Writing my fics gives me tons of knowledge of many things in life. As does reading, they open a new world to me. Although it might seem awkward for me at my age to be writing about pregnancy and miscarriages, suicide and cutting but knowledge is power and it helps me grow and mature.

I was talking about parents with some of my friends and all of them said they don't talk to their parents about the things I do and I realized that my mother has helped me grow a lot and I thought we weren't really close but listening to my friends made me realize that I'm close to my Momz and I can talk to her about anything with out her thinking that I'm strange or that she won't understand. I'm close to my Momz even at this age. It might not seem much to you all but it does to me, my Momz had two miscarriages before me and their was no hope for her having a baby, that's what the doctor said at least until me, her miracle baby.

I asked my Momz about miscarriages and pregnancy and I never felt like I couldn't talk to her about anything (well besides one thing, my real Dad who left me when I was baby, I didn't want to talk about him around her.) She made me promise to not have sex till I'm out of high school and this promise might seem weird to most people but it's not and my Momz cares about me.

They say that talking is the key, because you can't learn to walk unless you learn to crawl first.

Story Dedicated to My love of My Momz and to all who have gone threw the loss of a child!

Regaining Strength

By MoshiMoshiQueen

~Thoughts~

"Talking"

(Me Talking)

Sakura's POV

For days I saw Syaoran straining to not block him self out from the world, but I knew healing would take a long time. (Did you actually think that they would just heal over night?  I don't think so! In real life it takes months even years.)

He was giving all her had and tried his best but it was me that was the problem, we had taken the first step but then I got lost and didn't know where to go.

Syaoran helped me find my way back but my heart was still half-empty while his was getting full.

I knew some steps to help me heal, like Syaoran I needed to get out I needed to stay busy, read books, eat out and shop. Tomoyo helped me do these things while Eriol helped Syaoran. We both stayed busy but not to busy that we didn't see each other.

We did things together and made love to remind us of what we were fighting for.

Although I knew Syaoran felt what I was feeling, I knew he didn't understand completely. Telling him that was hard but he knew what I meant. So he took to my support group everyday and it helped us both start to cope and feel understood.

Most couples would have been angry if the other partner says 'you don't understand' but us we knew we didn't completely understand each other, we knew what we needed to do to heal.

When I mean healing I don't mean forgetting or 'getting over it' I mean to stop the guilt and grieving. To not forget but to honor her life and treasure the moments I had with her in my stomach, growing, breathing and living for that short time.

I sometimes felt dependent on my group but knew I wouldn't need them all the time and knew that I needed to be independent and not dependent on any thing.

I some how knew that I was almost half way up the stairs, we both were and sometimes when I saw pregnant women past I felt the pain again but knew I had to grow and gain my strength again.

I needed to be happy and live life again. To not forget but to learn.

Syaoran and I talked every night, sharing our feelings and thoughts, which helped the most, threw our process and I don't know what I would do with out him. I would have been lost with out him by my side.

Some how threw all our pain we gained new undying love, we knew we would be together forever because getting threw a time like this and still going strong.

One thing was on my mind the whole week but I didn't know how to say or even tell Syaoran about it. What would he say? What would he do? Questions went threw my mind but I couldn't keep something from him.

Communication was something that was helping us heal and I couldn't cut the communication we had.

So I finally did it, I sat down next to him and looked him in the eyes and finally let it out after months after our baby's death I said it.

"Syaoran, I want to try again."

Healing is something that doesn't come over night, it took about five or six months for Sakura and Syaoran to remotely come close to the end of their healing process. If you don't know what she means by, "Syaoran, I want to try again." Sakura means she wants to have a baby again. She is ready to try again even if in the back of her mind says I might be another miscarriage.

Doctors say you should waste at least third cycles before trying again because you might still have tissue in you and when you take the test again and it says your pregnant it might be reading the left behind tissue and you will go into more grief. You can find out more about this here- http://www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

I hope you liked this chapter. Please R+R if you want.