green
eggs and sanji by Sylphiel
[Sanji appears, on the deck of the Going Merry Go.]
Sanji-kun, the suave and smooth chef of the sea.
Sanji-kun, the pirate's cook,
That is me!
[Sanji pops up behind Nami, who is trying to relax in her lounge chair, but before he can say anything, she holds up a hand to silence him.]
I am busy, Sanji.
Can't you see?
Please let me tan.
Don't talk to me.
[He brings out a tray with a glass of iced tea for her and places it before her with a happy heart-eyed smile.]
Oh! Nami-san, I understand.
Just give me a kiss,
and I will let you tan.
[Nami lowers her sunglasses, eyebrow raised.]
A kiss? I think not.
No freakin' way.
[Sanji puckers up, ready!]
A kiss! Come on, this is your lucky day!
[He leans forward and she blocks his lips with a book. He pulls away and tries to think of a solution]
Well... would you kiss me if I brought you food?
Would that put you in the mood?
[Nami gives Sanji a scathing look.]
I would not, if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you, Sanji-kun.
This is not that kind of cartoon.
[Sanji thinks to himself, out loud]
What if I were to give you some money?
Surely then you would give me some, honey!
[Nami looks irritated and she gets up to go inside, to escape him.]
Not even if you gave me money.
And don't you dare call me honey...!
I would not, if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you, Chef Sanji.
I will not kiss you. Let me be.
[Nami stalks down the hall to the navigator's room, where she goes to her desk to work on her map, not seeing that Sanji is sitting there until it is too late. He leers happily, since she is sitting in his lap]
Would you, could you, on my lap?
[Grabs her map of the world away from her]
Would you, could you, to get back your map?
[Nami folds her arms, indignant]
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, just to get back some map.
I would not if you gave me money.
I would not if you called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I like you, Sanji, but don't be dense.
I will not kiss you, so stop this nonsense.
[She gets up to go hide in her room, where he's sure not to follow. Sanji cuts her off in the hallway]
Would you kiss me in the hall?
[He bends down to be eye-to-eye with her, grinning hopefully]
Would you kiss me if I weren't so tall?
[Nami's forehead now throbs with an angry vein]
No way would I kiss you in the hall.
And it has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not kiss you, in your lap.
I would not kiss you just for a map.
You could not pay me enough money.
Especially after you called me honey.
I would not if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
I will not kiss you, Sanji, you see?
I will not, so just let me be.
[Nami goes into her room, and the door shuts behind her. Then she hears a "click!" and looks up to see him pocketing the key]
Would you, if the door were shut?
[He advances upon her and she gulps, nervous. Sanji grins and whips a book labeled "Sexy Love Poems" out of his jacket]
Would you, if I read you some smut?
[By now Nami is seriously ready to smack him.]
I WOULD NOT, if the door were shut.
I WOULD NOT allow you to read me smut.
I would not kiss you in the hall.
It has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not, sitting in your lap.
I would not, to get back my map.
I would not, if you gave me money,
And you had better not ever call me honey.
Not even if you brought me food...
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you Sanji-kun,
I will not, and I hope you give up soon.
[Nami grabs a towel and heads to the bathroom. A nice long soak in the bath will surely make her feel better. But just as she is about to peel her towel off and get in... Sanji pokes his head out of the shower, wearing a shower cap and holding a rubber ducky and a backbrush.]
Would you, could you in the shower?
Don't make me use my bishboy power!
[Nami screams bloody murder and begins hurling things at Sanji, furious.]
Absolutely not, in the shower!
Absolutely not! WHAT bishboy power?
I would not, could not, in the hall.
Whether you were short or tall.
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, even to get back my map.
You could not pay me enough money.
Especially after you just called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
The answer I give you is NO, Sanji!
So leave me alone! Just let me be!
[She stomps back to her room and gets dressed, and when she opens the door again Sanji is waiting for her, holding Chopper. Chopper waves sheepishly.]
Would you, could you, with a deer?
[Sanji brings a bottle out, grinning devilishly]
Or how about if I gave you some beer?
[Nami smacks her hand over her face, clearly exasperated]
I would not, could not, with a deer.
And I don't think that the world has enough beer...
I would not, could not, in the shower.
And I do not fall prey to your bishboy power.
I would not kiss you in the hall.
It has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not kiss you, in your lap.
I would not kiss you just for a map.
Not even if you gave me money.
Not even if you call me honey.
I will not kiss you, Sanji, no, I say!
I will not, so just go away!
[Sanji grabs Nami and whisks her away. She finds herself in a rowboat with him, under the starry sky. He gestures around, hoping...]
Would you kiss me in a boat?
[He takes his jacket and wraps it around her shoulders to protect her from the chill of the night air.]
Would you, if I gave you my coat?
Would you kiss me, here under the stars?
Would you kiss me, below Venus and Mars?
