Um, I don't remember what my formatting was before, but bolds are in *.*
alright?
Heck, this is starting to get really angsty. :{ But don't worry, I think it'll get better pretty soon, at least a little. Um, well, the thing that Remus tells Sass about, I got that idea from a fic called So Glad To Break It To You, by Green-Eyed Lady. It's REALLY good, and anyone who wants to know more about that whole mess should go read it, cuz that's where I'm coming from on that point. Oh- and the other fic that sometimes influences Remus and even Sev a bit is Seeing Grey by Ignominia (or something like that). It's really quite good and if I haven't said so already then you should go read it. K? k.
Sasina (Sass for short) Chapter 12- Hope of Recovery
And suddenly she came back to herself. Her head ached horribly, and her body couldn't decide whether she was in a freezer or a furnace. He was gone, and Professor McGonagall stood at the front of the class. She hadn't noticed. Sass closed her eyes for a moment, as the room was beginning to spin. When she opened them, there was a haze around her visio n, but she was able to hear the teacher's voice, albeit like through a tunnel. She shook Sandy's arm off her robes, nodding that she was fine. She couldn't let anyone know what was going on.
Somehow Sass managed to struggle through the class, though later, she could never remember how. She skipped Defense. Remus knew her too well- she would never be able to hide her sickness from him. She snuck in and forced herself to eat a bit of toast for lunch, though she didn't want to. It didn't end up mattering, as she threw up within five minutes.
And that was how the next couple of days went. Every night she made the climb up Hogwarts, and sat in the stone chair until morning. Every day she forced herself through her classes by sheer willpower. She knew this couldn't go on for much longer- sooner or later she was bound to pass out- but she found she didn't care. The only time she found peace from that memory- *smash!* - was at night, and that always turned to day, forcing her back down into the hated castle. She trained in every spare moment, instead of studying, so that she would be able to escape- to beat Him, if he ever came after her.
Eventually Myrtle found her. It was nighttime, and she was headed for the window so she could begin her climb. The silvery girl came streaming down the corridor, her face in her hands. She saw Sass, and stopped. "Oh-" she said, curiously formal. "Sass. I didn't see you."
Sass blinked, trying to figure out what was going on. "Heya Myrtle," she finally managed to force out.
Myrtle took a deep breath, obviously steeling herself for something. "Look, Sass, I heard what you've been saying about me in the common room, and- well- how could you do that?"
"Er- what? Myrtle, I don't talk exactly in the common room, I'm not in there ever," Sass said blurrily, still not quite sure what Myrtle meant.
"What do you mean?" Myrtle yelled angrily. "I've heard! Well, I'm just here to tell you that it's over! No more pity-talks, no more sleepovers in my bathroom, and /no more pretending to like me!/ I'm going to do just fine without you, so go away! I don't ever want to see you again!" Shedding tears, Myrtle fled through a wall.
Sass stared blankly at the spot she'd disappeared, still processing the information. Suddenly it clicked. "Oh god."
She sank to the floor, mindlessly watching spots dance before her eyes. "I didn't say anything bad about her ever, did I?" she asked the air, not expecting an answer.
None came. After a moment, Sass scrambled out the window and began to climb. She didn't cry about her new loss- she had cried too long and too often this week to be able to. The new ache in her gut remained unpurged.
Once she reached the top, Sass sat there until the weak winter sun rose on her pale face, wishing- always wishing.
* * * * *
The second Thursday after her first ascent of Hogwarts, Sass knew she had to do this- go to His class. If she didn't, then she would never be able to defeat him. By now she knew she looked like crap and was no longer willing to bother with Marisa's makeup, so it showed. She hadn't slept in over a week, and the nights in the cold and the rain were taking their toll. A few of the third years stared at her as she entered the room- no one knew what had happened. Sass sat down heavily in her usual seat, waiting for Him to enter, wondering what his reaction would be.
Snape entered. He didn't seem to see her as he strode down the middle of the classroom and up to his desk. He turned. "Today," he said curtly, "we will make a Freezing Potion. It-" He saw her and stopped suddenly. Shock and worry flitted across his face before they were replaced by a hard, cruel expression that Sass had never seen before. It made her think of what Snape had been- what he had been like when he was a Death Eater. She shrank back in the chair, though she didn't break eye contact. After a moment, Snape continued.
