Shrieking Shack C2
Chapter 2
Sirius sat in the chair in front of the headmaster's desk, his head firmly lodged in his hands and had been for the last fifteen minutes.
God. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
He still couldn't believe nobody had been hurt.
Dumbledore had just finished telling him what had happened that night. After Peter had woken McGonagall by pounding on her chamber door, she went and retrieved the Headmaster and they ran out to the Whomping Willow. Snape had flung himself out of the tunnel as soon as they'd reached it and collapsed at their feet. He was in the hospital wing now, getting cleaned up and treated for shock.
"Sirius," The old wizard no longer had the familiar twinkle in his blue eyes. He looked grave and disappointed. "Your very lucky that young Mr. Potter found out about it before something happened. Both you and he are even more lucky that nobody was bitten. Potter came out of the tunnel a few minutes later, thankfully unscathed except for a few bruises."
"Yes, sir."
Dumbledore shook his head, "Sirius.What am I going to do with you? I know you and young Severus have never gotten along, but what possessed you, my boy?"
"I don't know. He was just nosing around so much and driving us all crazy. As usual. He saw Pomfrey and Lupin go into the tree and wanted to know, so.I told him."
"Why?" Dumbledore pressed
Sirius hung his head. "I just wanted to scare him. Make him leave us alone. I didn't think he'd believe me. Or even if he did, he'd be able to reach the tree without getting hit, or caught, or whatever. Or even if he did, he'd realize he was heading right to the Shrieking Shack and turn and leave before he got there. I didn't think that.I didn't think."
Dumbledore didn't say anything.
"This is all my fault. When Remus transforms back, James is going to tell him. If I'm still alive after that, I promise to get my things packed first thing and get ready to go." Sirius continued in a monotone voice. There was no way he was getting out of this. No way.
Dumbledore shook his head. "You're not going anywhere."
"What?"
"I'm not going to expel you, my boy. When you came here, you were a troubled young lad from a broken Muggle family. You'd already been kicked out of one preliminary school, and done poorly in the another. You've grown up a lot since then. You've worked hard, and I've watched you become in most respects, a very fine young man. I believe you when you say you are sorry."
Sirius thought he might cry. He didn't deserve this.
Dumbledore looked thoughtful and stroked his beard.
"I also cannot expel you because it would risk exposing Remus to further harm and inquiry. No, the best thing we can do right now is pretend it never happened."
"What about Severus?"
"I will speak with him. As for you, I am afraid I'm going to have to dock you 100 house points off, and have you serving detention with Filch every night for the rest of the year. But that will start tomorrow night. Right now, the moon has set and the sun is coming up, and I believe your friend Remus must be getting the story for himself. I suggest you go back to your dorms and set to the task of mending your bridges."
Sirius gulped.
*********
Severus had come around after a few hours after his ordeal in the hospital wing.
Somehow he had gotten through that alive. He was still reeling a bit from the shock. Pomfrey came around and bustled around him, checking him all over for bites, treating his scrapes and bruises, and checking his temperature. She tried to make him take some dreamless sleep potion, but he refused. He had to talk to Dumbledore.
Dumbledore actually appeared just a moment later, interrupting Pomfrey's fussing. He smiled at Severus gently, his kindly blue eyes twinkling as the nurse greeted him as she came over and muttered something Severus guessed was his prognosis.
"How are you feeling, Severus?" he asked.
God, what a time for inane questions. Shaky, spacey, anxious.the usual feelings one gets when they come within inches of their own mortality.
"Better." Was all he said.
"Excellent. Poppy tells me that you've been checked out and that you are all right, after being treated for shock."
"Sir," Severus blurted, "There was a werewolf at the end of that tunnel! Black knew about it, he tried to feed me to it!" His pulse was racing again.
Dumbledore held up a hand, "I know, Severus, I know. Sirius Black and James Potter have both told me the events of this evening, and the situation is being dealt with. I'll be speaking to you about it as well, after you've had some rest."
"But.." Severus started, bewildered
"Get some sleep." Dumbledore said. "We'll discuss this further, later."
The old wizard was gone before Severus had time to shut his mouth. Pomfrey tried to shove the spoonful of potion in while she had the chance, but he jerked his head away angrily and glared at her.
She gave up and left a little cup with the dosage by his bedside.
He settled back as soon as she had left, feeling very confused and insecure. He rolled over onto his side, pulling the blankets up under his chin. He ran the nights events over in his mind. The eyes, the howling, the strings of disease dripping from the monster's mouth.
That was Remus Lupin.
He tried to wrap his mind around that. The skinny, sickly, quiet Gryffindor was a werewolf. He knew it, but somehow there was a cognitive gap that voided the image between the boy and the beast. How one could be the other just seemed too awesome, to surreal, and the whole image was hazy at best.
But there was one image that was clear. The smile that had graced Black's lips as he told him about the tunnel. Knowing full well what was sitting at the other end of it.
Hatred. Boiling, hot, pulsing, hatred, starting in his stomach and spreading to his muscles and feeling like a huge hand squeezing is insides. Sirius Black had tried to kill him. He'd knowingly sent him to die a horrible death, or to suffer becoming a disease-ridden animal himself. That smile on Black's face had been as cold as the feral grin gracing the werewolf's muzzle.
That image was never going to come out. Never.
He reached over and gulped the potion.
*********
When Sirius walked into their dormitory, he was hit with a wave of tension so high the air itself seemed to have thickened. Everyone else had already gone down to breakfast, asking him briefly what was up. He'd just shaken his head and guessed that none of them had told anybody else.
James was leaning against his bedpost moodily. Peter was seated on the bed, chewing on a thumbnail nervously. Remus, back in his human form, was standing by the window, looking down at the grounds below. Sirius could only assume that James and Peter had filled him in on what happened.
