Author's note: You guys continue to suck. And Nintendo, look at the note at the beginning of the first chapter.
More Author's note: Ooh, a bad review. Bad writing style? Crappy plot? Ouch. Yup, that hurts…well...not really. Seriously, just give your honest opinion of the story. I don't know whether the reviewer of the flame (not to name names here, but it's quite easy to find out) was honest or not, but I'm betting she was. However, the writing style was pretty damn simple to understand and the plot is very basic. If it's not your cup of tea though, than either flame me or don't review. Remember that this is more a jab at the characters and their limitless potential at wreaking havoc and a look at Mario's shroom addiction. Remember, this is TAKEN from behind the scenes. This is not during the games at all. So of course the characters are OOC. After all, Robert Downey Jr. in real life is completely different from Robert Downey Jr. on the camera.
Mario's Drug Addiction
Chapter 2 - Mario and the Yoshis
At least from the deli window, the clouds looked beautiful and the sun was brightly shining. It is just one of those days you think you will easily forget, yet cannot. The sun had that unforgettable hue, the airplane's blue interior was quite cozy as well as luxurious, and the airline food, for once, was not disturbingly rotten or cold. Yet, one thing kept popping up on my mind. It was the potential main hero for our game, Mario. When I first glanced at this guy weeks before the Yoshi incident, all I saw was some portly white man. His red overalls were quite spiffy, his hair was nicely combed, and his overalls were freshly ironed. Seemed like a decent fellow, I thought.
Before the incident on Yoshi's Island, I invited Mario to a nearby deli where we talked the day away. Everything from women to our game was discussed aggressively between the two of us. By the end of the day, Mario looked really tired. You know when a person's eyes are half-shut and he (or she) makes idiotic comments from time to time that he (or she) is tired. What could I do? I decided to go home and wished Mario a restful night's sleep.
Before I left, however, I saw Mario sneak quietly in the bathroom. I did not know why or what, but I left anyway, knowing my wife and kids are expecting me. The next day, the deli was burned down. Word got around in the studios where we filmed the game that Mario himself scorched the restaurant down to its sizzled state. As to this day, I am pretty sure nobody knows who really set that deli ablaze in fire.
Interesting, yet, what about Mario stabbing Toad twice?
That came after the restaurant incident. It was a very freaky incident for me as well as the other actors. I mean, never before in video game history has a secondary hero been stabbed twice in the same day by a potential hero actor.
After the stabbing incident, people decided to keep their distance from Mario. The lead actress, Peach, quit shortly afterwards. We used some cheap substitute by the name of Toadstool to fill in for Peach. What a hoe…
Sir, please…
I'm sorry…
It is all right. I am sure our readers will like to take a break from Mario and learn more about you, who is established as a video game icon.
Yes, yes, well…I have gotten old now. I guess the old proverb is very true though. The older you get, the wiser you become. Lately, I have been developing my English. English is most definitely not common to the famous Great Turtle species. If you notice in my earlier games, all I do is grunt and run. Now I actually speak, such as the case in Mario Sunshine. Alas, that is all I really am up to. Soon, I will quit the Mario series. I am getting too old. I can barely move, such as the case in Sunshine, and I cannot cope with Mario anymore.
Really?
Yes. Mario has become unbearable, even through his countless times he's been in rehab.
By the way, you were going to detail us on the incident on Yoshi's Island?
Yes…sorry, I must have droned off onto the deli event.
Well, halfway through the filming of Super Mario Bros., Mario left suddenly. We do not know where, but search reports claimed to he was on Yoshi's Island. You see, Mario befriended some Yoshis a long time ago. We do not know how, but he just did.
*
(At Yoshi's Island halfway through filming of Super Mario Bros.)
