I went into the hotel with a flashlight in the hand that wasn't wielding my trusty pistol. The hotel lobby was dark despite my high-powered flashlight. It wasn't dusty and full of cobwebs like I had pictured. It was pretty normal looking, but abandoned and had that general feeling of evil. I decided to check everything and went straight to the door almost completely even with the front door. It was the small, cramped ATM room. I looked for a light switch and looked at the ceiling, hoping for some evidence of lighting. Instead, I saw a flesh-hungry zombie hanging from the ceiling. I shot at it twice and its lifeless, mouth-less body fell to me. I threw it into the lobby and followed the sliding undead body. "Great," I said to myself. "What an ideal way to start this off." The zombie body remained lifeless and I went behind the counter. I took the keys, conveniently placed in the first drawer and went into the main hallway.
I unlocked the first door and looked around. It was a small room with a fairly large bed. On the bed, there was a weird-looking kid with his index finger in the air. "You will die in here," he informed me in a creepy-sounding British accent. "You will be impaled, disemboweled then dismembered. Your mother will then be brought in to lecture you on your poor dying manners." I looked around the room and saw that a bunch of phrases notifying me of my death on the walls and ceiling. I yawned, but not intentionally. "You will be force-fed to your mother, who will be forced to give us feedback. We will add spices and condiments until you become quite pleasurable to eat. After her first two bites of this new good-tasting version of your body, she will be denied more of your flesh."
"Ok kid, you had this coming." I whipped off my belt and took the kid on my knee. I sat on the bed and disciplined him just like his British zombie parents should have. "Don't complain about this kid. You just don't talk about a guy's death or his flesh like that. Where did you learn something like that anyways? I bet it was that MTV. Another thing, you just don't talk about a guy's mom that way. Sure, it's fine in casual conversation, but in your case, it's just plain disrespectful." He was crying pretty badly, but I was getting worked up. I managed to get a constant spanking speed going as I lectured him. "You will be force-fed to your mother," I said mockingly. "You think YOUR mother wants you talking like that? You want me to tell her what you said to me and what you did to this hotel room? This used to be a good hotel room. Look at it now. You messed up the bed, moved the sofa out of place, banged up the TV. And you wrote on the walls too. Your mother never told you not to write on the walls. You should be ashamed. This behavior, it's just pathetic. So is your writing. 'You have been dying since you have came into this hotel.' First issue - Way to misspell dying, junior. Secondly, learn some grammar. Came into this hotel? Come. Tense agreement, mofo. Oh, another brilliant example here. 'Your dead.' My dead? Sorry, I've never owned any dead. No living either. You expect me to be scared of a bunch of brain-dead kids and zombies? Go home, you pathetic piece of disappointment."
I let the kid off and he ran out of the hotel crying. I walked out, convinced that there was nothing left in there. I broke into the next room and had just realized I still had the keys. I got pretty worked up over that kid. I saw something floating in the air that didn't look too different from the typical ghost. I shot at it, but the bullets just went through it. "I will haunt you, Captain Strong," it said eerily.
I was surprised at first to see an actual ghost, but came to my senses. "Dude, whatever. You're a ghost. Not the cool, violent kind too. What are you going to do, float through me until I get annoyed and leave?"
"I might if it comes to that."
"Well, go right ahead," I said as I walked through him and to the refrigerator. "I have to deal with kids all the time. I make this annual trip to the preschooler and you'd be surprised how active they can be." I took out a coke and a nicely wrapped piece of pie and went over to the recliner.
"Hey, come on. I was saving that. The only thing us transparent ghosts can touch is food. My mom made that."
"Tell her to make some more. It's pretty good," I said as I flipped through the channels. Halfway through the pie, I had decided on Seinfeld and had blocked out the ghost, which had given up pretty quickly. After Seinfeld was over, I remembered the task at hand. I left the room and continued the search. The next room was empty and a waste of time, but the one after that turned out a bit more interesting. I heard someone in the bathroom, which was unlocked. She was singing and I was drawn to her, with both weapons in my hands. The back of her head was familiar, but that's just something you say and never mean. In fact, she had an ordinary back of the head with ordinary blonde hair.
"Wow, it's Captain Strong," she said, revealing that same familiar accent. "I never thought you would have gotten this far. I thought you would have gone down right in that house I sent you to."
"Why was I sent there?"
"Because of me, the money and my naturally good looks. 15 years young. In undead years. I died when I was 45. Pretty good for a middle-aged girl, don't you think?"
"Sorry, I don't date the undead. Same thing with vegetarians. I'd just never get used to the eating habits."
"I'm committed to one man and one man only, honey. Oh, now I remember why I didn't have you killed off. He works with you. I felt a bit sorry for him."
