Okay, there has been an unexpected change in my schedule, due in part to my determination to write a story that isn't ridiculously long, and to a midnight (well, more light thirty minutes after midnight) inspiration. Maybe it was Tom Cruise. Maybe it was the Domino's cheesy bread…I dunno. So anyway, yes, this is the end of Angel Farts, sorry if you are confused and upset that I didn't make it longer, but I assure you just might be satisfied/enlightened by the end of this. I shall leave no string untied. Maybe I just figured I'd take some of H3LL's advice and quit torturing him. I may be satirical, but I'm no sadist!
Also, notes to reviewers will be at the bottom. I only have one order to give you, right now, before I continue with this. I want you to take your mouse-pointer thingy, go to the blue menu pull down bars, go to rating and click on R. Now scroll down until you find a fic called Shifting by Talysmin. READ IT. REVIEW IT. IT IS NOW YOUR GOD. There is no way on God's green earth that she should have only four reviews. She is too damn good to suffer that indignity.
And George's day of glory is about to come…
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Now, I've been leaving all these little tidbits about angels and them being flatulent at the beginning of every chapter. And yet, this story has yet to truly focus upon the angels. Rather, we've been bored to death with this crappyass story about Ms. Flamingo Head and her downsized town.
And now she's gotten a door slammed in her face. The door-slammer happened to be an Extravagantly Handsome Dashing Valiant Yet Twisted and Dark and Secretive Yet Sexy But With a Heart of Stone named….um, Trunks. I'm calling him Purple Wonder though.
So Ms. Flamingo Head is standing outside the door screaming obscenities and staring in shock at his impossible rudeness. There was no way she was going to be humiliated like that! Not after walking five whole miles! And after the blister?! No way!
She pressed the doorbell again. Purple Wonder answered the door, annoyed, but before he could slam it again, she stuck her foot in and began yelling at him. She cursed like a sailor and for some odd reason, he let her in, and she became his maid. The mother that Usagi (Evil Anonymous Bitch-Mom) had talked about had died the day before, and Purple Wonder was still very bitter and hurt, yet still Extravagantly Handsome Dashing Valiant Yet Twisted and Dark and Secretive Yet Sexy But With a Heart of Stone.
Did I mention he introduced himself as Purple Wonder and she responded by saying her name was Ms. Flamingo Head?
Did I mention that they WEREN'T madly in love with one another at first sight?
Well they weren't. Although, Flamingo found Wonder Extravagantly Handsome Dashing Valiant Yet Twisted and Dark and Secretive Yet Sexy But With a Heart of Stone. And Wonder though Flamingo to be…well…very pink.
But they weren't in love!
Well, that is until that fateful day, several intense months later…
…When my squad of angels arrived. Saiya-jin angels that is.
…Now who the hell didn't see that one coming?! WHO else could possibly make better angels with violent amounts of methane than Vejiita and Gokou?
No one.
Now, Gokou dared Vejiita to eat twenty Super Beefy Beanie Burritos, let sit for one hour, show up at Flamingo and Wonder's House in the Middle of Nowhere and then pull out his Zippo…
And well, you can guess what happened.
Big boom.
Flashing pyrotechnics.
Entire house goes boom.
Smoking rubble.
Two very much in love people who happen to have pink and purple hair.
They make like rabbits, have a dozen children and live happily ev-
WAIT!!!!!!!!
Stop the presses! It wasn't supposed to be this way! *sigh* Oh what a mess…and I let my angels go since I thought this was the last chapter and that I could handle this on my own…T_T
*Flashy starlight thingy*
O_O
*Little fat dumpy stereotypical angel appears*
Who…are you?
LFDSA: I'm your guardian angel, George.
Misty: *_* I have a guardian angel?
George: Sort of…I'm not exactly yours…
Misty: M'kay…so, um, mind helping me fix my story?
George: Of course! That's what I'm here for!...I think…*Pulls out stereotypical wand* Hocus…um…
Misty: Pocus? -_-;;
George: Right-o! *waves stereotypical wand* *fizzle, fizzle, poo*
Misty: In the magical world, that's not generally a good sound, is it?
George: What were we doing again?
Misty: You are the *worst* sort-of stereotypical guardian angel.
George: Who are you anyway, and why are there two young people kissing in the middle of all that rubble? Why is their hair like that? Is she part lawn ornament?
Misty: -_-;; I'd take the one that blew up the house any day over this one…speaking of which, where did my Saiya-jin angels scamper away to? *glances around and notices two charred halos on the ground by her feet* Oh no! I knew that angel farts would only lead to trouble! Oh the humanity…I mean, angelity…eh…hey, where'd George go?
*Flashy starlight thingy*
*Latino Pop star Shakira appears*
Misty: *_* Are you my *real* guardian angel?
Shakira: Nope. I'm just a Latin singing sensation. AIIIEEEEE!!
Misty: Oooo…k.
Shakira: But I'm also here to put and end to all of this misery! ARRRIBBBAAAAA!! AYYY AYYY AAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!
*Entire scenery changes to something much more peaceful*
Misty: It's…perfect…*_* Oh thank you Shakira!
Shakira: Don't thank me, just stop burning my pirated mp3s and buy my albums! AIIIEEE!! *Disappears*
Misty: Ahh…heaven…*suddenly strange singing starts up, and little hamster/gerbil/rodent things start to appear* Oh God no! This can't be! I've been placed in Hamtaro land! DAMN YOU SHAKIRA, DAMN YOU!!!
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Can you tell that I was just dying to get this thing over and done with and that I hadn't an idea of how to go about it, and wished to fulfill a friend's request, all while listening to Shakira?
Yeah, thought so.
Anyway, now for my philosophical moment.
Before things got wild with George and Shakira, I shouted about how wrong my ending was.
And it is.
Don't you remember me stating at the beginning that Chibi-Usa's greatest fear is being married to some guy and living the rest of her life having his babies? Didn't she want adventure? Well then why the hell did I say they lived happily ever after? I mean, I just lied to you!
That's what angel farts do.
You see, only a huge angel fart could even bring them together, and could cause this sort of ending. Nothing else truly can come close in the devastation one causes.
So bear that in mind the next time you go to write a fic.
And if you're angry about this being short and claim that this was just a cop-out, well, I totally agree with you. But, it's a humor. They aren't supposed to drag on and on unfinished and lose all humor. They should be short sweet, and end with the explosion of two gaseous angelic beings.
Now I have announcements to make. I am no longer a psychotic evangelical pacifist. I have entered that dark part of my mind, only to exit, unscathed, and feeling whole lot better about the world around me.
Glad to hear you care.
Next announcement, I have a nugget of wisdom to impart upon all of you:
Perspective. It's all in perspective. Take anything in life and shift it around. It can be the real deal, it can be an impostor, it can be a shadow of its true self.
If you can see life like this, if you can take an object and make it anything, everything, and nothing all at once, that is seeing beauty.
Because to me, beauty is to be able to see the anything, the everything, and the nothing.
Now to relate this back to what matters to most all of you. Fanfiction.
Most of you are authors as well as readers, or you aspire to be. Someone very important to me, although I can't remember who it was exactly, once told me something. It's been in my mind for quite some time:
Write what you know.
Don't write about football if you've never even laid eyes on the old pigskin. Don't talk about what it's like to be high if you've never toked up. Don't write in Japanese if you don't speak it. And don't write about love if you've never been in love.
I mean, in truth, who here has been in love? Most of you are thirteen years old, maybe fifteen. You don't know what love is, and neither do I.
I don't want to write about love anymore. I want to write about desire, desperation, frustration, depression, anger, lust, adoration, obsession, curiosity, affection, but not love.
When I write about love, I feel like I'm lying. And when I read your stories about it, I feel like I am reading lies. It makes me feel disgusted.
It makes me want to turn away.
I don't care if you keep writing about love, and I don't care if you claim to stop. Do what you want.
What I really care about, is that you know it.
I'm trying not to preach, but well, it's a habit.
So here's my new itinerary for the next few months. I'm revising four fics, finishing three, and two new ones will be out, all by the end of April…at least, that's what I claim now, who knows what'll happen. And expect the new ones to be very much typical of me. Whoever said old habits die hard is a rich man.
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And now for notes to all of the beautiful people that have dared to read this!
Geminisenshi: Lol, I'm sure that would be some quality entertainment!
Lady Firefly: Well what can I say, I just finished the thing! Oh well, thanks for thinking its good!
Maiden Usagi: Your name was somewhat partially minutely inspired by my old one? O_O Cooooooool….
Sporanox: Well, glad to hear you tried! ^_^ But honestly, my angels and I are just invincible! And I happen to be a queen, so, really, it's impossible to find fault…*head swells up so large it explodes* Owwww…and I reviewed the fic you speak of, and had an e-mail battle, and we are in a temporary truce at the moment since she realized I wasn't a flamer after all…*sigh* why am I so nice?
Neo-QueenCelestia: Thanks! And your fic still rocks! Update it!
Dark: Why thank you.
Tuxedo Gohan: Thank you too! And um…thanks I think for the barrage of im's…my away message usually means I'm out…
Yameye: I'm glad we could reach some sort of understanding! And what emotion is that smiley? I haven't seen that one before!
Talysmin: *Faints with laughter* Oh my god! I've never been asked to be someone's wife! Let alone another woman! I am so flattered! And a *third* wife! *dies* I am speechless! And I hope you like George…I haven't seen Mr. Magoo in a while, so I had to think pretty hard…gave me a headache and everything! Now…the H3LL Wars…well, I had my spat with H3LL in more of the winter before, and it was mostly because of the fact that I had yet to pay enough attention to the people around here to realize that the people he terrorizes, deserve to be terrorized. So I was converted to the dark side, terrorized a little on the side, along with Sporanox, and then I went into my cave and came out a new woman! Although…I have yet to figure out what kind of woman I am now…O_o I guess that's a good summary…I dunno, it gets complicated, and since people delete stories and reviews, and there's so freakin many of them, it's really hard. H3LL can take over and fix things if he'd like.
AND NOW TO EVERYONE THAT IS ABOUT TO DISAGREE WITH MY OPINIONS AND ADVICE, HAS EVER DISAGREED WITH MY ADVICE, HAS EVER IGNORED MY ADVICE, HAS EVER FLAMED ME, OR HAS BEEN FLAMED BY ME:
Your mother.