice!"
Prince Phil looks very proud. "Oh, I am so proud of her! If there is anyone who can convert a monster to the side of righteousness, it's my little girl!" He wipes a tear from his eye.
'That was a close call!' Lina notices Gourry had finished—more like swallowed—all the bananas.
"Hey, Lina, thanks for the bananas!"
"Idiot!"
"So, why are you two here?" Prince Phil said with a sly grin.
"Lina and I were getting a rmmmph?" This time, Lina belts him one in the stomach.
Meanwhile…"Miss. Authoress, I can't believe you haven't done a thing except play online video games for the past two hours!!" said a very pissed off princess.
"Heh, heh! Well, I'm having a hard time trying to make up a story line! You know, I'm not usually the type that would write fan fiction. I'm really a biochemist in training who is also trying to get into med. school."
"What? You a doctor? HAHAHAHAHAH!!!" laughed Xellos and Amelia.
"Hey," said a very pissed off authoress 'Jerks! Why does everyone laugh when I mention that I'm going to be a doctor', "it's not easy trying to get into medical school. I'm really stressed, with studying for the MCAT, maintaining good grades, and working at the same time."
The princess and priest stops laughing. Then Miss. Justice asks, "So, if you are supposed to be doing that, then why are you writing this fanfic?"
Miss Authoress looking very serious, "I needed something to relieve the stress! Also, it's a good way to get my creative juices flowing. I have to deal with science related things twenty four hours a day and that can be boring. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy it. It's just that I need a break sometimes."
"Oh, well, I suppose…" The princess understood what the authoress was going through. She had to deal with her duties as a princess all the time and it does get really stressful. That was the reason she was traveling with Lina, to take a break from her royal duties.
Xellos interrupts, "So, you are basically suffering a strong case of procrastination and you don't feel like studying. Also, your Playstation® is broken because of constant usage!"
"BINGO!" the writer said automatically. Amelia face faults.
"So, when are you going to write this story?" Amelia asks with her eye twitching.
"I don't know. I need to get my muse working. Hmmm, I know a place where I can get some divine inspiration!"
"Where?" both Xellos and Amelia said together.
"Oh it's a wonderful mystical place. I go there whenever I need to relax or to figure a really tough physical chemistry problem, and it's open twenty four hours a day!"
"Where?" they asked with anticipation.
"Stake 'n Shake!!"
The two Slayer characters face fault again for the umpteenth time!
"Well…I need, sustenance in order to work my magic!" said a smiling authoress.
Meanwhile…"Do I have to wear this ridiculous disguise?" said an unhappy prince.
"Look, those women are looking for a prince not a queen—as in drag queen!! Get it! 'Prince' 'Drag queen' Bwahahaha!" guffawed the redhead. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself!"
Prince Phil looked at the mirror and sighed. He looked…well…picture Naga—breasts and all—with Amelia's hair cut. Now picture her, hyped up on steroids. 'Well, at least I could walk in public without getting harassed.' The giant of a man was not wearing a battle bikini (Thank Cepheid!), but was wearing a simple blue dress. The dress had long sleeves—to hide his hairy arms, a turtleneck (no plunging necklines here)—to hide his hairy chest, and a skirt reaching just above the ankles—no way was he going to shave his legs. He felt sort of naked since he had to shave off his mustache. The mustache was trademark of Sairuun male society. He was sad to see it not there.
"You look ten times younger without that mustache!" said Lina.
"You think?" Phil looks at the mirror again. 'Hey, she's right!'
"LINA!" A teary eyed Gourry comes out wearing his usual pink dress and Sailor Moon hairdo. "Why do I have wear this thing again? You enjoy humiliating me, don't you?" He falls to the ground drawing imaginary circles on the floor with his finger.
"Stop crying, you big baby? I don't want another tacky lady TRY to steal you off. Stand still, I have to put your makeup on." Lina said while trying to apply lipstick on the swordsman.
"Here, Gourry, TRY on this color eye shadow. It will complement your eyes! Also, you don't need blush, since your cheeks are naturally rosy. Plus these ribbons for your hair will go lovely with that dress." said the 'drag queen…err prince.'
The sorceress and swordsman both looked at the prince, with shocked expressions.
"Err, well…you see…Amelia, when she was a little girl, liked to play dress up. Since her mother and sister were not there to play girly games with her, I had to take their place. It was the just thing to do." Said a blushing prince.
Meanwhile…In a forest—few miles away from the town Lina and Gourry were in—is a love sick chimera, hell bent on revenge.
"Grrrr! Where are they?" said ticked off Zelgadis. "I just turned my back on them for a few seconds, and they leave me here all alone. Some friends...oh, who needs them, anyway!"
Actually, the chimera was too proud to admit that he was lost and that this was his own doing. For the past few hours, all he could think about was getting revenge and getting his princess back. He didn't realize that he strayed away from his two friends. "I'll get you Authoress, I'll make you pay for messing with my Amelia. I bet Xellos and the authoress are in on it together and are just manipulating my poor sweet Amelia." He also failed to realize that he was thinking out loud for the past few hours. Suddenly he heard a rustle in the bushes.
"Oh, shut up, already!" said a small voice coming from the bushes.
"Who said that?"
"'Revenge this,' 'oh my poor aching heart,' 'oh, I'm a chimera and everybody in world hates me,' waah my Amelia doesn't love me'…yadda yadda yadda! Please, get a life!"
"Grrrr! Come out and show yourself!"
"Only if it will get you to SHUTUP!"
Out of the bushes pops a cute little fairy boy. Well, more like a very upset, but cute little fairy boy.
"Ok, 'blue boy', now you see me! Will you finally shut your yap and get out of my forest?"
"Look, you little pip squeak, you shouldn't pick fights with people bigger than you!"
"Oh, I'm so scared!" the fairy said sarcastically. "What a dork!"
"Flair Arrow"
"Ha ha! You missed me!" The little guy gives Zel a 'raspberry!'
"Fireball" This time he hits something, but it wasn't the little fairy.
"Oh, look, he missed again! I bet you have rocks for brains, too!"
"Why you little…Val flair!" Again he misses.
"Nya nya nya nya nya! No wonder why that girl dumped you! What a wimp!" The fairy flips Zel the bird.
"Die you little son of a bitch!"
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Authoress's notes:
Sorry, I didn't plan on this chapter being so long. There is a second part to this chapter. I had to brake it down because of the length. The second part has a few kinks I have to work on! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully the next!