Back to the current story, now that Snake was finally done ogling Meryl's chest, they both decided to proceed, and were both promptly captured by some secret crack team…thing.
Then a mysterious voice sounded in Snake's ears, since he was blacked out.
"Don't kill him yet…I want him alive."
"Yes…" A woman's voice purred softly. "He's my target, mine alone…SO KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM BITCH!"
"Oh, quiet Wolf!" Ocelot's voice shouted. "It's not like I'm gonna kill him or anything…"
"Yeah just like how you 'accidentally' killed the DARPA Chief, right?!!" Wolf yelled loudly.
"Well at least I don't have the guards using my weapons as plungers for their asses!!"
"Yeah, well at least I have two hands!!!!"
"Skank!"
"Cock sucker!"
"Whore!!"
"Bastard!!"
"SLUT!!!!!"
"MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU IDIOTS!!!!" Liquid's voice shouted. "HERE'S HOW WE'RE GONNA SETTLE THIS: OCELOT: YOU'RE A WHORE, AND WOLF: YOU'RE A SLUT, SO THERE!!"
"PISS OFF, LIQUID!!" Wolf shouted.
"YEAH, QUITE DOWN, BITCH!! THIS IS A FIGHT BETWEEN THE STUPID WHORE, AND ME SO FUCK OFF AND GO PLAY WITH DOLLIES OR SOMETHING'!" Ocelot yelled.
Snake could hear Liquid sobbing.
"Just shut up!!" He sobbed as he ran out of the room.
Snake moved his head around, and his eyelids snapped open.
"Ahh…so Snake finally wakes up…" Ocelot said sadistically.
"You're gonna torture me now, right?" Snake asked, noticing that Wolf was sulking in the corner, glaring daggers at Ocelot.
"No, me and you and Wolf are gonna have a tea party!"
"Really?!"
Ocelot slapped Snake in the face. "Of course we're gonna torture you, you moron!"
"Hey, you're Revolver Ocelot, right?" Snake asked, vaguely remembering who Ocelot was.
"Yes, I am." Ocelot said smugly.
"One question: Isn't 'Ocelot' kind of a stupid code name? I mean, isn't it like a beaver or something?"
"Uh…" Ocelot thought for a minute. "Shut up, prisoner!"
"What have you done with Meryl?!" Snake shouted, jumping up against the restraints keeping him tethered to the torture thingy.
"Oh, the girl…" Ocelot chuckled softly. "She's safe, don't you worry…as a matter of fact, she's recording a video tape just for you…"
Snake's eyes perked up. "Really?!"
"Yes, but we won't let you watch it until you answer me these questions three!" Ocelot said. "Number One: What is your name?"
"Jimbo Jones." Snake joked smugly.
He was shocked from electricity shooting through the thingy.
"What the hell was that for?!!" Snake barked angrily.
"You said 'Jimbo Jones', when the correct answer was either 'Solid Snake' or 'David-'"
"Shut up!!" Snake hissed.
"Well, that's how it works. You say wrong answer, you get shocked. Question Two: What is you quest?"
"I seek to kick you're ass!"
"Hmph, valid. Valid answer. Question Three: What is the square root of infinity?"
"That's impossib-" Another shock. "AAAHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!!"
"Okay, Question Four: What is the airspeed velocity of a swallow carrying a coconut over the ocean?"
"African or European?"
"Pfft, I dunno…"
Ocelot gets shocked, and Wolf starts laughing so hard, she dies.
Suddenly, the shackles break, and Snake gets all of his equipment back.
"Yay!" He exclaimed, jumping into the air.
He proceeded to the Communications Tower, after by some curious mischance, finding a REAL and COMPLETELY CLEAN PSG-1 sniper rifle…and there was much rejoicing…
Snake: Yay!
Liquid and all of the other terrorists: BOO!!
RavenZERO and Liquid Snake (the author): Silence!!
After getting to the Communications Tower, he was then spotted by a camera. This is somewhat how it went:
Genome #1: "Hey, dude, this is boring. Want some pizza?"
