Chapter 5 Furters Don't Romance
Leaning back in my seat I gaze at the pad resting on my knees and gnaw the end of my pen. Standing
behind me arms crossed, Viker looks over my shoulder at what I'm writing. Slightly annoyed at his prying
I glare at him,
' Do you know anything about reanimation? ' I retort crossly, tapping my pen on the paper. Viker shakes
his head and his chubby jowls wobble.
' Then kindly mind your own business and let me study. I've got to finish this essay !' Viker shrugs and I
turn back to my work. From the other side of the library table, Caulos looks up from his work and chuckles.
' Your new friend doesn't say much, does he? ' he smiles. I frown and cross out the sentence I have just
written.
' He isn't my friend. ' I state grumpily. ' My mother sent him to nanny me !' Okay this a half-truth but I
was given strict instructions not to tell anyone about last Saturday's meeting. The last week has been a
living Hell for me. At first, it was kind of fun having my personal bodyguard to follow me around but the
novelty quickly wore off. Viker has been given orders to escort me everywhere and I do mean everywhere!
From the moment I wake to when I crawl into bed at night he is at my side and it is very frustrating. I do
get some privacy for some of the more intimate parts of my routine but Viker's never far from my side
looking out for potential assassins. This is part of the reason that I feel, shall we say ' tense'. Viker's
constant presents has meant that I have been unable to enjoy certain pleasures. It is very difficult to reach
that point off carnal bliss when you know any moment an overweight silent killing machine is going to
burst in and interrupt that special moment. To be fair this hasn't actually happened but the very thought of
it has a tendency to hinder my performance! The fact of the matter is, when it's come to the moment of
truth, over the last week I haven't managed to do what should come naturally. Most of my lovers have been
very sympathetic, Caulos and Phoenix in particular, but I don't want it getting out, it could ruin a very well
earned reputation!
Of course, my personal problems aren't the only thing praying on my mind. The whole deal with the River
of Nights Dreaming has been haunting me so much so I haven't been able to concentrate on anything much,
least of all my coarse work. It is a horrendous thought that somewhere there are people who long to see me
dead. I have always considered myself as a likable and open person, I cannot understand why anyone
would hate me with such intensity. It has made me suspicious of nearly everyone. The woman who served
me my dinner, the street vendor that I past on the way to college, strangers who hold eye contact a moment
too long. What are they plotting? Do they despise me? I cannot relax. Only one person calms my nerves,
soothes my spirit and that is Phoenix. Don't ask me why but her very presents makes me feel at ease. She
has been such a rock to me, never seeming to mind if my passion cools when we embrace. She just
instinctively knows what to do to ease my worries, sometimes she reads me her poems, others we will sit
together in the campus gardens whilst she plays a sweet melody on her violetar; when I feel particularly
stressed she will suggest a relaxing massage and seem to rub away my problems with her tender hands and
fragrant oils. But today we are apart, she has to visit her mother but is coming back tonight and I am
looking forward to it.
' Okindio for your thoughts? ' Caulos's voice brings me back to the real world.
I throw my pad down on the table. ' Oh I can't work!' I say angrily. ' I'll do it later.'
Caulos gives me a sly smile and his chocolate coloured eyes twinkle. ' You know very well what I'm
talking about and it's not homework !What's bothering you? Come on Frankie, you know you can tell me
anything. '
I blush slightly and lean forward a so Viker can't hear. ' If it's about in the shower this morning, the water
was cold and I was up very late the night before !'
Caulos shrugs and looks happy. ' That among other things, ' he says. ' You've been acting weird and
moody all week. What's upset you? '
I try and look happy so he won't guess that I'm lying. ' Nothing,' I say and then attempting to change the
subject add, ' I wonder when Phoenix is going to be back?'
Suddenly Caulos throws back his head and laughs. I look puzzled and wonder what tickling him.
Recovering from hysteria, Caulos wipes his eyes. ' Well that answered my question and I was right, I knew
it !'
I sigh and look at him wearily. ' And I'm the one who's acting weird?' I say rolling my eyes. ' Okay tell
me, what's the big joke, no doubt it's the one about the prince and the traitor. I told you I don't care who
her father was!'
Caulos smiles knowingly at me. ' Not exactly. Come on Frank, don't tell me you don't realize !' He pauses
and regards the baffled look in my eyes. ' Oh that's so sweet!' he coos leaning forward and pinching my
cheek. ' It has occurred to you yet!'
I am getting quite irritated now. I cross my arms and glare at him. ' Caulos, either you tell me what you're
gibbering on about or I get Viker to wipe that silly grin off your face. '
Caulos smiles to himself for a second and then decides to enlighten me. ' You Francis Furter, king of the
one night stand, the man who thinks romance and sentimentality is stupid and unnecessary, are falling
hopelessly in love, with a female no less !'
My mouth drops open. I can't believe it ! Is that what people are saying about Phoenix and me? Okay
we've been seeing a lot of each other and she's a good friend but love? ' Don't talk ridiculous !' I say
defiantly. ' Me, in love with Phoenix? You, my dear Caulos, are definitely a few sequins short of a corset!
Whatever gave you that idea?'
Caulos reclines in his chair and grins smugly. ' Oh yeah? Well I've been watching the pair of you and I
have proof you two are smitten with each other. Shall I start? '
I place my hands on my hips and toss my hair back. ' Say what you like ducky, I know you can't prove a
thing!'
Caulos looks confident. ' Okay. Symptom of the love bug number 1, you're always buying her thoughtful
little gifts just to see her smile. '
I cross my legs. ' Honestly Caulos, is that the best you can do? I buy all my friends presents. I bought you
chocolates yesterday !'
Caulos joins his hands and rests his elbows on the table. ' Yes but not romantic, special, gifts that you pick
just for her. Remember that antique, gold bracelet you gave her last month? You dragged me round ever
jewellers in Delta City, just to find something you knew she would love!'