"A few drops of a Freezing Potion will cause an object to become very cold. It is used for perishable foods, mostly, but can also aid in reducing a fever. Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Celeborn, you need to pay attention." Sass had allowed her head to drop to her desk as he talked, and didn't see why she should go to the effort of lifting it back up for Him. She propped her chin up, so that she could look at him, as a compromise.
Snape glared at the class, who were looking at him incredulously. A few seemed not to understand what they'd heard- Snape, taking points, from /her/? His little friend? Snape continued to speak once again. "These are the components. I will expect you to have added the first set by the end of the lesson. We will continue this potion next week." As he turned to write the ingredients for the potion on the board, Sass slipped out the back of the room. She shouldn't have come. It was a mistake to think she would ever have been able to face Him down. She was too weak.
She was surprised to find herself in the Great Hall, but figured it didn't matter where she was. There was a lovely fuzziness invading her mind, and now there was no teachers or students to stop her from letting go. Sass idly sat down at one of the House tables, vaguely aware that it wasn't hers. But of course, who cared? They all hated her, so it didn't make a difference one way or another- death or life, Slytherin or Gryffindor. She closed her eyes and let sleep take her to a place where nothing hurt, and she could be alone.
* * * * *
Sass heard a curious buzzing in her ears. Someone was shaking her, telling her she needed to wake up. /But the blackness feels so nice/, she thought painfully, /and this hurts./ The voice grew more insistent, and was joined by others, some jeering at her, some begging her to /please/ be okay. It was that first voice that finally did it, though- they just wouldn't leave her alone. Something about it-
Sass opened her eyes groggily to the worried face of Remus Lupin. "Heya Remus," she said. "Long time no see."
"Sass!" he said, picking her up. "Come on, I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing."
This penetrated the haze of fog through which she had been thinking. "No wait!" she said suddenly, trying to struggle.
"No, Sass, I don't know why you didn't want to get treated for this and I don't care. And it's no use trying to struggle. You're sick- and I am very, very strong," he added with a wry smile. /Oh yeah- he's a werewolf, isn't he?/ Sass thought.
"But- I-"
"Sass," Remus said, looking down at her sadly. "Please. Just let us get you better, and then we can talk. Okay? Once you're healthy, you can do whatever you want."
Sass really didn't feel like fighting, and right now she was so warm. She sighed and nodded slowly, letting sleep claim her once again, so she missed Remus' triumphant smile. He /would/ find out what had happened to make her so sad- and she would heal, someday soon.
* * * * *
Severus followed Lupin down the hall at a discreet distance, watching the small bundle in his arms worriedly. He knew he had made a mistake in yelling at Sass like that, but he had heard the things she'd been saying about him. On top of it, yet another full moon had gone by without Lupin's cover as a werewolf being destroyed- he was so bloody frustrated! His students were being more obstinate than usual, Dumbledore was pestering him about something or another, probably just like Sass, trying to get him to be nice to the 'poor Gryffindors.' Well, he was a Slytherin, and he'd go back to Voldemort before he'd be nice to Potter and his fan club. Which, from the sound of things, was exactly what Sass was doing. Talking to Granger, probably laughing at all the things he'd told her, about how that bastard Snape was opening his heart up.
Severus suddenly realized what he was thinking and stopped abruptly. /Wait a minute/, he thought. /I can't assume things. Remember? I was going to apologize. but why? If she really has been saying those things about me, she deserved getting hit./ He remembered the look in her eyes just before she had fled out his door- of betrayal, of hurt more emotional than physical. He had reduced her to what she had been at the orphanage- barely more than an animal, out of her mind with fear and pain. Severus remembered the satisfaction he had felt at that look- before he'd thought about what he'd done- and mentally recoiled from himself. /What sort of monster am I, that I could feel that way at another person's pain?/
/But she's like my daughter. and if she betrayed me./
He angrily banished his thoughts, forcing himself to remember the vow he'd made when he was eight- he would never cry, ever. /And I won't now. She isn't worth it./ But nonetheless, he continued to follow Lupin, who carried the slight pale girl in his arms as if she was made of glass. When Remus reached the Hospital Wing, Severus slipped in behind him. As soon as she comes to, I'll talk to her, and then we'll see, he decided firmly. /If she didn't say- those things- then I'll apologize, and if she did. well, I won't, and she'll never have to be different than any other Gryffindor again./ He watched the other man put Sass in a bed, and go off to find Poppy Pomfrey, the nurse. This was his chance. Severus moved to Sass' bed and shook her gently.