Genome #2: "Yeah, sure. No anchovies, please."
(Genome #3 suddenly jumps up flailing his arms wildly to get their attention.
Genome #2: "What the hell's the matter with you, Karl? You got bowel issues from Johnny?"
Genome #3: _ "Ewwwww!!! No way!"
Genome #1: "Then what the hell's the matter?"
Genome #3: "Come take a look at this screen!"
(Both Genomes #1 and #2 walk over to #3's workstation. On the screen is Solid Snake, mooning the camera, and then spray painting "Liquid Snake blows monkeys" in red on the wall.)
Genome #1: 0_0; "Wow, whoever that guy is, he must really hate Liquid Snake…"
Genome #2: "But everyone hates Liquid! Why's this so damn important?"
Genome #3: "This was your Christmas present from me! We were gonna prank Liquid all day!"
(The other two grab their guns, and hand #3 his.)
Genome #2: "Then what are we waitin' for, guys?! This guy has gotta be stopped, so he doesn't get any credit for those!!"
All Genomes: "Yeah!"
That's something like how it went…oh never mind.
Anyway, Snake soon found himself running for his life from a very angry crowd of guards hell-bent on killing him so they could get all of the pranking glory…riiiiiight…
Snake ran as fast as he could up the winding stairs of Tower A, chucking grenades down the stairs behind him.
One of the Genomes stopped, and picked it up, not knowing what it was.
"Duh…what's this thing?" He asked stupidly.
It exploded, killing Genomes #1-#26 in one fell swoop.
"Ha! I rule!" Snake exclaimed, before running farther up the stairs.
In front of a computer screen, in some random part of suburbia…
Liquid Snake: Hey, Raven, let's take a break…
RavenZERO: But I wanna kill something!
Liquid Snake: But I'm tired…
RavenZERO: I don't care! I need to destroy something!!
Liquid Snake: Fine, then go help Snake kill those stupid Genomes…
RavenZERO: (After grabbing a P-90 ((also known as the RCP-90 in Goldeneye…)) Assault Rifle and a Stinger Missile Launcher off the wall of his room) Yay! Thanks, Liquid!! (He runs off toward Alaska)
Liquid Snake: (Shaking his head in exasperation) Oi vey, what have I done?
Back in Alaska now…Snake was now busy trying to fight off the remaining 3,000+ guards with his SOCOM pistol as he continuously ran up the stairs.
Snake: "Dammit! Why the fuck won't you idiots die?!!!"
Genome #27:"Haven't you heard?! There's no end to us!"
Suddenly, one of the walls on their floor explodes, and we see a man about 14 years old, armed with a Stinger Missile Launcher and a P-90, wearing jeans and a T-shirt that says "Bow before the King of France".
RavenZERO: (haphazardly firing his P-90 at the Genomes)"HAHAHA! Now I'll show you why they call me TRIGGER HAPPY!!!! DIE! DIE! DIE!"
Snake: "Who the hell are you?! Leave, I want to kill them!"
RavenZERO: (While blowing up Genomes #178-1888 with his Stinger) "Sorry! I'm not paying attention at the moment…please leave your name, number, and address so I can come bomb you at the beep. BEEP!"
Snake: (Now getting royally pissed off) "Hey man, you're one of those stupid authors, aren't you?! If you're Liquid Snake-"
RavenZERO: (Still not paying any attention) "A nuclear missile strike has been ordered on your home! Have a nice day! BEEP!"
Snake: "Fuck you, bitch!"
RavenZERO: "Hang on a sec…" (Blows away Genomes #3000-#+ with his Stinger) "Seeya!"
(RavenZERO runs off)
Snake shrugged his shoulders, and proceeded up the tower.
Back in suburbia…
RavenZERO: "Well, that was fun!"
Liquid Snake: (to himself) "How in the seven hells did I get paired with this idiot?"
RavenZERO: "Hey! I resent that!"
Now, its over! GO HOME AND REVIEW DAMMIT!