[Nami looks at him and sighs.]
Sanji-kun... listen to me.
Sanji-kun... please listen carefully.
I would not kiss you on a boat,
Though it is nice of you to give me your coat.
And though it is nice here, under the stars...
I will not kiss you, below Venus and Mars.
I will not kiss you with a deer.
And it would take a lot of beer.
I would not kiss you in the shower,
I will not give in to your bishboy power.
I will not kiss you in the hall,
no matter if you're short or tall.
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, could not, even to get back my map.
I would not if you gave me money.
I would not if you called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
I like you, I do like you, Sanji.
But please don't get the wrong idea about me.
[Silence. Nami bites her lip, feeling a bit of guilt now. Sanji's face falls, and he looks away, dejected.]
You do like me, so you say.
You like me, but just not in "that way."
But give me just one kiss, I say.
Kiss me... kiss me anyway.
Since we're here, together, under the moon...
Grant the one wish of this humble Sanji-kun.
[Nami rolls her eyes an throws her hands up into the air]
All right! Fine! Just one kiss!
If that will end this foolishness!
[She grabs Sanji by the collar and pulls him close, kissing him. He wraps his arms around her, leaning in closer...]
[The kiss goes on... and on... a deep, sweet kiss.]
[Several minutes later, they are forced to part for air. Sanji breathlessly awaits her reaction. Nami puts a hand to her lips, wide-eyed. Her cheeks are pink.]
Oh my. Oh goodness.
Sa-n-ji.
That was some kiss!
Mercy me!
I like to kiss you, Sanji.
I liked it... the way you just kissed me.
And I would kiss you under the stars,
And I would kiss you under Venus and Mars.
I would kiss you on a boat,
I would kiss you for giving me your coat.
And I will kiss you with a deer
You wouldn't need to give me beer.
I would kiss you in the shower,
You make me weak with your bishboy power.
And I would kiss you in the hall,
I like that you are so very tall.
I would kiss you, sitting in your lap,
who cares about the silly map!
You wouldn't have to give me money.
Just come back here and give me some more, honey!
I'll kiss you when you bring me food,
I'll kiss you if you're in the mood,
I will kiss you here and there,
I will kiss you ANYWHERE!
I do so love you, Sanji-kun!
Now come and kiss me! Kiss me!
Under the moon.
[And Sanji very happily obliges.]
Owari!
[Sanji appears, on the deck of the Going Merry Go.]
Sanji-kun, the suave and smooth chef of the sea.
Sanji-kun, the pirate's cook,
That is me!
[Sanji pops up behind Nami, who is trying to relax in her lounge chair, but before he can say anything, she holds up a hand to silence him.]
I am busy, Sanji.
Can't you see?
Please let me tan.
Don't talk to me.
[He brings out a tray with a glass of iced tea for her and places it before her with a happy heart-eyed smile.]
Oh! Nami-san, I understand.
Just give me a kiss,
and I will let you tan.
[Nami lowers her sunglasses, eyebrow raised.]
A kiss? I think not.
No freakin' way.
[Sanji puckers up, ready!]
A kiss! Come on, this is your lucky day!
[He leans forward and she blocks his lips with a book. He pulls away and tries to think of a solution]
Well... would you kiss me if I brought you food?
Would that put you in the mood?
[Nami gives Sanji a scathing look.]
I would not, if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you, Sanji-kun.
This is not that kind of cartoon.
[Sanji thinks to himself, out loud]
What if I were to give you some money?
Surely then you would give me some, honey!
[Nami looks irritated and she gets up to go inside, to escape him.]
Not even if you gave me money.
And don't you dare call me honey...!
I would not, if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you, Chef Sanji.
I will not kiss you. Let me be.
[Nami stalks down the hall to the navigator's room, where she goes to her desk to work on her map, not seeing that Sanji is sitting there until it is too late. He leers happily, since she is sitting in his lap]
Would you, could you, on my lap?
[Grabs her map of the world away from her]
Would you, could you, to get back your map?
[Nami folds her arms, indignant]
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, just to get back some map.
I would not if you gave me money.
I would not if you called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I like you, Sanji, but don't be dense.
I will not kiss you, so stop this nonsense.
[She gets up to go hide in her room, where he's sure not to follow. Sanji cuts her off in the hallway]
Would you kiss me in the hall?
[He bends down to be eye-to-eye with her, grinning hopefully]
Would you kiss me if I weren't so tall?
[Nami's forehead now throbs with an angry vein]
No way would I kiss you in the hall.
And it has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not kiss you, in your lap.
I would not kiss you just for a map.
You could not pay me enough money.
Especially after you called me honey.
I would not if you brought me food.
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
I will not kiss you, Sanji, you see?
I will not, so just let me be.
[Nami goes into her room, and the door shuts behind her. Then she hears a "click!" and looks up to see him pocketing the key]
Would you, if the door were shut?