' Ha,' I laugh. Mind you, it is true. I remember doing it. She just was looking so depressed that day I
wanted to cheer her up. She was so pleased with the bracelet, it was wonderful to see her eyes light up. But
what does that prove? ' I only choose it because the gems were the same sparkling green as her eyes !'
Caulos points an accusing finger at me and I know I've allowed my defence to drop. ' Love bug symptom
number two, you are constantly making soppy comments about how she looks. Her hypnotic emerald eyes,
skin like ivory, her soft ginger hair.'
I glare at him, this is getting annoying, I know how I feel about Phoenix and it isn't love. We're just best
friends. ' Her hair isn't ginger it's auburn !' I state angrily. I should know, it's the way I always spot her if
we're in a crowd. That fiery mane of curls that seems to glisten in the sun, how could anyone miss that?
Call it plain ginger? But he is right about it being soft and it smells so lovely as well, like wildflowers.
Sometimes when we make love I bury my face into it and breathe in the perfume, it make my heart feel
light. What am I thinking ? The smell of her hair? No wonder Caulos thinks I'm falling for her! Who
remembers what their lovers' hair smells of?
' Is that all cupid? ' I say haughtily.
Caulos shakes his head. ' Far from it. Symptom number 3, you will do anything to spend time with her.
You ever study together !'
I look at him out of the corner of my eye. ' We are lab partners, why shouldn't we study together? ' This is
quite absurd! These allegations prove nothing. So what if I spend a lot of time with Phoenix? I enjoy her
company. She's a brilliant student and working with her just seems more pleasurable then working alone.
Her companionship went we read our medical journals or write reports seems to make it less tedious. We're
bound to develop a friendship if we work so closely. It is such a shame people don't take the time to get to
know her like I have, she has the most charming personality. If they did they would see how being with her
makes the day brighter, they would learn to appreciate her artistic spirit, sweet nature and infectious sense
of humour. I don't love her I can just see what a remarkable individual she is.
' Look Caulos, I don't have time for silly childish games. Either you stop talking nonsense or I'm leaving. '
I pull my bag towards me and start to pack away my books. A mischievous expression appears on Caulos's
face and he grabs my satchel away from me. ' Proof? I'll give you proof!' he cackles, rummaging through
my possessions. ' Ah here it is!' He pulls out a small, red leather notebook.
' My writing journal !' I protest ' Caulos, give that back !That has all my private writing in there !Viker,
stop him. '
Viker shrugs and shakes his head. Caulos being related to Ostotho is hardly a threat and therefore no
concern of his. Caulos giggles and opens the book. ' Oh what do we have here? ' he says flicking through
the pages. 'Poems! The classic language of love! Let read one shall we? '
' No!' I scream. I try and grab the book but Caulos hold it just out of my reach. I can't believe he's going to
pry into my private thoughts .Over the last few weeks Phoenix has been encouraging me to express my
feelings on paper, like she does. I have begun to quite enjoy composing a few verses but never would
dream of allowing anyone to see them.
Caulos clears his throat and begins to recite my words. ' Ode To A Fiery Goddess, I lay and watch you
sleep each night, I dread the hour we part at light, you soothe my soul you lift my heart, to ease my cares
you have the art, and only you can quench the fire, the sets me burning with desire, your beauty I long to
show, to others how can they not know, but for now, dear Phoenix, be content, my humble homage on you
is spent, until my lips have courage to tell, sleep on, my lovely, all is well. ' Caolus smiles triumphantly at
me and tosses the book on the table. ' I rest my case!You are besotted by her. '
I blush scarlet and pray the ground will open up beneath me. I have not idea why I wrote that poem. It came
to me late one night when I couldn't sleep. The words just seemed to form on the page of their own accord.
There's just something about Phoenix that motivates me in ways I never thought I could be. Sometimes I
will watch her working in class or just reading to herself and words seem to spring into my brain, writing
them down is the only way I can deal with my feelings. ' I know it's not very good. ' I mutter, shoving the
notebook back in my bag.
Caulos's eyes soften and he reaching out for my hand. ' Okay, I'm sorry for teasing you and I never should
have read your private stuff. It's just I never seen you like this and you can deny it all you want but you do
have strong feelings for Phoenix.'
I turn away. To be honest I don't know what I feel anymore. I just want things back the way they were. I
want my family to be safe and to live my life without it having to wonder if tomorrow I'll be murdered in
my bed or sent to another planet. The worst part is I'm not allowed to share my worries with anyone.
Caulos gently smiles at me. ' You know, if you do feel deeply about Phoenix, it's only fair she should
know. I know how you have this habit of pretending everything okay when it's not. But it's not right to
hide this away, it could grow into something very precious.'
I take his hand. ' You're a good friend Caulos and I know you mean well. But this is something I got to
work out on my own.' With that I stand and kiss his cheek.
' Just remember, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. ' He calls after me as I leave the library. I
grin bitterly to myself. If only I could.
With a grateful sigh I recline in the bath an allow the warm water to caress my stressed muscles. I shut my
eyes and breathe deeply inhaling the relaxing scent of lavender and carmine, letting it fill my lungs and
slowly dissolving through my body and mind pushing all problems from my consciousness. For a moment
all I'm aware of is the soothing fragrance of the bath oils and the soft music that drifts around me. Feel
another presence in the room, I open my eyes to find that Phoenix has entered and is perching on the edge
of my tub, the candlelight glowing in her eyes.
I arrived back at my chambers feeling depressed to say the least. My conversation with Caulos had left me
edgy and uncomfortable. I am aware that he was in his bizarre and irritating way trying to help me but it
hadn't worked. I have enough on my plate at the moment without having to worrying about becoming a
dewy eyed romantic. All I wanted was to unwind, and as always, it was Phoenix who seemed to pick up on
that need. A small note, written on light purple paper was waiting for me on my desk. It read 'Got back
early. Hoped to catch you but you wasn't in. Didn't want to wait here with Riff. Miss you like crazy!You
looked down when I left made me worry. Someone could do with a treat. Come to my room at eight-ish for
a night of pampering and indulgence. I have a few tricks that will put a smile back on your face. Hugs and
kisses Phoenix. ' Well what mortal could turn down an offer like that? So packing a overnight bag I hurried
over. I was not disappointed ! Phoenix is angel. As soon as I arrived she greeted me with a warm hug and
lead me into the bathroom, which she had filled with candles and roses. A bath was already run and had
been scented with aromatic oils. After helping me undress (unnecessary but very pleasurable none the
less)she left me to wallow in my personal spa, while she warned Viker I was staying the night and he was
to wait outside.
