CHAPTER THREE
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather Lawson
It was midnight because Midnight rocks.
On a rooftop of a grimy building, two incredibly attractive people, one male and one female stared down at the twinkling city.
"Those fools! They think that Serena is so great!" one of them hissed.
Her lover cradled her close.
"I know! The show won't even acknowledge that we had sex! Nerds can have sex!" The male one said defensively.
"We are not nerds anymore Melvin, we have re written our selves in this fan fic! And we will soon rule the world!" Molly cried, showing off her ridiculous skin-tight costume.
"How are the plans going in taking down Serena?" Molly whispered.
"Her boyfriend Darien is in Jail!" Melvin replied, and…oh my gosh, he's so attractive now.
Melvin's swirley glasses shone in the moonlight, on his wonderfully HOT face, and they both cackled insanely with joy.
"Er Melvin?" Molly asked.
"Yes, my sweet?" He said, in the air of talking to a cat.
"Just out of curiosity, how exactly do we make those big monster things used to attack the sailor scouts?" She asked.
"Hmmmm I've never thought of that, we'll have to borrow some." Melvin replied
*
Kinky Monsters R us was the biggest monster store in the universe. Also due to the creation of Sailor moon it also got the most business. What started as a small humble chain had swept across the globe, and now, Kinky monsters R us was a global franchise.
In the old days, mad villains from the nega verse would create their own kinky sex toys, but Sailor moon was soon destroying the monsters every single day, and it was horribly expensive, especially with all the silicon implants they used.
"Ah dammit, there's always a line!" Molly moaned as they walked into the store and realized that it was packed.
Melvin and Molly, both looking very fetching in black leather were forced to wait for nearly twenty minutes
"I swear, gay dude has gone insane!" Garbage bag whispered to one of his minions ahead of Molly.
Molly just sighed, half-listening.
"Welcome to Kinky monsters R us! Can I take your order?" A perky girl in a baseball cap said, leaning over the counter
"Is it just me or are fashions getting out of hand?" Said Melvin looking at a guy in a sequin bikini.
"Er ...ignore him" Said Molly to the perky girl
"Hey, I was first!" Garbage bag cried, and pushed Molly out of the way.
"No, I was!" Yelled Molly.
"We'd like the usual, please." Garbage-bag man grinned, ignoring Molly.
"One slate monster, dressed like a kinky fire man coming up!" The girl said perkingly.
"Wait, I'd also like to add the complimentary fire hose," Garbage-bag man said, studying the menu thoughtfully.
"Hey, get back where you came from, ass hole!" Yelled Molly.
"Get out of my way, bitch!" He shot back.
"Now now there's no need to fight," Said the Perky girl, and looked at Garbage-bag man. "Sure, we only have one monster left."
"WHAT," The whole store yelled.
"Thanks!" Said Melvin, smiling at the perky girl, taking a capsule and walking out with the whole store staring. Molly quickly followed.
Suddenly a riot started.
Swarms of hairy bodies in sequins swept over the counter in a sweating mass.
Garbage-bag guy nearly choked on a dozen feather boas as hundreds of super villains churned together in a steamy pile of villainy goodness. The store was literally destroyed!
Garbage-bag man fought over to Molly and Melvin.
"That'll be eight thousand dollars! Thankyou for shopping at Monsters incorporated!" Said the Perky girl to Garbage bag.
"Monsters Incorporated!? Isn't that a movie?" said Molly
"Er…sorry," Said the Perky girl, sweatdropping.
"FUCK OFF!" Garbage-bag man cried, because he was hysterical.
"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" Yelled Perky girl, not perky anymore, throwing Garbage-bag dude out of the store.
"That monster's mine!" Yelled Garbage-bag man, hitting the pavement.
"So, what monster did we get?" Melvin asked.
"I think we got something involving a hose." Molly replied.
Melvin looked over at Garbage bag.
"Gee, he looks really bad…"
"Let's poke him with sticks!" Molly cried.
"NIOOOO!!" Garbage man yelled.
