Suicide is painless
It was this new thing at Hogwarts. All the students were really confused. What, with the war coming. Tension was high. What side should they chose? What side would win? What side was their best friend on? Did it even matter in a war? Who exactly were your friends? So many feelings. So much confusion. So the teachers got together and decided to try and help.
All the students were supposed to pick one song, one poem, and one story that reflected how they felt about the war. If the student desired, he or she could share what they had chosen in front of the whole school. They thought this would help the students feel more close, get to know their fellow student. The students complied and looked for songs and poems and stories to sing and read. It was like a talent show. There was a bit of excitement. A bit of joy and determination that the teachers hadn't seen in a while. For a while the fear seemed to melt away. The exercise had turned into a superficial talent show. Not exactly what the teachers had wanted. But the smiles and all the excitement, well, things were getting better.
"What are you going to sing Harry?" Ginny grinned and pulled herself closer to Harry, who was desperately trying to study.
"I don't think I am going to sing…" He barely glanced up at her, but Ginny took his answer as an invitation.
"Ohhh, but Harry! You have to sing! I bet you have a great voice." The whole thing was blatantly flirty, but Harry didn't even flinch. He had built up a sort of immune system to Ginny's tactics. Just a year ago he would go a lovely shade of red when she did this, but alas, that was a year ago. And one knows how much one can change in a year.
"I can't sing." This time he didn't look up from his work at all. At first Ginny was a bit crestfallen, and Harry thought it was over. However Ginny regained herself and badgered Harry further.
"But you're Harry Potter! You could do anything you wanted." Harry was a bit surprised at the innocence and Ginny's general belief in her last statement. He most certainly couldn't do anything! Especially not sing.
"My voice is terrible, Gin. Now, if you don't mind, I have this test tomorrow…." Ginny, however, was not one to pick up on hints, no matter how blunt.
"We could sing a duet." Harry looked at her with utter disbelief.
"I'd rather just watch everyone sing. The stage, being in the spotlight, it's just not me." Harry was just about to leave when Ron's voice came thundering.
"Like hell it's not you! Half your life was spent in the spotlight. Still is if I remember correctly, oh Golden Boy!" Harry wasn't to thrilled about being teased.
"Shove off Ron."
"Aw, stop being such a pre-Madonna!" Ron laughed, Harry scowled into his papers.
"Ron! Harry is trying to study, unlike you! It would do him a world of good if you shut up! And it would do you a world of good if you sat down with a book and studied also." Hermione positioned in such a manner she looked almost exactly like Mcgonagall. It was a tad bit scary to Ron, Harry and Ginny. But Harry was very happy to be rid of the two red heads. He was very thankful to Hermione, his hero.
So Harry would not be entering the talent show. And Ginny was to perform all alone. This did not lessen her determination to claim Harry as her own. Her dream, after all, is one day to be called Mrs. Potter. Not the biggest of dreams. But Harry would prove to be extremely hard to obtain.
Every house was picking out their favorite pop stars and Hip hop groups, memorizing routines, prettying themselves up. This was their shot on showing the whole school what they could do. Who knew, this might be the beginning of a musical or acting career. Everyone was so engrossed with the show on a superficial level they had forgotten the original assignment. It didn't matter, they were preoccupied and 'War' wasn't the only thing on their minds. Over all a success. Right?
The teachers thought so. Saying:
"It's better this way! Now they don't have to think about the war in any way, shape, or form. Less depressing, it's good to see the students so happy and excited."
On the other side of the school, in a cold private room, this was not the case. Draco sat at a small, red oak desk, quill poised and ready to write. His face held a very solemn expression. Everything was completely still, completely silent. It felt as if death had come and tapped Mister Malfoy on the shoulder. But Draco had faced him down with such a glare Death had stumbled back and left hurriedly. Draco had a way of making a persons hairs stand up and a shiver run down their back. This he seemed colder then ever. When he walked into a room, people swore all the heat was stolen from it and left cold and strange.
A slight knock came from the door. Draco ignored it, still poised to write. The knock came again, with a little more force. Draco pushed himself from his desk and growled. He made his way over to the door and swung it open sharply. Pansy stood there. To Draco she looked all to pathetic.
"I-we… we were wondering… there is a kit-ki-" Draco glared at her, never once blinking. She shivered a bit.
"What do you want." It was more of a demand, not a question. Pansy stood erect and quickly asked.
"A bunch of us are going to raid the kitchens, we were wondering if you wanted to go… Do you?" Pansy was very hopeful. She had liked Draco since their first year at Hogwarts and there were rumors of an arranged marriage between the two.