She leans down and kisses me gently but passionately. ' You look a lot happier now. ' she says handing my
a glass of red wine. ' I told you I knew how to push your buttons!'
I smile and wrap a lock of her hair around my finger. ' Well I'm not going to deny that!' I purr ' Phoenix,
you are too good to me.'
Phoenix picks up a sponge and starts to tenderly wash my shoulders. ' Nonsense, you deserve to be treated.
After all, you are the Prince Absolute. '
This smarts slightly, reminding me of my problems and the River of Nights Dreaming. I take a sip of wine.
' Yes, I am, aren't I' I sigh thoughtfully. Phoenix continues to scrub my back working the soap into a soft,
silky lather. She presses hard between my shoulder blades, trying to relax the knot of tension that has build
up there. I groan as my muscles start to loosen.
' You carry all your stress in you shoulders and spine. ' she says as she runs her fingers all the way down
my back. ' It's terrible for your posture. Learn to relax more, you'll find you won't get as many aches and
pains, it might even be that which is causing your lack of sex drive !' She lifts my dark curls and plants a
small affectionate love bite on my neck.
I laugh quietly and close my eyes. ' When you're the Prince Absolute you don't have much time to chill
out. ' I murmur, hoping she won't be able to tell how worried I actually am. I recline and Phoenix moves
her soothing hands from my shoulders to my chest, allowing her fingertips to play through the few soft,
black hairs that grow there.
' I have this plan. ' she says gently, smiling. ' I'm going to go pass my exams, then I'll find a little studio,
not too far from the palace and set up an exclusive health spa where stressed members of court can come to
unwind. Then when you're king and ruling Transsexual get you down, you can pop in to see me and I'll
perform all my most sexy and potent treatments on you like massage and aromatherapy and make you feel
all better.' She runs her fingers through my dark wet curls. ' Then you can go back to being the wonderful,
caring king I'll know you'll be.'
A knot tightens in my stomach. A great uncontrollable feeling of fear and grief wells up inside of me so
quickly I can't hide it. Phoenix has got her future all planned out, I'll expect all my other friends have too.
But it has just hit me that I don't have a future, I don't know if I'll ever get to be king. Will I meet
someone? Have a family of my own? I doubt it. What do the years to come hold for me? Death is a daily
possibility . Even if I were to escape the assassin's knife my fate would be on a planet thousands of light-
years away from everything safe and familiar. I am not even twenty and yet my life is over. Huge tears fill
my eyes blurring the candlelight, I blink them away but they are only to be replaced by more, each wave
pouring down cheeks faster and hotter that their brothers. Inside me, I feel a great wail coming up from the
very pit of my belly. Up it surges with a passion and woe that leaves me helpless. Through my chest into
my throat, burning like molten lava. It fills my head and I know I cannot hide my fear any longer. My
mouth opens and I cry out with an agony that rips at my soul. The scream is loud and strong and for a
moment all I can feel is my own pain and anguish. Then I hear some else.
' Frankie, whatever is it? Have I said something wrong? ' A pair of gentle hands cup my hot, tearstained
face and through my tears I see two compassionate emerald eyes, deep with concern. I had forgot for a
minute that I wasn't alone. Lost in grief I forgot Phoenix was at my side.
My body crumbles, my spirit grows weak. Those deep soul-searching eyes have stripped me of what little
reserve I have left. My sorrow is bare to her. I can't help but let go. ' Phoenix, I am going to die!' I push
the words out through my sobs.
' What? ' Her voice is full of shock and worry. I realise what I have done. I was to tell no-one it was too
dangerous. My mind tells me to shut up but my heart begs me to speak. I remember that night at the
Catacomb Rooms. Phoenix had opened her soul to me risk all for our friendship. I know if there's anyone
who I can tell it's Phoenix.
' The meeting I went to last Saturday. It was to tell me there is a rebel uprising. A organization calling the
River of Nights Dreaming, they have sworn to kill me and my mother. ' My breathe is coming in short
pants, I find it difficult to speak, panic and sadness have gripped me. The only thing that is keeping me
from totally insanity is Phoenix soft touch. I know I must hold on to that if I am to survive.
Phoenix wraps her arms around my body, pulling me close to her. ' You poor thing.' She whispers. As I
bury my face in her warm breast. ' I had no idea. No wonder you've been so stressed ! Why on Transsexual
didn't you tell me sooner? '
I pull back and gaze at her. ' oh Phoenix I wanted to but I couldn't. I was told no-one must know, but I
couldn't carry round a secret like that. It was destroying me. I just had to let someone know. I trust you
more than anyone so I knew you would understand.'
She brushes a cheek with the back of her hand. ' I can't believe this.' She whispers, ' Who would ever want
to hurt you? It's unthinkable. Do they have any idea who these wicked people are? ' Her voice is so soft
and caring, it reminds me of that of my mother's, full of affection even, is it possible, love.
I shake my head. ' No,' I sniff ' Ostotho says they could be anyone. I've been wondering all week. It's
horrible, I suspect everyone. I'm scared Phoenix.'
She drops her gaze and gently takes my hand. ' You don't believe I could be a traitor, do you Frankie?' she
says sadly, running her fingertips across my palm. I grip her delicate hand in mine, all of a sudden aware of
how small it is, reminding me of the first time I held it that first day in class.
