Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SquareSoft. No profit
being made here. If you sue me, you will get exactly nothing, although I'll
gladly give up my ratty bunny slippers.
Warning: This story contains boys kissing boys, boys dreaming about boys and boys doin'it with boys. Thus, if you don't like YAOI, back off! This ain't ya story, y'hear?
Author's Notes: I've significantly added to this chapter. I hope I got down the tone of the story. The characters maybe be way OOC, but I think it's fun to see how they will react in various situations.
Reviews are * very * welcome! They are the very air we miserable authors * breathe * ^_^
Chapter 1: Getting Away (unscathed).
"What the hell do you mean Zell is gone? Fuck, I've been gone only a week. What the hell is going on around here?" Squall shouted, startling Xu and Quistis, who had come to break the news to him.
Quistis Trepe, Garden Instructor, resident Garden scholar and whipmaster, shifted uncomfortably where she stood, unconsciously imitating Xu's stance. This was the first time she had ever seen Squall raise his voice. She had known him a long time, as her student, as a teammate, and then as a commander. Even when Rinoa annoyed him to the extent that she herself wanted to slap her silly, (Rinoa annoyed everyone, even Selphie.That in itself was a minor miracle) he never lost his cool. Literally. He was the human being imitating an iceberg, after all. For him to do so now meant the news was not at all welcome and there was something else bothering him.
Squall raised his hand and rubbed his scar tiredly. He regretted raising his voice. It wasn't something he did very frequently, if all. Only two people in existence he knew could push his exasperation that far. One was presumed dead, and the other was the one Xu and Quistis were now telling him just left Garden. He really did not feel like dealing with the situation that just fell into his lap. By Hyne, he had just developed a massive headache.
He had just come in from Galbadia two hours ago. He had spent the past week with Rinoa's father, doing the "getting to know each other" thing. Frankly, he felt the trip was a complete waste of his time and energy. He had suspected General Caraway did not like him.
Ever since they had met during the Sorceress Edea incident, he had suspected something of the sort. Whenever Caraway called to speak with his daughter, he always found a way to insinuate his disdain at how Squall was playing at being an adult, called him 'boy' in a way that sounded insulting, and lamented how bad the state of the world had gotten when children could command elite mercenary forces. Squall couldn't figure out why the general never called Rinoa directly. He knew his daughter had a direct line. He didn't know why Caraway always found it necessary to bandy words with him. In any case, the week he had spent at the Caraway mansion had certainly been enlightening. He now knew for sure how the general felt about him. General Caraway hated him. Virulently, with a passion. It didn't matter he was Commander of the SeeD that had saved his daughter's life, it didn't matter that they had saved the world. The fact that he, General Caraway, four-star general, supreme commander of the Galbadian Army had to come to SeeD for help had stuck in Caraway's craw, and Squall was the personification of that help.
It certainly didn't help matters that Rinoa had chosen to join Garden, rather than running home into the protective arms of Daddy. Matters were made worse when the world found out Squall's father was president of the richest city-state on the planet.
Not that Squall gave a shit or anything of the sort. It was just that he would rather have stayed in Balamb, getting some work done or visited Esthar to see his father, Laguna, and his best friends, Kiros and Ward. In short, doing something productive. But he had allowed Rinoa to persuade him to go to Galbadia instead. As her erstwhile fiancé, he felt the least he could do was to act the part.
But instead, he had come back to Balamb to find this mess waiting for him. Paperwork piled up on his desk, one his best instructors gone AWOL, Cid telling him other Gardens were considering making him Commander-in-Chief of all the SeeDs, which meant all SeeD candidates had to get their training at Balamb Garden and so on. He really did not need this fucking shit. All he wanted to do right now was to cast Esuna for his nagging headache and lie down on his bed, with the curtains drawn, soft music playing, and allow the blessed darkness to lull him to sleep.
If wishes were chocobos, mogs would ride.
"So," Squall continued, walking over to the window of his office and looking out but not really seeing the beautiful panorama nature had wrought before him. "Did he go AWOL, or he quit?"
" Neither. Vacation. But he turned in a typewritten formal resignation letter, too." Xu replied. There was a slight note of censure in her voice at his comment. Even though everyone at Garden thought Zell was a spatz, he was too honorable to leave a master without giving notice. Okay, so Garden was a place, not a person. But the same philosophy applied. Zell was one of the best martial artists in the world, if not the best, after all. Honor was a virtue literally trained into his bones. Besides, he knew all the rules, like every other SeeD, by heart. Going AWOL meant being hunted down and eliminated. They were mercenaries, and their secrets had to be protected. Not that anyone could hunt Zell Dincht down. Anybody that tried that foolishness was probably tired of life. And no one they knew was that tired, yet. Besides, nobody that could had the time, even if they had wanted to, which they did not.
Squall shook his head with annoyance, which didn't help his headache any. Right now, what he really felt like doing was getting hold of Zell anyway he could and pounding the shit out of him. Not that he could get away with it, if he ever had the inclination to try. The last time they had sparred without weapons, Zell had nailed him but good. Squall wasn't a slouch when it came to unarmed fighting. In fact, it was a testament to Zell's skill as a martial artist that he was able to beat Squall. Not that Squall would * ever * admit that aloud to anyone. Everyone in their special group knew that it was a taboo topic. Anybody stupid enough to mention it aloud got nailed with the patent Squall Stare™ and his infamous 'whatever'.
Squall sighed heavily. He could fantasize, couldn't he?
SeeD had been very busy, of late. Even a year later after that incident, business was booming. The defeat of Ultimecia guaranteed they all would never starve. Hell, if they could beat Ultimecia, they were invincible, right? Wrong! But SeeD was not an organization to disabuse anyone of their ridiculous notions. They were mercenaries. They fought at the wish of their clients. If their clients were convinced of SeeDs' invincibility, all the better. That notion allowed them to demand top prices for their services. The show must go on, after all.
Squall snorted. "Did he give a reason why he decided to leave? I never thought of him as someone who needed a vacation. He always seemed to me like someone who wanted to be in the middle of everything and anything going on. He behaves like an idiot, but he is one of the best warriors I have ever seen and an excellent instructor. The students seem to like him just fine." His tone expressed what he thought about * that * foolishness. Young people could be so gullible.
Squall conveniently forgot he was a young person, too. That was neither here nor there for the moment, though. Squall couldn't for the life of him, imagine why anyone would want to be taught by Zell Dincht.
Xu gaped at him. This was the first time she had ever heard Squall speak more than three words strung together outside of giving orders. He really sounded like he had no idea why Zell could have left. She revised her opinion of him. Her commander may be the best fighter in the world, but he was totally clueless. Damn, she couldn't believe Squall was this dense. In fact, it seemed he was more of an idiot than Zell Dincht could ever be, in her opinion.
It seemed Quistis had an inkling of what was going through Xu's head. Xu was not known for being diplomatic at times; especially if she thought she was in the right, or the other person had what Xu thought was a wrong headed notion. Before she could make an already difficult situation more intolerable, by blurting out her thoughts, Quistis decided to step in.
She gently nudged her. "Xu, I need to speak with Squall about something. Why don't you go and review the list of instructors Zell left as his potential replacements? He left some recommendations. I'll catch up with you to discuss our choices later." Xu nodded at Qustis and turned in the direction Squall was standing,
"Commander, is there anything else you need me to do? I should be able to handle it before going downstairs."
"No, Xu, thanks. I'll be by later to drop off the new requisitions I made before I left last week." Squall replied.
"Very good, sir. I'll see you later, then." She quickly escaped, feeling a little relieved to be out of the office.
After Xu's departure, the room was silent, except for the hum of the powerful computer. Since Squall was never one to start a conversation, Quistis decided to break the silence before she lost her nerve. Squall had that tendency not to fill in silence with conversation, like normal people would. He never felt the need to.
"Well, Squall, how was the trip?" Quistis walked to the wet bar located in the corner of Squall's office to pour both of them a drink. "Your usual?" Quistis asked him, pouring herself some red wine. "Yeah, thanks, " Squall replied, nodding. He left the window and sat in his chair heavily, tipping his back to rest on the leather headrest.
As Quistis walked over to give Squall his drink, she used the few seconds to survey her surroundings.
What a difference a year and plenty of money make.
It had never occurred to Quistis to be offended by waiting on a person younger than herself. Squall really wasn't that much younger and besides, he was better at making decisions than she was. She hated being in command. It wasn't that she couldn't do it; it just was that she was not comfortable in making decisions that concerned anyone other than herself. For Squall to do it, and do it well, earned him her eternal respect as well as her concern for his well-being. If there was anything she could do to make him more comfortable, she was all for it. As far as she was concerned, she would die for him, if need be. The others felt the same way too, one person, especially. Quistis smirked to herself. Doomtrains' wheels, the travails of the human heart. Living it had to be hell. Being an observer of it was just as bad, if not worse.
Squall's office was the same suite Cid had used before the internal revolt the black sheep Shumi, NORG, had instigated. However, the administration had decided to redesign the suite. The room now had a slightly bigger, more airy feel. It sported a huge potted plant on one corner, a small fishpond next to it. Quistis always wondered whether Squall bothered to feed the fish. The windows were floor to ceiling, and the whole room was done in beiges and browns, earth colors. The walls boasted of various artwork-an artists rendering of a waterfall, a beach scene, Balamb at sunset. A bookshelf that had various books and encyclopedia stood at the other end of the room beside the wet bar. On the lower levels of the bookshelf were neatly stacked weapons magazines and old volumes of Timber Maniacs.
The office also had a sinfully comfortable three-seater leather couch and Squall's desk was huge, its surface almost the size of a queen sized bed. On it was a puckingly cute looking stuffed mog. A gift from Rinoa, no doubt. His chair was just as big, and was leather, too, to boot. He had the latest state of the art computer that came with a huge screen attached to the ceiling that could scroll up and down with the flick of a switch, courtesy of his father, Laguna. It paid to be son of the president of the richest country on the planet. Not that it fazed Squall. All in all, Squall's office was magnificent-and very comfortable. Quistis loved coming here. No wonder Rinoa was always hanging around here.
The control room of Balamb garden had been moved elsewhere.
Quistis handed him a class of apple cider. Squall really did not drink alcohol. He did not like the taste and besides, it made him sick.
"So, how did it go?" Quistis repeated her question, quirking a blond eyebrow.
"You're referring to my ill-advised trip, I take it?" Squall answered, his eyes closed.
"Yes. Did it go well? You didn't seem very enthusiastic about the trip at first, as I recall."
Squall sighed.
"I don't think General Caraway and I are going to be friends anytime soon, if that's what you mean. I should have just stayed in Balamb like I wanted to. This is the last time I allow Rinoa to talk me into doing something stupid ever again. Hyne, I'm tired."
"That bad, huh? General Caraway isn't a very easy man to get along with, if I remember him correctly. Socializing with him must have been very hard." Quistis said, sympathy in her voice.
Squall rubbed his forehead again and opened his eyes and looked at Quistis, frowning. "That's has to be an understatement, if I ever heard one. Anyway, it's nothing to worry about. I handled it the best I could. I doubt Rinoa saw it that way, though. Quistis, why did Zell leave? Just two months ago, he was here, whining about how bored he was. I can't believe he would just up and go like that."
Quistis sighed and placed her glass of wine on his desk. "Squall, I really don't know the answer myself. He did mention something about burnout and him not wanting to stay where he would go quietly insane. He didn't say anything about boredom, though. He seemed very excited about his classes. Maybe too excited. Frankly, I doubt if that boy could ever be bored. He always has something going on. Kind of reminds me of Selphie, in fact." Quistis lied through her teeth. She did know why Zell left.
Everyone in their group knew, except maybe Squall and Rinoa.
"Hn. I doubt Zell do anything quietly including going insane, even if he wanted to. That boy was born noisy."
Quistis sat on the couch and crossed her arms. "In any case, Headmaster Cid didn't accept the resignation. Instead, he persuaded Zell to change it to a year long vacation. Only the three of us know-now the four of us. As far as everyone else is concerned, he's on vacation. I wish I could go on one, too. We all deserve one, you know. It certainly was hard earned."
Squall opened his eyes and squinted at her.
"I thought you said he turned in a resignation letter."
Quistis sipped her wine absently, inclining her head thoughtfully.
"Well, he did do that, but officially, he's on vacation. The way I see it, though, I don't think he has any intention of coming back. I guess he just wanted to humor Cid. Cid did everything he could to persuade him to stay."
"Did he leave any of his GFs?"
"No. When he tried unjunctioning them, they all put up a hissy fit, especially Quezacotl, Diablos and Eden. If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe those three had something going on."
Technically, only Quezacotl belonged to Garden. Any GFs found in the field belonged to the person who found them, although Garden encouraged the SeeDs to give them to the facility, so they could be used in teaching other cadets. In their groups' case, however, the GFs they had found, for some reason, had bonded to their junctioners. They all refused to be junctioned to anyone else but the original person that had drawn them. As a result, they all had GFs stuck in their heads-unjunctioned, but in there all the same. As far as the administration knew, this was unheard of, and no one knew what was going to happen in the long run.
Squall laughed. Quistis was so surprised at the sound; she almost dropped her glass of wine. Squall was laughing. It was one of the most beautiful sounds she had ever heard. His voice was low and husky. It made her think of dark mysteries. Quistis squirmed uncomfortably. She hadn't really gotten over her crush of Squall. She just hid her feelings a little better than Zell did.
"I didn't think what I said was that funny, Squall."
Squall smirked. "I apologize, Quistis. For some reason, I just had the image of Quezacotl, Diablos and Eden going at it in Zell's head."
"A threesome? That would be a feat in itself, as Quezacotl is in the shape of a bird, and Eden isn't vaguely humanoid in shape." Quistis replied, giggling a little herself.
Squall sighed. "I'm not surprised, not really. For some strange reason, the GFs seem to like us."
They both lapsed into silence, each occupied with their own thoughts.
Abruptly, Quistis stood up. Her actions caused Squall to glance at her absently, wondering what was on her mind. She placed her glass on his desk and sat on it, facing him.
"Squall, I know you're going to say it's none of my business. But I decided to come to you as a friend, not as your second in command, or former instructor." She came around the desk, looking him straight in the eye.
"Are you sure this marriage to Rinoa is the best for you? Is she really the person you want or need?"
Squall looked up at her, his perfect face losing its smile. His eyes flashed with sudden anger. His personal life, fucked up as it was, was not really what he wanted to talk about at that moment, what with the immediate situation on their hands.
"You're right, Quistis, my relationship with Rinoa is none of yours, or anybody's fucking business. Besides," Squall continued, "I doubt it's an appropriate matter to be discussing at the moment."
Quistis winced at the frosty tone in his voice. It was during their travels together during the Sorceress War that they all discovered Squall's potty mouth. It was shocking to hear someone with his looks cuss like a sailor. As he never was that vocal before, it came as a surprise. With Zell, it was expected. With Squall, it took some getting used to. She still couldn't get used to it, and Rinoa had tried, in vain, to cure him of it.
Squall stood up and pushed away from his desk, walking to the window again.
It was now nighttime in Balamb. In the distance, he could see the twinkling lights of Zell's hometown. It kind of reminded him of Zell. Squall jerked. Now, where the hell did that thought come from? Why was he thinking about that idiot?
Quistis pressed on doggedly. Selphie and Irvine had made her promise to talk to Squall-seeing Zell so depressed had alarmed Selphie so greatly that she had roped Irvine into convincing her to go see Squall.
"You're the only one that can do it, Quisty! I can't. Squall likes me, but I'm sure he'd just ignore me! Irvine he'd probably laugh out of his office. Since Irvy is such a flirt, I doubt Squall would take him seriously, either.
Squall respects you, Quisty. I'm sure he'd at least listen to you."
Since Quistis loved Selphie like a little sister, she promised to try. "Besides," Selphie continued. "I can't stand Zell being like this. I know how he feels about Squall, and even if I didn't, I' d still not want Rinoa to marry Squall!"
Quistis sighed.
"Squall, I know that. But I'm concerned about you. Heck, everyone is. Under normal circumstances, your reaction is understandable. But mentioning Rinoa shouldn't bring about that kind of reaction from you. I don't think I understand the kind of relationship you two have. How do you know she's the right person for you?"
Quistis insisted.
" What's there to understand? How do I know she isn't the fucking right person for me?" Squall countered, coldly, bitterly. "I've never had a fucking normal life, not to talk of the fucking time to explore my options. I have nothing to compare our so-called relationship to. Fuck, I don't even know what kind of sexual preferences I have, not really."
Quistis almost fainted in shock. What?
Squall continued, "I don't know what the hell that air-head was thinking, announcing to the world we were getting engaged. It certainly was news to me. The whole stupid shit has turned from a snowball to a fucking avalanche. If I cried off now, who knows what effect it will have on Garden." Just remembering the whole thing made his head start to ache again. He laid his aching head against the cool glass.
Quistis was in shock. She could literally feel the waves of anger and frustration pouring off of Squall
She almost felt like crying for him. So that was what happened. She had thought Squall had proposed to Rinoa. Nevertheless, she wasn't surprised. Rinoa had an annoying impulsivity that literally smacked of irresponsibility. She had shown elements of it when her resistance group had hired them-the whole shebang that led to the Sorceress war. When Squall had laid into her, she had felt chagrin at Squall's reactions that time and had taken him to task. As she got to know Rinoa better, though, she understood Squall's annoyance and anger and revised her opinions. Many a time had occurred when she felt like taking Rinoa into a corner and smacking the living daylights out of her. Of all the stupid schemes they had had to bail her out of her (and there were many), this seemed the worst.
Quistis sighed again. It seemed she was doing a lot of that, lately. She walked to where Squall was standing and laid a hand on his arm in sympathy.
"Squall, if you're having second thoughts about marrying Rinoa, you should say so. I know how you feel about SeeD and Garden. We all feel the same way. But no one is expecting you to sacrifice your sanity for it. Nobody has that right, not the administration, not Cid, not Edea, not even Rinoa. Your well-being is the highest concern to us, you know. Besides, I know everyone of us feels the same way." Quistis neglected to mention they all felt he was better off with someone else. Anyone else but Rinoa.
Apparently, Squall had come to a decision while brooding. Straightening, he looked straight at Quistis, with those intense silver eyes.
"I'm going through with it."
Quistis was stunned. Even though he didn't like the situation, he was going through with it? She got angry and shook her blond head at him.
"I always knew you were stubborn. I never knew you were a stubborn * idiot *. Are you sure about that? I suggest you take some time and think about this, Squall." Quistis dropped her hand from his arm and walked to the door. Laying her hand on the knob, she turned and said to him. "Now isn't the time to be stoic and long-suffering. I know you probably don't realize it, and maybe you don't care, but we're your family, and we consider you ours. Family members listen to other family members advice. Rinoa isn't the person for you. She doesn't understand you, and I don't think she realizes who you really are and what you are capable of. She sees you as some kind of knight in shining armor. I can't believe you haven't told her that."
Of all the replies Squall could have given, he chose the worst.
"Whatever."
Quistis narrowed her eyes at him. Right now, she was so angry with him, she forgot he was her Commander and could cite her for disrespect to a superior. Even if she did, she probably wouldn't have cared.
"You really are an idiot, Squall." With that rejoinder, Quistis left and slammed the door behind her.
For someone like Quistis who normally was peaceful person that avoided to react like this, it meant the whole situation was really getting out of his control. What an unholy mess. This time, there was no bailing out to be done by SeeD.
____________________________________________________________________________ ___________
End notes: Just got some reviews!!! YAY! I hadn't planned on writing any more today, (I've stared at the computer so much, my eyes are aching) but I saw the reviews, and my plot bunnies came hopping back….=^_^= Thanks, guys!! You give me inspiration. So I shall continue plugging away. Reviews are the bread of an authors' miserable life. Keep them coming, baby!
I know, I know, the story is a lot slow. It will be picking up….I just want to get a few conflicts in, is all. The characters might be a bit OOC.
Next time: Squall's point of view, or maybe Zell's. Depends on whether I get some sleep today, or not.
~_~
Warning: This story contains boys kissing boys, boys dreaming about boys and boys doin'it with boys. Thus, if you don't like YAOI, back off! This ain't ya story, y'hear?
Author's Notes: I've significantly added to this chapter. I hope I got down the tone of the story. The characters maybe be way OOC, but I think it's fun to see how they will react in various situations.
Reviews are * very * welcome! They are the very air we miserable authors * breathe * ^_^
Chapter 1: Getting Away (unscathed).
"What the hell do you mean Zell is gone? Fuck, I've been gone only a week. What the hell is going on around here?" Squall shouted, startling Xu and Quistis, who had come to break the news to him.
Quistis Trepe, Garden Instructor, resident Garden scholar and whipmaster, shifted uncomfortably where she stood, unconsciously imitating Xu's stance. This was the first time she had ever seen Squall raise his voice. She had known him a long time, as her student, as a teammate, and then as a commander. Even when Rinoa annoyed him to the extent that she herself wanted to slap her silly, (Rinoa annoyed everyone, even Selphie.That in itself was a minor miracle) he never lost his cool. Literally. He was the human being imitating an iceberg, after all. For him to do so now meant the news was not at all welcome and there was something else bothering him.
Squall raised his hand and rubbed his scar tiredly. He regretted raising his voice. It wasn't something he did very frequently, if all. Only two people in existence he knew could push his exasperation that far. One was presumed dead, and the other was the one Xu and Quistis were now telling him just left Garden. He really did not feel like dealing with the situation that just fell into his lap. By Hyne, he had just developed a massive headache.
He had just come in from Galbadia two hours ago. He had spent the past week with Rinoa's father, doing the "getting to know each other" thing. Frankly, he felt the trip was a complete waste of his time and energy. He had suspected General Caraway did not like him.
Ever since they had met during the Sorceress Edea incident, he had suspected something of the sort. Whenever Caraway called to speak with his daughter, he always found a way to insinuate his disdain at how Squall was playing at being an adult, called him 'boy' in a way that sounded insulting, and lamented how bad the state of the world had gotten when children could command elite mercenary forces. Squall couldn't figure out why the general never called Rinoa directly. He knew his daughter had a direct line. He didn't know why Caraway always found it necessary to bandy words with him. In any case, the week he had spent at the Caraway mansion had certainly been enlightening. He now knew for sure how the general felt about him. General Caraway hated him. Virulently, with a passion. It didn't matter he was Commander of the SeeD that had saved his daughter's life, it didn't matter that they had saved the world. The fact that he, General Caraway, four-star general, supreme commander of the Galbadian Army had to come to SeeD for help had stuck in Caraway's craw, and Squall was the personification of that help.
It certainly didn't help matters that Rinoa had chosen to join Garden, rather than running home into the protective arms of Daddy. Matters were made worse when the world found out Squall's father was president of the richest city-state on the planet.
Not that Squall gave a shit or anything of the sort. It was just that he would rather have stayed in Balamb, getting some work done or visited Esthar to see his father, Laguna, and his best friends, Kiros and Ward. In short, doing something productive. But he had allowed Rinoa to persuade him to go to Galbadia instead. As her erstwhile fiancé, he felt the least he could do was to act the part.
But instead, he had come back to Balamb to find this mess waiting for him. Paperwork piled up on his desk, one his best instructors gone AWOL, Cid telling him other Gardens were considering making him Commander-in-Chief of all the SeeDs, which meant all SeeD candidates had to get their training at Balamb Garden and so on. He really did not need this fucking shit. All he wanted to do right now was to cast Esuna for his nagging headache and lie down on his bed, with the curtains drawn, soft music playing, and allow the blessed darkness to lull him to sleep.
If wishes were chocobos, mogs would ride.
"So," Squall continued, walking over to the window of his office and looking out but not really seeing the beautiful panorama nature had wrought before him. "Did he go AWOL, or he quit?"
" Neither. Vacation. But he turned in a typewritten formal resignation letter, too." Xu replied. There was a slight note of censure in her voice at his comment. Even though everyone at Garden thought Zell was a spatz, he was too honorable to leave a master without giving notice. Okay, so Garden was a place, not a person. But the same philosophy applied. Zell was one of the best martial artists in the world, if not the best, after all. Honor was a virtue literally trained into his bones. Besides, he knew all the rules, like every other SeeD, by heart. Going AWOL meant being hunted down and eliminated. They were mercenaries, and their secrets had to be protected. Not that anyone could hunt Zell Dincht down. Anybody that tried that foolishness was probably tired of life. And no one they knew was that tired, yet. Besides, nobody that could had the time, even if they had wanted to, which they did not.
Squall shook his head with annoyance, which didn't help his headache any. Right now, what he really felt like doing was getting hold of Zell anyway he could and pounding the shit out of him. Not that he could get away with it, if he ever had the inclination to try. The last time they had sparred without weapons, Zell had nailed him but good. Squall wasn't a slouch when it came to unarmed fighting. In fact, it was a testament to Zell's skill as a martial artist that he was able to beat Squall. Not that Squall would * ever * admit that aloud to anyone. Everyone in their special group knew that it was a taboo topic. Anybody stupid enough to mention it aloud got nailed with the patent Squall Stare™ and his infamous 'whatever'.
Squall sighed heavily. He could fantasize, couldn't he?
SeeD had been very busy, of late. Even a year later after that incident, business was booming. The defeat of Ultimecia guaranteed they all would never starve. Hell, if they could beat Ultimecia, they were invincible, right? Wrong! But SeeD was not an organization to disabuse anyone of their ridiculous notions. They were mercenaries. They fought at the wish of their clients. If their clients were convinced of SeeDs' invincibility, all the better. That notion allowed them to demand top prices for their services. The show must go on, after all.
Squall snorted. "Did he give a reason why he decided to leave? I never thought of him as someone who needed a vacation. He always seemed to me like someone who wanted to be in the middle of everything and anything going on. He behaves like an idiot, but he is one of the best warriors I have ever seen and an excellent instructor. The students seem to like him just fine." His tone expressed what he thought about * that * foolishness. Young people could be so gullible.
Squall conveniently forgot he was a young person, too. That was neither here nor there for the moment, though. Squall couldn't for the life of him, imagine why anyone would want to be taught by Zell Dincht.
Xu gaped at him. This was the first time she had ever heard Squall speak more than three words strung together outside of giving orders. He really sounded like he had no idea why Zell could have left. She revised her opinion of him. Her commander may be the best fighter in the world, but he was totally clueless. Damn, she couldn't believe Squall was this dense. In fact, it seemed he was more of an idiot than Zell Dincht could ever be, in her opinion.
It seemed Quistis had an inkling of what was going through Xu's head. Xu was not known for being diplomatic at times; especially if she thought she was in the right, or the other person had what Xu thought was a wrong headed notion. Before she could make an already difficult situation more intolerable, by blurting out her thoughts, Quistis decided to step in.
She gently nudged her. "Xu, I need to speak with Squall about something. Why don't you go and review the list of instructors Zell left as his potential replacements? He left some recommendations. I'll catch up with you to discuss our choices later." Xu nodded at Qustis and turned in the direction Squall was standing,
"Commander, is there anything else you need me to do? I should be able to handle it before going downstairs."
"No, Xu, thanks. I'll be by later to drop off the new requisitions I made before I left last week." Squall replied.
"Very good, sir. I'll see you later, then." She quickly escaped, feeling a little relieved to be out of the office.
After Xu's departure, the room was silent, except for the hum of the powerful computer. Since Squall was never one to start a conversation, Quistis decided to break the silence before she lost her nerve. Squall had that tendency not to fill in silence with conversation, like normal people would. He never felt the need to.
"Well, Squall, how was the trip?" Quistis walked to the wet bar located in the corner of Squall's office to pour both of them a drink. "Your usual?" Quistis asked him, pouring herself some red wine. "Yeah, thanks, " Squall replied, nodding. He left the window and sat in his chair heavily, tipping his back to rest on the leather headrest.
As Quistis walked over to give Squall his drink, she used the few seconds to survey her surroundings.
What a difference a year and plenty of money make.
It had never occurred to Quistis to be offended by waiting on a person younger than herself. Squall really wasn't that much younger and besides, he was better at making decisions than she was. She hated being in command. It wasn't that she couldn't do it; it just was that she was not comfortable in making decisions that concerned anyone other than herself. For Squall to do it, and do it well, earned him her eternal respect as well as her concern for his well-being. If there was anything she could do to make him more comfortable, she was all for it. As far as she was concerned, she would die for him, if need be. The others felt the same way too, one person, especially. Quistis smirked to herself. Doomtrains' wheels, the travails of the human heart. Living it had to be hell. Being an observer of it was just as bad, if not worse.
Squall's office was the same suite Cid had used before the internal revolt the black sheep Shumi, NORG, had instigated. However, the administration had decided to redesign the suite. The room now had a slightly bigger, more airy feel. It sported a huge potted plant on one corner, a small fishpond next to it. Quistis always wondered whether Squall bothered to feed the fish. The windows were floor to ceiling, and the whole room was done in beiges and browns, earth colors. The walls boasted of various artwork-an artists rendering of a waterfall, a beach scene, Balamb at sunset. A bookshelf that had various books and encyclopedia stood at the other end of the room beside the wet bar. On the lower levels of the bookshelf were neatly stacked weapons magazines and old volumes of Timber Maniacs.
The office also had a sinfully comfortable three-seater leather couch and Squall's desk was huge, its surface almost the size of a queen sized bed. On it was a puckingly cute looking stuffed mog. A gift from Rinoa, no doubt. His chair was just as big, and was leather, too, to boot. He had the latest state of the art computer that came with a huge screen attached to the ceiling that could scroll up and down with the flick of a switch, courtesy of his father, Laguna. It paid to be son of the president of the richest country on the planet. Not that it fazed Squall. All in all, Squall's office was magnificent-and very comfortable. Quistis loved coming here. No wonder Rinoa was always hanging around here.
The control room of Balamb garden had been moved elsewhere.
Quistis handed him a class of apple cider. Squall really did not drink alcohol. He did not like the taste and besides, it made him sick.
"So, how did it go?" Quistis repeated her question, quirking a blond eyebrow.
"You're referring to my ill-advised trip, I take it?" Squall answered, his eyes closed.
"Yes. Did it go well? You didn't seem very enthusiastic about the trip at first, as I recall."
Squall sighed.
"I don't think General Caraway and I are going to be friends anytime soon, if that's what you mean. I should have just stayed in Balamb like I wanted to. This is the last time I allow Rinoa to talk me into doing something stupid ever again. Hyne, I'm tired."
"That bad, huh? General Caraway isn't a very easy man to get along with, if I remember him correctly. Socializing with him must have been very hard." Quistis said, sympathy in her voice.
Squall rubbed his forehead again and opened his eyes and looked at Quistis, frowning. "That's has to be an understatement, if I ever heard one. Anyway, it's nothing to worry about. I handled it the best I could. I doubt Rinoa saw it that way, though. Quistis, why did Zell leave? Just two months ago, he was here, whining about how bored he was. I can't believe he would just up and go like that."
Quistis sighed and placed her glass of wine on his desk. "Squall, I really don't know the answer myself. He did mention something about burnout and him not wanting to stay where he would go quietly insane. He didn't say anything about boredom, though. He seemed very excited about his classes. Maybe too excited. Frankly, I doubt if that boy could ever be bored. He always has something going on. Kind of reminds me of Selphie, in fact." Quistis lied through her teeth. She did know why Zell left.
Everyone in their group knew, except maybe Squall and Rinoa.
"Hn. I doubt Zell do anything quietly including going insane, even if he wanted to. That boy was born noisy."
Quistis sat on the couch and crossed her arms. "In any case, Headmaster Cid didn't accept the resignation. Instead, he persuaded Zell to change it to a year long vacation. Only the three of us know-now the four of us. As far as everyone else is concerned, he's on vacation. I wish I could go on one, too. We all deserve one, you know. It certainly was hard earned."
Squall opened his eyes and squinted at her.
"I thought you said he turned in a resignation letter."
Quistis sipped her wine absently, inclining her head thoughtfully.
"Well, he did do that, but officially, he's on vacation. The way I see it, though, I don't think he has any intention of coming back. I guess he just wanted to humor Cid. Cid did everything he could to persuade him to stay."
"Did he leave any of his GFs?"
"No. When he tried unjunctioning them, they all put up a hissy fit, especially Quezacotl, Diablos and Eden. If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe those three had something going on."
Technically, only Quezacotl belonged to Garden. Any GFs found in the field belonged to the person who found them, although Garden encouraged the SeeDs to give them to the facility, so they could be used in teaching other cadets. In their groups' case, however, the GFs they had found, for some reason, had bonded to their junctioners. They all refused to be junctioned to anyone else but the original person that had drawn them. As a result, they all had GFs stuck in their heads-unjunctioned, but in there all the same. As far as the administration knew, this was unheard of, and no one knew what was going to happen in the long run.
Squall laughed. Quistis was so surprised at the sound; she almost dropped her glass of wine. Squall was laughing. It was one of the most beautiful sounds she had ever heard. His voice was low and husky. It made her think of dark mysteries. Quistis squirmed uncomfortably. She hadn't really gotten over her crush of Squall. She just hid her feelings a little better than Zell did.
"I didn't think what I said was that funny, Squall."
Squall smirked. "I apologize, Quistis. For some reason, I just had the image of Quezacotl, Diablos and Eden going at it in Zell's head."
"A threesome? That would be a feat in itself, as Quezacotl is in the shape of a bird, and Eden isn't vaguely humanoid in shape." Quistis replied, giggling a little herself.
Squall sighed. "I'm not surprised, not really. For some strange reason, the GFs seem to like us."
They both lapsed into silence, each occupied with their own thoughts.
Abruptly, Quistis stood up. Her actions caused Squall to glance at her absently, wondering what was on her mind. She placed her glass on his desk and sat on it, facing him.
"Squall, I know you're going to say it's none of my business. But I decided to come to you as a friend, not as your second in command, or former instructor." She came around the desk, looking him straight in the eye.
"Are you sure this marriage to Rinoa is the best for you? Is she really the person you want or need?"
Squall looked up at her, his perfect face losing its smile. His eyes flashed with sudden anger. His personal life, fucked up as it was, was not really what he wanted to talk about at that moment, what with the immediate situation on their hands.
"You're right, Quistis, my relationship with Rinoa is none of yours, or anybody's fucking business. Besides," Squall continued, "I doubt it's an appropriate matter to be discussing at the moment."
Quistis winced at the frosty tone in his voice. It was during their travels together during the Sorceress War that they all discovered Squall's potty mouth. It was shocking to hear someone with his looks cuss like a sailor. As he never was that vocal before, it came as a surprise. With Zell, it was expected. With Squall, it took some getting used to. She still couldn't get used to it, and Rinoa had tried, in vain, to cure him of it.
Squall stood up and pushed away from his desk, walking to the window again.
It was now nighttime in Balamb. In the distance, he could see the twinkling lights of Zell's hometown. It kind of reminded him of Zell. Squall jerked. Now, where the hell did that thought come from? Why was he thinking about that idiot?
Quistis pressed on doggedly. Selphie and Irvine had made her promise to talk to Squall-seeing Zell so depressed had alarmed Selphie so greatly that she had roped Irvine into convincing her to go see Squall.
"You're the only one that can do it, Quisty! I can't. Squall likes me, but I'm sure he'd just ignore me! Irvine he'd probably laugh out of his office. Since Irvy is such a flirt, I doubt Squall would take him seriously, either.
Squall respects you, Quisty. I'm sure he'd at least listen to you."
Since Quistis loved Selphie like a little sister, she promised to try. "Besides," Selphie continued. "I can't stand Zell being like this. I know how he feels about Squall, and even if I didn't, I' d still not want Rinoa to marry Squall!"
Quistis sighed.
"Squall, I know that. But I'm concerned about you. Heck, everyone is. Under normal circumstances, your reaction is understandable. But mentioning Rinoa shouldn't bring about that kind of reaction from you. I don't think I understand the kind of relationship you two have. How do you know she's the right person for you?"
Quistis insisted.
" What's there to understand? How do I know she isn't the fucking right person for me?" Squall countered, coldly, bitterly. "I've never had a fucking normal life, not to talk of the fucking time to explore my options. I have nothing to compare our so-called relationship to. Fuck, I don't even know what kind of sexual preferences I have, not really."
Quistis almost fainted in shock. What?
Squall continued, "I don't know what the hell that air-head was thinking, announcing to the world we were getting engaged. It certainly was news to me. The whole stupid shit has turned from a snowball to a fucking avalanche. If I cried off now, who knows what effect it will have on Garden." Just remembering the whole thing made his head start to ache again. He laid his aching head against the cool glass.
Quistis was in shock. She could literally feel the waves of anger and frustration pouring off of Squall
She almost felt like crying for him. So that was what happened. She had thought Squall had proposed to Rinoa. Nevertheless, she wasn't surprised. Rinoa had an annoying impulsivity that literally smacked of irresponsibility. She had shown elements of it when her resistance group had hired them-the whole shebang that led to the Sorceress war. When Squall had laid into her, she had felt chagrin at Squall's reactions that time and had taken him to task. As she got to know Rinoa better, though, she understood Squall's annoyance and anger and revised her opinions. Many a time had occurred when she felt like taking Rinoa into a corner and smacking the living daylights out of her. Of all the stupid schemes they had had to bail her out of her (and there were many), this seemed the worst.
Quistis sighed again. It seemed she was doing a lot of that, lately. She walked to where Squall was standing and laid a hand on his arm in sympathy.
"Squall, if you're having second thoughts about marrying Rinoa, you should say so. I know how you feel about SeeD and Garden. We all feel the same way. But no one is expecting you to sacrifice your sanity for it. Nobody has that right, not the administration, not Cid, not Edea, not even Rinoa. Your well-being is the highest concern to us, you know. Besides, I know everyone of us feels the same way." Quistis neglected to mention they all felt he was better off with someone else. Anyone else but Rinoa.
Apparently, Squall had come to a decision while brooding. Straightening, he looked straight at Quistis, with those intense silver eyes.
"I'm going through with it."
Quistis was stunned. Even though he didn't like the situation, he was going through with it? She got angry and shook her blond head at him.
"I always knew you were stubborn. I never knew you were a stubborn * idiot *. Are you sure about that? I suggest you take some time and think about this, Squall." Quistis dropped her hand from his arm and walked to the door. Laying her hand on the knob, she turned and said to him. "Now isn't the time to be stoic and long-suffering. I know you probably don't realize it, and maybe you don't care, but we're your family, and we consider you ours. Family members listen to other family members advice. Rinoa isn't the person for you. She doesn't understand you, and I don't think she realizes who you really are and what you are capable of. She sees you as some kind of knight in shining armor. I can't believe you haven't told her that."
Of all the replies Squall could have given, he chose the worst.
"Whatever."
Quistis narrowed her eyes at him. Right now, she was so angry with him, she forgot he was her Commander and could cite her for disrespect to a superior. Even if she did, she probably wouldn't have cared.
"You really are an idiot, Squall." With that rejoinder, Quistis left and slammed the door behind her.
For someone like Quistis who normally was peaceful person that avoided to react like this, it meant the whole situation was really getting out of his control. What an unholy mess. This time, there was no bailing out to be done by SeeD.
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End notes: Just got some reviews!!! YAY! I hadn't planned on writing any more today, (I've stared at the computer so much, my eyes are aching) but I saw the reviews, and my plot bunnies came hopping back….=^_^= Thanks, guys!! You give me inspiration. So I shall continue plugging away. Reviews are the bread of an authors' miserable life. Keep them coming, baby!
I know, I know, the story is a lot slow. It will be picking up….I just want to get a few conflicts in, is all. The characters might be a bit OOC.
Next time: Squall's point of view, or maybe Zell's. Depends on whether I get some sleep today, or not.
~_~