I don't own Slayers, or any anime/manga or television shows I mention in the future. I also don't own any rights to the mentioned restaurants or products in this story.
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"I'll have a steak (medium rare) and a strawberry shake, please!" said Xellos.
"Yes, and I would like the same, but well done for my steak."
"For the last time, WE DO NOT SERVE STEAKS, HERE!" said a very irate waitress. "Look, we serve steak burgers…STEAK BURGERS!"
"You guys, could you please stop tormenting the waitress and embarrassing me. I would like to come back here, again!" said Authoress cowering behind the menu.
"But Miss. Authoress, this is false advertising and my justice loving heart cannot tolerate this. For the sake of steak lovers everywhere, I, Amelia Wil Tesla de Sairuun, demand to see the manager. You with me, Xellos!"
"Although—this is out of character for me to do this—as a fellow steak lover I cannot allow this injustice to go on. Yes, I'm with you, princess. Hey, Authoress, are you with us?"
Then they both look at Authoress, who was now in another both, ordering her usual bacon steak burger combo and vanilla milkshake.
"I think they are talking to you, miss?" said a different waitress that was taking the authoress's order.
The authoress totally ignoring the two. "Huh, I have no idea who those two crazy people are! Can I have cheese with my fries?"
"Traitor!" screamed the princess.
The waitress that was attending to the two Slayers screamed towards the kitchen, "Hey, Butch, these customers want to see you!" . 'Heh, he'll teach 'em a thing or two!'
A gruff and manly voice hollers out from the kitchen, "What da hell do dey want? Dey better not be mess'n wit you, Deb!"
"Eeep, he sounds really scary! Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all!"
"But what happened to bringing justice for all the steak lovers everywhere?" questioned the priest.
"Yes, errr…right! For the sake of justice!" the black haired girl said unconvincingly. 'Stupid code of justice!'
Suddenly, out of the kitchen, comes out an awfully skinny, yet, angry guy. He sort of looks like Jeffery from 'Jeffery's Knighthood'. "Yeah, Deb, what do dey wants?"
"You're the manager!" said a shocked princess.
"Yeah, you want to make something of it!"
Suddenly, the princess regained her courage and jumped on top of the table doing her well known justice pose. She grabs an embarrassed Xellos up there, too! "Well, we think that this establishment is fooling its costumers into believing that they serve steak here. As fellow steak lovers and servants of justice…"
Xellos turns a bit green while holding his stomach. "I think this was a big mistake!"
"…I cannot let this lie go on further. I demand you change your name to 'Steak Burger n Shake'! If you don't then, do the righteous thing and serve us our steaks!"
"And if I don't, you little bitch?" said Butch.
"Darkness beyond twilight, crimson from blood that flows… "
Xellos screams, "Don't to it, Amelia! It's not worth it! We can go to Ponderosa®." 'She's been hanging around Lina, too much. Well, I better get the hell out of here.'
The managers, as well as the other waitresses, just stand there, clueless to what was going to happen. 'Guess they didn't watch the series. Too bad!'
Suddenly, Authoress, realizes what was going to happen and quickly replies, "Hey, miss, can I have a doggie bag, and hurry it up?" She quickly snatches the bag from the waitress's hands, puts her food in, grabs her shake, and hightails it out of the restaurant. 'Must save the food!'
"DRAGON SLAVE!!!"
Moments later, we find our three adventurers sitting beside a huge pit of smoldering ash that was once a Steak n Shake®.
"Can I have some fries?" asked the hungry priest.
"Yeah, can I have some fries, too?" said a teary eyed princess, who was also hungry.
"No!" said the authoress as she takes a bite of her bacon steak burger totally enjoying its savory taste. 'Serves them right for trying to change a good thing!' "Mmm, beefy!" She says this in her Homer Simpson® voice.
Meanwhile…Lina, Gourry, and Prince Phil were walking down the street heading for the mayor's house where the prince council meeting is held. The house looked more like a castle with a large gate surrounding it. They noticed a large crowd of women in front of the gates. Suddenly, a man—who was no doubt a prince—arrived in a carriage, in front the gates. No sooner did he step out of the carriage, a mob of prince hungry ladies took hold of the guy. He didn't even have a chance to scream for help and disappeared in the sea full of females.
"OH MY GOD!!!" Phil could not believe his eyes. Neither did Lina or Gourry.
"He…he…he just vanished!" Gourry said not believing what he just saw.
"Well, at least you two won't meet the same fate he did, " said the redhead, "also, you guys will blend in nicely among the crowd."
For the first time, Gourry was happy he looked like a girl. The price felt the same.