' Phoenix, the idea never entered my head and it never will! You've shown me more kindness and
acceptance in the month then anyone else has all my life. I could never entertain the notion of you
betraying me. '
She raises her head and I tenderly cup her chin in my hand. ' I'm so glad to hear that. ' she sighs relieved. '
I know what people say able me because of my father and I was worried that you had started to believe
them. It isn't true, Frankie, I would never do anything to put your like in danger, you mean so much to me,
you where my first ever friend and you always stick up for me. You're so kind and sweet and funny, I
love…' She stops. For a moment in time we both stare at each other, not wanting to speak or breathe. My
heart is thundering, I feel as if I have been struck by lightening, my emotions in turmoil. Was she about to
say she loves me? The notions never occurred to me, only in Caulos's light-hearted jesting this afternoon. I
never imagined Phoenix could have such deep feelings for me. Am I scared? No. In fact the opposite is
true. I want her to say those three words, I want to give myself wholly and completely but I can't until I
know she feels the same. I clear my throat.
' What was you saying? ' I venture nervously. Phoenix's cheeks colour and she drops her gaze. ' I would
love to help in anyway I can. I mean, if you ever feel unsafe in your apartments, you could sleep here . Or,
if you ever want to talk or anything, call me. '
I look away, the moment is gone. I realise that this is not yet the time. Neither of us are sure enough to
confess our feelings. But in a way I am glad. I know that although I care deeply for Phoenix, there is too
much in my life to burden her with. For now friendship is enough . I lean forward and plant a kiss gently,
almost shyly, on her lips. ' Thank you. ' I murmur, caressing her thick mane. She looks at me with those
huge, sparkling eyes.
' What for?' she asks.
I smile gently, lost in a world of her beauty and kindness. ' For listening to a panicky old queen. And for
being the sweetheart you are. ' I kiss her once more, deeper this time, my tongue pressing hungrily on her
lips before she grants me access to her mouth. For the first time in the past week I feel the hot desire in me
begin to rise. I pull away from her, gently biting her bottom lip, my hands still lost in her hair.
' I want you, Phoenix.' I groan as below the warm water, my cock begins to twitch with desire. ' Make love
to me. Here, now!'
Without saying a word, Phoenix gets to her feet and slowly undoes the belt of her blue, satin gown. She
shrugs it off and stands naked before me in the candlelight. By Rai, she is gorgeous! I extend my hand and
taking it she eases herself into the tub. The water envelops her supple form as she lowers her body next to
mine. I gaze deep into her eyes, mesmerized by the tiny flames of candlelight reflected there. Under the
soft soapy suds our hands reach out to find each other, ignoring our bodies for the moment, satisfied with
just interlocking our fingers linking us closer. She leans into me, her skin smooth and wet but the touch is
more than sexual. It is like a balm, my body cries out for comfort and care, she is willing to supply. It is
almost medical, her caress healing the pain of my soul. She seems the instinctively know what I need. I do
nothing, just allow myself to be touch. She comes closer and places her sweet lips to mine so softly for a
second I don't even realise we're kissing. I shut my eyes and focus on the trail of small tender kisses she is
planting alone my mouth. She does this so slowly, making sure every part of my mouth is worshiped. When
our lips finally part, I curl my arm around her slight waist and pull her close, our wet bodies puckering
together under the water.
' Forgive me if it's a terrible cliché. 'I whisper, as we recline deeper in the bath, ' but I am feeling fragile so
be gentle with me, don't expect too much. '
Smoothly, Phoenix puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me onto my back. The water supports my
weight making it easy for me to move. Stooped over me, she kisses me again and I am lost in a sea of
rippling water and passion.
I lay on my back, cool and naked between the thick linen sheets of Phoenix's bed. Closing my eyes I listen
to the peaceful nighttime sounds of Transsexual at rest. The wind in the trees murmuring quietly to itself,
somewhere in the distance a moon tit chirps it nocturnal melody, outside the door I can here the soft pacing
of Viker as he stands guard in the hall. The whole planet seems at peace, silently sleeping, unaware of the
turmoil in my heart. I have don't this each night since I found out about the plot on my life, lay awake
wondering if this is the night they will choose to strike. I count the soft steady beats of my heart wondering
how many more until it stops forever. But tonight is different, I have a new notion that preys on my brain,
Phoenix.
Tonight in the bath something changed between us. For the first time in my life sex wasn't something basic
and animal, a release of frustration. She touched my body with such a tenderness it went beyond the
physical. It was as if she was stroking my very soul. I still can't get over that she almost said she loved me.
Was I mistaken? No-one, except for my mother has ever told me they loved me. It didn't bother me until
now. Until this wonderful unique woman, opened her heart to me just a little. Now I long for her to say it
properly, did I make her hold back? Scare her in some way? I would never want to do that. What if she said
it? How would I react. All my life I have hid my feelings away, people think of me as fool-hardy. I've
always been frightened of being hurt, so I put on this act of living for today no caring what people think.
But what if I didn't? What if like tonight I told her the true? Not just about the River of Nights Dreaming,
but about everything. How I don't really want to be king, how I get so scared that people don't like me I
put on this fake act of the social darling. Of my most secret dream, the one where I'm living in the Royal
country house, the one my mother used to take me on holidays to as a child, with its beautiful garden.
About the two children I see playing in its grounds, my son and daughter and about my sweet, sweet wife
who is by my side day and night, who adores me and will be mine always. Somewhere I can be always
happy and never afraid. In the dreams the face of my bride has always been blank, but recently I've seen
her more clearly. Her auburn hair, green eyes and kind, sweet manner.
In the bed beside me Phoenix stirs in her sleep, rolling over placing her hand lightly on my chest. I gaze at
her so innocent and beautiful as she's dozing. How can I fool myself any longer? I'm falling for her. I
brush a stray curl off her face. I can't tell her, not yet. With the rebel after me it wouldn't be safe. I'll wait
for now at least. Then I feel the urge to do something that I have never wanted to before. I hold her in my
arms, not in a sexual way, just to feel her close to me. The seed of love has begun to grow in my heart,
only when it's ready to bloom can I let my feelings show. With this thought and her frame so delicate in my
arms, I fall peacefully asleep.