"No." And with that the door was snapped shut.
"B-but… oh… maybe next time then." Pansy looked at the door in a desperate manner before leaving. Draco sat back down at his desk and there was a long pause, then he bent over his paper with his quill and began to write. Quick and elegant letters. It all looked professional and perfect. That was Draco's style, anything less was unacceptable. To him and to his father.
It was the day prior to the show and the students were shaking with excitement. This was it, tomorrow we would see, see who had it, and who didn't. This could be the turning point, the pivotal moment… Harry watched, shaking his head with a sad smile.
"Pathetic." he breathed under his breath. Everyone was running around, joyfully, forgetting what's important, and thinking like they were ten again. Harry could literally see the stars forming in everyone's eyes. Actually, he couldn't. But in the Gryffindor tower, as things were going, it wouldn't be long before the stars did appear in their hopeful orbs. Even Hermione had become ensnared.
"Harry, what should I wear?" Hermione was flustered. Besides being in the show, she had also volunteered to run the damn thing. She'd been organizing who went on when, lighting, intro's and now she was a wreck.
"How can you stay so calm Harry! Ron Stop putting my glitter in your hair! No I don't think it's sexy! Any way… Hey, hey! What are you doing rehearsing 'Candle in the Wind'?, I have you down for 'When you're smiling'. You changed. Okay, I'm coming." And with that Hermione bustled off to who knows and who cares. Harry sat there, staring at the place Hermione had been.
"Well, there is no secret, I just don't care about the talent show. That's how I stay calm." Harry got up and walked, stumbled, and tripped through the mess of people in the commons room. He swung open the portrait and came face to face with a Malfoy. A rather bored looking one, at that.
"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry glared at the boy. Everyone in the room behind them stopped what they were doing. Ron and Seamus came running forward. It wasn't everyday the number one enemy, besides Dear Old Uncle Voldie, of Gryffindor came calling.
"Hey Ferret face, your on our territory now! Better run while you have the chance!" Ron attempted one of Draco's trademark smirks. It had no affect. Draco just stared, no, glared at the poor red head. Ron shivered.
"G-get out of here!" Seamus wasn't to sure about standing up to Malfoy. Not the day before the show, he did have a great routine and didn't want to botch it by getting detention. Draco was tired of being interrogated by the Gryffindors, so he spoke the reason he had called upon them that night.
"If you are quite finished, I'd like to speak to Granger. She is the won in charge, right." Hermione pushed her way to the front. Her clip board on hand and pencil tucked behind her ear. She put one hand on her hip and gave Draco a look that said: "What do you want, I have a million other things to do besides be here, with you." He didn't waste any time.
"I'd like to enter." It was short and to the point. It sent Hermione right over the edge.
"What! Thanks for waiting till the last bleeding minute. Okay, okay. I have a spot for you. You'll go last. Got it. After everyone. Better have one hell of a show." Draco nodded curtly, turned on his heel and briskly walked away. All the Gryffindors watched the retreating Slytherin, holding their breaths. After a moment or two the warmth had returned and everyone was bustling about again.
"Harry, what should I wear… Hey, where did Harry go off too?" Hermione shook her head and went to consult some one else on the matter. Harry needed some air. The room was too stuffy. So he went outside and breathed. Breathed for the first time in a week. For most persons, this show had become somewhat of an obsession. Not Harry. Harry did not subject himself to that kind of torture. He was, however, quite curious to what Malfoy was planning to do.
The day of the show was one mad house. All the classes had been canceled and the teachers were running around helping Hermione, who, needless to say, was about to have a breakdown. The stage was being set up where the Professors in the Main Hall. The ceiling, instead of the sky, was bewitched to play different colored lights flashing around. It almost had a disco effect.
Tension was great. Rivalry between the houses was heightened to a new level. All the houses were sure that they were going to have the winning contender. The teachers, or rather, the professors, hadn't known that there were going to be winners, but they went with the flow of things. Saying what they have being saying through the whole thing.
"At least the students are happy and excited and have their minds off the war." Quite repetitive really. Hagrid laughed heartily when Fred and George announced that they were doing a duet together. Some where Pansy was putting on excessive amounts of make-up and Hermione blew her whistle. A half an hour until the first act.
Harry was in the Gryffindor, along with all the other persons not participating to night. Ones with no singing ability, or with terrible stage freight. Harry smiled. It was quiet, all week, all the noise. And now all he gets was thirty lousy minutes. He sighed. The other students were arguing quietly who they thought would be the best.