James looked up as soon as he entered the room. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His face was a mask, but his eyes were cold and grim behind the glasses. He motioned to Peter with a slight movement of his head that they should go. Peter started to get up but Remus spoke without turning around.
"No, don't go."
"Are you sure?" James asked looking at Sirius. Sirius could already feel a lump forming in his throat. In order to keep his voice from cracking, he shrugged his shoulders to indicate he didn't care whether they stayed or left.
James went back to leaning on the bed post warily, biting his lower lip. Peter curled his knees up.
For a moment, nobody spoke, before Sirius cleared his throat.
"Remus, I'm sorry."
Merlin, that sounded lame.
Lupin didn't turn.
"I don't know what I can really say other than I really screwed up. REALLY, screwed up."
Pure genius.
Lupin still didn't turn, or speak. Lord, this already wasn't turning out well. Sirius licked his lips to try and whet them.
"I can understand why you are mad at me. I didn't think that Severus would actually DO it. Or be able to get past the tree.or the staff, even."
No reply, but he saw Lupin's hand ball into a fist. Sirius looked quickly at James, who looked back at him impassively. Telling him quite clearly without words he was on his own in this one. Peter seemed to be inspecting a spot on the bed.
Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Yelling he could handle, even physical violence, but this silence was intolerable.
"Remus?"
Nothing.
"Come on Moony, say something. I mean, say anything. Call me names, yell at me, HIT me for crying out loud, but don't shut me out. Throw me a bone." He gave a weak cough at the mild joke.
"God DAMN you, Sirus Black." Came the hoarse reply. There was no force behind it. It sounded weak, defeated, and raw with hurt.
And it felt like a ton of bricks.
"All my life I've tried so hard. My parents had no hope of me ever getting an education. When Dumbledore said he'd let me come to Hogwarts anyway and supply a safe place for me to stay every month, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. And now thanks to you, I'm probably not going to get to graduate." He turned, his voice shook with what little emotional strength he had and he looked like he was ready to collapse.
"Remus.." James began gently, but Sirius stuck his hand out to stop him. Remus needed to say it.
His voice was rising.
"I'm going to be expelled. And even if Dumbledore takes pity on me, I can't stay anyway. Severus is going to be screaming this all over the school, and Merlin knows he has every right to!"
Sirius studied his shoes, unable to look into his eyes. Remus continued, "I'm probably going to get a Ministry Inquisition for this."
Sirius flinched. He hadn't thought about that. If the Ministry found out about it, Remus would be up for review. Werewolves in London were put on a registry, and while they were allowed to live their lives with few restrictions, an inquisition into their activities could come at any time. Any incidents with them coming into contact with other humans on full moons definitely did. A werewolf could be executed without trial if they were considered to be nuisances. The Ministry was not known for being lax about such matters either.
Remus licked his lips. "But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it was that I almost bit somebody tonight. I'd rather DIE than live with the knowledge that I had infected somebody. To let somebody else live through what I go through every month. I THOUGHT you understood that." The look on his face wasn't even reflecting rage, just awed incredulousness. "I don't get it, Padfoot.How could you possibly have thought that sending Severus down that tunnel was a good idea?"
"That's just it. I didn't think." Sirius said simply.
Remus started to say something and stopped. He took a breath, started to say something else, but stopped again. He finally raised his hands let them fall loosely by his sides.
"I guess that's it then." Remus said, suddenly looking lost.
There was a dead silence. James looked like he was in pain and Peter had curled his arms around his knees and bowed his head into them.
Sirius could feel his voice cracking. "Remus, please, tell me what I can do to make this up to you." he pleaded.
Lupin shook his head, clearly torn between forgiving him and damning him. "I don't know what can be done." He said softly. "The damage is done. Right now, I'm just grateful I didn't bite anybody."
"Remus, I'll go to Dumbledore. I'll plead your case in front of the Ministry. It's all my fault, I'll-"
Remus held up a hand. Sirius felt his voice die in his throat.
"I don't doubt that your sorry, Sirius. I really don't.I just.God, this is hard."
Sirius waited. Dreading what he was going to say next.
"I don't trust you anymore." He said finally, turning away. "I just.don't."
Remus sat down on the edge of the bed, hung his head in his hands, and burst into tears.
Sirius fled. He didn't wait for anybody to speak, he just left. He wished he had yelled at him. Screamed 'I hate you' at the top of his lungs. Punched him in the face and told him he never wanted to see him again. It would have been kinder. Anything, would have been kinder than listening to the broken weeping following him out of the dorm.
******
Severus sat in the headmasters office, fuming. He'd finally awakened mid- morning, feeling better after a mercifully quiet potion induced sleep.
He wondered how many nights he was going to have to take that potion just so he could rest. The cuts and bruises and fatigue from the night before were gone, but there wasn't any way he could erase the memory of last night unless he Oblivated it from himself. He had actually considered it, briefly, but decided against it.
It was all still surreal. Like a bad dream or a scary story somebody had told late at night in the dorms around Halloween. This was definitely going to be a prize winner of a tale, that was for certain. And he was going to make sure everybody knew about it. Knew about the.the beasts that walked among them. And he wasn't just talking about Lupin.
He'd never liked Sirius Black before, but now he absolutely loathed him. He didn't think he could possibly hate this deeply, but he did. The guy was barking mad. A cold blooded killer.
And Remus Lupin. His flesh shivered involuntarily thinking about him. All those sick days made sense now. God, what an idiot he'd been. Why hadn't he drawn the connection between the moon phases and the times Lupin was out sick? Ugh, just thinking about him made his flesh crawl and that heated pang of hate pulse hard in his chest. He couldn't really hate him for being a werewolf. That wasn't a life anybody chose to live.