Leaning back in my seat I gaze at the pad resting on my knees and gnaw the end of my pen. Standing
behind me arms crossed, Viker looks over my shoulder at what I'm writing. Slightly annoyed at his prying
I glare at him,
' Do you know anything about reanimation? ' I retort crossly, tapping my pen on the paper. Viker shakes
his head and his chubby jowls wobble.
' Then kindly mind your own business and let me study. I've got to finish this essay !' Viker shrugs and I
turn back to my work. From the other side of the library table, Caulos looks up from his work and chuckles.
' Your new friend doesn't say much, does he? ' he smiles. I frown and cross out the sentence I have just
written.
' He isn't my friend. ' I state grumpily. ' My mother sent him to nanny me !' Okay this a half-truth but I
was given strict instructions not to tell anyone about last Saturday's meeting. The last week has been a
living Hell for me. At first, it was kind of fun having my personal bodyguard to follow me around but the
novelty quickly wore off. Viker has been given orders to escort me everywhere and I do mean everywhere!
From the moment I wake to when I crawl into bed at night he is at my side and it is very frustrating. I do
get some privacy for some of the more intimate parts of my routine but Viker's never far from my side
looking out for potential assassins. This is part of the reason that I feel, shall we say ' tense'. Viker's
constant presents has meant that I have been unable to enjoy certain pleasures. It is very difficult to reach
that point off carnal bliss when you know any moment an overweight silent killing machine is going to
burst in and interrupt that special moment. To be fair this hasn't actually happened but the very thought of
it has a tendency to hinder my performance! The fact of the matter is, when it's come to the moment of
truth, over the last week I haven't managed to do what should come naturally. Most of my lovers have been
very sympathetic, Caulos and Phoenix in particular, but I don't want it getting out, it could ruin a very well
earned reputation!
Of course, my personal problems aren't the only thing praying on my mind. The whole deal with the River
of Nights Dreaming has been haunting me so much so I haven't been able to concentrate on anything much,
least of all my coarse work. It is a horrendous thought that somewhere there are people who long to see me
dead. I have always considered myself as a likable and open person, I cannot understand why anyone
would hate me with such intensity. It has made me suspicious of nearly everyone. The woman who served
me my dinner, the street vendor that I past on the way to college, strangers who hold eye contact a moment
too long. What are they plotting? Do they despise me? I cannot relax. Only one person calms my nerves,
soothes my spirit and that is Phoenix. Don't ask me why but her very presents makes me feel at ease. She
has been such a rock to me, never seeming to mind if my passion cools when we embrace. She just
instinctively knows what to do to ease my worries, sometimes she reads me her poems, others we will sit
together in the campus gardens whilst she plays a sweet melody on her violetar; when I feel particularly
stressed she will suggest a relaxing massage and seem to rub away my problems with her tender hands and
fragrant oils. But today we are apart, she has to visit her mother but is coming back tonight and I am
looking forward to it.
' Okindio for your thoughts? ' Caulos's voice brings me back to the real world.
I throw my pad down on the table. ' Oh I can't work!' I say angrily. ' I'll do it later.'
Caulos gives me a sly smile and his chocolate coloured eyes twinkle. ' You know very well what I'm
talking about and it's not homework !What's bothering you? Come on Frankie, you know you can tell me
anything. '
I blush slightly and lean forward a so Viker can't hear. ' If it's about in the shower this morning, the water
was cold and I was up very late the night before !'
Caulos shrugs and looks happy. ' That among other things, ' he says. ' You've been acting weird and
moody all week. What's upset you? '
I try and look happy so he won't guess that I'm lying. ' Nothing,' I say and then attempting to change the
subject add, ' I wonder when Phoenix is going to be back?'
Suddenly Caulos throws back his head and laughs. I look puzzled and wonder what tickling him.
Recovering from hysteria, Caulos wipes his eyes. ' Well that answered my question and I was right, I knew
it !'
I sigh and look at him wearily. ' And I'm the one who's acting weird?' I say rolling my eyes. ' Okay tell
me, what's the big joke, no doubt it's the one about the prince and the traitor. I told you I don't care who
her father was!'
Caulos smiles knowingly at me. ' Not exactly. Come on Frank, don't tell me you don't realize !' He pauses
and regards the baffled look in my eyes. ' Oh that's so sweet!' he coos leaning forward and pinching my
cheek. ' It has occurred to you yet!'
I am getting quite irritated now. I cross my arms and glare at him. ' Caulos, either you tell me what you're
gibbering on about or I get Viker to wipe that silly grin off your face. '
Caulos smiles to himself for a second and then decides to enlighten me. ' You Francis Furter, king of the
one night stand, the man who thinks romance and sentimentality is stupid and unnecessary, are falling
hopelessly in love, with a female no less !'
My mouth drops open. I can't believe it ! Is that what people are saying about Phoenix and me? Okay
we've been seeing a lot of each other and she's a good friend but love? ' Don't talk ridiculous !' I say
defiantly. ' Me, in love with Phoenix? You, my dear Caulos, are definitely a few sequins short of a corset!
Whatever gave you that idea?'
Caulos reclines in his chair and grins smugly. ' Oh yeah? Well I've been watching the pair of you and I
have proof you two are smitten with each other. Shall I start? '
I place my hands on my hips and toss my hair back. ' Say what you like ducky, I know you can't prove a
thing!'
Caulos looks confident. ' Okay. Symptom of the love bug number 1, you're always buying her thoughtful
little gifts just to see her smile. '
I cross my legs. ' Honestly Caulos, is that the best you can do? I buy all my friends presents. I bought you
chocolates yesterday !'
Caulos joins his hands and rests his elbows on the table. ' Yes but not romantic, special, gifts that you pick
just for her. Remember that antique, gold bracelet you gave her last month? You dragged me round ever
jewellers in Delta City, just to find something you knew she would love!'