"Hehe, he said Nio! It sounds like a cute fuzzy animal thingy!" Said Molly.
"Shut up, you annoying brats!" Garbage man cried desperately. "Look… would you be willing to share the monster?"
Molly and Melvin raised an eybrow.
"Share it?" They asked.
"Well yeah! With my fabulous fashion sense and your monster, we can take down Sailor moon!" He cried. He then eyed them suspiciously.
"Why do you two want to take down Sailor moon anyway?" He asked.
"Oh, we have no hidden agenda, we just don't like her." They said.
"Ahh, very wise."
And while the plot gets heavy we decide to turn to the other scene because we couldn't be bothered writing this one.
*
The sailor scouts were still tied up in their nasty cuff thingies, and Gay dude was playing twister by himself, since Darien was carted off to jail.
"Hey, is that cop ever going to come back?" Amy asked.
"Oh screw this!" Said Raye, actually being intelligent for once, so they all used their little heart powers to remove the cuffs.
"We have to find Serena!" Said Mina
"Who? Oh, yeah, her." Said Jupiter
Raye and Mina ran into the corridor outside, and yells were heard.
"AAaagh! SHE'S FROZEN!" Said Raye
"AND SHE HAS A GROSS STAIN ON HER DRESS!"
"Haha she's covered in cake icing!" Giggled Venus.
"Mina, that's not cake icing." Said Jupiter, slowly.
"Well what's white and stains and ..." Her eyes became very round. "OH!" Said Mina going red.
Serena groaned and woke up. Tube sock's magic had done something to her brain and for once she was thinking straight.
"Darien is a horrible bastard and I want him to die!" she wailed loudly.
"Ooo Serena said a naughty word!" Said Raye
Serena kicked Raye in the balls. Yes, the balls.
"Well at least she's finally come to her senses" Amy pointed out.
"Yes, sadly we knew he was a jerk all along" Said Jupiter.
"You should date the pink haired guy in the underwear, he's pretty cute…" Mina pointed out, giggling.
"What guy in his underwear?" Serena asked, not crying anymore.
"Oh, he's back at Darien's apartment, playing with himself." Said Raye airily, and then blushed bright red.
"I'd never get a guy like him!" Said Serena crying. "I'm too UGLY!"
"You know, you'd probably get allot more dates if you visited a hair machine." Said Jupiter. "You too, Mina and Raye…"
So Raye pulled all her hair out with an old pair of pliers and she was as bald as a cactus.
Every one ended up laughing at the stupid bald Raye, however they soon removed the sheers in case she injured herself. Her hair grew back anyway because she has weird longhaired powers etc. Mean while Serena, who was now intelligent, debated her hair.
After all she had just learnt that her husband from the future was having an affair with her daughter and her husband from the future wasn't even her daughter's real father. It was all very confusing, so she did what any girl did. She went to the hairdressers.
"What do you think about red hair?" Said the hair dresser
And Serena squealed with happiness as the thought of gorgeous Moulin Rouge styled red hair.
The hairdresser got to work. Little did she know that she was really a monster from the negaverse... oh no wait, that's already been done about six times.
So for once Serena was able to get her hair cut in peace without the hairdresser changing into an evil monster. The hairdresser was actually a homicidal maniac but that's another story.
"Let's cut this thing," Insisted the hairdresser. "When was the last time you went to get a hair cut?"
"Oh," Said Serena "I don't remember EVER cutting my hair…"
"Well that's not hard to believe," Said the hair dresser, trying to shove it all into a sink
"Its just … whenever I try to get my hair cut, it usually ends up with me running for my life." Serena giggled and the hairdresser smirked, pushing aside the urge to drown her in the steaming hot water.
***
It was at this time that gay dude re entered the story. You see he was bored, and well, frankly rather confused. He remembered going on a massive plan to defeat Sailor moon. Next thing he knew he was playing twister with no trousers on
"You're pathetic" tube sock sneered, sitting on the windowsill.