He hated him for his complacency. Black probably told him about it and as usual, Remus just went along with it. Lupin was never the first to initiate teasing, like Potter and Black were, but he certainly took his share of the laughs at his expense.
That, in Severus' book made him every bit as guilty as Black and every bit the mongrel he was destined to be.
And what about Potter? Severus had eventually learned that he'd made it out safe. At the time, he hadn't stopped to think about how Potter got down there or how he was going to get out. There was only one way Severus could see it being possible for Potter to have been able to get through this unscathed, and that was if he knew about it all along. Another way for Potter to vaunt his image.
He shook all over with the repressed anger. He wouldn't put it past him. Black was the worst, reveling in his rebel image, but Potter was a close second. In some cases, worse. Perfect James Potter, pretending he was such a model Gryffindor student and Quidditch hero when he was really just a common bully under the shelter of a reputation.
Well, their days were up for certain now. He was going to take immense pleasure watching the whole lot of them getting kicked out of Hogwarts.
"Severus." Dumbledore's voice came from the side door.
He stood up. "Sir." he said.
Dumbledore gestured for him to sit again and he did so as the Headmaster took his seat at his desk. He opened the candy jar from the end of his desk and pulled out a couple of lemon drops. Predictably, he offered Severus one, but put the jar back when he refused. He took a moment to pop them into his mouth before settling to business.
"Once again Severus, I wish deeply to apologize for the ordeal you've been through, and express how glad I am to see you are all right." The man looked at him sympathetically.
Instead of being touched, Severus felt annoyed. Don't look at me like that. He thought fiercely. I don't need your pity, I need justice.
"Thank you, sir." He said. His voice sounded overly harsh, even to him, but at this point, it was impossible for him to control.
"Before we get to the matter of why I brought you up here, is there anything more I can do for you?" Dumbledore asked.
Let me stuff Black's head down Remus Lupin's gullet the next full moon? Let me show Potter exactly where he can stick his Gryffindor courage?
"No sir." Severus said. "I would just like to know what is going to happen now.I take it, you're going to expel those responsible?" Severus asked, subduing a little flutter of glee manifesting in his chest. He'd waited so long for this. He was finally going to see the end of the Marauders. All the pranks, the teasing, the rivalry, it was all going to end now with him finally the victor. Getting them kicked out through one of his own machinations would have been sweet, but watching them drop the ax on themselves was better.
You're not getting away now. I'd love to see you lot worm your way out of this one. He thought gleefully.
Dumbledore shook his head, speaking softly. "No, Severus. They will be punished, but they will not be expelled."
"What?" Severus said, not certain he had heard correctly.
"Sirius Black has explained to me that he is responsible for telling you about the Whomping Willow and the tunnel underneath. He also told me he truly didn't intend to see you hurt. I believe him when he expressed his sorrow for what happened and apologized for his serious lack of foresight."
Severus choked, "Lack of foresight? That's the understatement of the century."
Dumbledore looked at him sadly, "You might be right about that."
"What about Potter?"
"He told me that Sirius had come in late and through conversation, learned what he had done. He sent young Mr. Pettigrew to come and get Professor McGonagall and myself, while he went down the tunnel himself. Being Remus's friends, they knew of his condition and where he went every month. He was able to get to you in time thankfully, and said he escaped because Remus recognized him."
And you believe that? Severus thought. He pondered over Potter's escape again. Remus seemed pretty mindless at the time, he seriously doubted the werewolf would have recognized Potter as a friend, and those bloodthirsty howls he'd heard had been no joke. He also doubted that if Potter knew about Remus's condition, he would voluntarily be part of a prank involving a fully grown, unrestrained, raging werewolf. Potter wasn't THAT stupid, and he was the only one of the Fab Four that had the balls to stand up to Black and his insane schemes.
Which meant, if all of this was the truth, Severus owed his life to James Potter. That was somehow even worse than if he had been in on the "joke," because now it created a bond debt that Severus would someday have to repay. This made his insides sink and recoil violently.
"So what are you going to do with them?" he asked, trying to keep his voice still.
"Sirius will be serving detention every night for the rest of the year, and Potter for two weeks for going off school grounds. They have also been docked a good deal of house points each."
At that point, Severus couldn't control it any longer. That heated pulse exploded into a raging inferno.
"DETENTIONS?! HOUSE POINTS?! THAT'S IT?!" he howled, "They tried to KILL ME. They're attempted murderers! Sirius Black is a cold blooded killer! He thought nothing of sending me down that hole straight into Lupin's jaws! Remus Lupin is a WEREWOLF! A WEREWOLF! This is grounds for Ministry inquiry!" He gasped for breath.
"Severus." Dumbledore said gently, trying to soothe him. It only infuriated him more. The room was taking on a definite shade of red. Fawkes the phoenix even shrank back from him and flew to the top of a bookshelf in alarm.
"It should be reported! It's the LAW!" he shrieked.
"I'm well aware of the law, Severus." Dumbledore said calmly. "But please try to understand. Mr. Lupin's life is at stake here. The Ministry would be far too harsh on him for something he had no control over. He can't help being what he is."
"I don't care!" Severus snapped, "He's still IS what he IS. A diseased, flea bitten, slavering, mindless, killing machine!"
"Remus has more than enough problems to deal with, Severus. Being interrogated by the Ministry is the last thing he and his family need, especially for the actions of another. He says he didn't know about the prank, and there is no evidence that he did. I'm inclined to believe him."
"But you don't believe me."
"I didn't say that, Severus. I do believe you, but I'm going off several different stories. This is stemming from a long standing rivalry between you five, and the more I hear, the more it looks like a joke that went terribly awry."
