CHAPTER ONE.
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather Lawson.
Her name was Serena and trouble was her game.
With her voice that could make dogs bark and her clothes from the horrendous eighties, she was a self-made path to destruction.
As per usual it was a typical day. Serena was with all her sailor scout friends because she had dumped her friends Molly and Melvin. They weren't cool because they didn't have the ability to wear sailor uniforms and make boring speeches about love and justice.
As per usual Serena was:
A - crying
B - yelling
C - giggling
Or D - all three
Her ice cream had splooshed all over the ground and she chose to cry insanely over it.
"Oh Serena you're such a CRYBABY," said Raye in her constipated/strained voice, then dashed towards the toilets to loosen her bowels so to speak. This was followed by Lita and Amy saying something stupid and pointless, because they're nothing more then sidekicks.
Mina just stood around swishing her blonde hair, wondering if her big obnoxious bow was the reason why she did not yet have a boyfriend.
"I WANT MY ICECREAM!" Screamed Serena.
Lita looked kind of angry. "I was going to buy you one but you keep screaming so I changed my mind"
"DARIIENNN," Cried Serena. "MY ICECREAM'S GOOOOONE!"
Darien appeared out of the side of the screen and put his hand on her shoulder and said "don't worry Serena, everything will be okay, I'll get you another one."
And Serena exploded with sheer joy.
"Oh Darien you're so good to me!" Said Serena without a trace of sadness in her voice.
"I know." said Darien, looking in his empty wallet
Darien decided that the only way to get Serena's ice cream was to get some money fast.
"Hmmm," he mused. "I'd better rob a bank" and with a swish of over-the-top Latino music, he flew away!
"Um, where did Darien go?" Mina asked
"He's probably constipated like Raye." Amy answered smartly, a very serious expression on her face.
(Of course the audience don't see him robbing a bank, because robbing banks is wrong and you shouldn't rob banks kiddies!)
Darien suddenly came back with a big sack of money.
Raye, thankful that some one had some nice soft paper, ducked out of the ladies room and grabbed a handful. Rini, the cynical little cow was immediately suspicious, however, she put aside her fears and set fire to Serena's hair
"AAAAAAAAGH RIIIIINIIIIII!!!!!" Yelled Serena while running around, everyone else stood there breathing out, instead of helping her.
Serena had every right to yell at Rini and try to salvage her scalp, however as usual everyone took Rini's side. They all yelled at Serena, reminding her that Rini was a lonely little kid from the future and that she needed Serena to be nice to her.
Serena just desperately stuck her head into the quadrouple-decker ice cream, and pigged out without gaining a single ounce. Amy, eventually sick of the yelling performed shine aqua illusion on Serena's head nearly drowning her and the rest of the restaurant.
Everyone in the restaurant turned to see where all this water came from, and Amy quickly pretended to be throwing a glass of water at her head instead of magically producing it.
The morons all turned away and continued eating, sopping with water.
*
The scene crosses to the bad guys now, looking at pictures of girls in tight bikinis.
"Hmmm, they're pretty good, but give me that tuxedo mask any day!" A rather gay one in pink leopard skin giggled his name is gay dude for future referance.
"I think Tuxedo Mask's body isn't as good as yours," Said a longhaired guy pointing to the gay one.
"Speaking of tuxedo mask, he robbed a bank!" A female one wearing a tube sock and a few sequins gossiped.
"A bank? Hmm, this fits perfectly into our scheme!" The gay dude laughed evilly.
"What is our scheme again?" Asked tube sock.
"To run around throwing bizarre female monsters at people while screaming loudly until eventually, Sailor moon cries and we are defeated!" said Garbadge man ( who was wearing a garbadge bag).
"I hate that plan," said tube sock. "It fails every time."
"It's brilliant," Exclaimed Paper-Bag. "How could it ever fail?"
"Well for one thing, that tuxedo mask hunkster is always there to save that anorexic biatch," Said gay dude flicking aside a strand of spiky bright pink hair .
"Shh! This is a kids show! Mind your language!"
"Kids show!? It's about a bunch of sluts in tiny skirts fighting big breasted monsters!" Said garbadge-Bag.