"That station was shaky enough before I left. I feel sorry for him too. The other guys never get anything done."
"You weren't that hot either, Strong. You were brought in here to get eaten, so stop hesitating. Even if you do get out of here, you'll just get eaten in here. We have the hotel entrance blocked."
"Eaten? That's all?" A dagger answered for her. I caught the arm before it got close. "You've been dead for 15 years? That lack of living experience is really showing. For a cop wife, you have terrible aim." I took the dagger and stabbed her soft, but in the unique zombie way, gut and plugged her twice in the head.
I re-loaded my gun and went into the next room. Mr. T was in there with five zombies playing some card game. "Yo foo, we've been looking for you. I just caught up with some high school friends while I was waiting."
"So, what's on the line?"
"Our souls." The zombies put down their cards and one of them said, "You lose."
"Hey foo, you cheated." Before Mr. T was able to make a bigger argument, his had had been broken open and his brains were being eaten. I shot at a few of the zombies then ran. I tried lighting the walls on fire with the flame thrower as I ran through the hall, but I'm not sure if I was successful. I ran outside and saw something flying past my head. I looked behind me and that object had been lodged in a zombie's head. I continued going further away from the hotel and saw Sharon outside the van with a big bag of bagels.
"Hey, I guess I'm just good with bread. Get in. On the driver's side this time." I followed her orders as she killed off some more zombies with her bagels. I started the van and slowly drove from the hotel. I went down and saw that I had quite a few zombies to plow down. I sped down the street, but pulled a 180 while going through the sea of zombies. A few of them clung on, but I managed to fling them off as I veered wildly yet smartly. I told Sharon to watch the streets and she told me all of them were blocked. I was forced to drive through the cemetery gate and over the surprisingly open field of tombstones. Our getaway was interrupted after we hit a huge hole that was easy to miss due to the darkness.
We climbed out easily, but zombies were closing in from all sides. I had the flamethrower going while I shot some zombies from the driver's side of the van while Sharon used her bagels. "I'm out of bagels and I was only able to kill one of them with the bag!"
"Get on the roof! I'll take care of them!" I climbed on as well. "Oh, even better - try to use this thing." I handed her Mr. T's flamethrower and she was torching zombies with ease. The zombies were getting closer and I was running low on bullets. "Well, this is it. Last ditch effort; Jump into them." I leapt into the massive crowd of zombies, shooting wildly. I was lucky enough to land on the soft grass. I looked at my watch. It was November 1st and I had just noticed the sunrise. The zombies were heading into the cemetery forest and I began looking for Sharon. I just laid on the ground out of exhaustion and lack of desire to do anything else as I saw her open, brainless body being dragged with the zombies.
I unlocked the first door and looked around. It was a small room with a fairly large bed. On the bed, there was a weird-looking kid with his index finger in the air. "You will die in here," he informed me in a creepy-sounding British accent. "You will be impaled, disemboweled then dismembered. Your mother will then be brought in to lecture you on your poor dying manners." I looked around the room and saw that a bunch of phrases notifying me of my death on the walls and ceiling. I yawned, but not intentionally. "You will be force-fed to your mother, who will be forced to give us feedback. We will add spices and condiments until you become quite pleasurable to eat. After her first two bites of this new good-tasting version of your body, she will be denied more of your flesh."
"Ok kid, you had this coming." I whipped off my belt and took the kid on my knee. I sat on the bed and disciplined him just like his British zombie parents should have. "Don't complain about this kid. You just don't talk about a guy's death or his flesh like that. Where did you learn something like that anyways? I bet it was that MTV. Another thing, you just don't talk about a guy's mom that way. Sure, it's fine in casual conversation, but in your case, it's just plain disrespectful." He was crying pretty badly, but I was getting worked up. I managed to get a constant spanking speed going as I lectured him. "You will be force-fed to your mother," I said mockingly. "You think YOUR mother wants you talking like that? You want me to tell her what you said to me and what you did to this hotel room? This used to be a good hotel room. Look at it now. You messed up the bed, moved the sofa out of place, banged up the TV. And you wrote on the walls too. Your mother never told you not to write on the walls. You should be ashamed. This behavior, it's just pathetic. So is your writing. 'You have been dying since you have came into this hotel.' First issue - Way to misspell dying, junior. Secondly, learn some grammar. Came into this hotel? Come. Tense agreement, mofo. Oh, another brilliant example here. 'Your dead.' My dead? Sorry, I've never owned any dead. No living either. You expect me to be scared of a bunch of brain-dead kids and zombies? Go home, you pathetic piece of disappointment."