(Mario is butt-naked except for his "M" hat. Standing with the different-colored Yoshis, he patiently waits for a jet-blue helicopter to arrive at a heart-throbbing speed. Indeed, the grizzly helicopter does come within fifteen minutes of his wait, landing in a small runway formed by some once-stranded Toads. The desolate runway soon leaves trails of the dust as the helicopter makes a rough landing along the unevenness among the ground. As soon the helicopter touches the very dirt of the island, the famous actor known as Bowser and the director, Miyamoto, jump out. Mario confronts them in an eerie manner, similar to leaders of different lands facing each other for the first time.)
Mario: Hoes…
Miyamoto: Now Mario, calm down. I am sure something can be done about this.
Mario: Where is Toad?
Miyamoto: Right here…do not worry, he is here as you requested.
Mario: I do not see him.
(Toad comes out straggling on crutches down the helicopter ramp to the trio as they converse. The Yoshis stare at him a way a lion would look at wounded prey.)
Mario: Toad! Glad to see you are all right! Come here and let me give you a hug!
Toad: No!
(Toad quickly runs back in the plane. A hesitant Miyamoto shoots a glance at Bowser as to initiate a plan of attack. With the glance on his director's face, Bowser quickly jumps Mario, trapping him under his scaly sculpture of a body. The Yoshis start beating on Bowser. Making deep and irregular clucking noises, they stomp on Bowser, hoping to let their human companion go of his scaly grasp. Mario somehow pulls out his machete out of his hat. Yes, somehow, he stuck a whole machete within his hat. With as much precision as he can possibly fathom, he throws the machete. Intended for Toad, the missile-like machete misses and instead hits a nearby tree. So much for Mario's accuracy. Meanwhile, Bowser is getting pummeled by more and more Yoshis as his grip tightens on the naked Mario. Mario desperately squirms out, as his crotch area especially was rubbing up against the rocky ground a little too hard. With a tremendous roar of power, Bowser shoots the butt end of his spikes out of his shell, making the spikes longer than ever. The Yoshis inadvertently stomp on the spikes, impaling themselves. The other Yoshis that were hesitant from stomping now retracted their fallen allies from the spikes and carried them off to some distant village dedicated to and formed by the Yoshis. Mario, in all this time, has given up to the impenetrable grip of Bowser, succumbing himself to the spiked turtle in order for relief to his crotch area. Bowser slowly eased his grip as Mario laid on the ground motionless now.)
Miyamoto: Listen; let's get him on the helicopter.
Bowser: All right…as long as his dangling "thing" does not touch me in any way.
(Bowser lifts Mario by the ankles and holds him in such a way that the rest of Mario's body is dangling a good feet away from Bowser, similar to how a doctor holds a newborn baby when he or she is born.)
Toad: I'm scared…Don't get him near me!
(Toad runs back in his small "hiding corner" in the helicopter, scared of the maniacal plumber. Miyamoto ascends the ramp to the insides of the flying vehicle while Bowser slowly carries Mario to it, making sure to keep Mario's male-specific organ a good distance away from his green body.)
Bowser: Damn Brooklyn plumbers and their crazy drug habits.
(At the sound of drugs, Mario's eyes burst open. His eyes were of a crimson color, as if blood was flowing over them. As Bowser nears the ramp, Mario notices the machete actually landed near the ramp after hitting the tree. With a rabid look on his face, Mario squirms quickly out of Bowser's grip of his ankles and rushes after his machete. As he picks up his steel-gray machete, insanity begins to flow through his body as his hunt for Toad has left him more bloodthirsty than ever before. Bowser's eyes light up in a fearful manner as Mario prepares the machete for a quick stabbing.)
Bowser: Mario, calm down.
(As Bowser nears Mario, Toad comes out of the helicopter and descends the ramp to the ground.)
Toad: You know what? I have to conquer my fear…where is Mario?
(Toad comes to a sudden halt as soon as he sees Mario with his dusty machete in hand.)
Toad: Mario…how nice to see you!"
Mario: Why, Toad…what a surprise. Come closer.
Bowser: Now, Mario.