"Hmm," said the gay dude.
"We should rebel! Do you know how much it costs to create those damned monsters?" Tube sock cried.
"We could be getting decent jobs! With our special effects we could make it to Hollywood!" Said the long haired one who as of now has said very little.
"We're sticking to the plan, and that's it." Said garbage bag man . "Sailor moon and her sailor brats are going down."
*
Serena and her friends were at the Arcade, playing another sailor V game. They were all wearing diamond tiaras and ball gowns, bought with the money that Darien stole.
Darien, being the Smart University student he was, was planning on selling the tiaras later and laundry-ing the money so to speak.
Then, a nerdy girl walked by, with glasses, a tracksuit, a T-shirt and a gay hairdo.
"Oh, hello" said the Mina to the girl. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Said the girl looking at the ground. "But I'll never achieve my dream of being a showgirl."
They all looked at each other and felt sad.
"Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to flash my tits in the Moulin Rouge! But I grew up to be so fat and unattractive!" The girl cried "I also can't dance, cant sing and I'm allergic to lace underwear!"
"But you're beautiful," Lied Mina "Your juggs are bigger than mine, and that's saying something!"
"If you're fat, then Serena's a sumo wrestler." Said Rini annoyingly.
"HEEEEEEY!!" yelled Serena and ran out the store crying, but nobody noticed.
"I wish I could be a showgirl," cried the girl.
And then a familiar pink-haired gay looking guy came into the arcade. He smirked, checked them all out then skipped over to them, giggling.
"Hello miss, I'm an agent for showgirls-r-us and I'd like you to join us. We'll give you a makeover! Just come outside with me."
The girl was delighted and started to cry, but just then, Darien suddenly ran in with more money he needed to splurge with. The remaining Sailor Scouts begged the money off him, and he decided to give the showgirl a make over. She tried to find the talent agent and go with him, but he had dissapeared.
Two minutes later she was wearing a glove, high heels, long blonde hair that was suddenly down to her knees, and she looked gorgeous.
"Hmm, another junior high girl I can take advantage of," Thought Darien.
Mean while, the pink-haired gay dude had once again noticed the whole tuxedo mask robbery thing.
"Hmmm," he thought. "My collegues may not listen to me, but I have a plan to get rid of the smelly scouts once and for all!" he laughed insanely. So he just took the girl and chucked her outside. The gay dude picked up the unconscious slut, and hopped into his car driving away.
They soon arrived at the police station .He sauntered in and dumped the chorus girl on the desk.
"Hello, I picked up this illegal prostitute while going to work," he said to the clerk.
The police officer that had seen everything, straightened his glasses and rolled up his sleeves. He was an American police officer, which meant he was either black and hot, or fat and un-attractive, take your pick.
The half-fat half-attractive cop cleared his throat.
"I see no evidence that she is a prostitute," he began.
"But...she is!" Said Gay dude .
"No she isn't. Now get out of my office and leave me alone with her to...eat donuts..."
The Gay guy was very upset.
"She is a prostitute! I…I saw her sucking men and er… doing things with blow dryers."
Suddenly the cop stopped.
"Did you say blow dryers?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Er… yes," The gay guy replied.
"Guys! We've finally caught the blow drier serial killer!" Screamed the cop.
"What?" The showgirl cried, suddenly waking up.
The cop leant over to the gay guy and whispered, "She uses her super prostitute strength to lure men into her hair salon of doom, then she turns into a slutty monster using usually a crystal or something, and tortures them to death using hair dryers!"
The gay guy didn't know what to think.
"She is? ...I mean....er...SHE IS! Yeah! Totally!"
The showgirl wannabe started to cry as the police dude locked her in a cell. And then suddenly, due to crying power she turned into Sailor Moon. Oh no wait, that was another cry baby..
So, the prostitute just continued to cry in her cell.
"Is there any other reason why you're here, young man who dresses in the manner of a homosexual?" The cop asked. The gay guy shook aside his mane of pink hair
"Yes it's concerning that little bank robbery," he crooned, hopping up onto the desk. He stretched out his long sexy legs and giggled impishly.
