Disclaimer: My brother and I have been joking about the theme of this
fanfic for some time now. I just felt like writing something random and
silly about it one day, so this was the result. I make no claims of
ownership to Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. They are creations
of the very cool Nobuhiro Watsuki, so please to not sue me, as I am in
college, and therefore very very poor. That being said, read on and enjoy!
Psychology-Ryu
Yamabushi's Note: The point of this story is essentially to show a pattern
that seems to play out in almost every battle in Rurouni Kenshin. It may
seem like pointless, random silliness to you...and you're probably right
^_^(). Onward!
ACT I: The First Season
Scene 1: Kenshin Himura vs. Jinei Udou
JINEI: Mwahaha! A manslayer is a manslayer until the day he dies! You can
never be anything else!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Retort-With-Personal-Philosophy! I may not be able to escape my past, but I can live my life to protect others with my sword, that I can!
JINEI: Noooo! (His resolve breaks and he attacks sloppily)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Jinei in one blow) Scene 2: Kenshin Himura vs. Sanosuke Sagara SANOSUKE: I will defeat the strongest of the Imperialists!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Identify-Childhood-Trauma! The one you looked up to was killed by the Imperialists, so you still hold a pointless grudge! Instead you should take steps to improve the world and live out your captain's dream!
SANOSUKE: Noooo! (attacks Kenshin sloppily)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Sanosuke in one blow) Scene 3: Kenshin Himura vs. Hannya HANNYA: I must defeat you to preserve the pride of the Oniwaban Group!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Point-Out-Flaw-In-Belief-Structure! You are taking Miss Megumi hostage, and there is no pride in that!
HANNYA: Shut up! (charges Kenshin)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Hannya in one blow) Scene 4: Kenshin Himura vs. Aoshi Shinomori AOSHI: By defeating the legendary Battousai, I will prove once and for all that the Oniwaban Group is the best!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Reveal-Ineffectuality-In-Personal-Goals! The days of the revolution are over, therefore being the strongest means nothing!
AOSHI: Damn you! (tries his Kaiten Kenbu)
(Kenshin is suddenly able to see a weakness in Aoshi's attack, and defeats him in one blow) ACT II: Psychology-Ryu vs. the Juppongatana Scene 1: Kenshin Himura vs. Chou the Sword-Hunter CHOU: (smiles evilly) I guess you've forgotten how good killin' someone can be...
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Contrary-Statement! I have no intention of taking another life again!
CHOU: Damn you! (attacks Kenshin)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Chou in one hit) Scene 2: Yahiko Myojin vs. Henya the Flight HENYA: Using my Hikku Happa technique, I'll destroy you from the air!
YAHIKO: Psychology-Ryu Ridicule-Technique! If you had any kind of warrior's pride, you wouldn't use such a cheap attack!
HENYA: Shut up! (attacks Yahiko)
(Yahiko suddenly devises a foolproof battle plan on the spot, and defeats Henya in one shot) Scene 3: Kaoru Kamiya and Misao Makimachi vs. Kamatari the Large Scythe
KAMATARI: I must destroy you for Lord Shishio!
KAORU AND MISAO: Psychology-Ryu Identify-Motivational-Element!
MISAO: You can't get close to the man you love, since that spot is already filled!
KAORU: Therefore, you do everything you can to make him happy, even though you'll never truly be happy yourself!
KAMATARI: Damn you both! (attacks them)
(Kaoru and Misao break Kamatari's scythe, then defeat him in one blow) Scene 4: Kaoru, Misao, and Yahiko vs. Iwanbo the Round Demon
IWANBO: Duh....
K,M,Y: Psychology-Ryu Futility! Everyone else has been defeated, so you don't stand a chance now!
(Iwanbo runs away) Scene 5: Seijuro Hiko vs. Fuji
FUJI: ROOOOAAAR!!!!
HIKO: Psychology-Ryu Sympathize! You're not a monster like everyone thinks you are. You are a true martial artist, and one deserving of love and affection!