Severus fought to keep control enough to remain coherent. This was not happening. Dumbledore was NOT going to brush this off as part of the prank war Severus and the Marauders had been involved with since their first year. Apologies would not, should not be enough when somebody's life was put at risk. The Marauders had pulled literally hundreds of dangerous stunts, apologized for them, and then just went out and did more. Why the hell would this "I'm sorry" make them change now?
"If you don't do something, I swear I'll go straight to the Ministry myself." Severus said in his most deadly voice, at the moment not caring one bit about who he was talking to.
Dumbledore regarded him for a long moment. "Then there will be no evidence waiting for you, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly. "You may go to the Ministry if you wish, but understand that I will fight for Remus's life."
"Fight for HIS life? What about MY life?" He cried, "What about the lives of everybody else in this school?"
"There have been no incidents in the five years since Remus has been here Severus, and he's certainly not the first werewolf to have ever been enrolled in Hogwarts. There has been a long history of half-breed supernatural wizards that have come through this school. We are an institution dedicated to the betterment of society, and it does not make society better to shun those who are different or who have special needs."
"You don't care!" Severus wailed, "You don't care I was almost killed, you don't care that the students are in danger!" He hated how reedy and hysterical his voice was sounding right now. He felt like a bird battering itself against a wall. This was intolerable, this was the final insult to what already had been a stressful, terrifying, and humiliating night. The frustration was grating his nerves raw.
"That's not true." Dumbledore said, retaining his calm, immovable exterior. "Severus, if I believed that true malice was involved in this case, then I would take appropriate action."
"How do you get much more malicious than trying to feed somebody to a werewolf?" he asked bitterly.
"Sirius Black admittedly doesn't possess the gift of foresight. Remus wasn't himself. Both of them have had to live very hard lives so far, and they need every chance they can get. They have tried their best to live up to those chances offered. That alone speaks volumes. I believe them when they say they didn't intend to see you hurt."
Hard lives? Everybody has a hard life. I've had a hard life too, but you don't see me begging for handouts. Severus thought fiercely. His teeth were ground shut. This conversation was going nowhere, and he knew now it never would.
Dumbledore adjusted his robes and sat down, somewhat tiredly. "I really am, truly very sorry for this, Severus. You didn't deserve to go through what happened to you last night. I understand how this must be hard for you, and it might seem like an injustice. But things are rarely as black and white as they seem. Does this make sense?"
Severus didn't say anything. His explosive anger had abated for now, and simmering back into seething. His eyes glittered and he nodded curtly in response to Dumbledore's speech. Oh yes, the old wizard was right. Things rarely were black.or white.as they seemed. What you don't know that goes on right under your beard, Headmaster. What you don't know about your precious little Gryffindor pets..
"Good. Then understand Severus, that what happened last night will not be mentioned or further discussed outside of this room. Sirius Black and the others are forbidden to anything further to you, with the understanding that I shall come down hard on them if they do. That is a promise. In turn, you will not breathe a word of Remus's condition to anyone, and you will exact no recourse against Sirus Black or the others. If you do, I shall have to take actions against you." There was no room in his voice for negotiation.
Severus glared at him, his anger no longer felt hot, but ice cold, like meltwater running through his veins. "I see." Was all he said. He saw all right. He saw for certain now that connections were everything. Dumbledore's little golden boys were getting off scot-free, again. A werewolf was going to roam the halls freely. A malicious attempted murderer was going to get a slap on the wrist and walk with him. He knew full well if this had been reversed, he would have been out of the school before the sun came up. He could still go to the Ministry, but without any proof, there was no point. He was powerless to do anything to stop it.
"I want you're word on this, Severus."
"You have my word." He bit out coldly.
"Then I think that is all for today, Severus. You are excused from the rest of your classes for the day, if you wish."
"Thank you. Good day, headmaster." He replied stiffly, turning on his heel and walking out.
There was no justice in the world.
******
Remus was alone in the dormitory.
After Sirius had run out of the room, James and Peter had tried to comfort him, but all he really wanted was to be alone. They finally complied with his wishes.
He was dead tired, his bones aching painfully as they always did after these changes. He was curled up on his bed rubbing a sore bruise that had developed on his arm. He only wished he could reach inside and do the same to soothe the ache there as well.
He just couldn't believe it.
After the moon had finally set he had found himself in the tunnel hallway. James was there in his stag form, looking rather bruised and bashed up. Remus couldn't remember exactly what had happened. Then James explained to him the whole deal of what happened. James had barely managed to change into his animal form and block Remus from biting him or running down the tunnel after Severus. It was a lucky thing he was so big that that would have been possible.
Luck. He owed a lot to luck. Too much tonight, had ridden on sheer luck.
He nuzzled his face into his pillow. Of all the things Sirius could have possibly done to him, this was the worst.
Remus never had many friends, for obvious reasons. Most of all, never had friends that stuck around after finding out what he was. Making them in the first place was hard enough. Even when he was totally human, he still made people uneasy and just exuded an aura of being different. Then he had met the Marauders. People who were just as quirky and strange and different as he was, in their own ways. He'd never been so happy in his whole life, coming here and making friends that not only knew about him, but respected and understood his condition. Now Sirius had betrayed all that.
But he hadn't done it to hurt him. He hadn't even done it to hurt Severus. Remus half wished he had, just so he could have a reason to hate him without question. Now he just didn't know what to do with him. Half of him was arguing that real friends don't betray friends in such a fashion, and the other half of him was reminding him of all the things Sirius had done for him. Like risking his own life with the others to become an animagus just so they could keep him company the one night a month he needed them the most. That was a real act of friendship. Sirius Black might have all the common sense of a lemming, but he was a loyal friend and he really did try.
The only thing the two sides of him agreed on, was that the trust that Remus had in his friend was gone now.
Without trust, how could there be a friendship?
Now what was he going to do?