"Sass? Sass- wake up. We need to talk." The girl's grey eyes opened, and she smiled for a moment, but then must have remembered what he'd done. She shrank back from his gentle touch, staring mistrustfully. Severus bit his lip for a moment before finding words.
"Sass, I've been hearing some- things- that you said about me, that were- well, you know what you said. Did you say them?" He watched her carefully, despite everything still hoping that she would say no and mean it.
She blinked for a moment. One point against her. Then she closed her eyes and wrinkled her brow, obviously trying to come up with something to tell him. Two points. Then she opened her eyes again, but wouldn't meet his gaze, shifting a little in her bed, despite the fact that it obviously caused her pain. Three. She seemed to forget he was there for a moment, gaze unfocused. His heart clenched inwardly with pain. No matter what she said now, he knew the truth- everything he'd heard was true. But he wanted to hear it from her own lips, hear it so that he would be sure. Finally, she sighed.
"No," she said blurrily. "'Cept- 'cept- you- yur soundin' like Myrtle, but I didn' say nuthin' bad on her, too, 'cause she's being mad a'me too. But you-"
He cut her off violently, unable to stand any more of this crap. "I don't want to hear it," he said harshly, pushing against her side to stand up, not caring about her sudden gasp of pain. "Any of it." He looked down at her. "You're worse than all the others put together. At least they're honest in their hatred." He curled his lip at her, then strode quickly out the door, hearing the werewolf come back in just as he left. And then he concentrated solely on keeping the tears from falling, because he didn't want to believe that Sass had done this- but she had, she had betrayed him, and now he could never trust her again.
* * * * *
Sass heard someone- /Remus/, she remembered- come back into the room, but she didn't care. He hated her, he hated her, and he had hurt her again. She remembered her way of life back at the orphanage, and then how miraculous it had seemed when Michelle and Emara had changed everything. Now she resented them- they had weakened her. She used to not care about words- except Milord Paul's, but no one else could have hurt her. She knew now that her old life was not the exception- it was the rule, and she was a fool to have thought otherwise.
Sass ignored Madam Pomfrey's fussing about chills and illness and recovery time. Chills? They were unimportant- it probably wouldn't kill her, and if they did, so what? And recovery time- the only recovery she needed to make fast was regaining her old kind of trust- or rather, her old lack of trust. /I was starting to trust everyone- Hermione, Myrtle, Snape, Sandra, Remus- I can't do that. Too many weaknesses./ Suddenly Remus' face filled her vision. He leaned over her.
"Sass, please, /please/, just tell me what happened? God, I won't tell anyone, you know I would never hurt you- please." Mutely, Sass shook her head. She remembered those words- Snape had said them, many times over the years, and then he had turned. They all did, eventually- there was no one she could trust.
Remus closed his eyes, and sat down. "Listen," he said quietly. "Madam Pomfrey is gone. She won't hear. And I /swear/, I swear by everything that's sacred, that I will never tell anyone what you tell me." He opened his eyes again, and said, hesitantly, "Will you at least tell me why you got so sick?"
Looking into those eyes, Sass was hard pressed not to let the whole story come rushing out. The only way she could stop herself was remembering the pain of Severus' fist against her right cheek. But surely just telling him a little couldn't hurt. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, carefully checking every word before she let it out of her mouth.
"I have been climbing up to the top of the school every night."
Remus inhaled sharply. She could tell he was surprised. "For how long? /Why/?"
She thought about that. That would be all right to tell, as if she was careful. "About a week and a half. I- I argued with someone."
