Ok, back to this journal thing. So where did I leave off? It's been three
weeks, one day, two hours, and I don't know how many minutes since he's
been gone. I'm not that crazy. You know, you never realize how much
anything means to you, until it's gone. Life goes by so quickly. I think
that sometimes we take it for granted. We never slow down and actually
think how lucky we are to be alive, even if it has turned into a hellish
world.
I know I said goodbye to him, but I still can't let him go. It's never that easy, is it? Towards the end, I spent more time away from the Bebop. My memories had been returning and I was feeling quite uncomfortable with all these new ideas. So, I did what any reflective person would do. I stepped back to reevaluate my life. I left the Bebop and tried going solo.
Then he called.You've heard the saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." I guess that's what I had been experiencing. Without him around, constantly teasing me, or me teasing him.it was as if he wasn't there, but deep down I still knew he was still alive and I could go back to him whenever I wanted, but now he's gone.
I lied to myself so many times. I wanted so much to project that tough girl attitude, that I was a survivor and could handle myself. I'm not that strong though, I never have been. Let's just say I'm a great actress. I can hide myself easily enough, and now that I think about it, I'm the best when it comes to hiding from myself. I thought that if I distanced myself from him, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of being rejected.
Rejection. We all dread it. You know, there's always that special crush. He's just so perfect and you just know that you would be happy to spend the rest of your life with him. You dream about him, and cry yourself to sleep each night knowing that he isn't there for you. I tried to escape that for so long. I mean, what do I need a sappy crush for.
His call had brought me back to reality. When he asked me to return to his ship, asking for my help, I acted like I didn't need him at all. I didn't want to show him how weak I was, that I was so happy when I heard his voice. I should have just come running, but that would have been against everything I had worked so hard to achieve. Especially my self-image and my pride.
Then I met he. His angel. Julia.she was everything I knew she would be, but everything I didn't want to believe. She was perfect in every way, and I could just see Spike with her in my mind. I had kept my heart hidden, behind thick emotional walls of stone, not wanting too get too close to any one, because I never knew who could be trusted. However, when my memories began to return, and I realized I really did have feelings for Spike, that wall came down, revealing my fragile heart of glass. That's what we women are deep down. Hearts of glass, fragile as a dream, but we all have our own ways of hiding the truth. I hid mine behind a gun. How do you hide your heart? Where do you hide your heart? Are you one of the lucky one's who can give it away for someone else to keep? I envy your ability to trust.
Now I am left with regrets. How would life have been different if I had told him how I really felt? What if instead of shooting the ceiling of the Bebop, if I had shot him in the leg or something? It would have kept him from going, and he would have been angry with me, but then I would have had time to tell him all the things I never could say. When I had explained everything, he could have understood, and we could have been happy. I would have had my prince..just like the fairy tale ending every little girl, every woman dreams about. But that would have been too easy.
What else is there to say? I had dinner with Jet last night. We talked about nothing in particular, over a nice meal of bell peppers and beef. (Minus the beef of course.) After that we sat on the couches in the sitting room and reminisced about the adventures we had when Spike was around. Jet is worse, or I guess you could say better at hiding his emotions than I am. He's hurting just as much as I am, but he'll never admit it. Maybe that's one thing to admire about Jet Black.
Well, I'm exhausted, both emotionally and physically, although I've been doing nothing. Jet says that tomorrow we should reach a spaceport and be able to refuel. I look forward to the change of scenery. Well until I write again, good night, and sweet dreams.
____________________
Faye found herself on a sun-warmed beach. A soft breeze flowed of the top of the waves, ruffling the edges of her white skirt. She could hear the gentle waves of the Ocean as it lapped the shore, depositing small bits of shells. She walked; feeling the sand between her toes and watching the sun as it began its dissension into the horizon.
The sound of gulls flying over head was soothing to her troubled mind, and she felt at peace and for some reason at home.
"If only he were here," she thought to herself.
"Hey Faye!" She turned around and saw Spike running towards her. She knew she should be shocked to see him, but it just felt so right.
"Spike!" She yelled back excitedly, running to greet him. They met in an embrace, and he held her to him.
"Oh, Spike. I've missed you so much.."
"Shhhhh." He said, putting a finger on her lips. She smiled, for once, she was truly happy. She pulled herself slightly away, and gazed up at his face. She looked into his deep brown eyes, as he gazed into her green ones. She stood on her tiptoes, and he leaned down, and they kissed. She felt warm all over. It lasted for only seconds, but it seemed like forever, but when it ended, she knew it had not been nearly long enough.