"Hey, at least I own a pair of pants!" Gay dude shot back, in Darien's apartment. However, he realized this was not true.
"I also have to mention Garbage bag has teamed up with a duet of bad-ass villains in leather and glasses, and we are supposed to join him." Tube sock added scornfully.
"How did that happen?" Gay dude asked.
"There was a fight at Kinky Monsters R us over the last fire house creature of doom," Tube sock said sarcastically.
"And let me guess, Garbage dude got pissed off and he ended up having the share the monster…" Gay dude added
"Yeah." Said tube sock, and gay dude nodded.
"This calls for drastic action, this duet could ruin our plans!" Gay dude cried slamming his fist against his palm.
"By the way I have to say this, your hair is starting to grow out." Tube sock commented.
"Oh shit!" He cried, covering his head with the twister board. "I have to get to the hair dressers before some one sees me, imagine if people knew I was really blonde, it would be so embarrassing!" he squeaked, and he disappeared, still in his under wear.
Tube sock just disappeared with her magic powers, which every bad guy seems to have, after she stole his pants.
*
Meanwhile, at the hairdressers, and with out warning, a very attractive man in a pair of boxers appeared in a cloud of lavender smoke. The hairdresser screamed with astonishment and briefly debated on stabbing the man with her scissors.
"QUICK," he cried, running to the sink next to Serena's. "I need bright pink hair and stat!" He screamed, clinging onto the hairdresser's robes.
"Sit down." She said normally, because she was quite used to people acting crazy. After all, she knew Serena.
"WHAT ABOUT MEEEE!?!?!" Screamed Serena in her annoying voice, making the water go absolutely everywhere.
A moviestar who just got her hair blow-dried dead straight got a full pounding of the water and looked ready to kill, as her hair curled up.
"Will someone stab that brat with a pair of scissors?!?" The movie star screamed angrily, as the hairdresser tied Serena up in a straight jacket, plunging her head into the soapy water.
This was very fortunate because it meant the gay dude had not seen Serena's face. Besides, he was too panicky to notice she was there.
Then an absolutely gorgeous guy with dark, dark hair and widdle dark blue bits in it came along and got out the pink hair dye.
"Okay, we'll be ready in no time." He said to the gay dude.
"OHH, THANKYOU, THANKYOU SO--" The gay dude stopped, stared at him and cried: "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SETH GREEN!"
"Actually I'm not, that's just a reference one of the Authors made as an inside joke towards the other author," he stated, and he began to rub dye all over the gay dude's scalp.
The gay dude sighed sadly and sank into the bubbles feeling the warm hands massage his head.
Then a new thought occurred to him.
"Are you sure you're not Seth Green?"
"Yeah, so quit buggin' me."
"Ohh.." Said Gay dude sadly.
Then suddenly another new thought occurred to him.
He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to have sex with Sailor moon.
"OH NO!" He screamed with horror, jumping up. "Like every other villain in this damned series, I have fallen in love with Sailor moon, and it doesn't make sense because I'm a homosexual who is currently having an erection over my hair dresser!" He cried, and of course, no one heard him, because they never do.
Of course the erection didn't matter, because like every other villain who has ever been created, he suddenly wanted to fondle a crying Sailor moon while she whispered "I only love Darien!" Because it made em' really really horny.
The gay dude felt like bursting into tears, and the hairdresser seemed concerned
"Are you alright? Is the dye getting into your eyes?" He asked.
The gay dude continued to sob.
Suddenly Serena was dragged out of the sink, and the gay dude's eyes fell on a siren with blood red hair was so beautiful he wanted to kill himself with the scissors.
"Wait a second! This doesn't make sense either! I'm supposed to be in love with Sailor moon, while having sex with the hairdresser?! I'm not supposed to be attractive to a skinny brat with red hair!" He cried. Of course he didn't realize it was really Sailor moon, and that he was attracted to her subconciously.
"Oh CRUEL FATE" the gay dude cried as Serena peered at him.
"SAY... your kinda cute!" she smirked.