(As Mario turns to Bowser, Bowser has seen that Mario has undergone rigor mortis due to Toad's appearance. Bowser, eyeing the monster on Mario's crotch, decides to step back in fear. Mario lunges at Toad as Toad uses all his strength to get back in the helicopter as quick as possible. As Mario rapidly climbs the ramp to the helicopter entrance, a figure stands in his way. A figure with shining hair, a green dress, and a sword that gleams brightly in the sunshine. Wait a minute…Link.)
Link: Sorry, Mario. I cannot allow you to hurt Toad. You will pay for even daring to.
(With a sudden cry, Link charges Mario. Mario does the same to Link. Every bug, tree, cloud, rabbit, and any other beings stood still to watch the glorious fight. Well…it was not much of a fight as expected as Mario quickly stabbed Link in the kidney area and left him bloody on the ramp.)
*
(Back at the interview)
And so, I managed to separate Mario from Toad after he stabbed Toad twice in the helicopter. It was ugly, but Miyamoto managed to fly the helicopter to a nearby island resort and get Toad and Link to a clinic. As for Mario, I shoved and crushed him against the seat, than sat on him, paralyzing him for the whole journey.
I see…
Yeah. Kind of sad of how Toad got stabbed yet again. Poor thing. If only I was there in time. Oh well. It does not really matter. After all, he…
Excuse me, but why did Toad even agree to come to the island?
Me, Miyamoto, and Link, who was the hero of another one of Miyamoto's series, promised him that we were there to protect him. We just wanted him so we can persuade Mario into trusting us so it would be much easier for us to attack him.
I see…
Yes…what the hell is it with you and your "I see…"
I do not know, but I definitely do not have the time for this anymore. I think I know who I am going to interview next.
*
Mr. Toad?
I'm sorry; Toad does not live here anymore.
Please, Mr. Toad, we know it is you in the disguise of an old lady.
Shhh…come in…do not tell anyone about this. The information can get sent to Mario.
What the…? Mario is still chasing you?
Yes…please, sit down.
(The interviewer from Mush Magazine sits down)
Mario has not gotten off his shroom habits yet. Last time he tried to stab me, I narrowly escaped. But two people were fatally wounded.
What are you talking about? We heard nothing of the sort. In fact, we hear Mario defeated his addiction months after the release of Mario Kart for the Super Nintendo.
So that's what you hear. But he got back on after Mario Tennis. We needed to cover it up so parents would not mind buying their children Mario games. After all, if parents were to hear their sons or daughters' idol, Mario, is hooked on drugs again, we will lose business. It was bad enough once word got out of Mario's shroom addiction around the third installment of the Bros. series. We nearly lost half of our business thanks to that damned…fuck.
Please, sir…
No, I admit it. I hate that damn plumber. Every chance he gets, he stabs me, beats up on Luigi, curses Bowser and his children, tries to molest Peach, or give everybody "special" presents around Christmastime. One time, he gave me his…his…crap!
Molest Peach, you say?
Yes. Every damn time, he would slap Peach's ass and grope her breasts. We all tried to protect her from him, and Nintendo was forced to give up half their profits in order to make her stay for several more projects with that bastard.
Care to enlighten us with an event?
Yeah, all right. One time…
Wait a minute…what was that?
(Toad cares to go to his door and checks outside. The interviewer writes one word down on his notepad.)
Something…no, not Mario. Please, leave my apartment. When you do, say "Thank you, Mrs. Feldman, for the cookies."
Uhh…sure.
(The interviewer leaves the apartment. Toads puts on his/her grey hair wig and graces the doorway.)
You come back now, you hear?
Thank you once again, Mrs. Feldman, for the cookies.
(With that said, our interviewer goes down the hall towards the staircase that leads to the entrance side of the majestic apartment building. As soon as he is out of sight, a figure creeps from out of the shadows towards "Mrs. Feldman's" apartment door. He speaks in a sly and discreet manner.)
You cannot hide from me forever, Toad.