Chapter 2
Sirius sat in the chair in front of the headmaster's desk, his head firmly lodged in his hands and had been for the last fifteen minutes.
God. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
He still couldn't believe nobody had been hurt.
Dumbledore had just finished telling him what had happened that night. After Peter had woken McGonagall by pounding on her chamber door, she went and retrieved the Headmaster and they ran out to the Whomping Willow. Snape had flung himself out of the tunnel as soon as they'd reached it and collapsed at their feet. He was in the hospital wing now, getting cleaned up and treated for shock.
"Sirius," The old wizard no longer had the familiar twinkle in his blue eyes. He looked grave and disappointed. "Your very lucky that young Mr. Potter found out about it before something happened. Both you and he are even more lucky that nobody was bitten. Potter came out of the tunnel a few minutes later, thankfully unscathed except for a few bruises."
"Yes, sir."
Dumbledore shook his head, "Sirius.What am I going to do with you? I know you and young Severus have never gotten along, but what possessed you, my boy?"
"I don't know. He was just nosing around so much and driving us all crazy. As usual. He saw Pomfrey and Lupin go into the tree and wanted to know, so.I told him."
"Why?" Dumbledore pressed
Sirius hung his head. "I just wanted to scare him. Make him leave us alone. I didn't think he'd believe me. Or even if he did, he'd be able to reach the tree without getting hit, or caught, or whatever. Or even if he did, he'd realize he was heading right to the Shrieking Shack and turn and leave before he got there. I didn't think that.I didn't think."
Dumbledore didn't say anything.
"This is all my fault. When Remus transforms back, James is going to tell him. If I'm still alive after that, I promise to get my things packed first thing and get ready to go." Sirius continued in a monotone voice. There was no way he was getting out of this. No way.
Dumbledore shook his head. "You're not going anywhere."
"What?"
"I'm not going to expel you, my boy. When you came here, you were a troubled young lad from a broken Muggle family. You'd already been kicked out of one preliminary school, and done poorly in the another. You've grown up a lot since then. You've worked hard, and I've watched you become in most respects, a very fine young man. I believe you when you say you are sorry."
Sirius thought he might cry. He didn't deserve this.
Dumbledore looked thoughtful and stroked his beard.
"I also cannot expel you because it would risk exposing Remus to further harm and inquiry. No, the best thing we can do right now is pretend it never happened."
"What about Severus?"
"I will speak with him. As for you, I am afraid I'm going to have to dock you 100 house points off, and have you serving detention with Filch every night for the rest of the year. But that will start tomorrow night. Right now, the moon has set and the sun is coming up, and I believe your friend Remus must be getting the story for himself. I suggest you go back to your dorms and set to the task of mending your bridges."
Sirius gulped.
*********
Severus had come around after a few hours after his ordeal in the hospital wing.
Somehow he had gotten through that alive. He was still reeling a bit from the shock. Pomfrey came around and bustled around him, checking him all over for bites, treating his scrapes and bruises, and checking his temperature. She tried to make him take some dreamless sleep potion, but he refused. He had to talk to Dumbledore.
Dumbledore actually appeared just a moment later, interrupting Pomfrey's fussing. He smiled at Severus gently, his kindly blue eyes twinkling as the nurse greeted him as she came over and muttered something Severus guessed was his prognosis.
"How are you feeling, Severus?" he asked.
God, what a time for inane questions. Shaky, spacey, anxious.the usual feelings one gets when they come within inches of their own mortality.
"Better." Was all he said.
"Excellent. Poppy tells me that you've been checked out and that you are all right, after being treated for shock."
"Sir," Severus blurted, "There was a werewolf at the end of that tunnel! Black knew about it, he tried to feed me to it!" His pulse was racing again.
Dumbledore held up a hand, "I know, Severus, I know. Sirius Black and James Potter have both told me the events of this evening, and the situation is being dealt with. I'll be speaking to you about it as well, after you've had some rest."
"But.." Severus started, bewildered
"Get some sleep." Dumbledore said. "We'll discuss this further, later."
The old wizard was gone before Severus had time to shut his mouth. Pomfrey tried to shove the spoonful of potion in while she had the chance, but he jerked his head away angrily and glared at her.
She gave up and left a little cup with the dosage by his bedside.
He settled back as soon as she had left, feeling very confused and insecure. He rolled over onto his side, pulling the blankets up under his chin. He ran the nights events over in his mind. The eyes, the howling, the strings of disease dripping from the monster's mouth.
That was Remus Lupin.
He tried to wrap his mind around that. The skinny, sickly, quiet Gryffindor was a werewolf. He knew it, but somehow there was a cognitive gap that voided the image between the boy and the beast. How one could be the other just seemed too awesome, to surreal, and the whole image was hazy at best.
But there was one image that was clear. The smile that had graced Black's lips as he told him about the tunnel. Knowing full well what was sitting at the other end of it.
Hatred. Boiling, hot, pulsing, hatred, starting in his stomach and spreading to his muscles and feeling like a huge hand squeezing is insides. Sirius Black had tried to kill him. He'd knowingly sent him to die a horrible death, or to suffer becoming a disease-ridden animal himself. That smile on Black's face had been as cold as the feral grin gracing the werewolf's muzzle.
That image was never going to come out. Never.
He reached over and gulped the potion.
*********
When Sirius walked into their dormitory, he was hit with a wave of tension so high the air itself seemed to have thickened. Everyone else had already gone down to breakfast, asking him briefly what was up. He'd just shaken his head and guessed that none of them had told anybody else.
James was leaning against his bedpost moodily. Peter was seated on the bed, chewing on a thumbnail nervously. Remus, back in his human form, was standing by the window, looking down at the grounds below. Sirius could only assume that James and Peter had filled him in on what happened.
