Haha! Weeeeee're BAAAAAAAAAAACK! And finally, for your much anticipated enjoyment…Chapter whatever this is!
Chapter 4- Chalkzone destroyed, Mantis and Showtoons, and Sniper Wolf's rifle…
The duo moved on into the catacombs of the base. When they got into the Commander's office, they encountered a man in a trench coat and gas mask. Meryl tried to talk to him.
"Who are you? And what's with the mask?"
"I am Psycho Mantis. As for the mask, you try working with Vulcan Raven after he farts. The smell is proportionate to his size."
Snake sighed.
"You people just won't stay out of my way, will you? I want those peanuts!"
With that he began to shoot at Mantis. All the bullets quickly swerved out of the way, turned around in midair, and shot themselves at Snake's feet, causing Snake to dance around like an idiot trying to avoid them.
"Huh?! How the hell'd you do that?!"
"I am Psycho Mantis! The most powerful practitioner of telekinesis and psycho kinesis in the world!!" He bellowed. "You want proof? I give you proof!!"
Mantis grabbed his head, and his hands shook violently. "Hmm…Snake, I know about your secret…"
"How'd you know about that?! Only the Colonel knows about that!"
"What are you talking about?" Meryl whispered to him.
"Well…I wet the bed until I was 16…" He admitted sadly, hanging his head in sadness.
"0_0" was Meryl's only reaction.
"Actually, I was referring to the fact that you wanted to jump Meryl's bones later…quiet, quiet disturbing." Mantis finished.
"Oh, okay then…" Snake said happily. "That's not even a secret!"
"^_______________________^" Was Meryl's new reaction to the "secret."
"Later…at your house…" She whispered.
"Now you shall die!" Mantis screamed, lifting them both into the air, and smacking them into each other like rag dolls.
"Ouch! Stop…doing…that! It…ouch!…really…ow!…hurts!" Meryl screeched loudly.
"Actually…I…kinda…like…it!" Snake said happily.
"Enough of this!" Mantis shouted. He stopped slamming them into each other, and began making them dance like puppets.
"Mr. Mantis sir…" Meryl asked curiously. "Is suppose to hurt us in any way?"
"Of course not! I just like showtoons so much that I wanted you to dance like them!"
"Ooooookaaaaayyyyy…" Snake said in a very disturbed tone.
Snake then miraculously grabbed a candelabra and threw at Mantis, lighting him on fire.
"Hah! Let's see if you're PYROkenitic!" Meryl said evilly.
Elsewhere…at a home in some random part of the country, in front of a computer screen…Liquid Snake: Hey Raven, how come Meryl actually said something SMART?
RavenZERO: Ya know, I'd like to tell, but I actually don't know…
Liquid Snake: Maybe you should do something about that…
RavenZERO: I've got it! Lemme get my magic sketchpad! ^_^
Liquid Snake: Dude, you don't have a magic sketchpad! -_-;
RavenZERO: I don't?! Oh well! I'll just go into Chalkzone and kill some people and steal some magic chalk! ^_________^
(Raven runs off toward Chalkzone.)
Liquid Snake: Oookaaaaay…0_0
In Chalkzone…(It's a normal day in Chalkzone for Rudy Tabooty)
Rudy: What a sunny day! La-la la lalalalalalalalala ^_^
(RavenZERO appears holding a Stinger Missile Launcher)
RavenZERO: Now I shall kill you, and your little chalk dog too!! (Ala Invader Zim) MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
(He fires at least twenty missiles in every direction, and blows everything up in sight.)
RavenZERO: Hm…looks like there's no more chalk in sight…but there are still people!
Two hours later…Liquid Snake: Where the hell is he?! He's supposed to be getting some magic chalk to kill Meryl with! (Notices that everything in Chalkzone has been completely destroyed, and that people are dying in flames) RAVEN!! GET OUT HERE NOW!!
RavenZERO: Hiya! What's up! ^_^
Liquid
Snake: Dude, you forgot to get some magic chalk! -_-;;
RavenZERO: Hmm…I knew I forgot
something…(looks around and notices that there are no more people left) OH NO!!