(The figure then pulls out a machete out of one of his cargo-like pockets.)
More Author's note: Ooh, a bad review. Bad writing style? Crappy plot? Ouch. Yup, that hurts…well...not really. Seriously, just give your honest opinion of the story. I don't know whether the reviewer of the flame (not to name names here, but it's quite easy to find out) was honest or not, but I'm betting she was. However, the writing style was pretty damn simple to understand and the plot is very basic. If it's not your cup of tea though, than either flame me or don't review. Remember that this is more a jab at the characters and their limitless potential at wreaking havoc and a look at Mario's shroom addiction. Remember, this is TAKEN from behind the scenes. This is not during the games at all. So of course the characters are OOC. After all, Robert Downey Jr. in real life is completely different from Robert Downey Jr. on the camera.
Mario's Drug Addiction
Chapter 2 - Mario and the Yoshis
At least from the deli window, the clouds looked beautiful and the sun was brightly shining. It is just one of those days you think you will easily forget, yet cannot. The sun had that unforgettable hue, the airplane's blue interior was quite cozy as well as luxurious, and the airline food, for once, was not disturbingly rotten or cold. Yet, one thing kept popping up on my mind. It was the potential main hero for our game, Mario. When I first glanced at this guy weeks before the Yoshi incident, all I saw was some portly white man. His red overalls were quite spiffy, his hair was nicely combed, and his overalls were freshly ironed. Seemed like a decent fellow, I thought.
Before the incident on Yoshi's Island, I invited Mario to a nearby deli where we talked the day away. Everything from women to our game was discussed aggressively between the two of us. By the end of the day, Mario looked really tired. You know when a person's eyes are half-shut and he (or she) makes idiotic comments from time to time that he (or she) is tired. What could I do? I decided to go home and wished Mario a restful night's sleep.
Before I left, however, I saw Mario sneak quietly in the bathroom. I did not know why or what, but I left anyway, knowing my wife and kids are expecting me. The next day, the deli was burned down. Word got around in the studios where we filmed the game that Mario himself scorched the restaurant down to its sizzled state. As to this day, I am pretty sure nobody knows who really set that deli ablaze in fire.
Interesting, yet, what about Mario stabbing Toad twice?
That came after the restaurant incident. It was a very freaky incident for me as well as the other actors. I mean, never before in video game history has a secondary hero been stabbed twice in the same day by a potential hero actor.
After the stabbing incident, people decided to keep their distance from Mario. The lead actress, Peach, quit shortly afterwards. We used some cheap substitute by the name of Toadstool to fill in for Peach. What a hoe…
Sir, please…
I'm sorry…
It is all right. I am sure our readers will like to take a break from Mario and learn more about you, who is established as a video game icon.
Yes, yes, well…I have gotten old now. I guess the old proverb is very true though. The older you get, the wiser you become. Lately, I have been developing my English. English is most definitely not common to the famous Great Turtle species. If you notice in my earlier games, all I do is grunt and run. Now I actually speak, such as the case in Mario Sunshine. Alas, that is all I really am up to. Soon, I will quit the Mario series. I am getting too old. I can barely move, such as the case in Sunshine, and I cannot cope with Mario anymore.
Really?
Yes. Mario has become unbearable, even through his countless times he's been in rehab.
By the way, you were going to detail us on the incident on Yoshi's Island?
Yes…sorry, I must have droned off onto the deli event.
Well, halfway through the filming of Super Mario Bros., Mario left suddenly. We do not know where, but search reports claimed to he was on Yoshi's Island. You see, Mario befriended some Yoshis a long time ago. We do not know how, but he just did.
*
(At Yoshi's Island halfway through filming of Super Mario Bros.)
