Act 2 Act 2 Scene 1

(In the big island prison, Lantis was thrown into the deepest parts of the dungeons. He is talking to himself.)

Lantis: Eagle, how could he eat the cheeseburger? That was for his father! Great, what will Noirtier eat? Ham?

(Lantis sees a chipped off wall, and he pounds on it. He hears pounding and so he begins to work on breaking the wall off. He opens it up and looks into the other cell.)

Lantis: What the hell are you?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (bowing in deep reverence) Oh, you must be the renowned scholar, Abbè Mokona. Oh, dear Abbè, please advice and teach me.

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (getting frustrated) Can you even teach me?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (more frustrated than ever) Is that all you're going to say?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: …

Mokona: Pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu…

Lantis: Okay! I get it! What am I supposed to do now?

(A weird light shines on Lantis.)

Weird voice: If you kill it, it will die.

Lantis: What's that supposed to mean?

Weird voice: I said, if you kill it, it will die. If it dies, you can eat it.

Lantis: But I don't want to eat it!

Weird voice: Then don't. Why did I even bother trying to help you anyway?

Lantis: (shrugging) Leave me alone. I'll take care of this matter.

(The weird voice leaves. Mokona is still gabbling out the same syllables. As this went on and on for days, Lantis finally cracks.)

Lantis: That's it! Enough with your stupid pu pu pus! I'm getting sick of this! If you keep talking like that, I'm going to follow that weird voice and eat you!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: ARGH!

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(14 years pass by. Mokona was still saying pu pu pu. Lantis is sitting in the corner, shredding the stone walls, to try to get away from the fluff ball. Suddenly, the jewel on Abbè Mokona's forehead turned red.)

Lantis: What are you doing now?

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(A flying contraption appeared in the middle of the room. Lantis steps back, and then goes to examine the contraption.)

Lantis: So, you are of use. Why didn't you do this 14 years before?!

Mokona: Pu pu pu?

(Great conversation, ain't it?)

Lantis: Forget it. I'm leaving this place. And you're not coming. You can stay here and say all you want to the wall. Maybe the weird voice will talk to you.

Mokona: Pu pu pu!

(Lantis leaves, and Mokona is still talking to himself.)

Scene 2

(The flying contraption stopped working, and so, Lantis falls to the ocean. He lands in a secluded island and begins to explore.)

Lantis: My feet hurt. Look, there is a pile of treasure over yonder! I should get some and get rich! Yay!

(A ship comes closer. After Lantis scoops up some diamonds, the ship comes and Kiyone comes out.)

Kiyone: Hark! I am Kiyone! The pirate…I mean…the sailor!

Lantis: Yes, yes, I see. Hey, can you let me on the boat? I'm a bit stranded right now.

Kiyone: Yes, that's my job, actually. You see, this weird voice told me that if I don't land here, you will die. So, I didn't listen, and here I am.

Lantis: Okay, let's go then.

Kiyone: And your name is?

Lantis: (thinks about a name) Call me the Count of Monte Cephiro.

Kiyone: Alright, then. I will, but, you don't look like a Count.

Lantis: Just call me that anyway. For your troubles, here's a diamond.

Kiyone: Oh, cool! I'm rich!

Lantis: You know, Kiyone, those are just jewel rocks for the play. Don't think you can spend them on anything.

Kiyone: They're jewel rocks? Oh man.

(The ship sails back to the mainland.)

Scene 3

(In a very expensive clothes shop, Lantis was found having his measurements taken. Tatra and Tarta come in.)

Tatra: Sir, what would you wish us to do?

Lantis: Find me a luxurious hotel and also find me a woman called Aeka. I should think she still lives in my home village.

Tarta: And your village is named?

Lantis: Now that you mention it, the writer of this script never said anything about the name of my village. Just go to where the Pharaon is found.

Tatra: (glaring at her sister) I have already located the woman named Aeka. She is found at an inn off the side of the road.

Lantis: Good. Ouch! Stop poking me! I'm only taking measurements, you know.

Tailor: …

Lantis: Ouch! Stop it! Stop! You're hurting me!

Tailor: Pu pu pu!

Lantis: (stares at the tailor, who transforms into none other than the Abbè Mokona) AAHH!!! It's you! No! This isn't in the script! Why are you following me?!

Mokona: Pu!

Tatra: (looks uncertainly at Mokona) Um…should I dispose of him for you, Count?

Lantis: Get him away from me!

(The weird voice comes back)

Weird Voice: If you kill it, it will die.

Lantis: Shut up! You are as annoying as the Abbè himself! Can't you see I'm in a mission of vengeance?

Weird Voice: And to whom are you inflicting vengeance upon?

Tarta: Look, Selphie, this wasn't in the script, please take this stupid voice out of the play.

Weird Voice: Bye bye.

Tatra: Now, back to business. I'll take the Abbè to the Grecian slave. She will take good care of him.

Lantis: (shivers) Good. Now, I'll be leaving to that inn in a few hours. I shall disguise myself as a priest.

Tarta: Sure, I'll have your horse and riding gear ready, Count.

(Tarta and Tatra leave, with Mokona. The Count also leaves in the opposite direction, hoping that Mokona doesn't follow him.)

Scene 4

(At the inn, Aeka is muttering to herself. She doesn't see Lantis come in, and so she doesn't greet him like she was supposed to in the script.)

Aeka: You fit the part, they say. Fools. Ryoko, you'll pay for this, making me play a drunkard, and now, a poor innkeeper whose husband left her for some other woman! What do they think I am! Oh, who are you?

Lantis: (a bit nervous) Um…Aeka? We're on. Can you recite your lines now?

Aeka: (out of the daze) Oh, hello, priest. Would you like a room prepared by a noble lady like myself?

Lantis: Oh, no, I'm not here to spend the night.

Aeka: (crossly) Then don't come in. Sheesh, you people. You come here and then mock me, honestly. Why are you still here? Go on, scat. Leave me to my peace.

Lantis: Hello, Aeka, I'm here to present a will made by Lantis long ago. He has told me to divide his fortune between these people: Umi Catalan, Lafarga Danglars, Eagle Villefort, his father, and yourself.

Aeka: Oooh…money? How much?

Lantis: (taking out a jewel rock) Yes, this whole diamond.

Aeka: You can't fool me, that's a stupid jewel rock. I'm not telling you anything.

Lantis: You moron, you're supposed to pretend that this is a real diamond.

Aeka: I am? Oh, right. Um…I should say, that jewel rock— I mean, diamond costs a lot of money. But why would you want to give it to those who plotted against him?

Lantis: (leaned forward, interested) What do you mean?

Aeka: (smiling mischievously) I mean, Lafarga was the one who wrote that letter that accused you of eating a cheeseburger. Ascot is the one who gave the letter to Eagle. And Eagle ate the cheeseburger instead of giving it to his own father. Besides, Umi can't be found anywhere. As for your father, well, he died of starvation, poor that he was.

Lantis: (gasps) My father? Died of starvation? Wait a minute, how did you know I'm Lantis?

Aeka: (shrugged) You're not very good at wearing disguises. If you want to fool your enemies, I suggest you wear something better than a cloak. This is stupid. Do I have to go on making better disguises for you?

Lantis: …

Aeka: For goodness' sakes, give me the diamond already. You don't need it. All the other people I mentioned don't need it. I need it. So I can live again in nobility and luxury. And leave me alone!

Lantis: Alright, already. (hands Aeka the diamond)

Aeka: Thank you, sir. Nice doing business with you.

(Lantis leaves the inn, not hearing Aeka cry out in disappointment.)

Aeka: AAH!! It's a jewel rock! Cheap freak!