Sailor Moon Versus The Irken Invasion
An Invader Zim/Sailor Moon Crossover Story by KidKourage
You Actually Want To Read More? Okay…
I am really enjoying writing this story. I don't know why. It's taking up my valuable time that I should be spending with my actual continuous storyline. It is also kind of difficult, because the Zim in this story isn't 'mine,' and I don't have Sailor Scout voices either, apart from the occasional Ami. Ah, well, change of pace and all that. Hopefully you are having fun too. Mike certainly is. He laughs and laughs when I write this…I am lucky to have such a devoted fan. I love you.
***
Can you believe it?! More new 'Sailor Moon'…and I didn't even have to wait five years this time! Isn't this great? And of all things—crossed with 'Invader Zim!' Why didn't anyone think of this perfect marketing strategy before?! I can't wait to see what happens next! I wonder if there'll be a randomly inserted musical number…I can only hope and watch, I suppose…
***
Episode 2—An Amazing Battle of Goodness!
(Enter the really lame—er, great background music.)
Sailor Moon (voice over): Today on 'Sailor Moon,' the Scouts and I begin our investigation of the mysterious new house in town.
(We see a very strange-looking green house with misshapen windows and a hoard of lawn gnomes and plastic flamingos outside. It is glowing very spookily.)
Sailor Moon: Meanwhile, Rini has a play date with her new friend Zim!
(We see Zim being squeezed by the horror that is Rini, who is smiling happily despite the fact that her 'friend' is struggling desperately to escape and seems to be yelling threats at her.)
Sailor Moon: So why are they at the creepy house? Oh no! Watch out Rini!
(We see Rini go flying—the result of an attack that we don't see on account of that might just spoil the whole plot. Then we see reaction shots of all the Sailor Scouts going '*gasp!*')
Sailor Moon: Will we ever be able to defeat this new threat? Just stay right there…
(Sailor Moon makes her appearance, pointing at the camera with a goofy grin on her face.)
Sailor Moon: Or I'll punish you! Tee hee!
(As if that weren't enough evil cuteness for one day, now we have to listen to the theme song. Again. 'Fighting evil by moonlight…' Somebody shoot me now.)
(The episode starts, and we see the obligatory outside shot of Crossroads Elementary Skool that has to appear before the scene can start so all the slow people in the audience will know that it's taking place at said skool. And now we're in a normal anime classroom where nobody's moving except the main characters! Yay!)
Rini (gleefully): Oh wow, Zim! You have a dog?
Zim: o.ô Yes…that's what I just said.
Rini: Cool! A dog!
Mina: Wish I had a dog…
Rini: ¬_¬ You're not in this scene, Mina.
Mina: Oops! Guess DIC is making weird, nonsensical splices again! Sorry! Well, see you later! (she disappears, and Rini's hair changes color from cotton candy pink to orchid)
Zim: O.O…………….this 'DIC' is what is responsible for all the madness? Why are your eyes redder now?
Rini (stupefied): DIC rules the universe…(she snaps out of it) Oh, what are you talking about my eyes for, Zimmy? You're silly. *giggle*
Zim (still unnerved): O…kay…(he makes a realization) Don't call me 'Zimmy!' Or I will be forced to terminate you!
Rini: Okie dokie! ^_^ Hey, can I come over to your house today and accidentally discover your true nature?
Zim: What?! My…O.o (he grabs Rini by the collar of her skool uniform and shakes her) How much do you know, pink human?! How much?!
Random Little Boy: Hey, look! The green kid's yelling at Rini! That must mean they're in love!
Random Little Girl: Yeah! Heehee!
Zim (stopping his shaking but keeping his grip): What are you monkeys blathering about? I am threatening the Rini's life—that isn't a sign of affection, it means I hate her!
Random Little Girl: Oooo, you said you hate her!
Other Little Girl: This is a really juicy scoop! The two new kids are in love!