She wished Remus would stop looking at her like that. His eyes pierced her, warm and serious at the same time, somehow. His next question was nothing more than a breath, quiet as moonlight. "/Who?/"
What could she tell him? Should she say? Those eyes bored into her, begging her to trust them, and try as she might, she could not turn away. This was her last hope- the last belief in anything good- and she didn't want to let it go. "Severus," she whispered.
"What did he do?" Remus gently prodded.
She suddenly felt the fear come back, and knew he saw it by the disappointment in his eyes. She shook her head, choking back tears. She /wouldn't/ cry.
"Let me tell you something," Remus said quietly. He sat down on her bedside. "Severus hurt me once too. Will you at least think about telling me after that?"
Sass was once again subjected to that caring gaze- she didn't want to hurt Remus, she didn't want to push him away. and he had only said /think /about telling him- she still didn't have to.
Slowly, silently, Sass nodded.
*winces* sorry, I know I said lupin would tell about all that stuff in this chapter, but it's Sunday evening and I really want to get this chapter up, so I'm ending it there. The lupin stuff willl be in the next chapter, I swear. K? K.
ok, sorry harrypottermagic32, you were 'someone else'- I forgot to go see what your review said and answer it. here- THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! Here's the next chap.
Me- yeah, I reviewed my own story. Hmm. Call me psychopath, k? K.
Diety- I DID end it there! And I'll take the evil bit as a compliment. Is this ending any better? He he he.
SafetyMunkey- yeah, school is BLOODY irritating. I get about 2 hrs per day. if you consider homework time to yourself. Thank GOD for weekends. Yeah, sass is in a lot of trouble right now. I think she'll- did I almost say that? Never mind..
harrypottermagic32- Thanks! Yep. Like I said, sass' havin a pretty tough time of it.
Friend from ash. - will u PLEASE tell me who you are!!!!! There's an email address if you don't know my other one- just click on 'riverlady' at the top of any chapter. it would make me so happy.
THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS YOU GUYS!!!! I HAVE TWO PAGES WORTH!!!!!!!!!
R E V I E W!!!!!!!!!! The button's just down there.
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Heck, this is starting to get really angsty. :{ But don't worry, I think it'll get better pretty soon, at least a little. Um, well, the thing that Remus tells Sass about, I got that idea from a fic called So Glad To Break It To You, by Green-Eyed Lady. It's REALLY good, and anyone who wants to know more about that whole mess should go read it, cuz that's where I'm coming from on that point. Oh- and the other fic that sometimes influences Remus and even Sev a bit is Seeing Grey by Ignominia (or something like that). It's really quite good and if I haven't said so already then you should go read it. K? k.
Sasina (Sass for short) Chapter 12- Hope of Recovery
And suddenly she came back to herself. Her head ached horribly, and her body couldn't decide whether she was in a freezer or a furnace. He was gone, and Professor McGonagall stood at the front of the class. She hadn't noticed. Sass closed her eyes for a moment, as the room was beginning to spin. When she opened them, there was a haze around her visio n, but she was able to hear the teacher's voice, albeit like through a tunnel. She shook Sandy's arm off her robes, nodding that she was fine. She couldn't let anyone know what was going on.
Somehow Sass managed to struggle through the class, though later, she could never remember how. She skipped Defense. Remus knew her too well- she would never be able to hide her sickness from him. She snuck in and forced herself to eat a bit of toast for lunch, though she didn't want to. It didn't end up mattering, as she threw up within five minutes.
And that was how the next couple of days went. Every night she made the climb up Hogwarts, and sat in the stone chair until morning. Every day she forced herself through her classes by sheer willpower. She knew this couldn't go on for much longer- sooner or later she was bound to pass out- but she found she didn't care. The only time she found peace from that memory- *smash!* - was at night, and that always turned to day, forcing her back down into the hated castle. She trained in every spare moment, instead of studying, so that she would be able to escape- to beat Him, if he ever came after her.
Eventually Myrtle found her. It was nighttime, and she was headed for the window so she could begin her climb. The silvery girl came streaming down the corridor, her face in her hands. She saw Sass, and stopped. "Oh-" she said, curiously formal. "Sass. I didn't see you."
Sass blinked, trying to figure out what was going on. "Heya Myrtle," she finally managed to force out.
Myrtle took a deep breath, obviously steeling herself for something. "Look, Sass, I heard what you've been saying about me in the common room, and- well- how could you do that?"
"Er- what? Myrtle, I don't talk exactly in the common room, I'm not in there ever," Sass said blurrily, still not quite sure what Myrtle meant.
"What do you mean?" Myrtle yelled angrily. "I've heard! Well, I'm just here to tell you that it's over! No more pity-talks, no more sleepovers in my bathroom, and /no more pretending to like me!/ I'm going to do just fine without you, so go away! I don't ever want to see you again!" Shedding tears, Myrtle fled through a wall.
Sass stared blankly at the spot she'd disappeared, still processing the information. Suddenly it clicked. "Oh god."
She sank to the floor, mindlessly watching spots dance before her eyes. "I didn't say anything bad about her ever, did I?" she asked the air, not expecting an answer.
None came. After a moment, Sass scrambled out the window and began to climb. She didn't cry about her new loss- she had cried too long and too often this week to be able to. The new ache in her gut remained unpurged.
Once she reached the top, Sass sat there until the weak winter sun rose on her pale face, wishing- always wishing.
* * * * *
The second Thursday after her first ascent of Hogwarts, Sass knew she had to do this- go to His class. If she didn't, then she would never be able to defeat him. By now she knew she looked like crap and was no longer willing to bother with Marisa's makeup, so it showed. She hadn't slept in over a week, and the nights in the cold and the rain were taking their toll. A few of the third years stared at her as she entered the room- no one knew what had happened. Sass sat down heavily in her usual seat, waiting for Him to enter, wondering what his reaction would be.
Snape entered. He didn't seem to see her as he strode down the middle of the classroom and up to his desk. He turned. "Today," he said curtly, "we will make a Freezing Potion. It-" He saw her and stopped suddenly. Shock and worry flitted across his face before they were replaced by a hard, cruel expression that Sass had never seen before. It made her think of what Snape had been- what he had been like when he was a Death Eater. She shrank back in the chair, though she didn't break eye contact. After a moment, Snape continued.
"A few drops of a Freezing Potion will cause an object to become very cold. It is used for perishable foods, mostly, but can also aid in reducing a fever. Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Celeborn, you need to pay attention." Sass had allowed her head to drop to her desk as he talked, and didn't see why she should go to the effort of lifting it back up for Him. She propped her chin up, so that she could look at him, as a compromise.
Snape glared at the class, who were looking at him incredulously. A few seemed not to understand what they'd heard- Snape, taking points, from /her/? His little friend? Snape continued to speak once again. "These are the components. I will expect you to have added the first set by the end of the lesson. We will continue this potion next week." As he turned to write the ingredients for the potion on the board, Sass slipped out the back of the room. She shouldn't have come. It was a mistake to think she would ever have been able to face Him down. She was too weak.
She was surprised to find herself in the Great Hall, but figured it didn't matter where she was. There was a lovely fuzziness invading her mind, and now there was no teachers or students to stop her from letting go. Sass idly sat down at one of the House tables, vaguely aware that it wasn't hers. But of course, who cared? They all hated her, so it didn't make a difference one way or another- death or life, Slytherin or Gryffindor. She closed her eyes and let sleep take her to a place where nothing hurt, and she could be alone.
* * * * *
Sass heard a curious buzzing in her ears. Someone was shaking her, telling her she needed to wake up. /But the blackness feels so nice/, she thought painfully, /and this hurts./ The voice grew more insistent, and was joined by others, some jeering at her, some begging her to /please/ be okay. It was that first voice that finally did it, though- they just wouldn't leave her alone. Something about it-
Sass opened her eyes groggily to the worried face of Remus Lupin. "Heya Remus," she said. "Long time no see."
"Sass!" he said, picking her up. "Come on, I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing."
This penetrated the haze of fog through which she had been thinking. "No wait!" she said suddenly, trying to struggle.
