All standard disclaimers apply.

Kimi ga irukara…

(Because you're here…)

Chapter One:Kangaekomu

…to be lost in thought

"I watched her slip through my fingers, going to another. I wanted to stop her, hold on to the memories that I had of her. Maybe even create new memories together. But like the small grains of sand on the beach, she slipped away. Leaving me with only a memory of her presence."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yuki woke up, cold and shivering. Be it from the open window or crack under the door, the cold air always found a way into his room.

Sensing that he would get no reprieve from the cold, Yuki got up. He looked at the clock on his bedside table. In the darkness of his room, the numbers '0630' glowed an eerie green.

Still early. He would not have to do anything until much later. Yuki was much too free. Bare feet touched the cold floor and made their way into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, Yuki had come out, in a woolly gray sweatshirt and thick pants. He still could not get used to the cold, even though he had been living here for almost a year.

In the kitchen, Yuki prepared himself a cup of instant coffee. He decided against cooking anything. His cooking had yet to improve. Often, he ate out and if he needed to stock up on food, it would be of the instant kind. He had not eaten a decent meal since…he said 'goodbye'.

Yuki tried to focus on other things. He sipped his coffee, the strong brew making its way into his body. Somehow it seemed to deaden his senses as well. The coffee sent him into and early morning daydream. It was rare for him to be able to think idly. And neither did he want to. For inevitably, it only brought back memories of her.

* * * * * * * * * * *

He had gotten used to the delicious breakfasts she prepared for them all. Every morning, there was something different set out on the table. Yuki never knew how Tohru could manage to find the time to cook every morning. He had difficulty in trying to find the salt and pepper shakers alone.

Yuki ate the pancakes with relish. As always they were delicious. Tohru had even added an extra knob of butter on his pancakes, knowing how much he loved the slightly salty taste of butter mingled with the sweetness of syrup. It was the little things like this that showed how much she cared.

'If only her love was only for me…' Yuki thought.

He was so busy eating that he barely noticed the 'baka neko' settle down on the opposite end of the table. Kyou had already eaten, but like Yuki, he wanted to bask in the glow of Tohru's warm aura. Shigure came in a moment later. His face registered sleepiness but he immediately perked up at the sight of pancakes.

For once, the house was quiet, save for Tohru's humming as she washed the dishes. Sunlight streamed through the windows, highlighting her long, brown hair. As Yuki ate, he took the time to gaze at Tohru. There were some differences in her. But of course, one had to expect changes to occur by the time that one was 20 years old.

Tohru had of late matured and become a ……woman. Yes, that was the word one would use to describe her.

Her long hair was the same, but gone was the long fringe. It was replaced by short wisps of hair that fluttered around her face. Tohru's face had lost some of its baby fat, making her delicate features more pronounced. Eyes that seemed to take up most of her face in youth seemed smaller yet had lost none of their innocence and merriment.

'And she has gained curves in all the right places,' Yuki thought and immediately blushed.

"Souma-kun, daijoubu ka?"

Tohru was suddenly in front of him. Yuki felt her cool fingers on his forehead.

"I'm f-," Yuki was about to reassure Tohru when Shigure interrupted him.

"Ooh……Yuki-kun, are you alright?!! You stared at Tohru-kun for so long, ne? Do you need Tohru to attend to you? Why if you need some 'rabu-rabu' moments, why didn't you just say so? Kyou and I would be pleased to leave the two of you alone. Ne, Kyou-kun?"

"Urusai na baka inu," Yuki said harshly, trying to keep his temper in check.

Shigure had struck a chord in him, with his talk of 'rabu-rabu moments'. Yuki had known all this while that he loved Tohru. He wanted to tell her so badly that it hurt him. But…for some reason he never did. For all his 'coolness' and 'princely charm', Yuki was still a first-timer at this feeling called 'love'. So he had chosen to stand in the sidelines, content to have Tohru smile at him everyday.

Tohru had looked a little clueless at Shigure's joke but soon recovered her composure.

"Ah…minna-san, I have something to tell you all. I…uh…ee-to…"

Tohru's face reddened and suddenly in a torrent of words said,

"IamgettingmarriedtoYanagisawaYuusuke."

There was silence, as the Soumas present took a moment to absorb this new piece of information.

Tohru let out a sigh and continued to talk animatedly, now that the most difficult part was over.

"I wanted to tell the three of you first, as you are the closest Soumas to me. Yuusuke popped the question to me on our date last night. And I have accepted his proposal. I have been expecting this for some time now. Yuusuke and I are so very much in…love. I hope you will give me your blessings."

"Of course, we will Tohru-kun. Oh my Tohru-kun is all grown up already!"

Shigure had stood up and was shaking Tohru's hands. Yuki and Kyou kept quiet; each lost in their own thoughts.

Yuki searched his mind for the name 'Yanagisawa Yuusuke'. And then he remembered that Yuusuke had been dating Tohru for six months now. He was not particularly good-looking and on the occasions Yuki had made small talk with him, he seemed like such a plain person. Or maybe, it was just his jealousy that was thinking all this?

"Omedetou," Yuki had managed to say softly to Tohru.

"My blessings to you," Kyou choked out the words. Yuki knew that he too shared some feelings for Tohru. And now, both of them were late. Far too late.

"We'll still be friends, right?" Tohru had asked.

* * * * * * * * * * *

That was one year and a few months ago. Things change so quickly in such a short span of time.

'I was selfish,' thought Yuki.

The coffee was long gone. In his hands, was the empty ceramic cup.

'I left for England so that I wouldn't have to bear all the hate that I had for myself. And I'm sure in the process, I made Tohru worry. What kind of person am I? Weak, ultimately weak. At least Kyou was strong enough to stay. But me…'

Yuki did not want to think anymore. It hurt his mind.

He got up from the chair that he had unknowingly sat in. Classes would be start soon, and he wanted to go to that art exhibition in London.

Glossary:

'baka neko: stupid cat

urusai na baka inu: shut stupid dog

daijoubu ka: are you alright?

omedetou: congratulations

By the way, 'to eat with relish' means to eat appreciatively.

Next chapter: Hisashiburi

~ a chance encounter*a beautiful painting hung on the wall*secrets~

~* paper star *~

paper_soap@hotmail.com

Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcome.