Based on real life events…..want to know how ppl in diff. Categories of ff.net react.
A story about life, the hardships and the pain, a true story bout a friend…..that I never got to know better….
For the first time I'm not going to beg for reviews. All I BEG of you is to listen, read my story and understand that life isn't something that will last forever.
Names have been changed to protect my friends and myself.
Don't own characters but I do own my life and my feelings, pls don't take this story line with out asking.
Gone By Jing(They never went to the digital world, cause this is my life that I'm writing bout. Hope you get something out of this.)
Sora's POV
Never think that tomorrow will do. Let a friend know what you think don't ever say I'll talk to them later for later may never come. Life is a precious thing. It is fragile and delicate. The light of life can be snuffed out like a candle in the wind, unexpected, sudden, and chilling.
Words in my head were passed though out time. Oh I'll talk to him another time…later. We'll always have a chance to get to know each other…later. And even if we don't, come graduation time, I'll get his info and we'll get to know each other. But in my mind there was ALWAYS a later. It never occurred to me that later would no longer be an option. So what if there was never a later or a next time? What if there was no tomorrow for someone. What if you never got to tell some one good bye or tell them how much they were loved? How would you feel?
You'd feel sad.
***
I always said later, always said next time. I'd talk to him more next week, I'd take more time to be a better friend next time. There was always time in my head; I never thought that it would end. He was a great person, someone who made the class smile and laugh……until the day it wasn't there anymore….and there was a void.
***
I skipped the steps two at a time, worrying about being late again.
Arg, little freshman, get out of my way I'm late and so are you why are you being so slow!
It was another Saturday of Japanese school and I was a late….again! As I got to the third floor I slowed down the corridor catching my breath. As I turned the corner I saw my friend standing against a door.
"Hey Tai, why aren't you in class?" He turned to my somberly and in a quite voice tentatively talked to me.
Have you heard?" He seemed so serious, unlike his normal attitude.
"Heard what?" I asked in a cheerful tone, not aware of the news to come.
"Mat's dead."
The words struck my like a ton of bricks. He must have been joking. He couldn't just up and die. Stupid Tai was playing with my head again.
"Your joking" I responded in barely a whisper, I'd lost the ability to talk properly. "If your kidding and I cry I'm going to kill you."
"I'm not joking, why would joke about something like this?" He looked at me seriously trying to make me understand.
I stared at him, trying to process the information he had given me. It couldn't be true, he couldn't be dead, Matt just couldn't be dead.
In another attempt to speak loudly only a whisper came out. "How?"
"A car crash" Was his simple answer.
We stood in those positions or what felt like hours. Me whispering one word questions while inside I was screaming. Silence and thought filled the air. I kept looking around. Checking the door to our classroom for Matt. Disbelief plagued me. I couldn't believe it. I WOULDN'T believe it. Soon I turned to go to class, we had been standing out side for long enough, that and I wanted to go in, to prove Tai wrong. Matt would be sitting there, in his seat in the back. I just knew it.
I walked in and everything seemed fine. Matt wasn't sitting there but he was late sometimes….I hoped that was all. I sat down in front of my friends waiting for class to start. Tai was joking he just had to be joking…
The next thing I knew a lady came in and began to speak. She began to tell us about herself, how she was a parent in the school and had been a counselor before. It wasn't until she began to reveal why she was there that something snapped inside me.
"…so I'm guessing that you all found out already…" Nods and small yeses were heard through out the class as we were all quite. Hehe, she must be talking some nonsense…she hasn't mentioned Matt's name so…But she didn't have to I knew that it was true. He was dead. She continued talking but the more she said the sadder I became. I looked away, stared at anything that would help hold the tears back.
He was gone.
The news hit me hard. I didn't want him to be gone. Not before we got to know each other well. Not before I got to say one last 'hi' and 'good bye' no he couldn't go. But he had. She told us that there would be a counseling session in the teachers lounge for us to go to and talk to about his death. My teacher decided to take us all there as a group. As the class walked to the lounge I turned and headed for the bathroom. If I was going to cry it wasn't going to be in front of everyone. Nothing. Good I could return to the class.
As I headed to the lounge I passed to of the girls in my class, both crying. As they approached them a wave of rage ran over my briefly, they had only met him this year and they were bawling, what for! The feeling went away as soon as I saw their faces, they were sad… so was I.