[He advances upon her and she gulps, nervous. Sanji grins and whips a book labeled "Sexy Love Poems" out of his jacket]
Would you, if I read you some smut?
[By now Nami is seriously ready to smack him.]
I WOULD NOT, if the door were shut.
I WOULD NOT allow you to read me smut.
I would not kiss you in the hall.
It has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not, sitting in your lap.
I would not, to get back my map.
I would not, if you gave me money,
And you had better not ever call me honey.
Not even if you brought me food...
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you Sanji-kun,
I will not, and I hope you give up soon.
[Nami grabs a towel and heads to the bathroom. A nice long soak in the bath will surely make her feel better. But just as she is about to peel her towel off and get in... Sanji pokes his head out of the shower, wearing a shower cap and holding a rubber ducky and a backbrush.]
Would you, could you in the shower?
Don't make me use my bishboy power!
[Nami screams bloody murder and begins hurling things at Sanji, furious.]
Absolutely not, in the shower!
Absolutely not! WHAT bishboy power?
I would not, could not, in the hall.
Whether you were short or tall.
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, even to get back my map.
You could not pay me enough money.
Especially after you just called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
The answer I give you is NO, Sanji!
So leave me alone! Just let me be!
[She stomps back to her room and gets dressed, and when she opens the door again Sanji is waiting for her, holding Chopper. Chopper waves sheepishly.]
Would you, could you, with a deer?
[Sanji brings a bottle out, grinning devilishly]
Or how about if I gave you some beer?
[Nami smacks her hand over her face, clearly exasperated]
I would not, could not, with a deer.
And I don't think that the world has enough beer...
I would not, could not, in the shower.
And I do not fall prey to your bishboy power.
I would not kiss you in the hall.
It has nothing to do with you being tall.
I would not kiss you, in your lap.
I would not kiss you just for a map.
Not even if you gave me money.
Not even if you call me honey.
I will not kiss you, Sanji, no, I say!
I will not, so just go away!
[Sanji grabs Nami and whisks her away. She finds herself in a rowboat with him, under the starry sky. He gestures around, hoping...]
Would you kiss me in a boat?
[He takes his jacket and wraps it around her shoulders to protect her from the chill of the night air.]
Would you, if I gave you my coat?
Would you kiss me, here under the stars?
Would you kiss me, below Venus and Mars?
[Nami looks at him and sighs.]
Sanji-kun... listen to me.
Sanji-kun... please listen carefully.
I would not kiss you on a boat,
Though it is nice of you to give me your coat.
And though it is nice here, under the stars...
I will not kiss you, below Venus and Mars.
I will not kiss you with a deer.
And it would take a lot of beer.
I would not kiss you in the shower,
I will not give in to your bishboy power.
I will not kiss you in the hall,
no matter if you're short or tall.
I would not, could not, in your lap.
I would not, could not, even to get back my map.
I would not if you gave me money.
I would not if you called me honey.
And even if you brought me food,
That would not put me in the mood.
I will not kiss you here or there!
I will not kiss you anywhere!
I like you, I do like you, Sanji.
But please don't get the wrong idea about me.
[Silence. Nami bites her lip, feeling a bit of guilt now. Sanji's face falls, and he looks away, dejected.]
You do like me, so you say.
You like me, but just not in "that way."
But give me just one kiss, I say.
Kiss me... kiss me anyway.
Since we're here, together, under the moon...
Grant the one wish of this humble Sanji-kun.
[Nami rolls her eyes an throws her hands up into the air]
All right! Fine! Just one kiss!
If that will end this foolishness!
[She grabs Sanji by the collar and pulls him close, kissing him. He wraps his arms around her, leaning in closer...]
[The kiss goes on... and on... a deep, sweet kiss.]
[Several minutes later, they are forced to part for air. Sanji breathlessly awaits her reaction. Nami puts a hand to her lips, wide-eyed. Her cheeks are pink.]
Oh my. Oh goodness.
Sa-n-ji.
That was some kiss!
Mercy me!
I like to kiss you, Sanji.
I liked it... the way you just kissed me.
And I would kiss you under the stars,
And I would kiss you under Venus and Mars.
I would kiss you on a boat,
I would kiss you for giving me your coat.
And I will kiss you with a deer
You wouldn't need to give me beer.
I would kiss you in the shower,
You make me weak with your bishboy power.
And I would kiss you in the hall,
I like that you are so very tall.
I would kiss you, sitting in your lap,
who cares about the silly map!
You wouldn't have to give me money.
Just come back here and give me some more, honey!
I'll kiss you when you bring me food,
I'll kiss you if you're in the mood,
I will kiss you here and there,
I will kiss you ANYWHERE!
I do so love you, Sanji-kun!
Now come and kiss me! Kiss me!
Under the moon.
[And Sanji very happily obliges.]
Owari!