Chapter 12: "DESTINY"
"Kougaiji-sama."
Kougaiji heard his voice, faintly, being called. Just leave me alone, his mind said. He curled himself up tighter.
"KOUgaiji-sama."
Something very strong-smelling was suddenly pushed under his nose.
"YAMETE! What the HELL do you want, coming..... oh.....Yaone...." Kougaiji who at first jumped snarling in anger looked back down, a little ashamed of his outburst.
"Gomen nasai Kougaiji-sama. I was worried. You've been in here for three days. I didn't want to disturb you but..." Yaone covered her mouth with her hands, looking very apologetic.
"3 days?" Was it that short? Kougaiji glanced up at his mother. Natsumi......
"Yes Kougaiji-sama. It's been 3 days since.... Natsumi's gone. We should forget about her. Since you're awake, why don't we go out and get you something to eat?"
Kougaiji's head throbbed violently. Get out? Just forget? How could he? He had caused her her death. And she was a goddess. She couldn't possibly reborn back again. He wouldn't see her... for ever....
"NO! I CAN'T DO THAT! I WON'T! Get out!"
Yaone looked shocked, and her face clouded with hurt.
Kougaiji looked up, surprised at his outburst.
"I'm... sorry Yaone.... I'm not in the mood right now... I'll get out when I'm hungry okay? Now please... I want to be left alone."
"I understand, Kougaiji-sama." The door closed shut behind her.
Yaone leaned against the shrine's doors, clenching her fists tightly. I wish I could do something for Kougaiji-sama. She glanced up angrily. Why did you steal his heart and leave him so heartlessly, Natsumi? Can't you see? He's suffering now because of you!
"Hum hum hum....hum...hum....." Hakkai hummed out loud with exaggerated cheerfulness as they drove on, towards the west. Gojou for once, wasn't fighting with Goku, and was staring glumly. Sanzo, too had a very sullen look on his face.
Goku couldn't understand this at all. What was wrong with everybody? Sure that unfortunate incident happened, but it was already 3 days!
"Nee, Sanzo, is there anything wrong with you? You haven't been talking much." Goku asked worriedly.
No answer.
"Gojou?" Goku shook Gojou a little violently. "Gojou, what's wrong?"
"It's something you won't understand, baka."
"If you would tell me, I would."
"But I won't tell you."
"Why not? Nee, tell me tell me!"
"No I won't, you stupid monkey!"
"You have to, baka kappa!"
"Who said so, brainless monkey?!"
"I said so! You horny water monster!"
Sanzo's head ached violently. Those two were at it again. He clenched his paper fan tightly, veins appearing.
"SHUT UP, STUPID KIDS!" he thundered out turning behind, with more force than he intended.
The other two, in the middle of a hair-pulling fight, stopped in surprise and stared at him dumbly.
Sanzo turned back front again. They are always on my nerves...... he thought angrily. But maybe I shouldn't have shouted so loudly...... who cares what they think anyway?
Ai cried quietly on her bed. Why did this have to happen to Natsumi? Why? I was to blame. I should have stopped her when I had the chance. Why didn't I see it? Come to think of it, after Homura and me married (with Daddy's blessings), she seemed more....left out. Could it be....?
Ai's eyes widened. Masaka! She was lonely?! I remember, we were so close that we always told each other secrets. But each time, she came close to telling me something, Homura..... would be there. She couldn't tell me.
"Ai."
Ai lifted up her head slowly from the tear-stained pillow. Homura stood by the side of the bed, looking worried. She flung herself at him.
"Homura! Natsumi was lonely! She was lonely! That's why she fell in love with that youkai! She was yearning for attention which I didnt......!."
"Don't blame yourself, Ai. It wasn't your fault." Homura hugged her tightly.
"It was! If only I had noticed...."
"No. You saw the matchmaking ball yourself. It wouldn't lie, not to you. They were destined to be together."
Ai sobbed after hearing his words. Yes, it was destiny. Destiny brought her happiness with Homura, but why did Destiny end Natsumi's life?
"Is there a way I can find Natsumi?" Ai suddenly looked up at him anxiously.
"Ahh...hah?"
"How can I find Natsumi?" she repeated.
"You shouldn't be asking all this, Ai. She's gone. You've got to accept it."
"No!" Ai pulled Homura down firmly till he was face to face with her. She saw him. Yes. He knew something she didn't.
"You do know where to find Natsumi, don't you?"
Homura suddenly got up angrily, and pushed Ai off roughly.
"I DON'T KNOW!"
He stalked out and the heavy door's slams rang around the palace.
Ai stared, shocked. Her sweet Homura? Acting like this? Then suddenly it hit her. My god, why was I so heartless? Natsumi's death must have reminded him of Rinrei. And how she died. And how he couldn't save her. That meant he still couldn't forget her. That was inevitable....but....... was she so transparent that she couldn't replace Rinrei in his heart?
Homura kept up his pace furiously as he stomped along the palace's corridors to the outside garden. Why was she like that! Couldn't she understand, that once someone died you can't bring her back! he thought bitterly. He suddenly stumbled, his heart stung with bitterness and hurt.
He knew how she felt. Yes, he knew. Rinrei still meant a lot to him. But he couldnt save her. Not anymore. She was a god, who died of natural causes on Earth, and she would have been reincarnated. Into what? Something. He could just hope she was happy. He loved Ai. Truely. Sure, she couldn't take Rinrei's place, but she occupied a very important part in his heart. He loved her. Could he help her?