***
I sat in the counseling room and listened to the lady talk, trying to get us to talk, almost in vain. Only three of us in the room of a dozen had known him for longer than two years. We had combined classes that year and only some had become his friend The fourth student was out of school probably at Matt's funeral, where wished I was. I still couldn't talk above a whisper to kept to myself. I don't think I could have talked anyway. I didn't want to. I was still hoping to wake up from the nightmare a nightmare I never seem to escape.
We as a class sat there for god know how long. Speech was escaping almost everyone. A few words were exchanged. Praises of Matt's accomplishments and his great points. How he was an aspiring violinist, how he had a great attitude. But what we all couldn't say out loud, at least not in a group, was how he's be missed.
Our teacher soon pulled out a composition that he wrote just a week ago for class.
And she read "My name is Matt I was born January 7, 1986. I was born in Chicago and lived there until I was 2 when I moved to where I live now. When I was 2 I learnt to walk, at 4 I learnt to ride a bike. Now I'm 16 and I don't ride a bike anymore, now I can drive," That phrase hit us all hard. Now you can drive…you could "but I can't wait to grow up, finish high school, then college and get out to like independently." That was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to live, to continue, and now how would never get the chance to make the best of his life. It was gone. I raised my hand to leave; I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tai accompanied me to hall Matt was really gone, he wanted to go to college, wanted to continue his life but he couldn't now. He would never be able to go to college, he would never get to go up in front of his class mates end of senior year and graduate, he would never be able to live his life out. With that I broke down. I just cried, I would never be able to see his face in class again. Never be able to say goodbye, never hear him answer the teacher's questions in class…
Tai and I sat on the steps in front of our class for the longest time. Saddened by the loss of a friend we had known for years. We sat there, reliving our memories of him. Last years New Years Party, school last year and all of the years previously. We would never have another class with him, never sit in class and have him answer the teacher with crazy word meanings.
Soon Izzy came to tell us that there was a car being signed in the lounge. Izzy, the other student who knew him since he started in our school. I couldn't think straight, couldn't think of anything but Matt. Nothing in my head made sense no connections of thoughts were being made; all that was running through my brain was Matt and nothing else.
We headed for the lounge even though I doubted I could think enough to say anything about Matt to his parents but I went anyway, it was the right thing to do. Our teacher stopped us, the three of us gathered around her and stood there remembering him, how just last week he had been there, with us. Tai and Izzy nodding and me still tearing, I missed the friend that I never knew too well, I regretted not getting to know him better than I did. We made a stand, we were probably going to say something at this year's New Year's Party. Probably.
***
As got to the room I stopped, I didn't want to go in anymore, I didn't want it to be true and I didn't want to talk to the counselor. I took a moment to think, to reflect, to wipe my tears and then I turned in. At the table were only the girls in our class. Thank god the boys had returned to the classroom. I looked over to my other friends who were signing the card. It was boring. I picked the card up, read a couple of sentences and then threw it back down onto the table.
I sat there in the room for ten minutes or so finishing my letter to Matt's family and friends. When I finished I handed it to the counselor who was collecting the notes from us. Life I scoffed.
Next hour of school ran like normal, minus Matt. The way he joked in class, the atmosphere, it was just all wrong, nothing would be the same again. The moment I walked into class I felt my heart thump against my chest. I didn't like this classroom anymore. It reminded me of Matt too much. Perhaps I would ask for a change in classrooms. Perhaps…
Life is an unpredictable entity.
Years ago I met Matt for the first time. A week ago he died, a day ago I heard. But a year from now, decades from now, I'll always remember him. The way he made us laugh, the way he would stick his head out the window when he was mad. I'll always remember him. The friend always wanted to know better, the friend I miss….the friend I wish could have his life back. If only.
But the world only runs one way and what is done is done. But don't let what is done in life make you regret. I regret many things, I regret saying tomorrow too often. I regret thinking later so often. And I regret not getting to say goodbye one last time.
Take the time today to say goodbye, to let someone know that they have friends. Get to know someone you've wanting to talk to but never gave yourself the time, do it now. For tomorrow, later may not be an option anymore.
Life is like a flame on a cold winters night. In the wind it may flicker and you may not think anything off it. But when it's gone, it's gone. The flame of life can be blown out too easily, life is precious, live it fully and never regret. Talk to the friends you have, get to know the ones you want to and never wait for later. Don't let life slip though your fingers.
Matt,
Hey, how are you doing? Everything here is………different. Life's different with out you around. Hope everything is good where you are. Hope you know how much I miss you. Wish you were here…REALLY wish you were here.
Will never forget you, years from now, decades from now.
Miss you tons.
~Sora~