"Ah…okay," The cop said suddenly feeling very insecure.
" I know who did it!" the Gay guy said.
"WHO?" Every one in the universe cried.
"Tuxedo mask," He whispered, and then there was silence.
Cher from Clueless walked past and said "Naa ah, as if!"
"...Er...Who's tuxedo mask?" Said the gross/attractive cop
"Oh, he's that guy with the Dame Edna everage glasses, the top hat and cape"
"Oh that gay guy who chucks roses at things?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"Hey I saw him on TV last night, didn't he let that weird monster give his top hat a a blowjob?" The showgirl asked from her prison cell, sniffing loudly.
The cop, who was feeling rather attractive at that current moment flexed his muscles. That is…if he had any, he could be playing with his hairy manboobs, but you take your pick. Personally, we prefer the steaming Will Smith look alike, but the world is full of perves.
"Where can I find this Tuxedo mask?" Said the cop.
"Down the block, third house from your left, 5th floor. You can't miss it." Said the Gay guy.
"If you knew that, then why didn't you attack them already!?" Said Tube sock, appearing out of nowhere.
"Because we're bad guys," Said gay. "We HAVE to be stupid, it's the LAW."
"True, true" Tube sock said. There was a silence, and then …she panicked.
"How the heck did I get here?" She shrieked. "Oh lord, I'm having those schizophrenic black outs again!"
"Shouldn't she be wearing something more then a tube sock?" The cop whom was feeling rather fat after eating a donut, asked.
" Tube sock is very artistic and versatile" The Gay guy replied.
"Monkeys... SO MANY MONKEYS!" Wailed tube sock, running out the room.
"Hey, Officer Barber may be a bit hairy, but that's no reason for you to insult him, young lady!" The cop scolded.
"Right, lets go kick that tuxedo ass… er…in the …er ass." The cop said, saying a classic action movie line.
So they left the girl unattended in the jail cell who of course escaped by taking the keys which were down Officer Barber's pants, and skipping merrily, the showgirl followed them.
She was pretty bored and she was determined to follow the sometimes Will smith wannabe to the end of the world.
*
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather Lawson.
Her name was Serena and trouble was her game.
With her voice that could make dogs bark and her clothes from the horrendous eighties, she was a self-made path to destruction.
As per usual it was a typical day. Serena was with all her sailor scout friends because she had dumped her friends Molly and Melvin. They weren't cool because they didn't have the ability to wear sailor uniforms and make boring speeches about love and justice.
As per usual Serena was:
A - crying
B - yelling
C - giggling
Or D - all three
Her ice cream had splooshed all over the ground and she chose to cry insanely over it.
"Oh Serena you're such a CRYBABY," said Raye in her constipated/strained voice, then dashed towards the toilets to loosen her bowels so to speak. This was followed by Lita and Amy saying something stupid and pointless, because they're nothing more then sidekicks.
Mina just stood around swishing her blonde hair, wondering if her big obnoxious bow was the reason why she did not yet have a boyfriend.
"I WANT MY ICECREAM!" Screamed Serena.
Lita looked kind of angry. "I was going to buy you one but you keep screaming so I changed my mind"
"DARIIENNN," Cried Serena. "MY ICECREAM'S GOOOOONE!"
Darien appeared out of the side of the screen and put his hand on her shoulder and said "don't worry Serena, everything will be okay, I'll get you another one."
And Serena exploded with sheer joy.
"Oh Darien you're so good to me!" Said Serena without a trace of sadness in her voice.
"I know." said Darien, looking in his empty wallet
Darien decided that the only way to get Serena's ice cream was to get some money fast.
"Hmmm," he mused. "I'd better rob a bank" and with a swish of over-the-top Latino music, he flew away!
"Um, where did Darien go?" Mina asked
"He's probably constipated like Raye." Amy answered smartly, a very serious expression on her face.
(Of course the audience don't see him robbing a bank, because robbing banks is wrong and you shouldn't rob banks kiddies!)
Darien suddenly came back with a big sack of money.