Rini (thinking? Is that possible?): He just said…and he's yelling…but Darien always used to yell at stupid Usa—Serena and say he couldn't stand her…and they're my Mommy an' Daddy now so that must mean…
(Blushing furiously, she raises her little pink hand and proceeds to slam it into Zim's face. Though that frame of film is cut, obviously. Beating up aliens isn't good behavior.)
Zim (falling off his seat with the impact of the imaginary slap): Ow! Sweet mother of…
Rini (eyes now full of tears): Don't you even think for a minute that I like you one bit, Zim! I…I hate you too! (she runs out of the room even though class is about to start, and hides around the corner, thinking to herself) That was the right thing to do, right? Now he'll fall in love with me for sure! I am sure smart, boy oh boy…^_^ (she pauses as she hears approaching footsteps) Oh goodie, here he comes to apologize! I'm gonna trip him. Heehee! How cute I am!
(Rini sticks out her cute little white-with-red-bow-shoe-ed foot and, predictably, Zim falls over it. What? He actually was coming to apologize? No way!)
Zim: Ack! (he glares up at Rini) Why in the names of the Almighty Tallest did you do that, Rini-girl?
Rini: 'Almighty Whatsis?'
Zim: O.o Oops. Nothing. Pay no attention to my words. (he gets up and brushes himself off) Just listen to me. (he points a finger in her face) I have no idea what is going on in your mind, and you are very annoying, but unfortunately you are crucial to my pla—ah…play! ^_^* That's right, my play! I'm putting on a play with me…and my dog…after skool today!
Rini: Ooooo, neato!
Zim: u.u Yes. Yes it is. But I need a girl to play the…girl…in the play. You would be honored, I'm sure, to—
Rini: Be in a play?! Gnarly!
Zim: u.o Heh?
Rini: Yay! Of course I'll come over to your house after skool today to practice for your play! That's so cool and good and nice! Oh, Zimmy, you're my best friend! (she grabs Zim and hugs him quite painfully just like we already saw in the opening summary that is always giving things away and making the show boring)
Zim: O_o Aaaaaaaaaaah! Get away from me, you little pink freak-girl! (he desperately tries to free himself) Take your filthy hands off me before I—
(DIC and Nickelodeon decided to kill two birds with one stone this time—inserting a cut that would make it possible to fit in a commercial break here, and to interrupt Zim's tirade before he says something to corrupt the youth! Yay for them and their smartness! Today's first group of ads include the Britney Spears Pepsi evil—apparently wet white T-shirts don't corrupt the youth—and a locally-made commercial for a boating store on Route 130. You can tell it was shot by a home video camera. Now it's time to return to the wonderful wonder of 'Sailor Moon!' Apparently, the nature of time has been warped and it's after skool now. And now that the unnecessary learning phase of the day has passed, the older heroines of the show are ready to get down to the really important business of the afternoon!)
Serena: So…what do you think of my plan?
Raye: Er…
Mina: It'll work for sure!
Serena: Really?
Lita: Yeah! How can it not?
Serena (developing star-shaped white blobs in her eyes): Oh…you guys are so great…I love you! (she jumps on Mina and Lita, bawling hysterically)
Raye: Um…
Serena: Thank you, thank you! (she separates from her friends and poses determinedly) Now…to go sprain my ankle outside Darien's apartment so he'll save me and stay up all night with me at the hospital and say he loves me and will protect me forever!
Raye (exhibiting her—heheh—fiery temper): That's not what we're supposed to be concentrating on, here!
Serena: *sniff* Why are you always so mean to me, Raye?
Raye: Because you have no brain whatsoever, meatball head!
Serena: *gasp!* How dare you make mention of my hairstyle at a time like this!
Lita: Oh, boy, here we go again…
Mina: They always fight…yep, all the time.
Amy (looking up from her laptop): Well, everyone, I've gotten a complete structural readout on the mysterious house…everyone? (she stares at the argument at hand, and sweatdrops) Don't you think we should…
Luna the Talking Wonder Cat (running into the room): It's true! It's true! The new house in town is the secret hoem base of the new enemy! We've gaht to get oeva there to destroy it!
Serena: My cat says we should do stuff! Let's roll, Sailor Scouts!