"No, Sass, I don't know why you didn't want to get treated for this and I don't care. And it's no use trying to struggle. You're sick- and I am very, very strong," he added with a wry smile. /Oh yeah- he's a werewolf, isn't he?/ Sass thought.
"But- I-"
"Sass," Remus said, looking down at her sadly. "Please. Just let us get you better, and then we can talk. Okay? Once you're healthy, you can do whatever you want."
Sass really didn't feel like fighting, and right now she was so warm. She sighed and nodded slowly, letting sleep claim her once again, so she missed Remus' triumphant smile. He /would/ find out what had happened to make her so sad- and she would heal, someday soon.
* * * * *
Severus followed Lupin down the hall at a discreet distance, watching the small bundle in his arms worriedly. He knew he had made a mistake in yelling at Sass like that, but he had heard the things she'd been saying about him. On top of it, yet another full moon had gone by without Lupin's cover as a werewolf being destroyed- he was so bloody frustrated! His students were being more obstinate than usual, Dumbledore was pestering him about something or another, probably just like Sass, trying to get him to be nice to the 'poor Gryffindors.' Well, he was a Slytherin, and he'd go back to Voldemort before he'd be nice to Potter and his fan club. Which, from the sound of things, was exactly what Sass was doing. Talking to Granger, probably laughing at all the things he'd told her, about how that bastard Snape was opening his heart up.
Severus suddenly realized what he was thinking and stopped abruptly. /Wait a minute/, he thought. /I can't assume things. Remember? I was going to apologize. but why? If she really has been saying those things about me, she deserved getting hit./ He remembered the look in her eyes just before she had fled out his door- of betrayal, of hurt more emotional than physical. He had reduced her to what she had been at the orphanage- barely more than an animal, out of her mind with fear and pain. Severus remembered the satisfaction he had felt at that look- before he'd thought about what he'd done- and mentally recoiled from himself. /What sort of monster am I, that I could feel that way at another person's pain?/
/But she's like my daughter. and if she betrayed me./
He angrily banished his thoughts, forcing himself to remember the vow he'd made when he was eight- he would never cry, ever. /And I won't now. She isn't worth it./ But nonetheless, he continued to follow Lupin, who carried the slight pale girl in his arms as if she was made of glass. When Remus reached the Hospital Wing, Severus slipped in behind him. As soon as she comes to, I'll talk to her, and then we'll see, he decided firmly. /If she didn't say- those things- then I'll apologize, and if she did. well, I won't, and she'll never have to be different than any other Gryffindor again./ He watched the other man put Sass in a bed, and go off to find Poppy Pomfrey, the nurse. This was his chance. Severus moved to Sass' bed and shook her gently.
"Sass? Sass- wake up. We need to talk." The girl's grey eyes opened, and she smiled for a moment, but then must have remembered what he'd done. She shrank back from his gentle touch, staring mistrustfully. Severus bit his lip for a moment before finding words.
"Sass, I've been hearing some- things- that you said about me, that were- well, you know what you said. Did you say them?" He watched her carefully, despite everything still hoping that she would say no and mean it.
She blinked for a moment. One point against her. Then she closed her eyes and wrinkled her brow, obviously trying to come up with something to tell him. Two points. Then she opened her eyes again, but wouldn't meet his gaze, shifting a little in her bed, despite the fact that it obviously caused her pain. Three. She seemed to forget he was there for a moment, gaze unfocused. His heart clenched inwardly with pain. No matter what she said now, he knew the truth- everything he'd heard was true. But he wanted to hear it from her own lips, hear it so that he would be sure. Finally, she sighed.
"No," she said blurrily. "'Cept- 'cept- you- yur soundin' like Myrtle, but I didn' say nuthin' bad on her, too, 'cause she's being mad a'me too. But you-"
He cut her off violently, unable to stand any more of this crap. "I don't want to hear it," he said harshly, pushing against her side to stand up, not caring about her sudden gasp of pain. "Any of it." He looked down at her. "You're worse than all the others put together. At least they're honest in their hatred." He curled his lip at her, then strode quickly out the door, hearing the werewolf come back in just as he left. And then he concentrated solely on keeping the tears from falling, because he didn't want to believe that Sass had done this- but she had, she had betrayed him, and now he could never trust her again.