"I think Ginny will do great! Don't you Harry?" Dean smiled down at his friend, who was trying desperately to read and finish his work. It was a fact, that no matter the outcome, no one would sleep tonight. Harry grimaced.
"I'm sure they'll all be good." He shrugged dismissively, hoping Dean would get the hint.
"Except Malfoy! Can you believe he even joined. It'll probably be some You-know-who promotion and anti-muggle song. I can't believe Herm let him join. If I were her-" Harry interrupted.
"But anyone who wanted to participate were allowed. She had no choice. Besides, I doubt Malfoy would be stupid enough to sing a Voldermort, anti- muggle song with Dumbledore watching. He's evil, not dumb." Dean frowned and replied:
"Yeah, but I bet he wanted to, if he doesn't." Harry cocked his head to the side and smiled. He then returned his attention back to his studies. Just as he was getting back into the book a first year burst through the portrait.
"Come on! Only ten more minutes, we have to get down there to get good seats!" With that said he ran back out and the rest of the room ran after him. Harry laughed in a sad manner, a manner in which you laugh when you find something pathetic.
The show was interesting. Poems were read and songs were sung. Everything was flashy and fun, or over dramatized. Lavender sang a Brittney Spears song, that most people didn't know. She wore a tight cat suit and did a bit of jerky dirty dancing. It was very unappealing to Harry, but the rest of the audience ate it all up. Ginny was worse. She was barely wearing anything at all. And throughout the whole song she was looking at Harry, winking. She had winked at him so much it looked as if she had something in her eye. Harry hid his head in embarrassment. People around him were smirking and nudging him in his ribs. It made the whole thing just that much worse than it was. And it was bad to begin with, real bad. Ginny wasn't the greatest singer, but not the worst. Mediocre. In fact all the acts were mediocre. Not bad, but nothing sensational.
Hermione went. Pansy had gone. The Twins made fools of themselves. Even Crabbe had gotten up there and screamed in the mic for a while. Soon it had dwindled down to the last performer. Draco Malfoy. All the performers were in the audience, gratefully accepting praise and compliments. Ginny had latched herself onto Harry, demanding praise. All bashing Draco even before he got on stage, all knowing it was going to be terrible.
"He can't sing. I heard him once. Squeaky as all hell!"
"I heard it was some pro-war crap. Like join the Death Eaters… Something only a Malfoy would do."
"I bet he chickens out and runs off stage crying!"
"This is going to be so funny, right Harry?" Ginny pulled on Harry's arm. Harry pulled away a bit, failing to detach her. Harry frowned as people whispered and snickered. Hermione walked out onto the stage, smiling.
"Well this has been a wonderful night, full of excellent performers!" The audience broke into wild applause, calling out different names and whistling.
"Right, well, before we announce the winner, we have one more entry… Draco Malfoy, from Slytherin." there were some cheers, but mainly boo's, hisses and silence. It didn't phase Draco at all. He calmly walked on stage and picked up the mic.
"I'm going to sing a song. It represents how this whole war thing makes me feel. The song basically represents my thoughts. Right." He held out his wand, everyone gasped and tensed, waiting for an attack. Instead, music started to play. He stood there, looking sad, keeping his eyes rested on the audience. His gray eyes bore into them. The room hushed. All that could be heard was gentle breathing and the music. The music had a bitter-sweet air about it. Sort of sad. Draco sang:
"Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin, but...
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
"is it to be or not to be"
and I replied "oh why ask me?"
'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you choose"
The room was completely silent. His voice was so beautiful, but he had sounded so sad. The last line disturbed people. The whole thing did. It was, had been amazing, no one could believe that that was Draco up there singing. No one would admit it, but it scared them. Would it come to that? Suicide? Life was so cynical.
Ginny's grip had loosened, but Harry hardly noticed. He had been drawn in by Draco's song, his words, his conviction. It was amazing. Everyone, including Harry, were staring at the spot Draco had long since retreated from. Being the first to recover, Harry slipped from the seats and out the doors. He could hear Dumbledores voice, then Hermione's, and the crowd awakening. He bowed his head.
"What did you think?" Harry's head snapped up and found himself looking into two emotionless, gray eyes. He paused, thought, and asked.
"Did you mean it? Do you want to commit, you know.." Harry trailed off. Draco looked straight at Harry, cold eye piercing.
"You can say Vodemort, but not suicide?" Harry looked at his shoes. "I don't care anymore. Besides, what's one life compared to the thousands that are about to die." He turned on his heel and slowly, not briskly, not like before, walked until he was out of sight. Harry smiled sadly and quietly whispered:
"Good-bye Draco."
THE END!