"So, Lina, how are we going to get inside?"
"Well, Gourry, I have a plan! Just follow my lead!"
Then the sorceress walkup to the crowd. "Hey look, it's the prince of Zephillia and the prince of Elmekia!"
"Where?" Cried a bunch of women.
"Over there!" Lina pointed out two men, who were probably not the princes, at a far off distance. If you ever saw deer in front of headlights, then you could probably understand how these two men looked like. The crowd of women stampedes towards the men, leaving the gates empty.
"Although, it was a bit unjust…that was pure genius, Miss. Inverse!" said the prince.
"Poor guys," Gourry said, "well, we should get going before those crazy women come back."
As they approached the gates, a couple of guards appear.
"Halt!" screamed one guard. "Only those who have an invitation can pass through these gates!"
Then the large hair female, who was the prince in drag, walks towards the guards. "Stand aside, for I am the Crowned Prince Philionel el de Saillune."
He shows them the invitation as well as the royal seal. The head guards back off letting the prince through the gates. As Lina and Gourry follow the prince, the guards stop them. "And where do you two think your going?"
"They are my body guards and they come with me."
The guards not willing to defy Phil (who would!), allowed them passage.
All of a sudden, the women returned to the gates.
"I guess they figured out that those men weren't princes." Said the redhead.
Gourry looked back towards the gates. He saw a bunch of guards trying fend themselves from the angry mob of women. "Yeah, we made it inside the gates just in time!"
The swordsman and sorceress followed the prince, who stopped in front of the doors of the mayor's house. The large man looked rather hesitant to open the doors. "This is rather embarrassing! How am I going to confront my friends looking like this."
"Well it's not like we had a choice," said Lina, "you don't want to end up like that guy we saw earlier? Don't worry, Gourry here is also dressed up. You won't be the only one!" Gourry does not look too thrilled.
Phil looked back at the crowd of women. One of the guards was yelling, "Help me!" His clothes were in rags. Poor guy! "I guess your right. I dressed like this for the sake of justice." 'And my life!'
As the prince pushes through the doors, he immediately sees a bunch of women. He begins to panic, then…
"Philionel, glad you can make it" said one of the ladies in a baritone voice.
"Henry!?" The prince faints.
Meanwhile…The authoress, the princess, and the priest are sitting in a twenty-four hour donut shop called, Krispy creams® (sp). The authoress felt sorry that her two guest were hungry (well they kept on complaining and it bugged the hell out of her that she finally decided to feed them).
"Mmm, these donuts are good!" said Amelia.
"I must agree with you, Princess, these donuts are delicious!" the squinty eyed one replied.
"Correction, they are not called donuts here, they are called Krispy Creams®!" as the writer stuffs two in her mouth.
"But these are donuts, right!"
Lady authoress quickly swallows, "Look Amelia, it's a commercial gimmick and if two so dare do anything bad to this fine establishment, I'll quickly write up some a hentai fic with two as my leading characters. Capeesh?!"
"Yes, mame!" they said in unison.
Deciding to change the subject, Xellos asks about the story line. "So, Lady Authoress, have you finally figured out a storyline?"
The writer looks at her laptop and replies, "Why yes, I actually have a storyline! However, I also found out I have a story written up as well!"
"Oh, that's wonderful!" The princess dances with joy at the sound of this and immediately stops. "Hey. Wait a minute, how can you have a story written up? This is the first time I've seen you open up your laptop since that Steak n Shake® incident."
"Yes, that doesn't make any sense. How could you have written up a story in such a short period of time.?" Asked Xellos.
"Well, if you don't believe me then take a look at the screen, yourself."
They both look at the screen and surly enough, there was a typed page in front of them. Yet, that was not the thing that shocked them. It was due to the fact that they were reading exactly what they were doing. The words just appeared out of nowhere. Kind of like the book in Fushigi Yugi, but on the computer. Apparently, this was freaking them out.
"Wow, this is so weird…hey look at that…it's actually writing down what I say!" said Amelia.
The priest stares at the screen, silently thinking. 'I wonder who is doing this.' He immediately realizes that it was also writing down his thoughts as well. "That's not fair!"
"Well, I guess you can't say 'That's a secret!" anymore!" replied the authoress. 'I guess we better watch what we are thinking, since nothings sacred.'
'Yeah!' both Amelia and Xellos thought in unison as they read the laptop screen.
"Ok, that was weird! So I guess we should find out who's doing this. I don't like the idea of being an actual character in my own story. I just wanted to stay an enigma."