By Vivianne De Silva and Heather Lawson
It was midnight because Midnight rocks.
On a rooftop of a grimy building, two incredibly attractive people, one male and one female stared down at the twinkling city.
"Those fools! They think that Serena is so great!" one of them hissed.
Her lover cradled her close.
"I know! The show won't even acknowledge that we had sex! Nerds can have sex!" The male one said defensively.
"We are not nerds anymore Melvin, we have re written our selves in this fan fic! And we will soon rule the world!" Molly cried, showing off her ridiculous skin-tight costume.
"How are the plans going in taking down Serena?" Molly whispered.
"Her boyfriend Darien is in Jail!" Melvin replied, and…oh my gosh, he's so attractive now.
Melvin's swirley glasses shone in the moonlight, on his wonderfully HOT face, and they both cackled insanely with joy.
"Er Melvin?" Molly asked.
"Yes, my sweet?" He said, in the air of talking to a cat.
"Just out of curiosity, how exactly do we make those big monster things used to attack the sailor scouts?" She asked.
"Hmmmm I've never thought of that, we'll have to borrow some." Melvin replied
*
Kinky Monsters R us was the biggest monster store in the universe. Also due to the creation of Sailor moon it also got the most business. What started as a small humble chain had swept across the globe, and now, Kinky monsters R us was a global franchise.
In the old days, mad villains from the nega verse would create their own kinky sex toys, but Sailor moon was soon destroying the monsters every single day, and it was horribly expensive, especially with all the silicon implants they used.
"Ah dammit, there's always a line!" Molly moaned as they walked into the store and realized that it was packed.
Melvin and Molly, both looking very fetching in black leather were forced to wait for nearly twenty minutes
"I swear, gay dude has gone insane!" Garbage bag whispered to one of his minions ahead of Molly.
Molly just sighed, half-listening.
"Welcome to Kinky monsters R us! Can I take your order?" A perky girl in a baseball cap said, leaning over the counter
"Is it just me or are fashions getting out of hand?" Said Melvin looking at a guy in a sequin bikini.
"Er ...ignore him" Said Molly to the perky girl
"Hey, I was first!" Garbage bag cried, and pushed Molly out of the way.
"No, I was!" Yelled Molly.
"We'd like the usual, please." Garbage-bag man grinned, ignoring Molly.
"One slate monster, dressed like a kinky fire man coming up!" The girl said perkingly.
"Wait, I'd also like to add the complimentary fire hose," Garbage-bag man said, studying the menu thoughtfully.
"Hey, get back where you came from, ass hole!" Yelled Molly.
"Get out of my way, bitch!" He shot back.
"Now now there's no need to fight," Said the Perky girl, and looked at Garbage-bag man. "Sure, we only have one monster left."
"WHAT," The whole store yelled.
"Thanks!" Said Melvin, smiling at the perky girl, taking a capsule and walking out with the whole store staring. Molly quickly followed.
Suddenly a riot started.
Swarms of hairy bodies in sequins swept over the counter in a sweating mass.
Garbage-bag guy nearly choked on a dozen feather boas as hundreds of super villains churned together in a steamy pile of villainy goodness. The store was literally destroyed!
Garbage-bag man fought over to Molly and Melvin.
"That'll be eight thousand dollars! Thankyou for shopping at Monsters incorporated!" Said the Perky girl to Garbage bag.
"Monsters Incorporated!? Isn't that a movie?" said Molly
"Er…sorry," Said the Perky girl, sweatdropping.
"FUCK OFF!" Garbage-bag man cried, because he was hysterical.
"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" Yelled Perky girl, not perky anymore, throwing Garbage-bag dude out of the store.
"That monster's mine!" Yelled Garbage-bag man, hitting the pavement.
"So, what monster did we get?" Melvin asked.
"I think we got something involving a hose." Molly replied.
Melvin looked over at Garbage bag.
"Gee, he looks really bad…"
"Let's poke him with sticks!" Molly cried.
"NIOOOO!!" Garbage man yelled.