(Fuji is overjoyed, and fights with another warrior as an equal for this first beautiful moment in his life. Hiko drops him like a sack of potatoes in one shot) Scene 6: Sanosuke Sagara vs. Anji the Destroyer
ANJI: I will destroy those who do not deserve to be saved, for only the innocent will receive my salvation!
SANOSUKE: Psychology-Ryu Strike-A-Nerve-With-Painful-Element-From-Past! Those children you cared for would never have wanted you to turn out like this! You shame them by becoming a killer!
(Anji gasps, slowly losing the will to fight. Sanosuke defeats him in one blow) Scene 7: Hajime Saito vs. Usui the Blind Sword USUI: Using my Eye of the Heart, I can see right through your mind!
SAITO: Psychology-Ryu Realize-Psychological-Fallacy! All you can do is hear well, and you're still hiding from the fact that you'll never be able to defeat Shishio!
USUI: Curse you! (attacks Saito)
(Saito unleashes his ultimate attack, defeating Usui in one blow) Scene 8: Kenshin Himura vs. Soujiro Seta SOUJIRO: If you're strong you live, and if you're weak you die!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Crisis-Counseling! Due to some childhood disaster, you shut away your emotions, and allowed Shishio to control your free will and instill into you a philosophy that you don't even believe yourself!
SOUJIRO: Arrrrgh! (uses the Shikuchi technique)
(Kenshin uses his final attack, defeating Soujiro in one blow) Scene 9: Kenshin Himura vs. Makoto Shishio SHISHIO: Only the strong survive in this world, and the weak are food for the strong to feast upon!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Counter-Philosophy-By-Using-Diametrically-Opposed- Beliefs! The strong must exist to protect the weak! What you are doing is evil, and therefore you will fall before my true ultimate attack, the AmakaCarl Jung Ryu No B.F. Skinner Sigmund Freudmeki!
SHISHIO: NOOOOOO! (attempts his own ultimate attack)
(Kenshin unleashes the ultimate attack of psychology, defeating Shishio in one blow) THE END ************ Yamabushi's Note: Well, that about wraps up this little literary gem...Hope you enjoyed it, or at least managed to kill some time. Have any questions or comments? Feel free to mail me at KinjiruSan13@aol.com. Good night, everybody!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Retort-With-Personal-Philosophy! I may not be able to escape my past, but I can live my life to protect others with my sword, that I can!
JINEI: Noooo! (His resolve breaks and he attacks sloppily)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Jinei in one blow) Scene 2: Kenshin Himura vs. Sanosuke Sagara SANOSUKE: I will defeat the strongest of the Imperialists!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Identify-Childhood-Trauma! The one you looked up to was killed by the Imperialists, so you still hold a pointless grudge! Instead you should take steps to improve the world and live out your captain's dream!
SANOSUKE: Noooo! (attacks Kenshin sloppily)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Sanosuke in one blow) Scene 3: Kenshin Himura vs. Hannya HANNYA: I must defeat you to preserve the pride of the Oniwaban Group!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Point-Out-Flaw-In-Belief-Structure! You are taking Miss Megumi hostage, and there is no pride in that!
HANNYA: Shut up! (charges Kenshin)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Hannya in one blow) Scene 4: Kenshin Himura vs. Aoshi Shinomori AOSHI: By defeating the legendary Battousai, I will prove once and for all that the Oniwaban Group is the best!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Reveal-Ineffectuality-In-Personal-Goals! The days of the revolution are over, therefore being the strongest means nothing!
AOSHI: Damn you! (tries his Kaiten Kenbu)
(Kenshin is suddenly able to see a weakness in Aoshi's attack, and defeats him in one blow) ACT II: Psychology-Ryu vs. the Juppongatana Scene 1: Kenshin Himura vs. Chou the Sword-Hunter CHOU: (smiles evilly) I guess you've forgotten how good killin' someone can be...