I let the kid off and he ran out of the hotel crying. I walked out, convinced that there was nothing left in there. I broke into the next room and had just realized I still had the keys. I got pretty worked up over that kid. I saw something floating in the air that didn't look too different from the typical ghost. I shot at it, but the bullets just went through it. "I will haunt you, Captain Strong," it said eerily.
I was surprised at first to see an actual ghost, but came to my senses. "Dude, whatever. You're a ghost. Not the cool, violent kind too. What are you going to do, float through me until I get annoyed and leave?"
"I might if it comes to that."
"Well, go right ahead," I said as I walked through him and to the refrigerator. "I have to deal with kids all the time. I make this annual trip to the preschooler and you'd be surprised how active they can be." I took out a coke and a nicely wrapped piece of pie and went over to the recliner.
"Hey, come on. I was saving that. The only thing us transparent ghosts can touch is food. My mom made that."
"Tell her to make some more. It's pretty good," I said as I flipped through the channels. Halfway through the pie, I had decided on Seinfeld and had blocked out the ghost, which had given up pretty quickly. After Seinfeld was over, I remembered the task at hand. I left the room and continued the search. The next room was empty and a waste of time, but the one after that turned out a bit more interesting. I heard someone in the bathroom, which was unlocked. She was singing and I was drawn to her, with both weapons in my hands. The back of her head was familiar, but that's just something you say and never mean. In fact, she had an ordinary back of the head with ordinary blonde hair.
"Wow, it's Captain Strong," she said, revealing that same familiar accent. "I never thought you would have gotten this far. I thought you would have gone down right in that house I sent you to."
"Why was I sent there?"
"Because of me, the money and my naturally good looks. 15 years young. In undead years. I died when I was 45. Pretty good for a middle-aged girl, don't you think?"
"Sorry, I don't date the undead. Same thing with vegetarians. I'd just never get used to the eating habits."
"I'm committed to one man and one man only, honey. Oh, now I remember why I didn't have you killed off. He works with you. I felt a bit sorry for him."
"That station was shaky enough before I left. I feel sorry for him too. The other guys never get anything done."
"You weren't that hot either, Strong. You were brought in here to get eaten, so stop hesitating. Even if you do get out of here, you'll just get eaten in here. We have the hotel entrance blocked."
"Eaten? That's all?" A dagger answered for her. I caught the arm before it got close. "You've been dead for 15 years? That lack of living experience is really showing. For a cop wife, you have terrible aim." I took the dagger and stabbed her soft, but in the unique zombie way, gut and plugged her twice in the head.
I re-loaded my gun and went into the next room. Mr. T was in there with five zombies playing some card game. "Yo foo, we've been looking for you. I just caught up with some high school friends while I was waiting."
"So, what's on the line?"
"Our souls." The zombies put down their cards and one of them said, "You lose."
"Hey foo, you cheated." Before Mr. T was able to make a bigger argument, his had had been broken open and his brains were being eaten. I shot at a few of the zombies then ran. I tried lighting the walls on fire with the flame thrower as I ran through the hall, but I'm not sure if I was successful. I ran outside and saw something flying past my head. I looked behind me and that object had been lodged in a zombie's head. I continued going further away from the hotel and saw Sharon outside the van with a big bag of bagels.
"Hey, I guess I'm just good with bread. Get in. On the driver's side this time." I followed her orders as she killed off some more zombies with her bagels. I started the van and slowly drove from the hotel. I went down and saw that I had quite a few zombies to plow down. I sped down the street, but pulled a 180 while going through the sea of zombies. A few of them clung on, but I managed to fling them off as I veered wildly yet smartly. I told Sharon to watch the streets and she told me all of them were blocked. I was forced to drive through the cemetery gate and over the surprisingly open field of tombstones. Our getaway was interrupted after we hit a huge hole that was easy to miss due to the darkness.
We climbed out easily, but zombies were closing in from all sides. I had the flamethrower going while I shot some zombies from the driver's side of the van while Sharon used her bagels. "I'm out of bagels and I was only able to kill one of them with the bag!"
"Get on the roof! I'll take care of them!" I climbed on as well. "Oh, even better - try to use this thing." I handed her Mr. T's flamethrower and she was torching zombies with ease. The zombies were getting closer and I was running low on bullets. "Well, this is it. Last ditch effort; Jump into them." I leapt into the massive crowd of zombies, shooting wildly. I was lucky enough to land on the soft grass. I looked at my watch. It was November 1st and I had just noticed the sunrise. The zombies were heading into the cemetery forest and I began looking for Sharon. I just laid on the ground out of exhaustion and lack of desire to do anything else as I saw her open, brainless body being dragged with the zombies.