(Mario is butt-naked except for his "M" hat. Standing with the different-colored Yoshis, he patiently waits for a jet-blue helicopter to arrive at a heart-throbbing speed. Indeed, the grizzly helicopter does come within fifteen minutes of his wait, landing in a small runway formed by some once-stranded Toads. The desolate runway soon leaves trails of the dust as the helicopter makes a rough landing along the unevenness among the ground. As soon the helicopter touches the very dirt of the island, the famous actor known as Bowser and the director, Miyamoto, jump out. Mario confronts them in an eerie manner, similar to leaders of different lands facing each other for the first time.)
Mario: Hoes…
Miyamoto: Now Mario, calm down. I am sure something can be done about this.
Mario: Where is Toad?
Miyamoto: Right here…do not worry, he is here as you requested.
Mario: I do not see him.
(Toad comes out straggling on crutches down the helicopter ramp to the trio as they converse. The Yoshis stare at him a way a lion would look at wounded prey.)
Mario: Toad! Glad to see you are all right! Come here and let me give you a hug!
Toad: No!
(Toad quickly runs back in the plane. A hesitant Miyamoto shoots a glance at Bowser as to initiate a plan of attack. With the glance on his director's face, Bowser quickly jumps Mario, trapping him under his scaly sculpture of a body. The Yoshis start beating on Bowser. Making deep and irregular clucking noises, they stomp on Bowser, hoping to let their human companion go of his scaly grasp. Mario somehow pulls out his machete out of his hat. Yes, somehow, he stuck a whole machete within his hat. With as much precision as he can possibly fathom, he throws the machete. Intended for Toad, the missile-like machete misses and instead hits a nearby tree. So much for Mario's accuracy. Meanwhile, Bowser is getting pummeled by more and more Yoshis as his grip tightens on the naked Mario. Mario desperately squirms out, as his crotch area especially was rubbing up against the rocky ground a little too hard. With a tremendous roar of power, Bowser shoots the butt end of his spikes out of his shell, making the spikes longer than ever. The Yoshis inadvertently stomp on the spikes, impaling themselves. The other Yoshis that were hesitant from stomping now retracted their fallen allies from the spikes and carried them off to some distant village dedicated to and formed by the Yoshis. Mario, in all this time, has given up to the impenetrable grip of Bowser, succumbing himself to the spiked turtle in order for relief to his crotch area. Bowser slowly eased his grip as Mario laid on the ground motionless now.)
Miyamoto: Listen; let's get him on the helicopter.
Bowser: All right…as long as his dangling "thing" does not touch me in any way.
(Bowser lifts Mario by the ankles and holds him in such a way that the rest of Mario's body is dangling a good feet away from Bowser, similar to how a doctor holds a newborn baby when he or she is born.)
Toad: I'm scared…Don't get him near me!
(Toad runs back in his small "hiding corner" in the helicopter, scared of the maniacal plumber. Miyamoto ascends the ramp to the insides of the flying vehicle while Bowser slowly carries Mario to it, making sure to keep Mario's male-specific organ a good distance away from his green body.)
Bowser: Damn Brooklyn plumbers and their crazy drug habits.
(At the sound of drugs, Mario's eyes burst open. His eyes were of a crimson color, as if blood was flowing over them. As Bowser nears the ramp, Mario notices the machete actually landed near the ramp after hitting the tree. With a rabid look on his face, Mario squirms quickly out of Bowser's grip of his ankles and rushes after his machete. As he picks up his steel-gray machete, insanity begins to flow through his body as his hunt for Toad has left him more bloodthirsty than ever before. Bowser's eyes light up in a fearful manner as Mario prepares the machete for a quick stabbing.)
Bowser: Mario, calm down.
(As Bowser nears Mario, Toad comes out of the helicopter and descends the ramp to the ground.)
Toad: You know what? I have to conquer my fear…where is Mario?
(Toad comes to a sudden halt as soon as he sees Mario with his dusty machete in hand.)
Toad: Mario…how nice to see you!"
Mario: Why, Toad…what a surprise. Come closer.
Bowser: Now, Mario.