She hugged him again. She shivered slightly, noting that it had suddenly become much colder. She pulled back again. The sky had become cloudy and dark, and the waves pounded harder on the shore. She looked at Spike, but he had changed. Now a tombstone stood in his place. It had nothing written on it but his name.
"Wha?!" She backed up quickly, stumbled over her own feet and fell. A black bird squawked above her, and it circled her as if she was its next prey. As she stared at the tombstone in horror, she noticed a figure moving behind it. Vicious neatly stepped around the head stone, smiling wickedly. Then he let out a long laugh.
"Give me back Spike!" Faye screamed, but the sound of the waves and the thunder from the clouds washed out her cries. Vicious' laughter could just barely be heard.
BOOM! BOOM! Each crash made Faye's heart skip a beat. She cowered in fear.
_____________________________________
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Faye sat up right in her bed, but was still disoriented from her dream. She was breathing hard, and she could still hear the booming, but it was much softer now, and coming from the direction of her door, as if someone was...
"Faye?! Are you alright?" Jet's concerned voice came through the door.
"Jet? I'm fine," She said pulling her door open.
"I was just knocking at your door, and you started screaming. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, just a nightmare."
"Must have been pretty scary."
"Jet, is there a reason for your knocking on my door?" Faye was still a bit groggy and upset from her dream, and kind of wanted to document it in her journal before she forgot.
"Faye you're never going to believe this!" Jet started bouncing back and forth like a kid in front of a toy store window. Faye couldn't help but laugh at this large man acting like a child; it was just, not like him.
"What Jet? Just spit it out already." He smiled and handed her a printout. Still smiling like the Cheshire Cat, and bouncing up and down on his toes.
Faye stared down at the paper.
[ Greetings Bebop persons! Ed has been doing some research for father person and Ed has discovered important information. Spike person is alive! He is on Mars at hospital, St. Antony or something, but Ed thought it was important. Ed was hoping that Ed and Ein could meet with Faye and Jet person and we can all go together. Come to Mars soon. I will find you. ]
The paper was signed with Ed's familiar happy face. Jet looked into the eyes of a shocked Faye and they just stood there looking at each other as the paper fluttered to the ground.
_____________________________
Greetings from the Writer
Ok, so this one is a little sappier, but oh well, I had fun writing it. I think I know what I'm doing with this, and I will get to the point eventually, but yeah. Remember that this is my first fanfic. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my writings, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be writing this. Actually, I probably would still write this because I have no life at the moment. Well, thanks again.
-Lady Olethros
I know I said goodbye to him, but I still can't let him go. It's never that easy, is it? Towards the end, I spent more time away from the Bebop. My memories had been returning and I was feeling quite uncomfortable with all these new ideas. So, I did what any reflective person would do. I stepped back to reevaluate my life. I left the Bebop and tried going solo.
Then he called.You've heard the saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." I guess that's what I had been experiencing. Without him around, constantly teasing me, or me teasing him.it was as if he wasn't there, but deep down I still knew he was still alive and I could go back to him whenever I wanted, but now he's gone.
I lied to myself so many times. I wanted so much to project that tough girl attitude, that I was a survivor and could handle myself. I'm not that strong though, I never have been. Let's just say I'm a great actress. I can hide myself easily enough, and now that I think about it, I'm the best when it comes to hiding from myself. I thought that if I distanced myself from him, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of being rejected.
Rejection. We all dread it. You know, there's always that special crush. He's just so perfect and you just know that you would be happy to spend the rest of your life with him. You dream about him, and cry yourself to sleep each night knowing that he isn't there for you. I tried to escape that for so long. I mean, what do I need a sappy crush for.
His call had brought me back to reality. When he asked me to return to his ship, asking for my help, I acted like I didn't need him at all. I didn't want to show him how weak I was, that I was so happy when I heard his voice. I should have just come running, but that would have been against everything I had worked so hard to achieve. Especially my self-image and my pride.
Then I met he. His angel. Julia.she was everything I knew she would be, but everything I didn't want to believe. She was perfect in every way, and I could just see Spike with her in my mind. I had kept my heart hidden, behind thick emotional walls of stone, not wanting too get too close to any one, because I never knew who could be trusted. However, when my memories began to return, and I realized I really did have feelings for Spike, that wall came down, revealing my fragile heart of glass. That's what we women are deep down. Hearts of glass, fragile as a dream, but we all have our own ways of hiding the truth. I hid mine behind a gun. How do you hide your heart? Where do you hide your heart? Are you one of the lucky one's who can give it away for someone else to keep? I envy your ability to trust.