' Ha,' I laugh. Mind you, it is true. I remember doing it. She just was looking so depressed that day I
wanted to cheer her up. She was so pleased with the bracelet, it was wonderful to see her eyes light up. But
what does that prove? ' I only choose it because the gems were the same sparkling green as her eyes !'
Caulos points an accusing finger at me and I know I've allowed my defence to drop. ' Love bug symptom
number two, you are constantly making soppy comments about how she looks. Her hypnotic emerald eyes,
skin like ivory, her soft ginger hair.'
I glare at him, this is getting annoying, I know how I feel about Phoenix and it isn't love. We're just best
friends. ' Her hair isn't ginger it's auburn !' I state angrily. I should know, it's the way I always spot her if
we're in a crowd. That fiery mane of curls that seems to glisten in the sun, how could anyone miss that?
Call it plain ginger? But he is right about it being soft and it smells so lovely as well, like wildflowers.
Sometimes when we make love I bury my face into it and breathe in the perfume, it make my heart feel
light. What am I thinking ? The smell of her hair? No wonder Caulos thinks I'm falling for her! Who
remembers what their lovers' hair smells of?
' Is that all cupid? ' I say haughtily.
Caulos shakes his head. ' Far from it. Symptom number 3, you will do anything to spend time with her.
You ever study together !'
I look at him out of the corner of my eye. ' We are lab partners, why shouldn't we study together? ' This is
quite absurd! These allegations prove nothing. So what if I spend a lot of time with Phoenix? I enjoy her
company. She's a brilliant student and working with her just seems more pleasurable then working alone.
Her companionship went we read our medical journals or write reports seems to make it less tedious. We're
bound to develop a friendship if we work so closely. It is such a shame people don't take the time to get to
know her like I have, she has the most charming personality. If they did they would see how being with her
makes the day brighter, they would learn to appreciate her artistic spirit, sweet nature and infectious sense
of humour. I don't love her I can just see what a remarkable individual she is.
' Look Caulos, I don't have time for silly childish games. Either you stop talking nonsense or I'm leaving. '
I pull my bag towards me and start to pack away my books. A mischievous expression appears on Caulos's
face and he grabs my satchel away from me. ' Proof? I'll give you proof!' he cackles, rummaging through
my possessions. ' Ah here it is!' He pulls out a small, red leather notebook.
' My writing journal !' I protest ' Caulos, give that back !That has all my private writing in there !Viker,
stop him. '
Viker shrugs and shakes his head. Caulos being related to Ostotho is hardly a threat and therefore no
concern of his. Caulos giggles and opens the book. ' Oh what do we have here? ' he says flicking through
the pages. 'Poems! The classic language of love! Let read one shall we? '
' No!' I scream. I try and grab the book but Caulos hold it just out of my reach. I can't believe he's going to
pry into my private thoughts .Over the last few weeks Phoenix has been encouraging me to express my
feelings on paper, like she does. I have begun to quite enjoy composing a few verses but never would
dream of allowing anyone to see them.
Caulos clears his throat and begins to recite my words. ' Ode To A Fiery Goddess, I lay and watch you
sleep each night, I dread the hour we part at light, you soothe my soul you lift my heart, to ease my cares
you have the art, and only you can quench the fire, the sets me burning with desire, your beauty I long to
show, to others how can they not know, but for now, dear Phoenix, be content, my humble homage on you
is spent, until my lips have courage to tell, sleep on, my lovely, all is well. ' Caolus smiles triumphantly at
me and tosses the book on the table. ' I rest my case!You are besotted by her. '
I blush scarlet and pray the ground will open up beneath me. I have not idea why I wrote that poem. It came
to me late one night when I couldn't sleep. The words just seemed to form on the page of their own accord.
There's just something about Phoenix that motivates me in ways I never thought I could be. Sometimes I
will watch her working in class or just reading to herself and words seem to spring into my brain, writing
them down is the only way I can deal with my feelings. ' I know it's not very good. ' I mutter, shoving the
notebook back in my bag.
Caulos's eyes soften and he reaching out for my hand. ' Okay, I'm sorry for teasing you and I never should
have read your private stuff. It's just I never seen you like this and you can deny it all you want but you do
have strong feelings for Phoenix.'
I turn away. To be honest I don't know what I feel anymore. I just want things back the way they were. I
want my family to be safe and to live my life without it having to wonder if tomorrow I'll be murdered in
my bed or sent to another planet. The worst part is I'm not allowed to share my worries with anyone.
Caulos gently smiles at me. ' You know, if you do feel deeply about Phoenix, it's only fair she should
know. I know how you have this habit of pretending everything okay when it's not. But it's not right to
hide this away, it could grow into something very precious.'
I take his hand. ' You're a good friend Caulos and I know you mean well. But this is something I got to
work out on my own.' With that I stand and kiss his cheek.
' Just remember, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. ' He calls after me as I leave the library. I
grin bitterly to myself. If only I could.
With a grateful sigh I recline in the bath an allow the warm water to caress my stressed muscles. I shut my
eyes and breathe deeply inhaling the relaxing scent of lavender and carmine, letting it fill my lungs and
slowly dissolving through my body and mind pushing all problems from my consciousness. For a moment
all I'm aware of is the soothing fragrance of the bath oils and the soft music that drifts around me. Feel
another presence in the room, I open my eyes to find that Phoenix has entered and is perching on the edge
of my tub, the candlelight glowing in her eyes.
I arrived back at my chambers feeling depressed to say the least. My conversation with Caulos had left me
edgy and uncomfortable. I am aware that he was in his bizarre and irritating way trying to help me but it
hadn't worked. I have enough on my plate at the moment without having to worrying about becoming a
dewy eyed romantic. All I wanted was to unwind, and as always, it was Phoenix who seemed to pick up on
that need. A small note, written on light purple paper was waiting for me on my desk. It read 'Got back
early. Hoped to catch you but you wasn't in. Didn't want to wait here with Riff. Miss you like crazy!You
looked down when I left made me worry. Someone could do with a treat. Come to my room at eight-ish for
a night of pampering and indulgence. I have a few tricks that will put a smile back on your face. Hugs and
kisses Phoenix. ' Well what mortal could turn down an offer like that? So packing a overnight bag I hurried
over. I was not disappointed ! Phoenix is angel. As soon as I arrived she greeted me with a warm hug and
lead me into the bathroom, which she had filled with candles and roses. A bath was already run and had
been scented with aromatic oils. After helping me undress (unnecessary but very pleasurable none the
less)she left me to wallow in my personal spa, while she warned Viker I was staying the night and he was
to wait outside.