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Contrary-Statement! I have no intention of taking another life again!
CHOU: Damn you! (attacks Kenshin)
(Kenshin unleashes a random attack, defeating Chou in one hit) Scene 2: Yahiko Myojin vs. Henya the Flight HENYA: Using my Hikku Happa technique, I'll destroy you from the air!
YAHIKO: Psychology-Ryu Ridicule-Technique! If you had any kind of warrior's pride, you wouldn't use such a cheap attack!
HENYA: Shut up! (attacks Yahiko)
(Yahiko suddenly devises a foolproof battle plan on the spot, and defeats Henya in one shot) Scene 3: Kaoru Kamiya and Misao Makimachi vs. Kamatari the Large Scythe
KAMATARI: I must destroy you for Lord Shishio!
KAORU AND MISAO: Psychology-Ryu Identify-Motivational-Element!
MISAO: You can't get close to the man you love, since that spot is already filled!
KAORU: Therefore, you do everything you can to make him happy, even though you'll never truly be happy yourself!
KAMATARI: Damn you both! (attacks them)
(Kaoru and Misao break Kamatari's scythe, then defeat him in one blow) Scene 4: Kaoru, Misao, and Yahiko vs. Iwanbo the Round Demon
IWANBO: Duh....
K,M,Y: Psychology-Ryu Futility! Everyone else has been defeated, so you don't stand a chance now!
(Iwanbo runs away) Scene 5: Seijuro Hiko vs. Fuji
FUJI: ROOOOAAAR!!!!
HIKO: Psychology-Ryu Sympathize! You're not a monster like everyone thinks you are. You are a true martial artist, and one deserving of love and affection!
(Fuji is overjoyed, and fights with another warrior as an equal for this first beautiful moment in his life. Hiko drops him like a sack of potatoes in one shot) Scene 6: Sanosuke Sagara vs. Anji the Destroyer
ANJI: I will destroy those who do not deserve to be saved, for only the innocent will receive my salvation!
SANOSUKE: Psychology-Ryu Strike-A-Nerve-With-Painful-Element-From-Past! Those children you cared for would never have wanted you to turn out like this! You shame them by becoming a killer!
(Anji gasps, slowly losing the will to fight. Sanosuke defeats him in one blow) Scene 7: Hajime Saito vs. Usui the Blind Sword USUI: Using my Eye of the Heart, I can see right through your mind!
SAITO: Psychology-Ryu Realize-Psychological-Fallacy! All you can do is hear well, and you're still hiding from the fact that you'll never be able to defeat Shishio!
USUI: Curse you! (attacks Saito)
(Saito unleashes his ultimate attack, defeating Usui in one blow) Scene 8: Kenshin Himura vs. Soujiro Seta SOUJIRO: If you're strong you live, and if you're weak you die!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Crisis-Counseling! Due to some childhood disaster, you shut away your emotions, and allowed Shishio to control your free will and instill into you a philosophy that you don't even believe yourself!
SOUJIRO: Arrrrgh! (uses the Shikuchi technique)
(Kenshin uses his final attack, defeating Soujiro in one blow) Scene 9: Kenshin Himura vs. Makoto Shishio SHISHIO: Only the strong survive in this world, and the weak are food for the strong to feast upon!
KENSHIN: Psychology-Ryu Counter-Philosophy-By-Using-Diametrically-Opposed- Beliefs! The strong must exist to protect the weak! What you are doing is evil, and therefore you will fall before my true ultimate attack, the AmakaCarl Jung Ryu No B.F. Skinner Sigmund Freudmeki!
SHISHIO: NOOOOOO! (attempts his own ultimate attack)
(Kenshin unleashes the ultimate attack of psychology, defeating Shishio in one blow) THE END ************ Yamabushi's Note: Well, that about wraps up this little literary gem...Hope you enjoyed it, or at least managed to kill some time. Have any questions or comments? Feel free to mail me at KinjiruSan13@aol.com. Good night, everybody!