Raye, Lita, and Mina (jumping to their feet and posing): Yeah!
Amy: ¬_¬………………….
Serena: Hey! Amy! That means you too!
Amy (grumbling to herself as she stands up): The greatest mind in the city and I'm overshadowed by a talking cat…
Raye: Now! Let's transform!
Serena (all pouty): Hey…that's my line…
Amy (exploding): Can you airheads just shut up and transform so we can get this pathetic farce over with and I can go back to reading John Nash's theories of economics?!
Serena: Well hey, Ames, you don't have to get all screamy…you can learn about the icky gnomes when we get back.
(Everyone else in the room falls over sideways stiffly, then suddenly appears back in standing position microseconds later. Then the most important part of the episode happens—the transformation sequences! These are never subject to cuts…though they are hardly crucial to the plot and consist of file footage played the exact same way in nearly every episode. Yay!)
Serena: Now…(she rips her gaudily-decorated brooch off the front of her shirt and holds it up) Moon…Crisis…Power!
(She spins around amidst sparkles and hearts and butterfly patterns, undressed at first but acquiring the various different parts of a new outfit as the 'transformation' progresses. By the time the disco music is over, she is wearing a white bathing suit with a big red bow on the chest and transparent pink shoulders, covered by a white skirt with rainbow-colored stripes around the bottom hem. She has also developed red discs on her trademark meatball hairstyle, long white gloves, and knee-high red boots. She poses.)
Raye: Mars…Crystal…Power!
Lita: Jupiter…Crystal…Power!
Mina: Venus…Crystal…Power!
Amy: Mercury…Crystal…Power!
(They whirl around and gain new clothes too, each in their own special colors. Mars is red, Jupiter is green, Venus is yellow-orange, and Mercury is blue. They, too, pose.)
Sailor Moon: Now, to go defeat the new enemy!
Luna the Talking Wonder Cat: Ai'll lead the way!
(The five girls and their mascot dash off in the direction of the energy house. Meanwhile, Rini is just finding out that she has been horribly lied to by her bestest buddy. Or is she? Maybe she still hasn't realized, knowing her. This next scene should prove just how dense she really is!)
Zim: Muhahahahaaaaaaa! Now that I have you trapped here, your sister will be sure to come and rescue you! And then…I will destroy her with my amazing…amazingness!
Rini (tied to a chair, yet still happy): Gee, Zim! You sure are good at playing the part of the evil villain! ^_^ And your doggie's so cuuuuute!
Gir (rolling around on the floor): Whyyyyy is da girl so pink? Whyyyyyyyy is da girl so pink?!
Rini: Heehee! And this play's really lifelike!
Zim: o_ô That's because it is life, Rini-human. I really am pretty evil, and I'm really going to destroy your sister.
Rini: Hmmm…so Serena's in the play too?
Zim: O.O
Rini: But how come you wanna kill her? Sure she's dumb, but she's not—
Zim: Shut your air-hole! I will hear no more of your pointless misunderstandings! Listen to me. (he gets right in her face) I know that your sister is Sailor Moon.
Rini (sort-of catching on, but not really): Uh oh.
Zim: Correct. And you are my bait to get her to come here.
Rini: Oh my!
Zim: So…you get it now?
Rini: Oh, sure! ^.^ Why didn't you tell me it was a play about Sailor Moon before?
Gir: We's in a play?! (he dances a bit) …I'm gonna go get my socks! (he squeeks away)
Zim (pushed to the very brink of rage): There is no play!
(Just then, there is a loud thud from outside the door. The noise repeats a few times, and finally it falls open and Sailor Jupiter falls through onto the floor.)
Sailor Moon (making her dramatic entrance): I'll say there's not! (she trips over the fallen Jupiter) Yeee!
Sailor Mars (striding into the room): We're here to stop your evil scheme!
Sailor Venus (standing beside Mars and posing): Even though we don't know what it is!
Sailor Mercury (taking her place): Your days of plotting are over!
Sailor Jupiter: Get off me! (she gets up, throwing off Sailor Moon, and gets into position) Um…yeah!
