Title: Regret, Guilt, and Wanting More
Author: Ice
Spoilers: All three seasons
Rating-PG-13 to be on the safe side.
"Rory Gilmore will you marry me?" Tears came to Rory's eyes, tears of embarrassment, feeling obligated, of guilt for wanting Dean to be Jess. She looked at Jess one more time, begging him to come rescue her, to take her away from Dean. He looked, waiting for her to make a decision. He knew that if he didn't step in she was going to say yes. She wasn't strong enough to say no when it came to Dean and what she thought was expected of her. He walked away. She looked back to Dean, who was now holding out a ring. A diamond. She hated diamonds. They were to traditional for her. Jess would've known that.
She looked into Dean's eyes. There was love in them. She felt so guilty for not wanting him for wanting someone else. Maybe this would make it go away. She nodded.
"Yes Dean, I'll marry you."
~~Present~~
Chris, Sherri and the baby had left for the Independence Inn and left Rory and Lorelai to get ready for the Rehersal dinner that was to be held at the house, food catered by Sookie of course. Rory went into her room to put on the sparkly blue halter her mom had gotten her and a pair of dressy black pants. Then she went into the bathroom to curl her hair and to splash some cold water on her face. She heard the front door open, and the sounds of Sookie and Jackson bounding into the house with lots of trays of food. Rory then heard her mother come barreling down the stairs greeting the friends. Rory took a look at herself in the mirror.
"You are Rory Gilmore, always will be. No matter what." 'No,' a voice in her head told her, 'tomorrow you will become Lorelai Leigh Forrester.' Rory started crying again. Sobbing really.
~~Grad Party~~
Shrieks were heard from all over the room. Lorelai and Chris both looked at each other then at the newly engaged couple. Dean hugged Rory, and she looked over her shoulder only looking for him. There were smiles on everyone's faces, excluding her parents and grandparents. They were more shocked than anything else.
A few hours after everyone left- Rory and Lorelai had just finished cleaning up and crashed on the couch.
"Are you sure you want to do this Rory? I mean your so young." Lorelai asked her 18 year old daughter. Rory felt tears coming back.
"Yeah. I mean he gets so jealous, this will show him I love him and only him." Lorelai looked at her daughter quizzically.
"True, but what about Jess?" Lorelai saw her daughter's face contort for a second, like hearing Jess's name was to painful to bear.
"What about Jess? He's with Shane. We're friends that's all. I'm going to bed." Rory got up and went into her room. Lorelai watched as her daughter left, thinking maybe it wasn't a good idea. But if it's what Rory wanted….
Over the next three months Lorelai, Rory, Emily, Lane, Sookie, Dean's sister Clara, and Dean's mom planned the wedding. Jess and Rory avoided each other, only bumping into each other 3 times, at the diner. But the plans were all set. August 30, 2003 was the date. Then Rory and Dean would leave for Chicago the next day, where they would be going to school. Both would be going to the University of Chicago. His choice.
~~Present~~
Dean came over about an hour before the party was to start. He kissed his bride to be and said hello to Lorelai and Sookie.
"Rory, could you come in here for a sec?" Dean called from the living room, where he was watching TV. Rory had been in the kitchen helping her mom and Sookie with preparations. She walked in and he grabbed her in a big bear hug, "This is your last night as Rory Gilmore."
"Yeah I know." She said, a fake smile planted on her face. Miss Patty walked in then and the party had begun.
It was a few hours into the celebration and Rory had walked out of the house to get some fresh air. Dean was inside talking to his friends, and everyone else was, as it always is at her mom's gatherings, telling stories of when Rory was little. She leaned on the porch rail, staring into space.
"Too much party for you?" It was him. Standing at the bottom of the stairs to the porch.
"Jess." He came up to where he was standing.
"So how are you?" he asked, nodding his head.
"Good. Getting married tomorrow."
"So I've heard." He sat down on the porch swing and she followed, "excited?"
"I guess." They sit there for a few minutes.
"Rory what is up with you? You act like you like me, then you go and say you'll marry Beanpole in there." Rory looked at him, this outburst wasn't really like him.
"You know what Jess? I don't need this. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm happy." He looked at her, seeing the lie in her eyes.
"No your not. If you were you wouldn't be out here by yourself right now."
"I am happy! Dean and I are getting married and we'll be together forever." She all the tears that she hadn't cried but wanted to finally came out. He pulled her into a hug and just let her cry until it was all out. Ten minutes later, she had finally calmed down.
"I'm not happy. I don't want to be with him. But I don't want to hurt him, or my mom she paid so much for this. I want to go to Harvard. I want to become a journalist, I want a opal for my engagement ring not a diamond. I don't ever want to see Lord of the Rings again. I want to be able to go to a booksale without worrying about how long I'm taking or if whoever's with me is bored. I don't want this."
"Rory, listen to me." He held her head in his hands. "Go tell your mom that you're not happy. She won't make you do something you don't want to. You know that. If Dean gives you any trouble, I'm here, Luke's here, your dad's here. Hell I bet even Kirk could take him down." She giggled a little, "Ok? Go in. I'll be there too." She nodded and walked into the house, Jess behind her. She walked right over to her mother, who, upon seeing her red eyes, got very concerned very fast.
"Mom can I talk to you?" Lorelai nodded and they went into Rory's room, while Jess went to find Luke.