"Hehe, he said Nio! It sounds like a cute fuzzy animal thingy!" Said Molly.
"Shut up, you annoying brats!" Garbage man cried desperately. "Look… would you be willing to share the monster?"
Molly and Melvin raised an eybrow.
"Share it?" They asked.
"Well yeah! With my fabulous fashion sense and your monster, we can take down Sailor moon!" He cried. He then eyed them suspiciously.
"Why do you two want to take down Sailor moon anyway?" He asked.
"Oh, we have no hidden agenda, we just don't like her." They said.
"Ahh, very wise."
And while the plot gets heavy we decide to turn to the other scene because we couldn't be bothered writing this one.
*
The sailor scouts were still tied up in their nasty cuff thingies, and Gay dude was playing twister by himself, since Darien was carted off to jail.
"Hey, is that cop ever going to come back?" Amy asked.
"Oh screw this!" Said Raye, actually being intelligent for once, so they all used their little heart powers to remove the cuffs.
"We have to find Serena!" Said Mina
"Who? Oh, yeah, her." Said Jupiter
Raye and Mina ran into the corridor outside, and yells were heard.
"AAaagh! SHE'S FROZEN!" Said Raye
"AND SHE HAS A GROSS STAIN ON HER DRESS!"
"Haha she's covered in cake icing!" Giggled Venus.
"Mina, that's not cake icing." Said Jupiter, slowly.
"Well what's white and stains and ..." Her eyes became very round. "OH!" Said Mina going red.
Serena groaned and woke up. Tube sock's magic had done something to her brain and for once she was thinking straight.
"Darien is a horrible bastard and I want him to die!" she wailed loudly.
"Ooo Serena said a naughty word!" Said Raye
Serena kicked Raye in the balls. Yes, the balls.
"Well at least she's finally come to her senses" Amy pointed out.
"Yes, sadly we knew he was a jerk all along" Said Jupiter.
"You should date the pink haired guy in the underwear, he's pretty cute…" Mina pointed out, giggling.
"What guy in his underwear?" Serena asked, not crying anymore.
"Oh, he's back at Darien's apartment, playing with himself." Said Raye airily, and then blushed bright red.
"I'd never get a guy like him!" Said Serena crying. "I'm too UGLY!"
"You know, you'd probably get allot more dates if you visited a hair machine." Said Jupiter. "You too, Mina and Raye…"
So Raye pulled all her hair out with an old pair of pliers and she was as bald as a cactus.
Every one ended up laughing at the stupid bald Raye, however they soon removed the sheers in case she injured herself. Her hair grew back anyway because she has weird longhaired powers etc. Mean while Serena, who was now intelligent, debated her hair.
After all she had just learnt that her husband from the future was having an affair with her daughter and her husband from the future wasn't even her daughter's real father. It was all very confusing, so she did what any girl did. She went to the hairdressers.
"What do you think about red hair?" Said the hair dresser
And Serena squealed with happiness as the thought of gorgeous Moulin Rouge styled red hair.
The hairdresser got to work. Little did she know that she was really a monster from the negaverse... oh no wait, that's already been done about six times.
So for once Serena was able to get her hair cut in peace without the hairdresser changing into an evil monster. The hairdresser was actually a homicidal maniac but that's another story.
"Let's cut this thing," Insisted the hairdresser. "When was the last time you went to get a hair cut?"
"Oh," Said Serena "I don't remember EVER cutting my hair…"
"Well that's not hard to believe," Said the hair dresser, trying to shove it all into a sink
"Its just … whenever I try to get my hair cut, it usually ends up with me running for my life." Serena giggled and the hairdresser smirked, pushing aside the urge to drown her in the steaming hot water.
***
It was at this time that gay dude re entered the story. You see he was bored, and well, frankly rather confused. He remembered going on a massive plan to defeat Sailor moon. Next thing he knew he was playing twister with no trousers on
"You're pathetic" tube sock sneered, sitting on the windowsill.
