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Raven- actually the phone thing kind of mystified me, too. I just read it and realized that it made no sense. Ah well. This is my world, you see. Anyways, I think I'll leave it the way it is just because it works. Uhhhh- maybe they had different technology? *laughs* I don't know. Oh well.
Entry 9
I think what I miss the most is music. It's hard to stream it off the computers because I rarely have time between helping around the ship, writing programs, and sleeping. When I lived in the Matrix, music was all around me. Really, if you think about it, there's always music. Music in your house, on your Walkman, in the malls, in the stores, even elevator music. For god's sake, you can't get away from music. But it was always a comfort. I just remember being able to listen to certain songs and lose myself in the tune and the words. I wish I had that talent, to be able to say so much with just a few simple notes and a couple of rhyming lines. It's such a power, to be able to do that. You can say anything you want. Freedom of speech- amendment numero uno. You gotta love the gorgeous irony of it. Maybe back when things were normal it actually meant something, but at this point it's just another useless glitch in the system. Of course, it's not like anyone has that right anyway. If you deviate just a little from the path of conformity, bang! You're dead. Done. Toast. Unless we get to you first. But honestly, we can't save everyone. We can barely save enough people to keep us going.
I can hear Trinity and Tank arguing again. Thing is, they don't really argue. It's just their personalities. Whenever either of them gets frustrated by some little thing, they talk to themselves angrily. Which gets really annoying after a while. But if one of them gets mad at the other, then they get into this huge yelling argument in the middle of the Neb. Usually it's extremely funny to listen to because they just sound so ridiculous and they know it. It's mostly a running joke by now, but it's good for all of us. Gets rid of a lot of tensions. Living in close quarters 24/7 like we do, you tend to get a lot of emotions flying around, tempers exploding everywhere after a while. So it's good to just let all of that out, not let it bother you anymore. It clears the air, and it makes us all feel better.
We never really get mad at each other, anyway. It's just not an option for us. I mean, can you imagine if I'm mad at, say, Apock, and I deliberately get him stuck in the Matrix a little longer than I should out of spite, and it ends up getting him and Switch killed? That would be so incredibly stupid, and I would be saddled with the guilt for the rest of my life. Not to mention it might get the rest of us killed, too. See why we can't afford fights?
The worst one I can remember was when Tank and Cypher got into a huge fight. They've never gotten along too well, because they're just such different people. I mean, Tank is always so optimistic and cheerful and helpful and just generally a person you want to be around. Cypher's a genius but he's so moody and…..completely the opposite of Tank. I don't even remember what the argument started out being about, but fifteen minutes later they were standing there furious at each other. Tank was so mad he was shaking. They didn't talk to each other for two weeks, and referred to the other person as 'him.' Kind of silly, in my opinion. Then again, I've never been the kind to get mad easily. I think I've been really pissed at someone maybe four times in my life. Mostly I've been mad at Morpheus, for a variety of reasons, pretty much stemming from the fact that he virtually kidnapped me. But hey, these deep-seated feelings of resentment will fade. I mean, I came to terms with the whole concept of the Matrix years ago- it was just the fact that I was so young, and that I know he shouldn't have done what he did. But he did, so here I am.
Aria's a gofer right now. The newbies always are. Pretty much she helps Tank and Trinity. She seems to like Tank a lot (who doesn't?) and she's really good at general repairs and stuff like that. Mostly technical, but if some part of the Neb starts falling apart, she can fix that too. She's sort of like our mechanic now. I haven't really talked to her that much yet. It's kind of pathetic that there are nine of us living on this teeny-tiny little ship and yet half the time we don't even see each other. That really adds to the general solitude of it all. I might go a week and only see Apock at breakfast. But somehow you always know that they're right nearby. It's a nice feeling, just knowing that your family is always near you.
We're meeting up with another ship tonight. This doesn't happen too often, so I'm happy. Apparently they're found a safe spot so we might get to spend a few hours together and even go onto the other ship, although that's a bit risky. If a Sentinel comes, you're stuck on that other ship until either you rendezvous with your original ship or you get dropped off at Zion and wait for them to come pick you up. Either way, it's not exactly the smartest of ideas. Then again, there's a certain risk involved in anything we do out here. It comes with the territory. It's just a matter of weighing one against the other and deciding which is less potentially dangerous.
I hope we have time to switch ships though. It's always nice to have human companionship other than your crew. I mean, you know the people in your crew better than you know yourself. You see them every day. You know what they like; you know what they think; hell, you know what they're going to say before they say it. So it's a welcome change to be with people that you don't know, people that you can have a surprising conversation with. Within the crew, we have no secrets. It's too hard to keep secrets, so everyone's lives are just laid out for public viewing.
We're supposed to rendezvous with the Cassandra at 1900 tonight. That will give us a few hours with them, if we're lucky. Thing is, you completely lose track of time down here. With no sun to tell you if it's day or night, we exist on standard time. Who knows if our noon is actually 4 in the morning by old Greenwich time? It doesn't matter. None of that matters. We don't need to know if we're right, but I do wonder about it. After all, we don't even know what year it is. Time is the fourth dimension, right? Well, we don't HAVE a fourth dimension. Because we exist solely in and for the present, we have no sense of 'last week' or 'the day after tomorrow.' Sure, we have numbers for all that, but the numbers are just so we can synchronize ourselves with other ships and with Zion. We don't use time for anything but that. It's really almost sad how time has no meaning for us anymore. Sometimes I think living in the Matrix would be easier.
No, I know living in the Matrix would be easier. That's the whole point of the Matrix. If I hadn't been unplugged, I might be in college now, or working writing computer programs. Mindless, yes; difficult, no. I'd be a hacker in my spare time, the Agents would eventually catch on to me, and I'd be killed. A highly pointless existence, but I would never have had to go through everything I have living out here. Sometimes I wish Morpheus had never unplugged me. I wish I could go back and live the rest of my short life in peace, without having to worry about dying the next day and saving the fucking world. My worries would be how to pay my bills and what to eat for dinner that night. God, I wish life was that simple. Sometimes I think I'd rather be dead than live this pathetic half-existence out here in the 'real world.'