Sailor Moon: Owie…
Zim (glaring at the intrusion): Who are you to think you can break down the door of an Irken Invader?
Sailor Moon (tottering to her feet): I'm…I'm Sailor Moon! The Champion of Justice! In the name of the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil! (she does her 'I love you in sign language' pose and finishes primly) And that means you.
Rini (kicking her feet happily): Yaaaaaay! Sere—Sailor Moon's here to save me! Hee…this is a good play…
Zim: o.ô This…is the mighty Sailor Moon? ………….I laugh at you! Wahahahahaaaaaaaa!
Sailor Moon: Well of course I'm Sailor Moon! Duh! And now, shorty, I'm gonna rescue my daughter—I mean sister…and defeat you! In the name of the moon!
Zim: …hahahaha—heh? (he narrows his eyes at the five intruders—where Luna got off to I don't know) Pitiful humans! You have no idea who you are dealing with!
Sailor Venus: Well, you've got us there! Ahahaha…^.^*
Sailor Jupiter: Yeah…who are you, anyway? We really have no clue!
Sailor Mercury (muttering angrily): We just followed the talking cat without doing any proper research first.
Zim: You wish to know who I am? Well…I will show you! Prepare for imminent fear, for I am—
(Aren't commercial breaks super?!?!?! Just as things start getting scary, they're always there to remind you that you can go to the store and buy many good things. How nice of them! Be glad that you have the opportunity to purchase S'more Ritzes and Nestle's Quik, and that you can go see 'Stuart Little 2' starring Michael J. Fox! Oh well…no more fun for another few minutes. *grumble* The show's back.)
Sailor Venus: Oh, wow, so you're really an alien sent here by your overlords to conquer Earth and wipe out all life here so they can use it as a supply warehouse planet?
Zim (exasperated): Yes! Why do you humans insist on repeating everything that I say?!
Sailor Jupiter: Alien or not, he looks pretty weak. Let's just step on him an' go get ice-cream.
Zim: Weak?! I'll show you, you disgusting dirt-beings! (he rises on his mech legs and whips out a huge laser gun) Come on and fight! We will see who is weak! …and it will be you! Bwahahahahaaaa…I am very amazing…
Sailor Mercury (getting a reading on her blue goggle-thingies): Be careful, girls. That weapon is radiating a very large amount of ener—
Sailor Moon: Sailor Soldiers—I mean Scouts! Attack!
Sailor Jupiter: Fi-nally! Action! Eat this, alien! Jupiter…Thunder…Crash!
Sailor Mercury: *sigh*
Zim (really not paying attention): Muhahahahahaaaaaaa! Ahaha—O.O…aaaaaaaaaah! (he throws himself to the floor, narrowly missing being struck by lightning. The couch is not so lucky.) …what kind of humans are you?!
Sailor Mars: Ones with really awesome supa powaas! It's my turn! Mars…Flame…Sniper! (she fires an arrow of fire toward our friend Zim)
Zim (cringing in fear): .…….ô…….ha! You missed! Again! You have missed twice and have failed to inflict any damage on me whatsoever!
Sailor Mars (smugly): Except that your head's on fire.
Zim: What? ………O.O Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! (he runs around screaming for a bit until realizing that the best solution is to simply pull his wig off and stomp on it) Uhn uhn uhn! Die you stupid fire! Die!
Sailor Mercury: Hmmm…antennae…his hair was merely part of a disguise…
Rini: *gasp!* My friend's really an alien?
Zim (whirling to face her): Yes! For the last time, yes! I am not a native of your worthless trash land! (he removes his contact lenses and throws them down angrily) See?! My disguise was brilliant, I know, so of course you were taken in! But now even something as stupid as you must get it!
Rini: But…but you're…my friend…
Zim: I am not your friend! I told you—I hate you! I hate all you humans and I want you to perish in the flames of my greatness!
Sailor Mars: Well if it's flames you want, I'm happy to help! Mars…Fire…
Sailor Venus: Hey, you already got to attack! I have to now, so that we all get a turn to have our attack sequences played!
