Hermione in Wonderland
No, this is NOT a parody to the classic "Alice in Wonderland". Aren't you smart??? For the godawful records, I do not own Harry Potter, and I have a very irrational fear of porter potties. And, in other news, I'm wearing Lee Jordan's boxers.
Lee- O.O Then THAT'S why I'm wearing this thong...
~*~
Hermione in Wonderland
Chapter 1- The Mysterious White Powdery Substance
Hermione, Ron and of course, Harry, are walking around in downtown New York. Everyone is eyeing them suspiciously.
"Oy, what do you think their problem is?" Ron asked, seeing their yielding glares. "They act like they've never seen a British before!"
Harry shrugs.
"They're probably feeling intimidated because we have these nifty little robes and they don't." Hermione offered.
They eyed the New Yorkians weird clothes.
"Look at those shoes! They're so big and--- red!" Ron exclaimed.
"And that guy has no shirt on!" Hermione noticed.
"Neither does that girl.." Harry oggled.
"That guys pants are about to fall off! UGH! It's hideous!" Hermione shrieked.
"Oh, it's not that bad-" Ron said, staring at the topless girl as well as Harry.
They walk in silence for a few minutes.
"What are we doing here, anyway?" Harry asked suddenly.
They stop walking and look at each other.
Ron looked dumfounded, Hermione shrugged.
"Alright," Harry said and continued walking.
Suddenly some white boy dressed all rap-artist-like walks up to them all coolly.
"Yo, groupies- how ya'all doin, huh?" the white boy said.
O.O
"You need some good shyte? I can hook ya up," he holds out a bag of white powder.
O.O
"RAPE! MOLEST!! MAUL!!!AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione yelled.
"Hey, yo this ain't like that, okay?" White boy looks around. "She's kidding, hehe-"
"TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!!"
He drops the bag and runs off.
Hermione shrugs and picks up the bag.
"Hermione! What was all that about?!" Harry asked incredulously.
"What was what about?"
"That thing with the guy!"
"You went loco, Hermi!" Ron agreed.
"Well how else was I supposed to get the bag? Do you KNOW how much this amount woulda cost?" Hermione asked.
O.O
"What IS that stuff?" Ron and Harry asked in unison.
Hermione sighed and walked over to them and whispered something in their ears.
"OOOOooohhh.." Harry and Ron said.
O.O
"Doesn't that spread AIDS?" Asked Ron.
"WHAT?! NO!" Hermione said. "Honestly, you two are ridiculous!"
She examined the powder.
"Yeeeaaah, well that's just shibby. Now if you don't mind, Hermione, we're off to get laid by that topless chick, alright?" Harry asked.
Hermione shooed them off.
"I have some plans for you, my pretty...mwahahahahhahahahahhahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione yells.
People stare.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"
People continue walking.
Later, in a cheap motel room.
"RON! HARRY!"
"TOPLESS CHICK!"
"TOPLESS CHICK!"
Wrong motel room, cracker.
Later, in a not so cheap motel room-
Hermi-% - &
"Ugh..I don't feel so good," she said.
The bag lay empty.
"THAT was NOT what I thought it was. Whew, musta been a crushed up smartie salesman again. Ugh, I feel so light-headed and confused...."
She gets out a "Bookworm to New Yorkish Translator" book and flips through the pages.
"I mean, I feel so...wasted. Oh well."
She goes to sleep.
She's falling in a worm hole....a deep, dark wormhole.
She keeps falling and sees she's not landing any time soon, so she gets out a book and begins to read it.
An hour later-
"Wow, that was a good book!" Hermione said and looked down, no ground in sight.
She shrugs and gets out a teacup and saucer.
"Mm, what a lovely spot of tea! Um, I mean-" Hermione gets out her translator. "This shyte is da shiznit!!"
Finally, after about 3 hours of falling, she hits the ground, which is made of peanut butter and Draco Malfoy plushies.
"OOOOOOoooooh, how utterly quaint!" Blink, blink. She gets out her book. "I mean....how shibby!"
Jesse and Chester walk over to her.
"Dude, have you seen my car?" Jesse asks.
"No, but I saw a tractor on my way down here," she says.
"Wow. That's deep," Chester says.
"So, where you two headed?"
They shrug.
"That's cool. I mean-" Checks the book. "WICKED!"
They start walking and before they know it, they run into Lee Jordan.
"Hey, watch where your going!" Lee yells.
"Sorry!" Hermione says.
Lee- O.O
"I have to ask you something, Hermione," Lee said solemnly.
"Okay....hey, how do you know my name? Um, I mean-" looks in her book. "How do you know my name?"
"I feel kind of bad asking you for this. After all, we did just meet."
"..And?"
"I need something from you. I have a hunger that I have so far been unable to satisfy."