* * * * *
Sass heard someone- /Remus/, she remembered- come back into the room, but she didn't care. He hated her, he hated her, and he had hurt her again. She remembered her way of life back at the orphanage, and then how miraculous it had seemed when Michelle and Emara had changed everything. Now she resented them- they had weakened her. She used to not care about words- except Milord Paul's, but no one else could have hurt her. She knew now that her old life was not the exception- it was the rule, and she was a fool to have thought otherwise.
Sass ignored Madam Pomfrey's fussing about chills and illness and recovery time. Chills? They were unimportant- it probably wouldn't kill her, and if they did, so what? And recovery time- the only recovery she needed to make fast was regaining her old kind of trust- or rather, her old lack of trust. /I was starting to trust everyone- Hermione, Myrtle, Snape, Sandra, Remus- I can't do that. Too many weaknesses./ Suddenly Remus' face filled her vision. He leaned over her.
"Sass, please, /please/, just tell me what happened? God, I won't tell anyone, you know I would never hurt you- please." Mutely, Sass shook her head. She remembered those words- Snape had said them, many times over the years, and then he had turned. They all did, eventually- there was no one she could trust.
Remus closed his eyes, and sat down. "Listen," he said quietly. "Madam Pomfrey is gone. She won't hear. And I /swear/, I swear by everything that's sacred, that I will never tell anyone what you tell me." He opened his eyes again, and said, hesitantly, "Will you at least tell me why you got so sick?"
Looking into those eyes, Sass was hard pressed not to let the whole story come rushing out. The only way she could stop herself was remembering the pain of Severus' fist against her right cheek. But surely just telling him a little couldn't hurt. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, carefully checking every word before she let it out of her mouth.
"I have been climbing up to the top of the school every night."
Remus inhaled sharply. She could tell he was surprised. "For how long? /Why/?"
She thought about that. That would be all right to tell, as if she was careful. "About a week and a half. I- I argued with someone."
She wished Remus would stop looking at her like that. His eyes pierced her, warm and serious at the same time, somehow. His next question was nothing more than a breath, quiet as moonlight. "/Who?/"
What could she tell him? Should she say? Those eyes bored into her, begging her to trust them, and try as she might, she could not turn away. This was her last hope- the last belief in anything good- and she didn't want to let it go. "Severus," she whispered.
"What did he do?" Remus gently prodded.
She suddenly felt the fear come back, and knew he saw it by the disappointment in his eyes. She shook her head, choking back tears. She /wouldn't/ cry.
"Let me tell you something," Remus said quietly. He sat down on her bedside. "Severus hurt me once too. Will you at least think about telling me after that?"
Sass was once again subjected to that caring gaze- she didn't want to hurt Remus, she didn't want to push him away. and he had only said /think /about telling him- she still didn't have to.
Slowly, silently, Sass nodded.
*winces* sorry, I know I said lupin would tell about all that stuff in this chapter, but it's Sunday evening and I really want to get this chapter up, so I'm ending it there. The lupin stuff willl be in the next chapter, I swear. K? K.
ok, sorry harrypottermagic32, you were 'someone else'- I forgot to go see what your review said and answer it. here- THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! Here's the next chap.
Me- yeah, I reviewed my own story. Hmm. Call me psychopath, k? K.
Diety- I DID end it there! And I'll take the evil bit as a compliment. Is this ending any better? He he he.
SafetyMunkey- yeah, school is BLOODY irritating. I get about 2 hrs per day. if you consider homework time to yourself. Thank GOD for weekends. Yeah, sass is in a lot of trouble right now. I think she'll- did I almost say that? Never mind..
harrypottermagic32- Thanks! Yep. Like I said, sass' havin a pretty tough time of it.
Friend from ash. - will u PLEASE tell me who you are!!!!! There's an email address if you don't know my other one- just click on 'riverlady' at the top of any chapter. it would make me so happy.
THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS YOU GUYS!!!! I HAVE TWO PAGES WORTH!!!!!!!!!
R E V I E W!!!!!!!!!! The button's just down there.
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