Sailor Mars: Oh, right.
Sailor Venus: Venus…Love Chain…Encircle!
Zim: o.ô These attacking words are getting really annoying…augh, it's tight! (apparently the supposed 'Love Chain' has 'Encircled,' and Zim is trapped at one end of it whilst Venus holds the other)
Sailor Venus: Urk…I've got 'im…now, Sailor Moon, now!
Sailor Moon: But…um…what attack do I do…the one for healing or the one for vaporizing or what?
Sailor Mercury: Vaporizing! Isn't it obvious?! Just do it before I wipe you all out with my Shine Aqua Illusion!
Zim (mockingly): 'Shine Aqua Illusion?' Ack!
Sailor Venus (pulling on the Love Chain): Well, that's what you get. Would you hurry up, Sailor Moon? This thingy's cutting into my hand.
Sailor Moon: But I'm just not sure! Waaaaaa!
Zim: Ha! Your so-called Champion of Justice is hesitant! And so you will all face the wrath of Irken technology! (at the top of his voice) Gir! Come to your Master!
Gir (squeeking into the room, holding a spoon): I found my sock!
Sailor Moon: Awwwwwww! It's a cute doggie! (she runs over to Gir)
Sailor Venus (dropping the chain): Ooooo, yeah! (she goes too)
Sailor Jupiter: Neat! (likewise)
Sailor Mars: Wonder what breed it is! (and her too)
Sailor Mercury: Um, guys? Aren't we supposed to be…(she pauses, as if listening to an inner voice)…but that's just stupid! Why would we let—when we could just—but…if you say so. *sigh* (she puts on a brainless smile and skips over to Gir) I love doggies!
Zim (looking very pleased with his genius): Heheheh…so mindless…(he turns to Rini) I should thank you for being the perfect representative for your species and exposing your kind's weaknesses…but I won't because you didn't help me at all it was all me for I am the mighty Invader Zim!
Rini: …………………..
Zim: Now! Gir! Shed your disguise and attack the Sailor-females!
Gir: Hokie dokie! Whee! (he unzips his dog suit and leaps out) I'm not wearin' pants!
Sailors Venus, Mercury, and Jupiter: *gasp!*
Sailor Mars: I'm getting a bad vibe from that little robot…
Sailor Moon: Oh, Raye, he's even cuter like this! It's just a little thing…
Gir: I'm hungry!
Sailor Moon: Awww! ^.^ See? It's so sweet!
Gir (turning to stare at Sailor Moon): Mmmmmmm, meatballs! I'm gonna eat you! (he lunges at Sailor Moon and attaches himself to her head, chomping down on one of her buns) Yummy meat hair!
Sailor Moon: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! (she starts running around in circles shrieking) My hair my hair my hair!
Sailor Jupiter (staring): What do you think we should do?
Sailor Venus: Well…she is our leader…
Sailor Mars: Even though it is funny…
Sailor Mercury (vaguely evilly): We should attack the robot.
Sailor Venus: But we might hit Sailor Moon!
Sailor Mercury (matter-of-fact): But we might hit the robot.
Sailor Venus: Oh, right! That's true! Okay! Venus…
Sailor Mercury (holding up a hand to stop Venus): Oh no…allow me. (she strikes her attack pose) Mercury…Aqua…Rhapsody!
(The torrent of water that sprays forth from Mercury's most powerful attack engulfs both Sailor Moon and Gir, but fortunately doesn't kill either.)
Sailor Moon: *cough sputter* Mercury! Watch where you're shooting that!
Sailor Mercury: I was.
Gir: Whee! Surf's up!
Zim: O.O…………..(to himself) That one has the power of…water…the accursed wet liquid…it isn't the Moon-human I have to worry about—it's the blue one…
Rini (thinking again? Three times in one day?!): Zim's not my friend? It can't be…he must love me because that's how it always goes in shows like this! I won't believe it! I've gotta stop Sailor Moon and the others from hurting him…but I've gotta stop him from hurting them too…what will I do? I'm so confused!