"Um, Lee, what exactly are you-"
"I starve more and more for it every day. I want it. I need it. I can just imagine it going in stiff and hard and coming out all soft and sticky.."
"Lee!"
"Do you have any gum?"
Blink, blink.
"Oh, sure, here ya go." Hermione reaches in her pockets. "Oh, sorry. Guess I don't."
"Well do you have any money?"
"No.guess we'll just have to go to the bank."
"Well, I'm coming."
"Alright." Hermione said.
They continue to walk on.
Later, at the bank-
"Hey, I need some money," Hermione says to the teller.
"Yeah, well I need some corn ointment. Wanna see?" asks the teller.
"Well, not really..."
The teller lifts her foot up, revealing a very nasty looking corn.
"Wow. You know, you really should get that looked at. I had a friend once. Had one that looked like that. One thing led to another and before ya knew it, she was stealing food from midget clowns and dating Aaron Carter," Hermione said.
"Wow. That's low," the teller says and hands her a sack of money.
"Thanks!"
They're about to leave, when who walks in, but-
"ALL RIGHT, THIS IS A HOLD UP!" yells Draco, holding up a blue watergun.
Gasps erupt from the bank.
"Hey, who are you???" Lee asks Draco.
"NONE OF YOUR BUISSINESS!"
"Because I have to ask you something, and I feel kinda bad asking for it..."
"I DON'T CARE!"
Draco walks over to the teller.
"PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!!!! PUT IT IN!!!"
"Sir, I'm gonna need some I.D."
"OH, sure," Draco reaches in his pocket and hands the teller his I.D. "There you go."
"Will this be from your checking or savings account?"
"Uh, savings."
The teller hands him a sack of money.
"Thanks! Bye!" Draco walks over to Hermione, Jesse, Chester and Lee.
"Hey, I'm Draco. Who are you?"
"Chester."
"JESSE!"
"Hermione."
"And I'm Lee. You got anything stiff and hard?"
"Um...I might?" Draco says. "So, where ya going?"
They all shrug.
"Can I come?"
"Alright," Hermione says and they all leave.
~*~
Woohoo! All done. ^.^
Lee Jordan- I say it might be your best work yet....except for "When the Script is Thrown Away."
Your right, Lee. It was a great first chapter.
Lee- I love you.
Aww, I love you too.
Blink, blink.
Lee- Tree or ground??
Tree. Let's go.
They ride off into the sunset...again.
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!
No, this is NOT a parody to the classic "Alice in Wonderland". Aren't you smart??? For the godawful records, I do not own Harry Potter, and I have a very irrational fear of porter potties. And, in other news, I'm wearing Lee Jordan's boxers.
Lee- O.O Then THAT'S why I'm wearing this thong...
~*~
Hermione in Wonderland
Chapter 1- The Mysterious White Powdery Substance
Hermione, Ron and of course, Harry, are walking around in downtown New York. Everyone is eyeing them suspiciously.
"Oy, what do you think their problem is?" Ron asked, seeing their yielding glares. "They act like they've never seen a British before!"
Harry shrugs.
"They're probably feeling intimidated because we have these nifty little robes and they don't." Hermione offered.
They eyed the New Yorkians weird clothes.
"Look at those shoes! They're so big and--- red!" Ron exclaimed.
"And that guy has no shirt on!" Hermione noticed.
"Neither does that girl.." Harry oggled.
"That guys pants are about to fall off! UGH! It's hideous!" Hermione shrieked.
"Oh, it's not that bad-" Ron said, staring at the topless girl as well as Harry.
They walk in silence for a few minutes.
"What are we doing here, anyway?" Harry asked suddenly.
They stop walking and look at each other.
Ron looked dumfounded, Hermione shrugged.
"Alright," Harry said and continued walking.
Suddenly some white boy dressed all rap-artist-like walks up to them all coolly.
"Yo, groupies- how ya'all doin, huh?" the white boy said.
O.O
"You need some good shyte? I can hook ya up," he holds out a bag of white powder.
O.O
"RAPE! MOLEST!! MAUL!!!AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione yelled.
"Hey, yo this ain't like that, okay?" White boy looks around. "She's kidding, hehe-"
"TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!NOOOOOOOO!!!"
He drops the bag and runs off.
Hermione shrugs and picks up the bag.
"Hermione! What was all that about?!" Harry asked incredulously.
"What was what about?"
"That thing with the guy!"
"You went loco, Hermi!" Ron agreed.
"Well how else was I supposed to get the bag? Do you KNOW how much this amount woulda cost?" Hermione asked.
O.O
"What IS that stuff?" Ron and Harry asked in unison.
Hermione sighed and walked over to them and whispered something in their ears.
"OOOOooohhh.." Harry and Ron said.
O.O
"Doesn't that spread AIDS?" Asked Ron.