Raye, thankful that some one had some nice soft paper, ducked out of the ladies room and grabbed a handful. Rini, the cynical little cow was immediately suspicious, however, she put aside her fears and set fire to Serena's hair
"AAAAAAAAGH RIIIIINIIIIII!!!!!" Yelled Serena while running around, everyone else stood there breathing out, instead of helping her.
Serena had every right to yell at Rini and try to salvage her scalp, however as usual everyone took Rini's side. They all yelled at Serena, reminding her that Rini was a lonely little kid from the future and that she needed Serena to be nice to her.
Serena just desperately stuck her head into the quadrouple-decker ice cream, and pigged out without gaining a single ounce. Amy, eventually sick of the yelling performed shine aqua illusion on Serena's head nearly drowning her and the rest of the restaurant.
Everyone in the restaurant turned to see where all this water came from, and Amy quickly pretended to be throwing a glass of water at her head instead of magically producing it.
The morons all turned away and continued eating, sopping with water.
*
The scene crosses to the bad guys now, looking at pictures of girls in tight bikinis.
"Hmmm, they're pretty good, but give me that tuxedo mask any day!" A rather gay one in pink leopard skin giggled his name is gay dude for future referance.
"I think Tuxedo Mask's body isn't as good as yours," Said a longhaired guy pointing to the gay one.
"Speaking of tuxedo mask, he robbed a bank!" A female one wearing a tube sock and a few sequins gossiped.
"A bank? Hmm, this fits perfectly into our scheme!" The gay dude laughed evilly.
"What is our scheme again?" Asked tube sock.
"To run around throwing bizarre female monsters at people while screaming loudly until eventually, Sailor moon cries and we are defeated!" said Garbadge man ( who was wearing a garbadge bag).
"I hate that plan," said tube sock. "It fails every time."
"It's brilliant," Exclaimed Paper-Bag. "How could it ever fail?"
"Well for one thing, that tuxedo mask hunkster is always there to save that anorexic biatch," Said gay dude flicking aside a strand of spiky bright pink hair .
"Shh! This is a kids show! Mind your language!"
"Kids show!? It's about a bunch of sluts in tiny skirts fighting big breasted monsters!" Said garbadge-Bag.
"Hmm," said the gay dude.
"We should rebel! Do you know how much it costs to create those damned monsters?" Tube sock cried.
"We could be getting decent jobs! With our special effects we could make it to Hollywood!" Said the long haired one who as of now has said very little.
"We're sticking to the plan, and that's it." Said garbage bag man . "Sailor moon and her sailor brats are going down."
*
Serena and her friends were at the Arcade, playing another sailor V game. They were all wearing diamond tiaras and ball gowns, bought with the money that Darien stole.
Darien, being the Smart University student he was, was planning on selling the tiaras later and laundry-ing the money so to speak.
Then, a nerdy girl walked by, with glasses, a tracksuit, a T-shirt and a gay hairdo.
"Oh, hello" said the Mina to the girl. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Said the girl looking at the ground. "But I'll never achieve my dream of being a showgirl."
They all looked at each other and felt sad.
"Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to flash my tits in the Moulin Rouge! But I grew up to be so fat and unattractive!" The girl cried "I also can't dance, cant sing and I'm allergic to lace underwear!"
"But you're beautiful," Lied Mina "Your juggs are bigger than mine, and that's saying something!"
"If you're fat, then Serena's a sumo wrestler." Said Rini annoyingly.
"HEEEEEEY!!" yelled Serena and ran out the store crying, but nobody noticed.
"I wish I could be a showgirl," cried the girl.
And then a familiar pink-haired gay looking guy came into the arcade. He smirked, checked them all out then skipped over to them, giggling.
"Hello miss, I'm an agent for showgirls-r-us and I'd like you to join us. We'll give you a makeover! Just come outside with me."
The girl was delighted and started to cry, but just then, Darien suddenly ran in with more money he needed to splurge with. The remaining Sailor Scouts begged the money off him, and he decided to give the showgirl a make over. She tried to find the talent agent and go with him, but he had dissapeared.
Two minutes later she was wearing a glove, high heels, long blonde hair that was suddenly down to her knees, and she looked gorgeous.
"Hmm, another junior high girl I can take advantage of," Thought Darien.
