Okay here's Sydney's POV. This is it after this. It was mean to be just a couple vignettes that explored the characters. I was thrilled with all the good response I got to the one from Vaughn's POV, thank you everyone. Some of you may disagree with my theories on Sydney, but please just review, please!
Isn't it funny how things turn out?
Always figured I'd be happy the day I saw Arvin Sloane dead for what he did to Danny and to me. It's what I thought I wanted, but when I returned to SD-6 that first day thinking he was dead I felt tainted with the knowledge that I had done murder. Well it turns out I hadn't, I had actually gotten Sloane closer to the man who would help his shaky position at the Alliance.
Who knew? Not me that's for damn sure.
Now there's nothing I can do other than live with the knowledge that I was willing to kill. Not as part of my job, not for the good of my country.........................for myself, for personal reasons. Vaughn had come a big part of my life, a part I didn't want to lose......couldn't lose. Do I love him? More than likely.
Again, who knew? I shut him out at first. After losing Danny I didn't want to get close to anyone else. I wanted to seal off a part of my heart so that I would never again have to feel the pain of having that part ripped to pieces. However as we worked together I came to rely on him. He became my friend, my confidant, my trust, and eventually I couldn't see my life without him.
Story of my entire existence, something that I never wanted in the first place becoming something I cannot see myself without. I've said several times how much I want out of this life, but could I ever leave absolutely everything behind? I'm not so sure anymore.
My mother was who I always wanted to be. Laura that is not Irina. Irina is my mother, I can't deny that anymore, but I don't know who she is. The mother I knew as a child was down to earth, confidant and self assured. She knew exactly who she was and did not need to prove her own worth, to herself or anybody else. I worshiped her for that.
Her life was the life I thought I wanted but for some reason, when I received that business card freshman year there was just something there that drew me. I cannot explain it but it's still there even today, even after all I've been through there's something about this life that has become a part of me. A certain feeling that I never knew I craved. Like an addiction almost.
The question is will it be something I can live with or will it eventually be my destruction? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it could go either way and up until recently I was hardly aware of this even myself.
Who knew?
The I walked in to the CIA I was looking for revenge on the man who killed my fiancé, I never expected to find so much more. I now realize why I didn't feel right about killing Sloane, because I'm not just out for revenge anymore now I actually want justice. I found purpose in what I was working toward, the truth about my family and my past, a man who, in spite of all the obstacles against us, I was somehow meant to love, and in a twisted way......myself.
Isn't it funny how things turn out?