James looked up as soon as he entered the room. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His face was a mask, but his eyes were cold and grim behind the glasses. He motioned to Peter with a slight movement of his head that they should go. Peter started to get up but Remus spoke without turning around.
"No, don't go."
"Are you sure?" James asked looking at Sirius. Sirius could already feel a lump forming in his throat. In order to keep his voice from cracking, he shrugged his shoulders to indicate he didn't care whether they stayed or left.
James went back to leaning on the bed post warily, biting his lower lip. Peter curled his knees up.
For a moment, nobody spoke, before Sirius cleared his throat.
"Remus, I'm sorry."
Merlin, that sounded lame.
Lupin didn't turn.
"I don't know what I can really say other than I really screwed up. REALLY, screwed up."
Pure genius.
Lupin still didn't turn, or speak. Lord, this already wasn't turning out well. Sirius licked his lips to try and whet them.
"I can understand why you are mad at me. I didn't think that Severus would actually DO it. Or be able to get past the tree.or the staff, even."
No reply, but he saw Lupin's hand ball into a fist. Sirius looked quickly at James, who looked back at him impassively. Telling him quite clearly without words he was on his own in this one. Peter seemed to be inspecting a spot on the bed.
Sirius shifted uncomfortably. Yelling he could handle, even physical violence, but this silence was intolerable.
"Remus?"
Nothing.
"Come on Moony, say something. I mean, say anything. Call me names, yell at me, HIT me for crying out loud, but don't shut me out. Throw me a bone." He gave a weak cough at the mild joke.
"God DAMN you, Sirus Black." Came the hoarse reply. There was no force behind it. It sounded weak, defeated, and raw with hurt.
And it felt like a ton of bricks.
"All my life I've tried so hard. My parents had no hope of me ever getting an education. When Dumbledore said he'd let me come to Hogwarts anyway and supply a safe place for me to stay every month, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. And now thanks to you, I'm probably not going to get to graduate." He turned, his voice shook with what little emotional strength he had and he looked like he was ready to collapse.
"Remus.." James began gently, but Sirius stuck his hand out to stop him. Remus needed to say it.
His voice was rising.
"I'm going to be expelled. And even if Dumbledore takes pity on me, I can't stay anyway. Severus is going to be screaming this all over the school, and Merlin knows he has every right to!"
Sirius studied his shoes, unable to look into his eyes. Remus continued, "I'm probably going to get a Ministry Inquisition for this."
Sirius flinched. He hadn't thought about that. If the Ministry found out about it, Remus would be up for review. Werewolves in London were put on a registry, and while they were allowed to live their lives with few restrictions, an inquisition into their activities could come at any time. Any incidents with them coming into contact with other humans on full moons definitely did. A werewolf could be executed without trial if they were considered to be nuisances. The Ministry was not known for being lax about such matters either.
Remus licked his lips. "But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it was that I almost bit somebody tonight. I'd rather DIE than live with the knowledge that I had infected somebody. To let somebody else live through what I go through every month. I THOUGHT you understood that." The look on his face wasn't even reflecting rage, just awed incredulousness. "I don't get it, Padfoot.How could you possibly have thought that sending Severus down that tunnel was a good idea?"
"That's just it. I didn't think." Sirius said simply.
Remus started to say something and stopped. He took a breath, started to say something else, but stopped again. He finally raised his hands let them fall loosely by his sides.
"I guess that's it then." Remus said, suddenly looking lost.
There was a dead silence. James looked like he was in pain and Peter had curled his arms around his knees and bowed his head into them.
Sirius could feel his voice cracking. "Remus, please, tell me what I can do to make this up to you." he pleaded.
Lupin shook his head, clearly torn between forgiving him and damning him. "I don't know what can be done." He said softly. "The damage is done. Right now, I'm just grateful I didn't bite anybody."
"Remus, I'll go to Dumbledore. I'll plead your case in front of the Ministry. It's all my fault, I'll-"
Remus held up a hand. Sirius felt his voice die in his throat.
"I don't doubt that your sorry, Sirius. I really don't.I just.God, this is hard."
Sirius waited. Dreading what he was going to say next.
"I don't trust you anymore." He said finally, turning away. "I just.don't."
Remus sat down on the edge of the bed, hung his head in his hands, and burst into tears.
Sirius fled. He didn't wait for anybody to speak, he just left. He wished he had yelled at him. Screamed 'I hate you' at the top of his lungs. Punched him in the face and told him he never wanted to see him again. It would have been kinder. Anything, would have been kinder than listening to the broken weeping following him out of the dorm.
******
Severus sat in the headmasters office, fuming. He'd finally awakened mid- morning, feeling better after a mercifully quiet potion induced sleep.
He wondered how many nights he was going to have to take that potion just so he could rest. The cuts and bruises and fatigue from the night before were gone, but there wasn't any way he could erase the memory of last night unless he Oblivated it from himself. He had actually considered it, briefly, but decided against it.
It was all still surreal. Like a bad dream or a scary story somebody had told late at night in the dorms around Halloween. This was definitely going to be a prize winner of a tale, that was for certain. And he was going to make sure everybody knew about it. Knew about the.the beasts that walked among them. And he wasn't just talking about Lupin.
He'd never liked Sirius Black before, but now he absolutely loathed him. He didn't think he could possibly hate this deeply, but he did. The guy was barking mad. A cold blooded killer.
And Remus Lupin. His flesh shivered involuntarily thinking about him. All those sick days made sense now. God, what an idiot he'd been. Why hadn't he drawn the connection between the moon phases and the times Lupin was out sick? Ugh, just thinking about him made his flesh crawl and that heated pang of hate pulse hard in his chest. He couldn't really hate him for being a werewolf. That wasn't a life anybody chose to live.