"Hey, at least I own a pair of pants!" Gay dude shot back, in Darien's apartment. However, he realized this was not true.
"I also have to mention Garbage bag has teamed up with a duet of bad-ass villains in leather and glasses, and we are supposed to join him." Tube sock added scornfully.
"How did that happen?" Gay dude asked.
"There was a fight at Kinky Monsters R us over the last fire house creature of doom," Tube sock said sarcastically.
"And let me guess, Garbage dude got pissed off and he ended up having the share the monster…" Gay dude added
"Yeah." Said tube sock, and gay dude nodded.
"This calls for drastic action, this duet could ruin our plans!" Gay dude cried slamming his fist against his palm.
"By the way I have to say this, your hair is starting to grow out." Tube sock commented.
"Oh shit!" He cried, covering his head with the twister board. "I have to get to the hair dressers before some one sees me, imagine if people knew I was really blonde, it would be so embarrassing!" he squeaked, and he disappeared, still in his under wear.
Tube sock just disappeared with her magic powers, which every bad guy seems to have, after she stole his pants.
*
Meanwhile, at the hairdressers, and with out warning, a very attractive man in a pair of boxers appeared in a cloud of lavender smoke. The hairdresser screamed with astonishment and briefly debated on stabbing the man with her scissors.
"QUICK," he cried, running to the sink next to Serena's. "I need bright pink hair and stat!" He screamed, clinging onto the hairdresser's robes.
"Sit down." She said normally, because she was quite used to people acting crazy. After all, she knew Serena.
"WHAT ABOUT MEEEE!?!?!" Screamed Serena in her annoying voice, making the water go absolutely everywhere.
A moviestar who just got her hair blow-dried dead straight got a full pounding of the water and looked ready to kill, as her hair curled up.
"Will someone stab that brat with a pair of scissors?!?" The movie star screamed angrily, as the hairdresser tied Serena up in a straight jacket, plunging her head into the soapy water.
This was very fortunate because it meant the gay dude had not seen Serena's face. Besides, he was too panicky to notice she was there.
Then an absolutely gorgeous guy with dark, dark hair and widdle dark blue bits in it came along and got out the pink hair dye.
"Okay, we'll be ready in no time." He said to the gay dude.
"OHH, THANKYOU, THANKYOU SO--" The gay dude stopped, stared at him and cried: "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SETH GREEN!"
"Actually I'm not, that's just a reference one of the Authors made as an inside joke towards the other author," he stated, and he began to rub dye all over the gay dude's scalp.
The gay dude sighed sadly and sank into the bubbles feeling the warm hands massage his head.
Then a new thought occurred to him.
"Are you sure you're not Seth Green?"
"Yeah, so quit buggin' me."
"Ohh.." Said Gay dude sadly.
Then suddenly another new thought occurred to him.
He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to have sex with Sailor moon.
"OH NO!" He screamed with horror, jumping up. "Like every other villain in this damned series, I have fallen in love with Sailor moon, and it doesn't make sense because I'm a homosexual who is currently having an erection over my hair dresser!" He cried, and of course, no one heard him, because they never do.
Of course the erection didn't matter, because like every other villain who has ever been created, he suddenly wanted to fondle a crying Sailor moon while she whispered "I only love Darien!" Because it made em' really really horny.
The gay dude felt like bursting into tears, and the hairdresser seemed concerned
"Are you alright? Is the dye getting into your eyes?" He asked.
The gay dude continued to sob.
Suddenly Serena was dragged out of the sink, and the gay dude's eyes fell on a siren with blood red hair was so beautiful he wanted to kill himself with the scissors.
"Wait a second! This doesn't make sense either! I'm supposed to be in love with Sailor moon, while having sex with the hairdresser?! I'm not supposed to be attractive to a skinny brat with red hair!" He cried. Of course he didn't realize it was really Sailor moon, and that he was attracted to her subconciously.
"Oh CRUEL FATE" the gay dude cried as Serena peered at him.
"SAY... your kinda cute!" she smirked.