(As Mario turns to Bowser, Bowser has seen that Mario has undergone rigor mortis due to Toad's appearance. Bowser, eyeing the monster on Mario's crotch, decides to step back in fear. Mario lunges at Toad as Toad uses all his strength to get back in the helicopter as quick as possible. As Mario rapidly climbs the ramp to the helicopter entrance, a figure stands in his way. A figure with shining hair, a green dress, and a sword that gleams brightly in the sunshine. Wait a minute…Link.)
Link: Sorry, Mario. I cannot allow you to hurt Toad. You will pay for even daring to.
(With a sudden cry, Link charges Mario. Mario does the same to Link. Every bug, tree, cloud, rabbit, and any other beings stood still to watch the glorious fight. Well…it was not much of a fight as expected as Mario quickly stabbed Link in the kidney area and left him bloody on the ramp.)
*
(Back at the interview)
And so, I managed to separate Mario from Toad after he stabbed Toad twice in the helicopter. It was ugly, but Miyamoto managed to fly the helicopter to a nearby island resort and get Toad and Link to a clinic. As for Mario, I shoved and crushed him against the seat, than sat on him, paralyzing him for the whole journey.
I see…
Yeah. Kind of sad of how Toad got stabbed yet again. Poor thing. If only I was there in time. Oh well. It does not really matter. After all, he…
Excuse me, but why did Toad even agree to come to the island?
Me, Miyamoto, and Link, who was the hero of another one of Miyamoto's series, promised him that we were there to protect him. We just wanted him so we can persuade Mario into trusting us so it would be much easier for us to attack him.
I see…
Yes…what the hell is it with you and your "I see…"
I do not know, but I definitely do not have the time for this anymore. I think I know who I am going to interview next.
*
Mr. Toad?
I'm sorry; Toad does not live here anymore.
Please, Mr. Toad, we know it is you in the disguise of an old lady.
Shhh…come in…do not tell anyone about this. The information can get sent to Mario.
What the…? Mario is still chasing you?
Yes…please, sit down.
(The interviewer from Mush Magazine sits down)
Mario has not gotten off his shroom habits yet. Last time he tried to stab me, I narrowly escaped. But two people were fatally wounded.
What are you talking about? We heard nothing of the sort. In fact, we hear Mario defeated his addiction months after the release of Mario Kart for the Super Nintendo.
So that's what you hear. But he got back on after Mario Tennis. We needed to cover it up so parents would not mind buying their children Mario games. After all, if parents were to hear their sons or daughters' idol, Mario, is hooked on drugs again, we will lose business. It was bad enough once word got out of Mario's shroom addiction around the third installment of the Bros. series. We nearly lost half of our business thanks to that damned…fuck.
Please, sir…
No, I admit it. I hate that damn plumber. Every chance he gets, he stabs me, beats up on Luigi, curses Bowser and his children, tries to molest Peach, or give everybody "special" presents around Christmastime. One time, he gave me his…his…crap!
Molest Peach, you say?
Yes. Every damn time, he would slap Peach's ass and grope her breasts. We all tried to protect her from him, and Nintendo was forced to give up half their profits in order to make her stay for several more projects with that bastard.
Care to enlighten us with an event?
Yeah, all right. One time…
Wait a minute…what was that?
(Toad cares to go to his door and checks outside. The interviewer writes one word down on his notepad.)
Something…no, not Mario. Please, leave my apartment. When you do, say "Thank you, Mrs. Feldman, for the cookies."
Uhh…sure.
(The interviewer leaves the apartment. Toads puts on his/her grey hair wig and graces the doorway.)
You come back now, you hear?
Thank you once again, Mrs. Feldman, for the cookies.
(With that said, our interviewer goes down the hall towards the staircase that leads to the entrance side of the majestic apartment building. As soon as he is out of sight, a figure creeps from out of the shadows towards "Mrs. Feldman's" apartment door. He speaks in a sly and discreet manner.)
You cannot hide from me forever, Toad.
(The figure then pulls out a machete out of one of his cargo-like pockets.)