She leans down and kisses me gently but passionately. ' You look a lot happier now. ' she says handing my
a glass of red wine. ' I told you I knew how to push your buttons!'
I smile and wrap a lock of her hair around my finger. ' Well I'm not going to deny that!' I purr ' Phoenix,
you are too good to me.'
Phoenix picks up a sponge and starts to tenderly wash my shoulders. ' Nonsense, you deserve to be treated.
After all, you are the Prince Absolute. '
This smarts slightly, reminding me of my problems and the River of Nights Dreaming. I take a sip of wine.
' Yes, I am, aren't I' I sigh thoughtfully. Phoenix continues to scrub my back working the soap into a soft,
silky lather. She presses hard between my shoulder blades, trying to relax the knot of tension that has build
up there. I groan as my muscles start to loosen.
' You carry all your stress in you shoulders and spine. ' she says as she runs her fingers all the way down
my back. ' It's terrible for your posture. Learn to relax more, you'll find you won't get as many aches and
pains, it might even be that which is causing your lack of sex drive !' She lifts my dark curls and plants a
small affectionate love bite on my neck.
I laugh quietly and close my eyes. ' When you're the Prince Absolute you don't have much time to chill
out. ' I murmur, hoping she won't be able to tell how worried I actually am. I recline and Phoenix moves
her soothing hands from my shoulders to my chest, allowing her fingertips to play through the few soft,
black hairs that grow there.
' I have this plan. ' she says gently, smiling. ' I'm going to go pass my exams, then I'll find a little studio,
not too far from the palace and set up an exclusive health spa where stressed members of court can come to
unwind. Then when you're king and ruling Transsexual get you down, you can pop in to see me and I'll
perform all my most sexy and potent treatments on you like massage and aromatherapy and make you feel
all better.' She runs her fingers through my dark wet curls. ' Then you can go back to being the wonderful,
caring king I'll know you'll be.'
A knot tightens in my stomach. A great uncontrollable feeling of fear and grief wells up inside of me so
quickly I can't hide it. Phoenix has got her future all planned out, I'll expect all my other friends have too.
But it has just hit me that I don't have a future, I don't know if I'll ever get to be king. Will I meet
someone? Have a family of my own? I doubt it. What do the years to come hold for me? Death is a daily
possibility . Even if I were to escape the assassin's knife my fate would be on a planet thousands of light-
years away from everything safe and familiar. I am not even twenty and yet my life is over. Huge tears fill
my eyes blurring the candlelight, I blink them away but they are only to be replaced by more, each wave
pouring down cheeks faster and hotter that their brothers. Inside me, I feel a great wail coming up from the
very pit of my belly. Up it surges with a passion and woe that leaves me helpless. Through my chest into
my throat, burning like molten lava. It fills my head and I know I cannot hide my fear any longer. My
mouth opens and I cry out with an agony that rips at my soul. The scream is loud and strong and for a
moment all I can feel is my own pain and anguish. Then I hear some else.
' Frankie, whatever is it? Have I said something wrong? ' A pair of gentle hands cup my hot, tearstained
face and through my tears I see two compassionate emerald eyes, deep with concern. I had forgot for a
minute that I wasn't alone. Lost in grief I forgot Phoenix was at my side.
My body crumbles, my spirit grows weak. Those deep soul-searching eyes have stripped me of what little
reserve I have left. My sorrow is bare to her. I can't help but let go. ' Phoenix, I am going to die!' I push
the words out through my sobs.
' What? ' Her voice is full of shock and worry. I realise what I have done. I was to tell no-one it was too
dangerous. My mind tells me to shut up but my heart begs me to speak. I remember that night at the
Catacomb Rooms. Phoenix had opened her soul to me risk all for our friendship. I know if there's anyone
who I can tell it's Phoenix.
' The meeting I went to last Saturday. It was to tell me there is a rebel uprising. A organization calling the
River of Nights Dreaming, they have sworn to kill me and my mother. ' My breathe is coming in short
pants, I find it difficult to speak, panic and sadness have gripped me. The only thing that is keeping me
from totally insanity is Phoenix soft touch. I know I must hold on to that if I am to survive.
Phoenix wraps her arms around my body, pulling me close to her. ' You poor thing.' She whispers. As I
bury my face in her warm breast. ' I had no idea. No wonder you've been so stressed ! Why on Transsexual
didn't you tell me sooner? '
I pull back and gaze at her. ' oh Phoenix I wanted to but I couldn't. I was told no-one must know, but I
couldn't carry round a secret like that. It was destroying me. I just had to let someone know. I trust you
more than anyone so I knew you would understand.'
She brushes a cheek with the back of her hand. ' I can't believe this.' She whispers, ' Who would ever want
to hurt you? It's unthinkable. Do they have any idea who these wicked people are? ' Her voice is so soft
and caring, it reminds me of that of my mother's, full of affection even, is it possible, love.
I shake my head. ' No,' I sniff ' Ostotho says they could be anyone. I've been wondering all week. It's
horrible, I suspect everyone. I'm scared Phoenix.'
She drops her gaze and gently takes my hand. ' You don't believe I could be a traitor, do you Frankie?' she
says sadly, running her fingertips across my palm. I grip her delicate hand in mine, all of a sudden aware of
how small it is, reminding me of the first time I held it that first day in class.