Mean while, the pink-haired gay dude had once again noticed the whole tuxedo mask robbery thing.
"Hmmm," he thought. "My collegues may not listen to me, but I have a plan to get rid of the smelly scouts once and for all!" he laughed insanely. So he just took the girl and chucked her outside. The gay dude picked up the unconscious slut, and hopped into his car driving away.
They soon arrived at the police station .He sauntered in and dumped the chorus girl on the desk.
"Hello, I picked up this illegal prostitute while going to work," he said to the clerk.
The police officer that had seen everything, straightened his glasses and rolled up his sleeves. He was an American police officer, which meant he was either black and hot, or fat and un-attractive, take your pick.
The half-fat half-attractive cop cleared his throat.
"I see no evidence that she is a prostitute," he began.
"But...she is!" Said Gay dude .
"No she isn't. Now get out of my office and leave me alone with her to...eat donuts..."
The Gay guy was very upset.
"She is a prostitute! I…I saw her sucking men and er… doing things with blow dryers."
Suddenly the cop stopped.
"Did you say blow dryers?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Er… yes," The gay guy replied.
"Guys! We've finally caught the blow drier serial killer!" Screamed the cop.
"What?" The showgirl cried, suddenly waking up.
The cop leant over to the gay guy and whispered, "She uses her super prostitute strength to lure men into her hair salon of doom, then she turns into a slutty monster using usually a crystal or something, and tortures them to death using hair dryers!"
The gay guy didn't know what to think.
"She is? ...I mean....er...SHE IS! Yeah! Totally!"
The showgirl wannabe started to cry as the police dude locked her in a cell. And then suddenly, due to crying power she turned into Sailor Moon. Oh no wait, that was another cry baby..
So, the prostitute just continued to cry in her cell.
"Is there any other reason why you're here, young man who dresses in the manner of a homosexual?" The cop asked. The gay guy shook aside his mane of pink hair
"Yes it's concerning that little bank robbery," he crooned, hopping up onto the desk. He stretched out his long sexy legs and giggled impishly.
"Ah…okay," The cop said suddenly feeling very insecure.
" I know who did it!" the Gay guy said.
"WHO?" Every one in the universe cried.
"Tuxedo mask," He whispered, and then there was silence.
Cher from Clueless walked past and said "Naa ah, as if!"
"...Er...Who's tuxedo mask?" Said the gross/attractive cop
"Oh, he's that guy with the Dame Edna everage glasses, the top hat and cape"
"Oh that gay guy who chucks roses at things?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"Hey I saw him on TV last night, didn't he let that weird monster give his top hat a a blowjob?" The showgirl asked from her prison cell, sniffing loudly.
The cop, who was feeling rather attractive at that current moment flexed his muscles. That is…if he had any, he could be playing with his hairy manboobs, but you take your pick. Personally, we prefer the steaming Will Smith look alike, but the world is full of perves.
"Where can I find this Tuxedo mask?" Said the cop.
"Down the block, third house from your left, 5th floor. You can't miss it." Said the Gay guy.
"If you knew that, then why didn't you attack them already!?" Said Tube sock, appearing out of nowhere.
"Because we're bad guys," Said gay. "We HAVE to be stupid, it's the LAW."
"True, true" Tube sock said. There was a silence, and then …she panicked.
"How the heck did I get here?" She shrieked. "Oh lord, I'm having those schizophrenic black outs again!"
"Shouldn't she be wearing something more then a tube sock?" The cop whom was feeling rather fat after eating a donut, asked.
" Tube sock is very artistic and versatile" The Gay guy replied.
"Monkeys... SO MANY MONKEYS!" Wailed tube sock, running out the room.
"Hey, Officer Barber may be a bit hairy, but that's no reason for you to insult him, young lady!" The cop scolded.
"Right, lets go kick that tuxedo ass… er…in the …er ass." The cop said, saying a classic action movie line.
So they left the girl unattended in the jail cell who of course escaped by taking the keys which were down Officer Barber's pants, and skipping merrily, the showgirl followed them.
She was pretty bored and she was determined to follow the sometimes Will smith wannabe to the end of the world.
*