"This is totally unjust, whoever is doing this to us will be smashed with the hammer of justice!" said the justice freak. "Hey, I'm not a justice freak!" 'Oh this guy will pay dearly for calling me that! I'm gonna dragon slave his sorry ass!' "Oh, shit, I forgot about that!"
"Wow, swearing aren't we? You really have vengeful spirit inside, Amelia?" asked Xellos as he read. 'It's kind a turning me on!'
"EWWWWW!" said the princess, who, "DIE-PERVERT-PUNCH!" The hentai monster soars through the air and hits the ceiling of the restaurant. Then, he falls into the floor.
"That's a new maneuver, Princess? Hey, what did I say about destroying this place??!!"
"Sorry, I couldn't help it!"
"Well, I guess he deserved it!" The writer looks at the messy lump on the floor that was Xellos.
"Oweee, Amelia, that was cruel!" Xellos rubs his sore head as well as his sore behind. 'I have to watch what I'm thinking!' "So what do we do now?"
"You've got mail!" the laptop said.
The authoress opens her email program and reads the letter. It says:
'Come to the Slayer world to answer all your questions!'
"It doesn't say who it's from!" said the authoress, "Well, I guess we should get going…but first lets get a couple of boxes of Krispy creams® to go! This is going to be a long trip!"
Meanwhile…"I think he's coming to!"
"Huh, what's going on?" The prince immediately saw a woman, who looks exactly like the prince of Zephillia. "Henry?"
"Hey old friend, it's good to see you again!" Henry replied.
The prince of Zephillia helps Phil up. He notices some of the women in the room look familiar.
"You scared us! We thought you had a heart attack!" replied another man in drag.
"Ralph, is that you?" The prince couldn't believe his eyes, all of his fellow comrades were all in woman's clothing.
"I guess you figured out a way to beat the crowds" said Prince Henry.
"Umm, yeah, it was my bodyguard's idea. By the way, where are the two people I came with?" The large man turns around and immediately sees the two by the buffet table. 'I should of known!'
At the buffet table…
"Hey Lina, I don't feel so bad wearing this dress, since all the other princes are dressed as girls, too!"
"Yeah, I've never seen so many 'drag queens' in one room. Bwahahaha! Boy, does that crack me up!"
"Umm, yeah, funny!" Gourry says in a sardonic tone.
A woman…err…let's assume he's a prince…gently taps the blond on the shoulder to get his attention. "Excuse me, I want to commend you on your appearance. If I didn't know better, I would of thought you were a lovely woman. Some of the other guys didn't believe you were a guy and made a bet. I guess I lost."
Gourry was totally mortified. Tears were running down his cheeks. "I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A GIRL!!!!" screamed Gourry.
"Oh, stop crying you'll! ruin your makeup! I did do a great job dressing you up, especially with Prince Phil's beauty secrets!" Lina said proudly. "Even the great Volunn (sp) refused to believe that you were a man!"
"LINA, you promised never to mention his name again!" Gourry was a bright shade of red by now. 'Plus, he didn't care if I was a woman or not. I'm glad that guy is not here!'
Then the prince turned to Lina. "Oh, and you need to add extra padding in certain areas, young man, and I think that's a little too much rouge for you. You need to look more feminine. I don't want to see those women snatching you up, now! HAHAHA!"
"Hey Lina, you aren't wearing any makeup…umm Lina!" The blond suddenly sees a fire ball heading in his direction. Which was also in the same direction of the man that was talking to them. Luckily the swordsman jumps out of the way. (He had a lot of practice.) Unfortunately, for that prince…well, he wasn't so lucky. He's lucky Lina didn't Dragon Slave his ass!
"Come on, Jellyfish brains, there's more food on the other side!" the sorceress says angrily, grabbing one of Gourry's pigtails.
"Oweee! Oh come on, Lina, your messing with my hair do!" says the blond while being dragged by famous dragon slayer. 'Again with the hair! I think it's about time I get a hair cut!'
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Next time:
Prince Phil and Sylphiel.
Grand Master G (a.k.a. Gourry): "I think I got a booty call."
Amelia: "Bad Zel...very bad!"
Lina: "By the way, where is ol' stone boy?"
Zel in a Beavis and Butthead tone: "Fire…heh heh…fire fire!"
Authoress: "Who are you? Why are you doing this? Give me back my story!"
Stay tuned…
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Notes:
Sorry it took me this long to update. Yeah, I promised Prince Phil and Sylphiel this chapter, but decided to put it in the Next chapter! From the looks of it, chapter four is a bit risk-ay! It's a bit to limey and I might tone it down a bit so I can put it up. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Review please!