(Just then, there is an ominous rumbling sound from outside, and the house begins to shake slightly. The girls, unsurprisingly, fall over and scream a bit because they are girls and girls do things like that when the ground shakes. For his part, Gir falls over too—just to be like his new best pals. Only Zim appears unperturbed, simply walking over to where he dropped his laser gun, retrieving it, and turning to aim it at the Scouts.)
Zim: Now your doom is surely at hand.
Sailor Jupiter: You couldn't possibly hit us all with that little toy at once!
Sailor Mars: Yeah! We can totally dodge with our super speed powers!
Zim: Oh…I needn't hit you at all, really. Even if I don't you'll all be destroyed soon enough—along with your entire miserable species!
Sailor Venus: What're you talking about?
Zim: Eheh…eheheheheheh…waaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa!
Sailor Mercury (processing data with her goggles): Oh no…suddenly there are huge energy concentrations…right above us!
Sailor Moon (totally inappropriately, given the previous statement): Speak English, Mercury!
Zim: Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! This is the hour of my triumph! You see…that sound you heard? That was…(he smiles at the girls at continues in very ominous tones)…the Arma—
(Whee! 'Sailor Moon Says' time! You've been waiting so long for just this moment, huh? Well now it's here! Thrill as the Sailor Scouts tell you how to live your lives, which are meaningless without their advice!)
Sailor Moon (voice-over): Sometimes people get into fights at skool or in the neighborhood.
(We see Lita walking down the street. She is approached by a trio of would-be muggers and proceeds to beat them senseless and throw them over her head.)
Sailor Moon: But fighting can lead to trouble!
Sailor Jupiter: That's right! I've been expelled from six different skools for defending myself against my violent classmates! And lots of people are afraid of me now!
(We see Lita, looking mighty tough, sitting all by herself with her lunch. Several other students pass by, looking fearful, and then start whispering and pointing at her.)
Sailor Jupiter: I really should've learned to control my temper.
Sailor Moon: Yes! But now Lita's an upstanding citizen and even a Sailor Scout—a Champion of Justice who defends the people of Tokyo—I mean this nameless, definitely American city—from evil!
(We see Sailor Jupiter throwing punches at a sinister-looking man with long silver hair and a cape. When this fails, she blasts him with her Jupiter Thunder. He is fried to a crisp.)
Sailor Mars: We all work hard to save everyone!
Sailor Venus: Yeah!
(We see the other Sailor Scouts doing their magical attacks and vaporizing various evil monsters.)
Sailor Mercury: And we get stronger all the time! Even I can defeat the bad guys now, and all I used to be able to do was that weak Mercury Bubbles thing that didn't hurt anyone!
(We see Sailor Mercury totally blowing away a scary-looking female demon with an even scarier-looking water attack called Aqua Mirage—it was only in the 'SuperS Mercury Special,' even though it was just about the coolest move ever in the history of Sailor Scouts—can't have Mercury overshadowing Sailor Moon, see. ¬.¬)
Sailor Moon: So remember, kids, violence and fighting aren't the answers to your problems—upgraded magical powers are!
(Sailor Moon twirls around to face the 'camera' and smiles cutely.)
Sailor Moon: Sailor Moon Says! ^_^
***
Oh, man! Could this get any better?! The greatest forces in the universe are about to collide! At least…I think they are…can't be sure with that last cut obscuring what Zim was about to say, but…gotta have hope! The Sailor Scouts versus the Irken Armada! Ooooo, I wonder if Red and Purple will be there? That would be so cool! O.o………..uh oh…now I've gotta wait for the next episode! But I can't! I can't! I—ice-cream! There's ice-cream! Thanks, Mommy! I'll eat it and forget that the scene of Rini being attacked in the opening didn't actually happen in this episode! Yaaaaaay!
***
Well, that's the end of Episode 2 of 'Sailor Moon Versus The Irken Invasion!' What could possibly happen next? What horrendously obvious cuts will be made? And most importantly—what commercials will be aired between those annoying segments of actual show?! Find out next time!
Oh Yes…Doom Is Impending…