"Destiny..... I'm sure she would know where Natsumi is......."
Suddenly, someone bumped into him from behind and that someone hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry Homura... I shouldn't have been such a wimp....I'm sorry!"
His heart melted. He turned around and hugged her tightly, ever so tightly.
"I'm sorry too."
"I shouldn't have gone on so long .... about Natsumi.... I forgot it would remind you of Rin-!"
Homura bent down and kissed her before she could finish.
"We shouldn't think of that anymore. Anyway, if you really do want to see Natsumi....."
"WHat?! You know where to find her????" Ai cried out.
"Shhh! No one's supposed to know this, Ai. I found out by mistake, myself."
"Where can I go? Where can WE go to find her?" Ai asked anxiously.
"Destiny..... yes, the Goddess of Destiny would surely know...."
****************************************FLASHBACK********************************
"Rinrei, why was it you who was banished and not me? We were in this together!" Homura thought to himself silently but furiously.
He quickened his steps. It had been 5 days in Heaven. 5 days, meaning 5 years had passed down there. Rinrei. He felt it. She had gone. But he wanted to see her again. Anything, just for a glimpse of her.
He kept on walking and walking and he didn't notice where he was going until he suddenly realized his steps had been echoing for sometime now.
Where am I? How did I get in here? He walked on, trying to look for a way out. He didn't find any. Suddenly, the dark tunnel ended abruptly. He faced a huge, heavy door.
What's this? I've never heard of any dark places, especially not on Heaven. This door... it's full of scriptures.... and signs..... what does it mean?
I don't care. I don't care anymore. I just want to see Rinrei. His tears suddenly flowed out freely, to his embarrassment. He leaned against door, sobbing quietly. Suddenly......
The door creaked a little, but Homura didn't notice. The door moved open suddenly, and Homura fell in.
He hit the floor with a thud. What was that? How could that door, which looked as if it has not opened for eons, suddenly move like that? He lifted up his head. A blinding light greeted him.
He blinked and shut his eyes in pain. This will not do.... I'm going to die??
After he felt the pain go away, he opened them slowly again. Black spots jumped in front of his eyes, but as he focused, he realized the light wasn't so blinding after all. He blinked in surprise. In front of him, in the centre of the room, a luminous something was floating inside a complicated circle (which showed the ancient chinese signs of life, the zodiacs, yin-yang, the essence of life all in a complicated circle).
That someone was floating ten feet above, but still right in the circle itself. Closer inspection showed that she was a lady. A lady goddess? Her legs were crossed, her hands held up in mid-air and in between it was a bubble, her eyes were closed. She was glowing a luminous white.
Who the hell is that, Homura thought. I've never seen her around. She sure doesn't look like she's opened her eyes, for ages.
The goddess seemed to sense that a presence was near. She spoke out.
"You shouldn't have come here, Homura."
Her voice was like the wind, a summer breeze, he could barely make out the words, but the words seemed to form themselves. He stared at her, speechless.
"You are surprised."
Homura shook himself out of his trance.
"Who are you?"
"I......I am the goddess whom all men hate, whom every immortal fears. I can see the past, I decide the present, I determine their future. I am... Destinyyy....."
"Whhat?" There was such a person?!? He never knew that. Kami must have kept it a secret from everyone.... whom all immortals fear..... even Kami? That was surprising.
"You look nervous. Do you want to ask me something?"
"We-ll.... I want to see Rinrei."
"You know as well as I do that Rinrei's dead."
"I just want to see her."
"(giggles softly)"
The sound came like a gurgling of a river. The river where he had first met Rinrei.
"To request something from the Goddess of Destiny.... for most it is immediate death."
"Then kill me! What use am I after Rinrei is not here?!" Homura shouted angrily.
"Don't decide your own destiny so quickly. You have much more in store for you in the future........... I will let you see her. But promise me, that you'll open your heart."
"I don't do promises."
"We shall see."
Suddenly, her bubble which she seemed to be holding glowed. He glanced curiously. Suddenly he gasped.
The bubble showed him. Rinrei, on Earth, all bloodied, Rinrei, crying out in vain, no one was helping her, Rinrei.....
"ENOUGH! ENOUGH!!!" He nearly cried with grief. "What was that all about?! Rinrei couldn't have suffered that badly! NO! I WON'T BELIEVE YOU!"
"That's why I prefer to grant people who have come to see me immediate death. It's much less painful, ne?"
"NOOOOO!" Homura's red dragon flew out. He tried to attack her. But his dragon dissolved as suddenly as it appeared. "Whhaaa.....?"
"Don't you understand, Homura? No one can kill me. Even I can't kill myself...." she stopped short.
Homura, in his hurt and anger, heard her and wondered.
"Now, go back Homura. Hold on to life. It's not as meaningless as you think. And...." her lips curved into a smile. ".... you never know..... "
The blinding light appeared again. Homura tried to shield his eyes, but it was no use. It was too much. But his last words to her, were.....
"I won't rest until I find Rinrei's tomb! Just watch me!"
************************************ENDFLASHBACK********************************
babyg : That's it for now! What do you think??? I managed to continue it! However, I hope you guys won't mind, the story will now twist longer thanks to the appearance of the Goddess of Destiny! Will Ai be able to find Natsumi? Is she still alive? Where could she be? Find it all next in "Chapter 13: Ai's Desire" !