Now I am left with regrets. How would life have been different if I had told him how I really felt? What if instead of shooting the ceiling of the Bebop, if I had shot him in the leg or something? It would have kept him from going, and he would have been angry with me, but then I would have had time to tell him all the things I never could say. When I had explained everything, he could have understood, and we could have been happy. I would have had my prince..just like the fairy tale ending every little girl, every woman dreams about. But that would have been too easy.
What else is there to say? I had dinner with Jet last night. We talked about nothing in particular, over a nice meal of bell peppers and beef. (Minus the beef of course.) After that we sat on the couches in the sitting room and reminisced about the adventures we had when Spike was around. Jet is worse, or I guess you could say better at hiding his emotions than I am. He's hurting just as much as I am, but he'll never admit it. Maybe that's one thing to admire about Jet Black.
Well, I'm exhausted, both emotionally and physically, although I've been doing nothing. Jet says that tomorrow we should reach a spaceport and be able to refuel. I look forward to the change of scenery. Well until I write again, good night, and sweet dreams.
____________________
Faye found herself on a sun-warmed beach. A soft breeze flowed of the top of the waves, ruffling the edges of her white skirt. She could hear the gentle waves of the Ocean as it lapped the shore, depositing small bits of shells. She walked; feeling the sand between her toes and watching the sun as it began its dissension into the horizon.
The sound of gulls flying over head was soothing to her troubled mind, and she felt at peace and for some reason at home.
"If only he were here," she thought to herself.
"Hey Faye!" She turned around and saw Spike running towards her. She knew she should be shocked to see him, but it just felt so right.
"Spike!" She yelled back excitedly, running to greet him. They met in an embrace, and he held her to him.
"Oh, Spike. I've missed you so much.."
"Shhhhh." He said, putting a finger on her lips. She smiled, for once, she was truly happy. She pulled herself slightly away, and gazed up at his face. She looked into his deep brown eyes, as he gazed into her green ones. She stood on her tiptoes, and he leaned down, and they kissed. She felt warm all over. It lasted for only seconds, but it seemed like forever, but when it ended, she knew it had not been nearly long enough.
She hugged him again. She shivered slightly, noting that it had suddenly become much colder. She pulled back again. The sky had become cloudy and dark, and the waves pounded harder on the shore. She looked at Spike, but he had changed. Now a tombstone stood in his place. It had nothing written on it but his name.
"Wha?!" She backed up quickly, stumbled over her own feet and fell. A black bird squawked above her, and it circled her as if she was its next prey. As she stared at the tombstone in horror, she noticed a figure moving behind it. Vicious neatly stepped around the head stone, smiling wickedly. Then he let out a long laugh.
"Give me back Spike!" Faye screamed, but the sound of the waves and the thunder from the clouds washed out her cries. Vicious' laughter could just barely be heard.
BOOM! BOOM! Each crash made Faye's heart skip a beat. She cowered in fear.
_____________________________________
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Faye sat up right in her bed, but was still disoriented from her dream. She was breathing hard, and she could still hear the booming, but it was much softer now, and coming from the direction of her door, as if someone was...
"Faye?! Are you alright?" Jet's concerned voice came through the door.
"Jet? I'm fine," She said pulling her door open.
"I was just knocking at your door, and you started screaming. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, just a nightmare."
"Must have been pretty scary."
"Jet, is there a reason for your knocking on my door?" Faye was still a bit groggy and upset from her dream, and kind of wanted to document it in her journal before she forgot.
"Faye you're never going to believe this!" Jet started bouncing back and forth like a kid in front of a toy store window. Faye couldn't help but laugh at this large man acting like a child; it was just, not like him.
"What Jet? Just spit it out already." He smiled and handed her a printout. Still smiling like the Cheshire Cat, and bouncing up and down on his toes.
Faye stared down at the paper.
[ Greetings Bebop persons! Ed has been doing some research for father person and Ed has discovered important information. Spike person is alive! He is on Mars at hospital, St. Antony or something, but Ed thought it was important. Ed was hoping that Ed and Ein could meet with Faye and Jet person and we can all go together. Come to Mars soon. I will find you. ]
The paper was signed with Ed's familiar happy face. Jet looked into the eyes of a shocked Faye and they just stood there looking at each other as the paper fluttered to the ground.
_____________________________
Greetings from the Writer
Ok, so this one is a little sappier, but oh well, I had fun writing it. I think I know what I'm doing with this, and I will get to the point eventually, but yeah. Remember that this is my first fanfic. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my writings, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be writing this. Actually, I probably would still write this because I have no life at the moment. Well, thanks again.
-Lady Olethros