"WHAT?! NO!" Hermione said. "Honestly, you two are ridiculous!"
She examined the powder.
"Yeeeaaah, well that's just shibby. Now if you don't mind, Hermione, we're off to get laid by that topless chick, alright?" Harry asked.
Hermione shooed them off.
"I have some plans for you, my pretty...mwahahahahhahahahahhahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione yells.
People stare.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"
People continue walking.
Later, in a cheap motel room.
"RON! HARRY!"
"TOPLESS CHICK!"
"TOPLESS CHICK!"
Wrong motel room, cracker.
Later, in a not so cheap motel room-
Hermi-% - &
"Ugh..I don't feel so good," she said.
The bag lay empty.
"THAT was NOT what I thought it was. Whew, musta been a crushed up smartie salesman again. Ugh, I feel so light-headed and confused...."
She gets out a "Bookworm to New Yorkish Translator" book and flips through the pages.
"I mean, I feel so...wasted. Oh well."
She goes to sleep.
She's falling in a worm hole....a deep, dark wormhole.
She keeps falling and sees she's not landing any time soon, so she gets out a book and begins to read it.
An hour later-
"Wow, that was a good book!" Hermione said and looked down, no ground in sight.
She shrugs and gets out a teacup and saucer.
"Mm, what a lovely spot of tea! Um, I mean-" Hermione gets out her translator. "This shyte is da shiznit!!"
Finally, after about 3 hours of falling, she hits the ground, which is made of peanut butter and Draco Malfoy plushies.
"OOOOOOoooooh, how utterly quaint!" Blink, blink. She gets out her book. "I mean....how shibby!"
Jesse and Chester walk over to her.
"Dude, have you seen my car?" Jesse asks.
"No, but I saw a tractor on my way down here," she says.
"Wow. That's deep," Chester says.
"So, where you two headed?"
They shrug.
"That's cool. I mean-" Checks the book. "WICKED!"
They start walking and before they know it, they run into Lee Jordan.
"Hey, watch where your going!" Lee yells.
"Sorry!" Hermione says.
Lee- O.O
"I have to ask you something, Hermione," Lee said solemnly.
"Okay....hey, how do you know my name? Um, I mean-" looks in her book. "How do you know my name?"
"I feel kind of bad asking you for this. After all, we did just meet."
"..And?"
"I need something from you. I have a hunger that I have so far been unable to satisfy."
"Um, Lee, what exactly are you-"
"I starve more and more for it every day. I want it. I need it. I can just imagine it going in stiff and hard and coming out all soft and sticky.."
"Lee!"
"Do you have any gum?"
Blink, blink.
"Oh, sure, here ya go." Hermione reaches in her pockets. "Oh, sorry. Guess I don't."
"Well do you have any money?"
"No.guess we'll just have to go to the bank."
"Well, I'm coming."
"Alright." Hermione said.
They continue to walk on.
Later, at the bank-
"Hey, I need some money," Hermione says to the teller.
"Yeah, well I need some corn ointment. Wanna see?" asks the teller.
"Well, not really..."
The teller lifts her foot up, revealing a very nasty looking corn.
"Wow. You know, you really should get that looked at. I had a friend once. Had one that looked like that. One thing led to another and before ya knew it, she was stealing food from midget clowns and dating Aaron Carter," Hermione said.
"Wow. That's low," the teller says and hands her a sack of money.
"Thanks!"
They're about to leave, when who walks in, but-
"ALL RIGHT, THIS IS A HOLD UP!" yells Draco, holding up a blue watergun.
Gasps erupt from the bank.
"Hey, who are you???" Lee asks Draco.
"NONE OF YOUR BUISSINESS!"
"Because I have to ask you something, and I feel kinda bad asking for it..."
"I DON'T CARE!"
Draco walks over to the teller.
"PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG!!!! PUT IT IN!!!"
"Sir, I'm gonna need some I.D."
"OH, sure," Draco reaches in his pocket and hands the teller his I.D. "There you go."
"Will this be from your checking or savings account?"
"Uh, savings."
The teller hands him a sack of money.
"Thanks! Bye!" Draco walks over to Hermione, Jesse, Chester and Lee.
"Hey, I'm Draco. Who are you?"
"Chester."
"JESSE!"
"Hermione."
"And I'm Lee. You got anything stiff and hard?"
"Um...I might?" Draco says. "So, where ya going?"
They all shrug.
"Can I come?"
"Alright," Hermione says and they all leave.
~*~
Woohoo! All done. ^.^
Lee Jordan- I say it might be your best work yet....except for "When the Script is Thrown Away."
Your right, Lee. It was a great first chapter.
Lee- I love you.
Aww, I love you too.
Blink, blink.
Lee- Tree or ground??
Tree. Let's go.
They ride off into the sunset...again.
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!