He hated him for his complacency. Black probably told him about it and as usual, Remus just went along with it. Lupin was never the first to initiate teasing, like Potter and Black were, but he certainly took his share of the laughs at his expense.
That, in Severus' book made him every bit as guilty as Black and every bit the mongrel he was destined to be.
And what about Potter? Severus had eventually learned that he'd made it out safe. At the time, he hadn't stopped to think about how Potter got down there or how he was going to get out. There was only one way Severus could see it being possible for Potter to have been able to get through this unscathed, and that was if he knew about it all along. Another way for Potter to vaunt his image.
He shook all over with the repressed anger. He wouldn't put it past him. Black was the worst, reveling in his rebel image, but Potter was a close second. In some cases, worse. Perfect James Potter, pretending he was such a model Gryffindor student and Quidditch hero when he was really just a common bully under the shelter of a reputation.
Well, their days were up for certain now. He was going to take immense pleasure watching the whole lot of them getting kicked out of Hogwarts.
"Severus." Dumbledore's voice came from the side door.
He stood up. "Sir." he said.
Dumbledore gestured for him to sit again and he did so as the Headmaster took his seat at his desk. He opened the candy jar from the end of his desk and pulled out a couple of lemon drops. Predictably, he offered Severus one, but put the jar back when he refused. He took a moment to pop them into his mouth before settling to business.
"Once again Severus, I wish deeply to apologize for the ordeal you've been through, and express how glad I am to see you are all right." The man looked at him sympathetically.
Instead of being touched, Severus felt annoyed. Don't look at me like that. He thought fiercely. I don't need your pity, I need justice.
"Thank you, sir." He said. His voice sounded overly harsh, even to him, but at this point, it was impossible for him to control.
"Before we get to the matter of why I brought you up here, is there anything more I can do for you?" Dumbledore asked.
Let me stuff Black's head down Remus Lupin's gullet the next full moon? Let me show Potter exactly where he can stick his Gryffindor courage?
"No sir." Severus said. "I would just like to know what is going to happen now.I take it, you're going to expel those responsible?" Severus asked, subduing a little flutter of glee manifesting in his chest. He'd waited so long for this. He was finally going to see the end of the Marauders. All the pranks, the teasing, the rivalry, it was all going to end now with him finally the victor. Getting them kicked out through one of his own machinations would have been sweet, but watching them drop the ax on themselves was better.
You're not getting away now. I'd love to see you lot worm your way out of this one. He thought gleefully.
Dumbledore shook his head, speaking softly. "No, Severus. They will be punished, but they will not be expelled."
"What?" Severus said, not certain he had heard correctly.
"Sirius Black has explained to me that he is responsible for telling you about the Whomping Willow and the tunnel underneath. He also told me he truly didn't intend to see you hurt. I believe him when he expressed his sorrow for what happened and apologized for his serious lack of foresight."
Severus choked, "Lack of foresight? That's the understatement of the century."
Dumbledore looked at him sadly, "You might be right about that."
"What about Potter?"
"He told me that Sirius had come in late and through conversation, learned what he had done. He sent young Mr. Pettigrew to come and get Professor McGonagall and myself, while he went down the tunnel himself. Being Remus's friends, they knew of his condition and where he went every month. He was able to get to you in time thankfully, and said he escaped because Remus recognized him."
And you believe that? Severus thought. He pondered over Potter's escape again. Remus seemed pretty mindless at the time, he seriously doubted the werewolf would have recognized Potter as a friend, and those bloodthirsty howls he'd heard had been no joke. He also doubted that if Potter knew about Remus's condition, he would voluntarily be part of a prank involving a fully grown, unrestrained, raging werewolf. Potter wasn't THAT stupid, and he was the only one of the Fab Four that had the balls to stand up to Black and his insane schemes.
Which meant, if all of this was the truth, Severus owed his life to James Potter. That was somehow even worse than if he had been in on the "joke," because now it created a bond debt that Severus would someday have to repay. This made his insides sink and recoil violently.
"So what are you going to do with them?" he asked, trying to keep his voice still.
"Sirius will be serving detention every night for the rest of the year, and Potter for two weeks for going off school grounds. They have also been docked a good deal of house points each."
At that point, Severus couldn't control it any longer. That heated pulse exploded into a raging inferno.
"DETENTIONS?! HOUSE POINTS?! THAT'S IT?!" he howled, "They tried to KILL ME. They're attempted murderers! Sirius Black is a cold blooded killer! He thought nothing of sending me down that hole straight into Lupin's jaws! Remus Lupin is a WEREWOLF! A WEREWOLF! This is grounds for Ministry inquiry!" He gasped for breath.
"Severus." Dumbledore said gently, trying to soothe him. It only infuriated him more. The room was taking on a definite shade of red. Fawkes the phoenix even shrank back from him and flew to the top of a bookshelf in alarm.
"It should be reported! It's the LAW!" he shrieked.
"I'm well aware of the law, Severus." Dumbledore said calmly. "But please try to understand. Mr. Lupin's life is at stake here. The Ministry would be far too harsh on him for something he had no control over. He can't help being what he is."
"I don't care!" Severus snapped, "He's still IS what he IS. A diseased, flea bitten, slavering, mindless, killing machine!"
"Remus has more than enough problems to deal with, Severus. Being interrogated by the Ministry is the last thing he and his family need, especially for the actions of another. He says he didn't know about the prank, and there is no evidence that he did. I'm inclined to believe him."
"But you don't believe me."
"I didn't say that, Severus. I do believe you, but I'm going off several different stories. This is stemming from a long standing rivalry between you five, and the more I hear, the more it looks like a joke that went terribly awry."