What have I done?! I've killed all the
people in Chalkzone! 0_0
Liquid Snake: (pointing toward a hill in the distance) Actually, there are still two more people over there…
RavenZERO: Hang on a sec… (Holds up the Stinger, waits for a lock on, and fires twice at them, blowing them all to hell.) WHAT HAVE I DONE?! 0_0
Liquid Snake: It's okay, Raven, no one watches this show anyway…^_^;
RavenZERO: (Sadly) Really? ;_;
Liquid Snake: Yeah I'm positive. Now lets got find some magic chalk to kill Meryl with…
One hour later…
Liquid Snake: Well, now that we actually HAVE the magic chalk, what should we do with it?
RavenZERO: (dumbly) I dunno. I forgot we were supposed to do with it…0_0
Liquid Snake: Okay, then lets just save it for later…
Back at Shadow Moses…FINALLY…"Snake, are you sure this leads to Metal Gear?" Meryl whined loudly.
"Positive. Now shut up or I'll sell you as a prostitute on the Chinese black market!"
"Okay, okay…sheese…" She said, looking flustered. _
Ten minutes later, they found the Communications Tower.
"Okay, let me consult the script…" Snake said, taking out his other copy of the "Metal Gear Solid Screenplay by Hideo Kojima." "Hm…it says that you're supposed to be shot a few times by somebody named Sniper Wolf…"
"Sniper Wolf?" Meryl repeated curiously.
"Yeah, I assume she snipes in some way with some sort of……. 'Sniper rifle'…"
"Wow…" 0_0;
Meanwhile, while our intrepid heroes *cough* morons *cough* were talking, unbeknownst to them, a figure lurked in the dark shadow's of the Communication Tower's walkway."Hm…okay, where's my PSG-1?" Sniper Wolf asked, looking around.
She spotted her rifle lying on the ground. "Ah, there it is!"
She picked it up, and aimed at Meryl's chest in the crosshairs. "Die!" She pulled the trigger.
To her total dismay, there were no bullets; it was actually a water gun.
Back with our dumbasses, uh, I mean heroes…
Meryl failed to notice that she was being sprayed by a water gun, but Snake sure did…^_^;
"Whoa…wet T-shirt party…" Snake said, drooling.
"Huh? What are you blabbing about, Snake?" She asked, twirling her hair on one finger, making her look only more irresistible to Snake (imagine a porno flick, one involving wet T-shirts…).
"Whoa…" Snake said, drooling even more than before. 0_0
"Snake, what is it?!" She exclaimed loudly.
Snake stared off dumbly into space, imagining the fun he wants to have with Meryl after the mission in his little igloo of doom… (What a perv, right? ^_^;;)
Back with Sniper Wolf…
"What the fuck?!" Wolf exclaimed. "Where he hell is my gun?! JOHNNY!!!!" She bellowed.
Johnny Sasaki ran into the room, holding a PSG-1 rifle, covered with a brown substance. "You called, ma'am?"
"Yes! What the hell have you done with my gun?!" She bellowed, looking at the brown substance on the barrel of the PSG-1 in disgust. She suddenly clamps her hand over her nose. "And what the fuck is that smell?!" 0_0
"Oh, that…" Johnny said, looking at the rifle guiltily. "I kinda used your gun as a unclogger for my ass…"
"You WHAT?!!!!!" She shouted, jumping backward in disgust.
"I used your rifle to solve my bowel issues…" Johnny said happily. "Now I feel much better!" ^_^
"You…bastard!" She bellowed, grabbing some grenades from Jumpsuit Space (That is what she's wearing!) and stuffing them down his pants. "UNCLOG YOURSELF WITH THESE, BITCH!!!" She bellowed as she ran off, and plugged her ears.
Johnny Sasaki died in a giant burning…glowing…brown ball of fire…thing.
She stood out of cover, donned an NBC suit (one of those anti-chemical things), and lit her rifle on fire. Then she lit the suit on fire. Then she lit her jumpsuit on fire, and retrieved another one from cold storage…and there was much rejoicing…
All characters and both authors: Yay!