' Phoenix, the idea never entered my head and it never will! You've shown me more kindness and
acceptance in the month then anyone else has all my life. I could never entertain the notion of you
betraying me. '
She raises her head and I tenderly cup her chin in my hand. ' I'm so glad to hear that. ' she sighs relieved. '
I know what people say able me because of my father and I was worried that you had started to believe
them. It isn't true, Frankie, I would never do anything to put your like in danger, you mean so much to me,
you where my first ever friend and you always stick up for me. You're so kind and sweet and funny, I
love…' She stops. For a moment in time we both stare at each other, not wanting to speak or breathe. My
heart is thundering, I feel as if I have been struck by lightening, my emotions in turmoil. Was she about to
say she loves me? The notions never occurred to me, only in Caulos's light-hearted jesting this afternoon. I
never imagined Phoenix could have such deep feelings for me. Am I scared? No. In fact the opposite is
true. I want her to say those three words, I want to give myself wholly and completely but I can't until I
know she feels the same. I clear my throat.
' What was you saying? ' I venture nervously. Phoenix's cheeks colour and she drops her gaze. ' I would
love to help in anyway I can. I mean, if you ever feel unsafe in your apartments, you could sleep here . Or,
if you ever want to talk or anything, call me. '
I look away, the moment is gone. I realise that this is not yet the time. Neither of us are sure enough to
confess our feelings. But in a way I am glad. I know that although I care deeply for Phoenix, there is too
much in my life to burden her with. For now friendship is enough . I lean forward and plant a kiss gently,
almost shyly, on her lips. ' Thank you. ' I murmur, caressing her thick mane. She looks at me with those
huge, sparkling eyes.
' What for?' she asks.
I smile gently, lost in a world of her beauty and kindness. ' For listening to a panicky old queen. And for
being the sweetheart you are. ' I kiss her once more, deeper this time, my tongue pressing hungrily on her
lips before she grants me access to her mouth. For the first time in the past week I feel the hot desire in me
begin to rise. I pull away from her, gently biting her bottom lip, my hands still lost in her hair.
' I want you, Phoenix.' I groan as below the warm water, my cock begins to twitch with desire. ' Make love
to me. Here, now!'
Without saying a word, Phoenix gets to her feet and slowly undoes the belt of her blue, satin gown. She
shrugs it off and stands naked before me in the candlelight. By Rai, she is gorgeous! I extend my hand and
taking it she eases herself into the tub. The water envelops her supple form as she lowers her body next to
mine. I gaze deep into her eyes, mesmerized by the tiny flames of candlelight reflected there. Under the
soft soapy suds our hands reach out to find each other, ignoring our bodies for the moment, satisfied with
just interlocking our fingers linking us closer. She leans into me, her skin smooth and wet but the touch is
more than sexual. It is like a balm, my body cries out for comfort and care, she is willing to supply. It is
almost medical, her caress healing the pain of my soul. She seems the instinctively know what I need. I do
nothing, just allow myself to be touch. She comes closer and places her sweet lips to mine so softly for a
second I don't even realise we're kissing. I shut my eyes and focus on the trail of small tender kisses she is
planting alone my mouth. She does this so slowly, making sure every part of my mouth is worshiped. When
our lips finally part, I curl my arm around her slight waist and pull her close, our wet bodies puckering
together under the water.
' Forgive me if it's a terrible cliché. 'I whisper, as we recline deeper in the bath, ' but I am feeling fragile so
be gentle with me, don't expect too much. '
Smoothly, Phoenix puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me onto my back. The water supports my
weight making it easy for me to move. Stooped over me, she kisses me again and I am lost in a sea of
rippling water and passion.
I lay on my back, cool and naked between the thick linen sheets of Phoenix's bed. Closing my eyes I listen
to the peaceful nighttime sounds of Transsexual at rest. The wind in the trees murmuring quietly to itself,
somewhere in the distance a moon tit chirps it nocturnal melody, outside the door I can here the soft pacing
of Viker as he stands guard in the hall. The whole planet seems at peace, silently sleeping, unaware of the
turmoil in my heart. I have don't this each night since I found out about the plot on my life, lay awake
wondering if this is the night they will choose to strike. I count the soft steady beats of my heart wondering
how many more until it stops forever. But tonight is different, I have a new notion that preys on my brain,
Phoenix.
Tonight in the bath something changed between us. For the first time in my life sex wasn't something basic
and animal, a release of frustration. She touched my body with such a tenderness it went beyond the
physical. It was as if she was stroking my very soul. I still can't get over that she almost said she loved me.
Was I mistaken? No-one, except for my mother has ever told me they loved me. It didn't bother me until
now. Until this wonderful unique woman, opened her heart to me just a little. Now I long for her to say it
properly, did I make her hold back? Scare her in some way? I would never want to do that. What if she said
it? How would I react. All my life I have hid my feelings away, people think of me as fool-hardy. I've
always been frightened of being hurt, so I put on this act of living for today no caring what people think.
But what if I didn't? What if like tonight I told her the true? Not just about the River of Nights Dreaming,
but about everything. How I don't really want to be king, how I get so scared that people don't like me I
put on this fake act of the social darling. Of my most secret dream, the one where I'm living in the Royal
country house, the one my mother used to take me on holidays to as a child, with its beautiful garden.
About the two children I see playing in its grounds, my son and daughter and about my sweet, sweet wife
who is by my side day and night, who adores me and will be mine always. Somewhere I can be always
happy and never afraid. In the dreams the face of my bride has always been blank, but recently I've seen
her more clearly. Her auburn hair, green eyes and kind, sweet manner.
In the bed beside me Phoenix stirs in her sleep, rolling over placing her hand lightly on my chest. I gaze at
her so innocent and beautiful as she's dozing. How can I fool myself any longer? I'm falling for her. I
brush a stray curl off her face. I can't tell her, not yet. With the rebel after me it wouldn't be safe. I'll wait
for now at least. Then I feel the urge to do something that I have never wanted to before. I hold her in my
arms, not in a sexual way, just to feel her close to me. The seed of love has begun to grow in my heart,
only when it's ready to bloom can I let my feelings show. With this thought and her frame so delicate in my
arms, I fall peacefully asleep.