Severus fought to keep control enough to remain coherent. This was not happening. Dumbledore was NOT going to brush this off as part of the prank war Severus and the Marauders had been involved with since their first year. Apologies would not, should not be enough when somebody's life was put at risk. The Marauders had pulled literally hundreds of dangerous stunts, apologized for them, and then just went out and did more. Why the hell would this "I'm sorry" make them change now?
"If you don't do something, I swear I'll go straight to the Ministry myself." Severus said in his most deadly voice, at the moment not caring one bit about who he was talking to.
Dumbledore regarded him for a long moment. "Then there will be no evidence waiting for you, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly. "You may go to the Ministry if you wish, but understand that I will fight for Remus's life."
"Fight for HIS life? What about MY life?" He cried, "What about the lives of everybody else in this school?"
"There have been no incidents in the five years since Remus has been here Severus, and he's certainly not the first werewolf to have ever been enrolled in Hogwarts. There has been a long history of half-breed supernatural wizards that have come through this school. We are an institution dedicated to the betterment of society, and it does not make society better to shun those who are different or who have special needs."
"You don't care!" Severus wailed, "You don't care I was almost killed, you don't care that the students are in danger!" He hated how reedy and hysterical his voice was sounding right now. He felt like a bird battering itself against a wall. This was intolerable, this was the final insult to what already had been a stressful, terrifying, and humiliating night. The frustration was grating his nerves raw.
"That's not true." Dumbledore said, retaining his calm, immovable exterior. "Severus, if I believed that true malice was involved in this case, then I would take appropriate action."
"How do you get much more malicious than trying to feed somebody to a werewolf?" he asked bitterly.
"Sirius Black admittedly doesn't possess the gift of foresight. Remus wasn't himself. Both of them have had to live very hard lives so far, and they need every chance they can get. They have tried their best to live up to those chances offered. That alone speaks volumes. I believe them when they say they didn't intend to see you hurt."
Hard lives? Everybody has a hard life. I've had a hard life too, but you don't see me begging for handouts. Severus thought fiercely. His teeth were ground shut. This conversation was going nowhere, and he knew now it never would.
Dumbledore adjusted his robes and sat down, somewhat tiredly. "I really am, truly very sorry for this, Severus. You didn't deserve to go through what happened to you last night. I understand how this must be hard for you, and it might seem like an injustice. But things are rarely as black and white as they seem. Does this make sense?"
Severus didn't say anything. His explosive anger had abated for now, and simmering back into seething. His eyes glittered and he nodded curtly in response to Dumbledore's speech. Oh yes, the old wizard was right. Things rarely were black.or white.as they seemed. What you don't know that goes on right under your beard, Headmaster. What you don't know about your precious little Gryffindor pets..
"Good. Then understand Severus, that what happened last night will not be mentioned or further discussed outside of this room. Sirius Black and the others are forbidden to anything further to you, with the understanding that I shall come down hard on them if they do. That is a promise. In turn, you will not breathe a word of Remus's condition to anyone, and you will exact no recourse against Sirus Black or the others. If you do, I shall have to take actions against you." There was no room in his voice for negotiation.
Severus glared at him, his anger no longer felt hot, but ice cold, like meltwater running through his veins. "I see." Was all he said. He saw all right. He saw for certain now that connections were everything. Dumbledore's little golden boys were getting off scot-free, again. A werewolf was going to roam the halls freely. A malicious attempted murderer was going to get a slap on the wrist and walk with him. He knew full well if this had been reversed, he would have been out of the school before the sun came up. He could still go to the Ministry, but without any proof, there was no point. He was powerless to do anything to stop it.
"I want you're word on this, Severus."
"You have my word." He bit out coldly.
"Then I think that is all for today, Severus. You are excused from the rest of your classes for the day, if you wish."
"Thank you. Good day, headmaster." He replied stiffly, turning on his heel and walking out.
There was no justice in the world.
******
Remus was alone in the dormitory.
After Sirius had run out of the room, James and Peter had tried to comfort him, but all he really wanted was to be alone. They finally complied with his wishes.
He was dead tired, his bones aching painfully as they always did after these changes. He was curled up on his bed rubbing a sore bruise that had developed on his arm. He only wished he could reach inside and do the same to soothe the ache there as well.
He just couldn't believe it.
After the moon had finally set he had found himself in the tunnel hallway. James was there in his stag form, looking rather bruised and bashed up. Remus couldn't remember exactly what had happened. Then James explained to him the whole deal of what happened. James had barely managed to change into his animal form and block Remus from biting him or running down the tunnel after Severus. It was a lucky thing he was so big that that would have been possible.
Luck. He owed a lot to luck. Too much tonight, had ridden on sheer luck.
He nuzzled his face into his pillow. Of all the things Sirius could have possibly done to him, this was the worst.
Remus never had many friends, for obvious reasons. Most of all, never had friends that stuck around after finding out what he was. Making them in the first place was hard enough. Even when he was totally human, he still made people uneasy and just exuded an aura of being different. Then he had met the Marauders. People who were just as quirky and strange and different as he was, in their own ways. He'd never been so happy in his whole life, coming here and making friends that not only knew about him, but respected and understood his condition. Now Sirius had betrayed all that.
But he hadn't done it to hurt him. He hadn't even done it to hurt Severus. Remus half wished he had, just so he could have a reason to hate him without question. Now he just didn't know what to do with him. Half of him was arguing that real friends don't betray friends in such a fashion, and the other half of him was reminding him of all the things Sirius had done for him. Like risking his own life with the others to become an animagus just so they could keep him company the one night a month he needed them the most. That was a real act of friendship. Sirius Black might have all the common sense of a lemming, but he was a loyal friend and he really did try.
The only thing the two sides of him agreed on, was that the trust that Remus had in his friend was gone now.
Without trust, how could there be a friendship?
Now what was he going to do?